Mar 21 2005

Dark Age Watch 2005


James Cameron is "somewhat offended" that closed-minded yokels can’t bear to hear the word "evolution" in a film.

So reporteth The NY Times (via IHT) with more butt-clenching, psychosis-inducing evidence that the world has gone off its nut. So far off its nut, in fact, that it can’t even see the nut anymore, because the nut has been absconded with by a squirrel, and the squirrel has been baked in a pie.

In the first place, King of the World James Cameron? Offended?

In the second place, the thing he’s offended about is legitimately insane: some IMAX theaters won’t show his pumice-umentary about deep-sea volcanoes. "So what?" you say, "obviously they just have good taste." But no. It turns out that even more sinister doings are afoot.

"What doings could be more sinister than good taste?" you ask. Well, put this in your blender and liquefy it: the theaters are afraid that, because Cameron’s film alludes here and there to Darwin’s  blasphemous Theory of Evolution, it could emotionally cripple the sensitive Jesus freaks who regularly stampede the country’s science museums en masse, clamoring to hear once more how God created the Earth in six days.

"Wait a second," you say (and I wish you’d quit interrupting). "Did you say ‘science museums’?"

I certainly did. In the third place, it turns out that the IMAX theaters in question are in fucking science museums. Commercial theaters could give a crap if some Hollywood director says life originated in deep sea vents, but the minute you show this flick in a science center, up go the hackles of the born-again hicks. They appear to prefer, according to Cameron, "faith-based science."

Faith-based science: because if primitive superstition can’t thrive in a publicly-funded science museum, where can it thrive?