Feb 26 2005

Death Looms For Prince of Patriarchy

Fusilli, leftover takeout chicken, sun-dried tomato, roasted garlic, mushroom essence

Meanwhile, self-inflicted castration falls out of fashion

I got outside this dish while watching responsibly reported hard news on TV. "Peter Jennings Reporting: UFOs–Seeing Is Believing." There’s nothing like watching a parade of yokels declaim "I know what I seen, and it warn’t no aeroplane!" to take a girl’s mind off the Pope’s tracheotomy!

The Pope’s doom impends. Big whoop. There’s always another pope pupating in the Vatican’s Pontiff Incubator. You probably already know this, but in the Pontiff Incubator they play mind-control tapes over and over. "Women are bloody, corrupt harlots," the tapes say. "They have fangs in their vaginas." Then, when the little popes pop out with their pointy little heads, they know what to do. They must fuck things up for the bloody corrupt harlots as much as possible. Preferably through domination and exploitation!

Both the papal mind-control tapes and the hatred of women in western civilization are the direct result of the greatest hits of Judeo-Christian mythology. Who could forget the Myth of The Fall? There’s a jolly tale! “Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die.” (Sirach 25:24).

This Sirach mutha isn’t fucking around. As you probably already know, his is the last of the Sapiential writings in the Vulgate of the Old Testament.

The Old Testament. It’s like a bible or something to these Catholics.

Early Christian doctrinaires–guys like Tertullian and Augustine–building on Sirach’s penetrating insights, enjoyed an unparalleled horror of women. They demonstrated their horror by constantly castrating themselves and issuing dire warnings about the "uncleanliness of the womb."

Unfortunately, people today hardly ever express their horror of women by castrating themselves. What gives? It turns out that current thinking holds the practice to be lacking in machismo and therefore psychotic, or gay. Thus is self-castration the purview of nebbishy nutjob characters on "Law & Order: SVU," the TV show about mutilated women.

In real life, discrimination, marginalization, domestic drudgery, poverty and garden-variety rape and murder are the only acceptable manifestations of misogyny.


  1. Dawn Coyote

    “There’s always another pope pupating in the Vatican’s Pontiff Incubator.”

    Oh, la.

  2. Cass

    I don’t think there was ever an epidemic of self-castration in early Christianity. Origen did it (inspired by Jesus’ bit of wisdom, “if your eye offend thee, pluck it out”), but at least in doing so, he took responsibility for his own penis. Most men will of course always prefer to locate the problem outside themselves: in evil, wanton women who inflict erections on them by walking down the street, or not covering the hair on their head. And correspondingly, raping or beating the shit out of a woman will always be a much more popular option than mutilating oneself.

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