The Smoking Ban! Onward Austin! Hoo! Ha! What a flap! If there’s one thing goody-goody fucktards love to do, it’s ban things. You may ask yourself, can they really be serious? Do they really think that the world will be a better place if they can tell owners of a few scrappy neighborhood bars how …
Monthly Archive: April 2005
Apr 21 2005
Big Violent Doin’s In Ecuador
Stingray in Quito, as photographed by me via a webcam at the corner of Amazonas and Alemania Ave, April 13, 2005 I realize that most Americans have never heard of South America, and that even if they had, they wouldn’t give a crap about it, because all their current events needs appear to be met …
Apr 20 2005
Wednesday Grilled Cheese Report
When you’ll die without a pizza Margherita but it’s Chef’s night off: grilled smoked mozzarella sandwich with tomato and basil.
Apr 20 2005
Town Lake Trail, Part II
A thundering herd of Austin cops flex their glands on the Mopac pedestrian bridge Here’s some wack synchronicity: not five minutes after I posted my “Town Lake is ruined!†invective, my letter carrier Mr. McFeely staggered to my door under the crushing weight of my daily unsolicited bulk mail. Amid the customary passel of catalogs …
Apr 19 2005
Twisty Celebrates the Conclave!
Fettucine with carmelized garlic and artichokes Here at the Twisty Morsel Institute, we’re doffing our terrycloth golf visor to the end of this fucking tedious-ass PopeWatch by eating what Romans eat. We’re also hoisting a cup of wassail to the speedy excision of the words black smoke, white smoke, and conclave from our midst. Here’s …
Apr 18 2005
I Survived Walking My Dog At Town Lake On Sunday
In Which the Author Takes the Dog Zippy For A Peaceful Stroll But Has A Panic Attack Instead Town Lake isn’t a lake. It’s a sort of dammed-up river that runs through the center of Austin. It’s damned good-looking, and Austinites enjoy damned good-looking stuff as much as the next guy, so there is a …
Apr 18 2005
Preface To My Remarks On Town Lake
I am about to make some remarks about the trail around Town Lake, but I must preface them, for the sake of comparison, with a brief reminiscence of my quarter-century exile in St. Louis, Missouri, Gateway To The West. It was not without its charms. For example, at some point in St. Louis’ checkered past–I …
Apr 17 2005
I Wasn’t Expecting The Swedish Prohibition
FemDefense: iPod accessory or rude awakening? Sweden! When a people has already given to civilization of its utmost, viz. depressing cinema, impossible standards of human physical perfection, ABBA, and the Tempur-Pedic bed, one can but express a sort of reverent incredulity when yet another magma-glob of human accomplishment erupts from its permafrost. I allude to …
Apr 16 2005
Saturday Announcements
Patriarchy-blaming just got easier! For your browsing convenience, the Twisty Web Development Department has implemented some new post categories. Now, for example, readers who like food but aren’t so wild about the patriarchy-blaming can click “Morsel Institute†there on the right, and get only the golden-flavored posts that contain attractive pictures of my dinner. Etc. …
Apr 15 2005
Bartonhenge
Multi-pile grouping on Robert E. Lee Loonies And Their Lawns: Part III I am pleased to report that the art of the decorative rock-pile is not dead. One of the best things about my neighborhood, Barton Hills, is that it contains one of the largest, thrivingest populations of rock-pile enthusiasts anywhere. The rock-pile aesthetic, so …
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