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Feb 20 2005

Open Letter To The Fucktards of Barton Hills

Wild_dog

One of the gazillion untrained loose dogs in Barton Hills whose ass can be kicked by Zippy

To the fucktard on Juliet St with the cell phone and the large white untrained loose dog, and also to the fucktard on Ashby Ave with the cell phone and the large black untrained loose dog, and to the fucktards on Melrose with the medium-sized red untrained loose dog, and to the fucktards across the street from the Melrose fucktards whose untrained loose fox hound yaps insultingly at passers-by, and to the fucktard hippie chick with the Peruvian beanie and the dirty baby and the untrained loose yellow lab, and to my fucktard neighbors in the cul-de-sac whose myriad untrained loose dogs poop in my yard:

Would it kill you to keep those untrained dogs on fucking leashes?

I ask because every single goddam day my trained, leashed dog Zippy and I go out sauntering along the public by-ways. Who do we see but you, infesting your yard with your untrained loose dog, lying on your cell phone to some soccer mom from your book club about how well your kid is doing in school. You observe our approach. Your untrained loose dog bolts toward us, often assuming an attack posture. You call your dog half-assedly, but naturally it ignores you since it knows even better than I do what a huge fucktard you are.

Thus, though I find it distasteful, I am forced to interact with you.

"Hey," I shout, "would it kill you to control your untrained animal?"

You look at me like I am something that crawled out of Monsanto’s Experimental Bog, and reluctantly commence yelling your untrained loose dog’s name. Flapping your arms, you chase it down with some difficulty. When you finally catch the dog, you give it a couple of good whacks. Good job! Dogs totally respect people who hit them!

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that it’s just a matter of time until there is a dog fight. Your dog will lose this dog fight. Just an FYI.

10 comments

  1. thingfish23

    Uh – that doesn’t look like a dog. It looks more like a bastardized ratbatspider from “The Angry Red Planet”. What did you do, Photoshop that thing?

    Looks like a fox with rubbery doe-legs.

    You probably will never read this, but WTF. It was a good way to come out of the gate.

  2. Allie Maung

    Definitely a fox – Was there a litter that was born close by, and now a number of them are just wandering the neighborhood? -Young foxes can be surprisingly unafraid of humans; although I can’t believe that it is legal to have them as “pets”! -Even in Texas.

  3. Twisty

    It’s a sort of wild African canine. I forget what kind, exactly.

  4. Pellegrina

    Maned wolf (Chrysocyon brachyurus). South America.

    Evidence of a misspent childhood. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blaming, which has been so consistently enlightening and entertaining that I’ve come right back here to Feb. 2005 to read the lot.

  5. ivieee

    Photoshopus lenguicheekus

  6. Xandy

    Having read this first post, I am at the conclusion of my Twisty archives reading journey. It was epic. Thanks.

  7. Drew

    The word “fucktard” is ableist and it hurts my soul to read it so many times in this post. It is a derivative of “retard” and I hope that no further explanation is needed. Your comment policy has a cursory mention of ableist language being abusive and that you will not tolerate it here. Please take this seriously. Not to mention that a large portion of your comment policy, policing the use of language, is ableist, racist, and classist. Some people may not actually be able to use language in a way that conforms to your standards, and beyond that some may be pissed the fuck off at being told to “speak right” by some “educated” white persyn.

    I was so happy to recently discover your blog because I am tired of everything I read being so fucking complicit or 101. And it’s helped me a lot, persynally, in battling some internalized sexism that refuses to dislodge itself from my bodymind. I appreciate your no sympathy/no concessions approach to the proponents and manifestations of patriarchy. But my happiness is incomplete because you don’t seem to blame White Supremacist Capitalist Normativity for anything. And shame on me for almost inserting an ellipsis. Good thing I was educated enough in middle-class white suburban public school 1) to know what an ellipsis is and 2) to have read your extensive comment-policy mandating that I don’t use one.

  8. Drew

    The above comment should be extensively edited, actually, after having read another of your posts on educating people and the use of I and you pronouns and so on. Which is something I feel compelled to abide by though maybe a member of any of oppressed classes that are hurt by certain posts here do not have that responsibility.

    The word “fucktard” is ableist. It is a derivative of “retard”, which should not need to be explained further. The comment policy has a cursory mention of ableist language being abusive and not tolerated here. But on top of this a large portion of the comment policy itself, policing the use of language, is ableist, racist, and classist. Some people may not actually be able to use language in a way that conforms to those standards, and beyond that some may be pissed the fuck off at being told to “speak right” by an “educated” white persyn.
    Your blog has helped me a lot, persynally, in battling some internalized sexism that refuses to dislodge itself from my bodymind. I appreciate your no sympathy/no concessions approach to the proponents and manifestations of patriarchy. But White Supremacist Capitalist Normativity, including ableism, deserves blame as much as the Patriarchy.

  9. dareva

    This post was written in 2005, though there is a recent comment on it, and the author’s views and use of language have probably undergone some changes since she wrote it.

  10. Xandy

    With your permission Jill, I offer a defense:

    Drew, you are taking this post out of context.

    Temporal context, to be precise.

    Jill is not a perfect individual. She has made mistakes in the past, and there are many posts where she corrects these mistakes. There’s actually specifically a post on the word “fucktard” and thereafter she uses a different word in its place. Commenting now on her first ever post is misplaced and lacks relevancy.

    Seeing that she has already made your 2011 criticism irrelevant, what do you propose she do? Would you like her to change all of her previous uses of the word “fucktard” with something more appropriate? I would say that that would be denying her personal narrative, one that currently shows her amazingly human ability to grow and change and would be rendered meaningless and obfuscated by your proposed historical revisionism.

    In addition, your conflation of race and language ability strikes me as more offensive than Jill’s commenting policy. Jill is insisting on a specific discourse, and this discourse has nothing to with class, race, or ability, but everything to do with a valuation of precision in language and meaning. Furthermore, Jill has specific guidelines, but she does not enforce them with an iron fist. Look around the commenting sections and you’ll see ellipses and subjective I statements all over the place. You’ll even see the occasional dudely comment whining about the menz.

    Jill provides guidelines because the polite person, people like you and me, want to act politely when hosted in someone else’s space. Not because Jill has disguised racist, ableist, and classist agendas. Your use of the word “policing” shows that you have not grasped this.

    Lastly, I’m pretty sure that White Supremacist Capitalist Normativity is an integral part of the patriarchy. Which gets blamed all the time here.

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