Monthly Archive: May 2005

May 30 2005

Field Guides: A Feminist Reading

The female is brown! Male blue-ringed dancer, Argia sedula. Photographed by Twisty in Blanco County, TX May 24, 2005 I reveal no secrets when I confide that science is no bastion of feminist thought. This can be demonstrated in any number of ways, most recently and notoriously by Harvard honcho Larry Summers’ pronouncement on the …

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May 29 2005

MediocrityWatch ’05

I can’t remember which one was Squiggy It’s fun and easy to mock the Huffington Post, the new mega-metablog of cutting-edge Hollywood thought (oxymoron), so let’s get started! I’m not saying there’s nothing worth reading on that thing (I enjoyed this piece by some apparently famous guy named Adam McKay, who writes with some competence …

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May 28 2005


Readers may recall a recent vituperative essay in which I identified the global preoccupation with sex as a sort of pandemic hysteria. I brandished my acute grasp of the obvious with the cunning observation that our culture is obsessed with sex. Obsessed, I opined, to the extent that people who aren’t obsessed with sex are …

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May 27 2005

Dinner From Another Planet

Spinach salad with assorted pious sprouted legumes and smoked bacon Roasted chicken, potatoes, and leeks with wine juice The aisles of the Central Market on South Lamar are at all times bulging with the buffest, most sinewy women on earth. They are the Vigorocracy, that class of Austin women with enough time for physical fitness …

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May 25 2005

The Slothful Gourmet

Of the many pressing responsibilities visited upon the modern spinster aunt, splashing around in idyllic Hill Country swimming holes with the young relative (and afterwards repairing to a shady grove for a light lunch that was prepared by somebody else) is among the most challenging. Yesterday I was able to complete the aforementioned project in …

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May 25 2005

Gulag Guantánamo

Patriarchy’s Big Party Bonfire is emitting particularly toxic fumes today: I give you Amnesty International’s Report 2005. Will I spoil the ending for you if I reveal their conclusion that the global situation stinks? The report’s introduction features remarks by AI’s secretary general, Irene Khan, who describes white male supremacist response to recent events in …

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May 24 2005

Twisty Mirrored in Lilliputian Frog

Blanchard’s Cricket Frog, Acris crepitans blanchardi, pictured at roughly three times its actual size. Photographed by Twisty in Blanco County, May 2005. I admit it; I Blame The Patriarchy has been egregiously light on frog content lately. This contingency reflects an unfortunate convergence of disparate and inflexible cosmic forces. For instance, the non-frog-related demands of …

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May 23 2005


A few questions: Why do soft drink companies keep poisoning perfectly good soda with cherry and vanilla? Why do large teenage boys ride those tiny bicycles? And finally, is it just me, or is the Darth Vader mystique losing, more or less, its luster? Lately whenever I’m out swinging a dead cat my follow-through is …

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May 22 2005

Texas State Senate Royally Screws 10% Of Population

Chanteuse-turned-gay-sexpert Mary Ann Markarian, who informed the state senate that homosexuality is illegal in Texas, relaxes casually on the bank of the River Styx with Jesus and two red-headed step-children  Quelle surprise, the Texas State Senate has passed HJR6, otherwise known as the Gay Hate Bill. It’s the gay-hatin’ sensation that’s sweepin’ the nation! HJR6, …

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May 19 2005

Pregnant Teen Emerges Victorious Over Fucktard Sexist Hypocrisy

This is what I’m talking about: an Alabama high school senior, forbidden to participate in graduation , went to the ceremony, called out her own name, and walked across the stage anyway. She was removed, along with her mother and aunt, by police. This girl’s name is Alysha Cosby, and she is my hero. Why …

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