Monthly Archive: April 2005

Apr 30 2005

Hey Perv! Yeah, You!

The patriarchy-blaming blog is, ironically, a common destination for Google porn searches. The huge number of pervs looking for “mutilated women” and “corpse porn” is arresting, but I didn’t just roll off the Twisty truck yesterday, so it doesn’t surprise me. Other popular searches include assorted vulgarities that I appropriate from male supremacist discourse to …

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Apr 30 2005

Profiles in Minionhood: The Penis Police

Meet Robert Talton, delusional Republican bureaucrat. Gaze upon his puffy pink jowls. Behold his vacuous wire-framed stare. Contemplate his insipid, sanctimonious pie-hole. Behind these thick, offensive features is congealed the pea-sized brain of the lowest form of life on Earth: the ignorant bigot. Robert Talton is a dude out of whom the shit is scared …

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Apr 28 2005

Twisty Gets An MRI Arthrogram

So if you’re ever in a position to chuck a 25-pound baby up in the air and catch her again, and find that this is a rewarding experience because the tyke in question approves of it so effervescently so you do it a few more times, and then you do 40 laps at the pool, …

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Apr 28 2005

FascismWatch ’05

Alabama psycho douchebag Gerald Allen Just in case you missed it: this nutjob state senator in Alabama has actually introduced a bill to ban gay authors from public school libraries. So long, Virginia Woolf! Sayonara, Plato! What’s next, mandatory pink triangles? Out fucking rageous. From CBS News.

Apr 27 2005

Rock’n'Roll’s Bogus Narrative, Part II

A film about The Ramones — the band that popularized the “go start your own awful band” craze (and the concomitant brick wall band photo craze) — aired last night on PBS “Independent Lens.” Painful though it was, I watched all of it, and by “all of it” I of course mean “part of it.” …

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Apr 26 2005

Tuesday Bug Blogging

Blue-fronted dancer

People dismiss bugs. This is a fatal mistake. Because without bugs, there’s nothing to eat your bugs. Pictured above is another of the gajillion damselflies common to Central Texas, the jaunty female Argia apicalis, or blue-fronted dancer. Like most of the damselflies I chase around the Twisty Compound, this one was feasting on gnats galore, …

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Apr 25 2005

Adbusters: “Capitalism” Is The New “Rebellion”

It’s TV Turn-Off Week again. I saw an ad for it on the Adbusters website. The culturejammers are going to go around turning off TVs in public places. Presumably they will do this using the $15 TV-B-Gones they bought after seeing TV-B-Gone ads on the Adbusters website. Adbusters is against ads. The Adbusters website also …

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Apr 24 2005

Habemus Twistam!

In a dramatic conclusion to the emergency conclave held last night at Twisty Palace, white smoke rose from the ashtray. I was elected pope by a slender margin (it is not generally known, but the cat voted against me). There were no nun-slaves to make me a banquet. I ate leftover Cripsy Tofu Suey Deluxe. …

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Apr 23 2005

Crispy Tofu Suey Deluxe à la Zilker

Fish (Sauce) Story Back in my glamor days as a highly-paid professional food writer in St. Louis, Missouri, Gateway To The West, my beat included the thousand little ethnic dives that any restaurant critic’s flesh is heir to: the Thai, Vietnamese, Korean, and Chinese joints lining the humbler streets of town. Readers of Midwestern newsweeklies, …

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Apr 23 2005

Douchebags On Parade

Here’s the story about the little Florida girl who was handcuffed by 3 cops after throwing a tantrum in kindergarten. It is, in many respects, the story of douchebags. My inability to consistently find other peoples’ children adorable is no secret. But any real antipathy I reserve entirely for the parents; bratty kids are just …

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