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Sep 04 2005

Asshole Manual

Asshole_manual

It’s comforting to know that in these troubled times, assholes can still find the inner resolve to write books on how to improve their self-esteem by fucking beautiful women.

42 comments

  1. ehj2

    Dear Twisty,

    Thanks for drawing attention to this.

    Women have considerable difficulty in understanding how prevalent and powerful is a man’s innate capacity for objectifying the world and the women around him.

    Women project onto men their own hopes about how men can be. Women imagine that men can think about relationships the way that women do.

    We’ve actually built a culture that makes it even harder to encourage the small talent that men have in remaining committed to “things” and “people.”

    We’ve built a use, enjoy, replace, discard culture. Our jobs are fungible, we live in our homes and towns for years instead of decades or lifetimes, we replace whole “lifestyles” now as if these were mere wardrobe changes.

    I’m so hungry for stability and roots that I can’t replace a watchband until it falls apart. I’m most comfortable in the parks that I’ve enjoyed since I was a child … the only places I know that have remained almost unchanged.

    Who could easily leave a garden they’ve tended?

    Cities in Europe have a feeling about them that sinks down into the centuries. American cities feel like they’re being replaced continuously, right in front of you.

    As long as we teach men that everything is just a thing of the moment, to be replaced by something newer and shinier and faster (and all of our marketing does this, including “feminine” marketing), we better prepare women in every way we can to protect themselves. Many men will try in themselves to overcome this idiocy, and some will succeed.

    The work you do here provides armor. We don’t thank you enough.

    Respectfully,

    ehj2

  2. Josef K

    ehj2, you’re right about a lot of men – and culture in general – but not about all men, thank God. At least, I hope you’re wrong, because I’m engaged to be married, and I’m certainly planning for it to last for as long as we both live.

    I can’t be sure that I won’t be dumped for a better model after a few years, but it doesn’t seem likely. There really are non-asshole men around; they’re just less plentiful. In other words, there is hope.

  3. emjaybee

    Hmm. I think the fear about this book is unfounded. I don’t believe there’s any set of “programming” techniques that will work on all women–and I think when they do work, many times the woman has decided to be seduced already. Especially if you’re talking about a woman at a bar, looking for a hookup.It’s not that she can’t spot the lines, it’s that’s she’s decided what the hell, let’s get laid.

    The book is creepy with it’s Svengali/Rapist/Stalker mentality, and that’s the most objectionable thing about it.I would be more worried that it will encourage men to take what they want by force if they can’t get it by using these “techniques”, because women “owe” them sex. It’s a loathesome mindset.

  4. StealthBadger

    What sets my teeth on edge, and fills me with an itch for handguns and hollow-point ammunition, is, to overuse the -tions, the celebration and glorification of objectification.

    There is no discussion of long-term relationships, because what the most hard-core of these people are looking for is someone who truly perceives herself as an object, so they can go to work, go out and play around, then return home to the Stepford Wife, who is rendered such not by medication, but by a lifetime of crushing emotional abuse, and who wasn’t one of the strong, lucky, or violent ones who grew in spite of it.

    I strongly believe that’s the unspoken meme here – shopping for the one who will “take it.”

  5. Kate (Australia)

    Sigh. Even sadder than the fact that this asshole wrote this book is the fact that many, many men out there will buy the book as a ‘how to’.

  6. Chris Clarke

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think ehj2 is the Best Commenter Evah?

    Also, as regards this: “ … how to improve their self-esteem by fucking beautiful women,” I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work.

  7. Fred

    Aren’t Amewrican women under 40 trying to live the same life-style as promoted by this book? Just think of the popularity in this demographic of the egregious Sex & the City. Many women try to live like the characters in this show. Specifically, they bed down two or three strangers every week until they hit their late thirties. Then they persuade themselves that after boinking a few hundred men, their knight in whire armor will arrive, marry them, and they will live happily ever after.

    Books like the above are one male reaction to this promiscuity: If you going to screw us, we’ll screw you as well.

    There is also a lot to be said for male perceptions that modern American women judge them by the size of their net worth. No really, girls. Check out almost any forum with a large male traffic.

    Well, I have really broken some taboos here.

    I now see that this isn’t a male parody site of feminism but the real thing.

  8. Chris Clarke

    Well, I have really broken some taboos here.

    Well, aren’t you just the reinfuckingcarnation of Lenny Bruce.

  9. Kate

    Quick everyone! Abandon feminism! We’ve been given a solid talkin’ too by Fred and hasn’t he shown us all what for?

  10. Twisty

    The taboos have been broken! We must now dress in chicken blood and sacrifice the virgins and marinate the monkey nuts.

  11. Twisty

    Wow, thank you, ehj2, for your extremely kind and gratifying remarks. I don’t really need any thanking, though. The opportunity to run my mouth in public is thanks enough.

