Today I’m breaking with tradition and watching the cable news channels. What a relief to hear Laura Bush tell the world how peachy everything is in Lafayette LA, where the town has really "pulled together." She reminds people to make sure their kids go to school in their new home, the beautiful Houston Astrodome. Oh wait! They’re not letting any more people in the Astrodome!
2:41: Quelle surprise; troops and relief supplies arrive at Superdome just minutes before the president rears his brainless head in Marine One. Coincidence? I think not.
2:50: Some dumb knob on MSNBC asks his New Orleans correspondent if the
thousands of refugees are "in custody of police." The correspondent,
who is obviously disgusted with everything, says that until just a few
minutes ago there haven’t been any police.
3:00: Dumb Fox News knob, with 25′ of debris as backdrop, asks
Biloxi-ite:’"is this devastation exceeding your expectations?" Also,
Trent Lott whines about his house. What’s with the obssession with
Trent Lott’s fucking house?
3:05 "Conglomerate" used as a verb by some Austrialian knob on CNN, as in "the refugees are conglomerating on the buses."
3:12 CNN: I don’t watch much cable news, and this is why: the screen is
always split into about 37 slices showing too much shit that doesn’t
matter. Also, the anchors are either ugly old men or hottie babes in
too much makeup.
3:43: MSNBC Two hottie news anchors discuss "heartbreaking stories of
courage and hope," shake their heads solemnly (Meryl Streep they ain’t)
and say "mm," a word used exclusively by news anchors to convey their
humanity to viewers who might otherwise be elbowing each other, going
"my god, what’s wrong with her hair?"
4:00: What is wrong with that W asshole? Here he dodging a
question about why the federal government has taken so long to respond.
Can the guy utter a single sentence without smirking?
4:07: Condi makes sure everybody knows her father is from Louisiana,
and that she has actually been there before, which means she especially
cares about the disaster. She cares so much she was on a
shoe-buying spree in New York until yesterday
4:27: I can’t take much more of this. So…cold…so very…cold…