«

»

Aug 02 2005

Open Letter To The Fucktards Who Take Their Dogs Jogging

Berti7
I just happenned to have this photo of Bertie…

Hey, asshole! It’s 98 degrees out!  The air has the consistency of pudding! Don’t take your dog running when it’s 98 degrees out and the air has the consistency of pudding!

You know dogs can’t perspire, right? You know the only way they get rid of heat is through their tongue and paws, right? You know how hot that pavement is? It’s really fucking hot! You know how much hotter it is 18 inches above that hot pavement, at the dog’s level, than it is up where you are in your stupid Oakley shades? And you’re not wearing a shirt! And your dog is wearing a fucking parka! Cut the little dude some slack, you retard! Jesus!

And this goes double for you pervert sadists who make your dogs gallop along while you ride a bike. Jesus!

24 comments

  1. deja pseu

    What’s that saying, only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun?

    Thanks for saying this! I always feel sorry for the doggies on these hot, hot days.

  2. deja pseu

    Oh, and Bertie is just too freekin’ cute! Damn, I want a puppy.

  3. ae

    I’m sad to hear that it’s not only frickin’ North Carolina fucktards who do this. In times of such distressing dingbattery, I turn to that great sage Napoleon Dynamite, who said it best: “Iiiiidiots!”

    I figger if it’s too hot to breathe, best everyone just stay inside and foment revolution.

    P.S. That Bert is just one cuuute bundle o’ pup.

  4. Sid

    Um, while admittedly I’m just some random guy tossing in his opinion, I thought I’d defend those who take their dogs out for runs on hot days:

    1. Exercise is good for dogs. It makes them happier, makes them more fit, and leads to better socialization. Exercise for dogs is a good thing.
    2. Dogs arent all that badly designed for the heat. Evidence from Mother Nature includes the rampant wolf population in India, which will match the heat and humidity of any place in the United States. Heat tolerance varies, though, between breeds.
    3. As long as the runs are short, and you take the same care to avoid heat exhaustion with your dog as you would yourself, you’re probably fine. Heck, I had a buddy who (against my advice) got a Husky for his SoCal yard… now, huskies are dogs that demand HUGE amounts of exercise… so, my friend was good about running the dog at the beach. The Husky had a permanent blown-out coat and could run into the water anytime it wanted to cool down some.

    Early signs of heat exhaustion include rapid breathing, heavy panting, and salivation. Other signs are fatigue, muscle tremors, and staggered walking. So, when in doubt, assume your dog needs to cool down… move them to shade, douse them with some water, give them a little bit to drink, and take them home (They also love ice cubes and ice cream).

    In summary: hot day dog jogging isn’t really all that idiotic, as long as you keep all things in moderation. I know advice like that ruins a good rant, but I felt the need to toss in my $0.02.

    ~Sid

  5. Erin

    Sid,

    Depending on where you live and the size of your dog, running in the midday heat can be very dangerous or fatal to your dog. As Twisty pointed out, a lot of runners run on pavement, which gets too hot for paw pads and can lead to blisters, in addition to preventing natural heat loss. Heat exhaustion can happen a lot more quickly for dogs, since they don’t perspire to lower their body temperature, and can only stop when you let them.

    If you have a large-breed dog or a deep-chested breed (Great Danes, wolfhounds, greyhounds, larger shepherds and retrievers), stomach torsion is a very serious concern when the dog exerts itself in hot weather, and can be fatal. Smaller, bulldog-like breeds can also be prone to torsion (aka bloat), but anyone who takes a bulldog jogging in the summer is a double super extra fucktard.

    People who feel the absolute need to take their dogs running should do it in the morning or after sundown, and keep the trips short.

  6. Twisty

    Sid, thanks for the random 2 cents, but I never said “don’t exercise your dog.” I said “don’t torture your dog.”

    The vast majority of dogs I encounter are untrained. This leads me to surmise that their owners don’t know anything about dogs, because only an ignorant knob keeps an untrained dog. It is unlikely that an ignorant knob is going to research the heat and cold tolerances of his dog’s breed, and in the event that his dog is a mix from the pound, this information is unavailable anyway. But this of no consequence if you live, as I do, in the Lower 48, where at 1 PM on any day from June through October it is too hot, according to my vet, to run any dog.

    I suspect that most American dogs have not descended from packs of the heat-loving Indian wolves to which you allude. Even these alleged wolves are not, I further suspect, made to go running in the heat of the Indian afternoon by jogaholic yuppies.

    Dogs are loyal to their owners, often to their own detriment. They will follow an ignorant knob up a mile of incline in the heat of an Austin afternoon, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for them (in fact, running isn’t even good for people. I come from a family of runners, and every one of’em has joint problems as a result). Dogs over 7 or 8 are considered “seniors” and should not be subjected to this abuse, regardless of temperature. Even younger dogs should not be made to run on pavement that is too hot for a human foot.

    If you must run with your dog, do it in the morning.

  7. Sylvanite

    It’s a good thing you just happened to have that picture of Bertie around. He is a sweet-looking pup.

  8. Twisty

    I cannot lie. Bertie is an excellent little dog. I’ve had him two weeks today, and already he can do the sit, the down, and (sort of) heel without jumping around in front of me trying to bite off my ankles. He lets me sleep until six now, too, which is HUGE.

    Golden retrievers, for the record, can’t take the heat. If it’s over 80 outside, Bertie lounges on the tile in air-conditioned comfort. In the event of a nuclear apocalypse, whereupon air-conditioning becomes a thing of the past, I suppose we’ll have to summer in Alaska.

  9. WookieMonster

    Wookie loves her air conditioner (it is hers, just ask her). We save long walks (running and I don’t mix, bad ankles and asthma) for winter when it’s freezing, summer is for swimming, duh!

