The actual confrontation between Mr. T and my lunch
I pity the fool who eats one of these tuna sandwiches from Randalls, which is the Austin name for a Texas supermarket chain that calls itself â€œTom Thumbâ€ in Dallas and Houston. Whatever; theyâ€™re all Safeways, and a Safeway by any other name would suck as hard.
Safeway tuna salad is comprised of fish-flavored mayonnaise and pickle relish. The photograph of Mr Tâ€™s adversary, which is the actual sandwich I tried to eat earlier today, fails to adequately capture the stunning mushiness of the so-called â€œartisanâ€ bread.
Artisan, my ass. Does anyone even know what an artisan is anymore? Has the word â€œartisanâ€ become synonymous with â€œHobart mixer the size of Guam in an industrial complex next to a toxic waste dump that mixes Kleenex and lake water and bread-colored food coloring into a disgusting pasteâ€?
My god, you wouldnâ€™t think it possible to even dream up bread this bad, let alone mass-produce it and inflict it on the general sandwich-eating public.
What was I doing buying a tuna sandwich at Safeway? I wish I knew. I wish I knew.