Apr 03 2005

Pope, Croaked

CNN this morning: dead pope on slab, feather-capped dandy with big hatchet, basketball scores

Terri Schiavo
Johnnie Cochran
17,316 Iraqi civilians

Jerry Falwell
Tom DeLay

Man, this Catholic stuff can really weird out a spinster aunt. On CNN they’re hangin’ in the Vatican, showing as much of the official dead-pope-apalooza as they can until one of their incoherent gasbags can’t stand it another second and chokes out another string of maudlin platitudes.

Cardinals_kissingVideo of the palooza shows old white men in flowing robes kissing tables, waving incense, and holding thin wafers high in the air. They look like an antediluvian alien culture on Star Trek. Like when Kirk and Spock beam down to the planet and are amazed to discover a primitive society that exactly replicates Europe in the Dark Ages (except everybody speaks English).

Spock: Fascinating, Captain. This culture appears to worship a pharoah.
Kirk: Why is it all dudes? Bring on the belly dancers!

When CNN’s cameras cut away from the old white men in flowing robes, they show weeping women pressing beads or other fetish objects into their faces. Men are definitely not shown weeping.

FatguyAh, here’s some fat white American male gasbag on Fox reminding everybody what a prince of a guy the dead pope was. “He forgave Galileo!” Well, halle-fuckin-lujah for that. The guy’s only been dead 363 years.

It’s great that the dead pope “apologized” for various atrocities and genocides that Catholics have delighted in perpetrating since the dawn of time. He apologized for the Inquisition, for the Crusades. All those murdered medieval Muslims can breathe a sigh of relief now; the dead pope’s really sorry!

But wait! Looks like the dead pope plumb forgot to apologize to the victims of fucktarded Catholic assholery who are still alive, such as those hapless fellas who as children were buggered by priests, or the gajillion people who’ve contracted HIV because condoms are Satanic, or the umptillion people who have been marginalized because they’re women or gay. Whups!


  1. Anonymous

    Couldn’t agree more. Suddenly every newspaper and Tv channel are weeping “crocodile tears” ’cause the old boy snuffed it. If there is a God in heaven the Pope has got a lot of explaining to do to make it thru the Pearly Gates!

  2. Urban

    Right with ‘ya! Forgiving Galileo? For telling the truth?! That’s why a FoxTV loving white male Republican goes for that idea–just think, in the future, Republican fascists may forgive Democrats for telling the truth about Iraq, our economy, the environment, our food, our drugs, the lot!!

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