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Jun 02 2005

Payback

Wormhole

Time travel. We need to get on this ASAP. It would have 1001 uses around the home or office. You could go back in time and keep your grandparents from honeymooning on the Titanic, or ditch your tech stocks before you are obliged to trade your Aeron chairs for ramen noodles. You could flit into the future and bring back the cure for HIV or the technical drawings for a dirt-powered hover-car or a carton of cholesterol-reducing future-cigarettes.

What would I do if I had one chance at time travel? As much as I’d like to pop back and hoist a couple of flagons of grog with William Shakespeare, I think in the end I’d buzz ahead a hundred years or so, or whenever it is that humanity develops its next spark of sanity. I’d find a deck to lounge on, preferably adjacent to a supply of margaritas, and I’d Google “George W Bush,” which will be possible because by then the whole planet will have wireless connectivity. And I’d sink back in the cushions and read all about the Awful Aughts, that crackpot era of ignorant bigotry and pathological barbarism that set human rights and science and environmentalism back a century. With particular relish I would ingest history’s ultimate pronouncement on Bush II and his legions of prevaricating godbags as the worst, lyingest, most fucktardedly and treasonously contemptible regime in the history of the world.

That’s right. My biggest fear is that I will not live long enough to see W take his rightful place alongside all the other Benighted Despots of the Atomic Age, as an object of mockery in both schoolyard rhymes and elevated discourse.

2 comments

1 ping

  1. Felix

    Bravo!

  2. Dean

    That’s some seriously righteous speculative-fiction-themed Bush bashin’, Twisty. I heartily approve. You go girl!

    Do you suppose that there’s a parallel universe somewhere with a George W. Bush who’s thoughtful, learned, articulate, pro-science, anti-war, and who actually favors freedom of personal, religious and political expression and equal rights for all – in short, one who’s not an asshole like the Dubya of this universe?

    I like to think that if there could be a parallel-universe version of William Shatner, anything is possible. That notion, however, is of little comfort as I read the latest casualty figures from Iraq.

  1. After-Party

    Google-Bomb

    I Blame The Patriarchy: Payback What would I do if I had one chance at time travel? As much as I’d like to pop back and hoist a couple of flagons of grog with William Shakespeare, I think in the…

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