One of the gazillion untrained loose dogs in Barton Hills whose ass can be kicked by Zippy
To the fucktard on Juliet St with the cell phone and the large white untrained loose dog, and also to the fucktard on Ashby Ave with the cell phone and the large black untrained loose dog, and to the fucktards on Melrose with the medium-sized red untrained loose dog, and to the fucktards across the street from the Melrose fucktards whose untrained loose fox hound yaps insultingly at passers-by, and to the fucktard hippie chick with the Peruvian beanie and the dirty baby and the untrained loose yellow lab, and to my fucktard neighbors in the cul-de-sac whose myriad untrained loose dogs poop in my yard:
Would it kill you to keep those untrained dogs on fucking leashes?
I ask because every single goddam day my trained, leashed dog Zippy and I go out sauntering along the public by-ways. Who do we see but you, infesting your yard with your untrained loose dog, lying on your cell phone to some soccer mom from your book club about how well your kid is doing in school. You observe our approach. Your untrained loose dog bolts toward us, often assuming an attack posture. You call your dog half-assedly, but naturally it ignores you since it knows even better than I do what a huge fucktard you are.
Thus, though I find it distasteful, I am forced to interact with you.
"Hey," I shout, "would it kill you to control your untrained animal?"
You look at me like I am something that crawled out of Monsanto’s Experimental Bog, and reluctantly commence yelling your untrained loose dog’s name. Flapping your arms, you chase it down with some difficulty. When you finally catch the dog, you give it a couple of good whacks. Good job! Dogs totally respect people who hit them!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that it’s just a matter of time until there is a dog fight. Your dog will lose this dog fight. Just an FYI.
Uh - that doesn’t look like a dog. It looks more like a bastardized ratbatspider from “The Angry Red Planet”. What did you do, Photoshop that thing?
Looks like a fox with rubbery doe-legs.
You probably will never read this, but WTF. It was a good way to come out of the gate.
Definitely a fox - Was there a litter that was born close by, and now a number of them are just wandering the neighborhood? -Young foxes can be surprisingly unafraid of humans; although I can’t believe that it is legal to have them as “pets”! -Even in Texas.
It’s a sort of wild African canine. I forget what kind, exactly.
Maned wolf (Chrysocyon brachyurus). South America.
Evidence of a misspent childhood. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blaming, which has been so consistently enlightening and entertaining that I’ve come right back here to Feb. 2005 to read the lot.
Photoshopus lenguicheekus