CNN this morning: dead pope on slab, feather-capped dandy with big hatchet, basketball scores
17,316 Iraqi civilians
Man, this Catholic stuff can really weird out a spinster aunt. On CNN theyâ€™re hangin’ in the Vatican, showing as much of the official dead-pope-apalooza as they can until one of their incoherent gasbags canâ€™t stand it another second and chokes out another string of maudlin platitudes.
Video of the palooza shows old white men in flowing robes kissing tables, waving incense, and holding thin wafers high in the air. They look like an antediluvian alien culture on Star Trek. Like when Kirk and Spock beam down to the planet and are amazed to discover a primitive society that exactly replicates Europe in the Dark Ages (except everybody speaks English).
Spock: Fascinating, Captain. This culture appears to worship a pharoah.
Kirk: Why is it all dudes? Bring on the belly dancers!
When CNNâ€™s cameras cut away from the old white men in flowing robes, they show weeping women pressing beads or other fetish objects into their faces. Men are definitely not shown weeping.
Ah, hereâ€™s some fat white American male gasbag on Fox reminding everybody what a prince of a guy the dead pope was. â€œHe forgave Galileo!â€ Well, halle-fuckin-lujah for that. The guyâ€™s only been dead 363 years.
Itâ€™s great that the dead pope â€œapologizedâ€ for various atrocities and genocides that Catholics have delighted in perpetrating since the dawn of time. He apologized for the Inquisition, for the Crusades. All those murdered medieval Muslims can breathe a sigh of relief now; the dead pope’s really sorry!
But wait! Looks like the dead pope plumb forgot to apologize to the victims of fucktarded Catholic assholery who are still alive, such as those hapless fellas who as children were buggered by priests, or the gajillion people whoâ€™ve contracted HIV because condoms are Satanic, or the umptillion people who have been marginalized because they’re women or gay. Whups!