Need a hollow, mirthless laugh? Gendergeek reports on a recent Telegraph article explaining why men account for 96% of music downloads in the UK. The Telegraph’s conclusion? Women would rather go shopping than fiddle with these newfangled computer-thingies. Oh, and the download websites aren’t pastel enough.
The Telegraph says tech companies would like nothing better than to tap into the flustered technophobic female market. This can only be accomplished by offering pastel pink versions of the original man-gadgets, viz. the iPod Mini. As has been scientifically proven, women instinctively and automatically fling sacks of money at anything pink.
Except for phones. Women take naturally to phones of any color "because they are big talkers."
According the the Washington Post, the efficacy of pinkess is not lost on hideous consumer electronics chain Best Buy, who have profiled their customers and are now identifying clueless female shoppers as "Jills." Special employees on "the Jill team" are trained to spot a Jill by her "fashionable white sleeveless shirt and flower-patterened pants" as she "[wanders] in unsteadily, fumbling inside her purse for a scrap of paper." These expert Jill-spotters, who wear pastel shirts instead of blue ones, hook her, reel her in, and and lead her through the store (which has been Jillified with James Taylor music, stuffed animals, and pink balloons), gently introducing her to the scary gadgets and modern miracles. If it’s raining out, they escort her to her car with a pink umbrella.
Because they have finally unlocked the secret: women vomit blood when they touch anything that isn’t the color of a cotton candy ballerina juggling birth control pills, gumballs, and "math-is-hard" Barbies at a breast cancer fundraiser for gay flamingoes.