May 05 2005

Texas State Rep Lacks Clue Re: Human Biology


Mocking this one’s a little like shooting fish in a barrel, but what the hell, here’s a little problemo with the sexy cheerleader bill:

"Girls can get out and do all of these overly sexually performances and we applaud them, and that’s not right," said Democratic Rep. Al Edwards, who filed the legislation.“

Do you see it? Do you cleverly spot the flaw? Al Edwards, mouthpiece for the douchebag patriarchy, is employing a popular misogynist gambit: blaming girls for fucked-up male responses to them. So a squad of female dancers is responsible for an epidemic of teen pregnancy and VD, eh? Excuse me, but somebody needs to explain the birds and the bees to these chump legislators.

Let’s review, shall we? A girl can’t get knocked up by dancing. Not even by dancing suggestively. Not even by dancing suggestively in a short skirt. Not even by dancing suggestively with other girls in short skirts while state reps applaud them even though they think it’s not right. Not even by being in the audience when girls in short skirts are dancing suggestively and being applauded.

Not even if she–and I’m sorry to use such strong language–gyrates.

Nope, a girl can only get pregnant when a boy screws her. Cheerleading, it turns out, plays no role whatsoever in the human reproductive cycle. I asked a biologist!

So how about it? Let the girls gyrate all they want, and lock up the friggin teenage boys. As Fran Leibowitz says, a modern, non-agrarian society really doesn’t have any use for them anyway.


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  1. DownBoy

    I’ve known some girls that gyrate, they like to be watched. A number of them started working at a strip club because they get off on it. If these cheerleaders want to take it up a notch there’s a place for it. Football games are a public place where people bring their families, that includes kids. That kind of atmosphere requires a level of discretion on the part of both the cheerleaders and the fans. Anyway, give the blame mankind bit a rest because it’s getting old.

  2. Twisty

    Never mind the endlessly multiplying joy that gyrating girls must surely feel while being commodified by pervs in strip clubs; let’s recap my actual argument:

    Nobody would be giving a crap if the bumping and grinding cheerleaders were a) boys or b) girls with audience of other girls. You will note, therefore ,that the male response to female sexuality is what gets everybody’s tubesocks in a wad. Even so, it’s the girls who get held accountable. Patriarchy says to girls: “if you are not sexy you are worthless.” But then it says, “if you are sexy you are a slut.” The result? Girls are punished either way. A cheerleader is given this impossible task: be a virgin sex object. What the fuck do you expect her to do? Give birth to the Christ child while tap-dancing on the 50 yard line?

    Meanwhile, if patriarchy-blaming bums you out so much, I suggest you refrain from visiting blogs entitled “I Blame The Patriarchy.” Lucky you, there’s plenty of cozy male supremacist dogma on the internet! Your desperate need for reaffirmation of the status quo need not go unsatiated another second!

  3. That Is Lame

    I would say Angelina Jolie is beautiful and sexy but far from being a slut. No one seems to know what the meaning of moderation is anymore. Give into all desire and take it far as possible, what a load. You seem to want a world where you can do what ever you want with out consequences, yeah I wish I could walk down any street in the world with an American flag tied around my neck like a big cape but it probably wouldn’t be too good an idea. People do react, if you leave your gold necklace out on a New York subway, do not expect it to still be there 15 min later. I will blame you and not the thief for providing the temptation.

  4. Twisty

    I construe any attempt by society to constrain the essence of my Twistiness as oppression. Question authority, dude. Patriarchy’s not doing you any favors, either.

  5. Oh Wow

    Are you telling me this whole blog is here just so you can tell people that not all women are getting their way? I’ll let you in on a secret, it’s not because they’re women, it’s just a fact of life. Not everyone gets all the things they wanted in life, didn’t you get the memo on life isn’t fair? Look I’m sorry I wasted your time, enjoy your fans they seem to give you the thumbs up on your other posts. Try and find some time to go outside and enjoy this fine weather we’re having, not a command from the oppressive misogynist male just a suggestion.

  6. Twisty

    I remember when I met my first feminist!

  7. Man with three older feminist sisters

    So do all the girls who get screwed, do so unwillingly? I have to think there’s some co-operation involved.

  8. Twisty

    In a patriarchy, the concept of a woman’s consent is always, in some respect, tainted by Stockholm syndrome.

  9. Man with three older feminist sisters

    Not curiosity, or extending her sexual power over a boy? Men might have larger muscles but women have sexual powers (that get used in ma or pa-triarchies).

  1. William P. Wend

    American Taliban To The Rescue!

    Who needs the Taliban when the American one is already here! A

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