  10. alphabitch

    Well, my canine pal Tillie was treated last week for very-nearly-fatal heat exhaustion (brought on by an attempt to dig her way out of the yard to get away from the approaching thunder). She required IV fluids and it took quite a while to cool her down, apparently. And she had to be sedated to keep her from doing it again. It’s not like they know when to stop, or can tell you they’re hot. They’re dogs. If they’re with you and they’re running, they think they’re having fun — you’d have to be an insane fucktard indeed to take a dog running here in North Carolina during the day. Of course, I think it would be insane to go running here during the day, but that’s just me.

  11. alphabitch

    PS: Thanks for the Bertie pic!

  12. Kaya

    As a fellow Austinite as well as a runner (sans dog) I agree, Twisty! It is almost too hot for humans to run, much less drag our furry friends out with us. My running coach reminds me that when we run, our body temp rises to the point that we feel 20 degrees hotter. I imagine it’s much the same with dogs, who don’t have the advantage of sweating profusely in the “balmy” Austin summer with average heat indexes of 103 with 88% humidity.

    Granted, we have the Town Lake trail which is cooler than pavement or concrete but that leads to another issue: pet owners on the trail who allow their dogs to roam across the entire path, making me wait for them to finally pull the leash back or hurdle the leash which always leads to me falling on my ass. Keep ‘em next to ya, please!

  13. emjaybee

    Poor doggies. I would also like to point out the fucktards here in NYC who own huge dogs and live in apartments, and said dogs only ever get to go out on concrete sidewalks to run and pee…dogs need dirt, and grass, and fresh air. Sidewalks don’t count, and the dog runs at most of the parks aren’t much better. Lots of sweet unhappy dogs around here who never get to dig or roll or run anywhere.

    Also, Bertie is super cute.

  14. Twisty

    Kaya, ohmigod, the idiot dog-people at Town Lake! My views–with, of course, the customary sarcasm–are on record here.

  15. Twisty

    Alphabitch, what a nightmare! I know how horrible it is; it happened to my last golden when she had a bunch of brain-tumor-related seizures in rapid succession. A lot of people don’t realize that you can’t cool a heat-exhausted dog off by putting it in a lake. They have to be given cold IV fluids. That’s why if people defy me and take their dog jogging and wait until it is exhibiting symptoms of heat exhaustion before taking action, taking it for a swim isn’t gonna do jack at that point.

  16. Sarah in Chicago

    Emjabee -

    Actually, size doesn’t predict whether or not a dog breed will be a good ‘apartment dog’. For instance, Great Danes (which I grew up with, and fully intend once I have graduated and am earning enough to get again for myself) are actually wonderful apartment dogs, as they don’t scream around loads being quite sedate.

    Of course, within reason, one wouldn’t want one in a studio :)

    But that said, you are quite right, so many apartment people don’t exercise their dogs nearly enough. I think it fits with Twisty’s point of people walking their dogs in insane heat, and not having their dogs trained … people simply don’t know dogs.

  17. alphabitch

    Yeah, they also kept wiping her footpads with rubbing alcohol, which seemed to help some in addition to the IV. The vet did say that getting them wet helps a little bit in terms of their comfort, but not all that much in the way of lowering their temperatures. I guess Tillie’s temp was up to 108. Her mom was a wreck. The awful part was she was staying at the vet’s kennel when it happened. She heard the thunder and tried to escape – got out into the dog run when no one was watching. It took about half an hour.

    Brain tumors, yikes. Poor thing.

  18. Chris Clarke

    Thanks for the canine safety PSA, Twisty. I was in Death Valley this weekend, with a temperature of 117 in the shade, and some people had brought their dogs. Insane.

  19. Chris Clarke

    Thanks for the canine safety PSA, Twisty. I was in Death Valley this weekend, with a temperature of 117 in the shade, and some people had brought their dogs. Insane.

  20. larkspur

    Yeah, I have a golden retriever whose humans engage me to baby-sit him from time to time, either for walks or for overnights. If it’s hot, he and I are up at the crack of dawn for our hike, and I bring water, and I go on a nearby route that has lots of trees and dirt paths. Plus I know where to find (in all but the driest months of summer) little creeks or wallows (can’t really call ‘em swimming holes) that he can wade into and cool off his sweet furry tummy.

    But he is such a good, happy boy, that yes – he’d go out hiking anyway, whether or not it was too hot. He’s all about the “Ooh, something fun is sure to happen! Let’s go let’s go let’s go”. He needs me to make some decisions for him.

    I luff li’l Bertie, btw.

  21. larkspur

    Oh, just to clarify…I’m in Northern California, just north of San Francisco. Most of the time – with the exception only of infrequent round-the-clock super-heat wave conditions – being up at the crack of dawn means blessedly cool conditions.

  22. Amanda

    My main problem is convincing the cats that 98 out is not good weather for their (supervised) outside time.

  23. Mrs. Coulter

    The thing that boggles my mind are the Federal employees who jog around the National Mall during their lunch hour in the summer. I mean, it’s freakin’ 98 degrees, 98% humidity, and there are cars driving all around you. Any cardiac benefit you derive from this jog must be outweighed by the damage to your lungs.

    My dog, at least, has the good sense to come inside when it’s this bloody hot. He runs out into the yard to pee, bark for five minutes at the mailman, and then he’s ready to come back in (in nice weather, he will beg to spend the entire day out in our fenced yard). My cats, on the other hand, are just like Amanda’s. Determined to lie outside on the patio, which, at least, is shady. I open the door, call them in, and they give me that look: “What do you think I am? A dog? I do nothing at your beck and call.”

  24. moses

    I think he is more upset about the jogger who takes great care of his dog while excersing, and lets Fido take a huge dump in “Varmints” yard for being the local fucktard.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>