  12. ehj2

    Dear Chris,

    Thank you for the powerful encouragement. This is the deep end of the pool for me, the big leagues, the place where the most important conversation is in progress right now.

    I can’t pretend to be more than a beginner — I’m just finding my voice, and right now it is a bit uncertain and sometimes off the mark. But I do know my “job” as a participant is to help make a conversation worth visiting.

    It takes a tremendous amount of effort and sustained attention to do what is done here … I know that I couldn’t do it. But I long to be part of it and I want to support it.

    I worry every time I’m about to press “post” if my words and thoughts are helpful and useful. Like learning to rock climb, I’m willing to fall as a beginner until I get better, but I’m not willing to crash into others until I stop falling.

    Your compliment suggests I’m on the right track, and you can’t know how much it is appreciated. I am aware how much damage the masculine voice has done; I know how easy it is to unconsciously and unintentionally cause harm; I am struggling to step out of that space …

    … and learn how to affect positive change without using the tools and strategies of my adversary.

    can i defeat a gun without a gun; can i defeat aggression without becoming aggressive; can i find a path between my masculinity and my femininity that does no harm to either …

    the buddhist within me says, “it’s all just spiritual practice.” but thank you for graciously allowing me to practice here … in the deep end of the pool … with the serious people doing serious things.

    /e

  13. ehj2

    how about “effect” …
    not trying for an eggcorn …

  14. StealthBadger

    Fred… resisting the urge to call you a useless, self-serving, intellectually vacuous waste of water and air would be an admirable effort if I wasn’t preoccupied with refraining from the task of waxing poetic about the many ways in which you’re like a redolent sack of elephant crap.

    You justifiy this book and it’s behavior as though it’s something new, shocking, and in retaliation, when this has pretty much been how most single guys operate all along?

    I hear Fox News is looking for janitors, with your outlook you’d fit in very well. Who knows, in ten years you might make it to the loading dock. Mailroom by retirement, that’s a good goal! It would play to your strength; passing along the cheap, commodified ideas of others, and delivering them with a knowing smirk and the superior attitude only nigh-illusory power can evoke.

    My apologies, Twisty.

  15. Fred

    Dear Stealthbadger,

    Get your panties untwisted, girl. I am merely saying that both sexes have their fair share of jerks and simple morons with unrealistic expectations about life. If you want a long-term monogamousd relationship don’t spend your twenties and thirties sleeping with every stranger you meet in a bar. It cuts both ways.

    BTW Einstein, you go take that Fox job. I’d sooner firebomb its HQ than watch it. Go rent “Outfoxed” for a dose of reality.

    You girls sound like that lesbian character on the 1980s SNL who had a book out called “Women Good; Men Bad”.

  16. Aunt B.

    Wait, I think we’ve overlooked the most important part of Fred’s comments! Supposedly, I’m having sex with two or three strangers a week. Why don’t I remember this?!

    Is Fred merely trying, in his own misogynistic way, to point out that some nefarious force is robbing women of their memories of having sex with thousands of men?

    Shoot, thousands of sex partners. You’d think I’d be better in bed.

  17. Amanda Marcotte

    Shorter Fred–sluts who fuck everyone but me deserve to be abused.

  18. Fred

    Jeepers, the misandry here flows as thick as molasses.

    Keep repeating the mantra:
    WOMEN GOOD; MEN BAD!
    WOMEN GOOD; MEN BAD!
    WOMEN GOOD; MEN BAD!
    WOMEN GOOD; MEN BAD!
    WOMEN GOOD; MEN BAD!

  19. Ms. Womyn

    Fred,

    I am trying to find this book “Women Good; Men Bad” without success. Can you give me the name of the author and location where you saw it?

    TIA!

  20. Twisty

    It will surprise no one to learn that “Ms Womyn” is “Fred.” It might surprise Fred’s mom to learn that her son is lurking on a pansy-ass blog talking to himself.

  21. StealthBadger

    *grins*

    Naw, Fred, I’m sorry… I don’t come here to be bashed, or to bash women. I’m here because I can talk with some very smart, insightful, and funny people. Oh, and self-hate isn’t my thing. I actually enjoy being me. No panties either, but that’s a personal choice, I suppose.

  22. Chris Clarke

    It might surprise Fred’s mom to learn that her son is lurking on a pansy-ass blog talking to himself.

    Hey, whatever keeps him out of her underwear drawer.

  23. Anonymous

    If the book’s advice doesn’t work, it’s just like all the other snake oil out there. If it does work, it gives women a way to bypass subconscious messages that sex isn’t something to want but something to grudgingly offer in return for a securely dependent (subordinate) life. And these men are seeking consent. Where’s the problem?

  24. Amanda Marcotte

    Fred, a word of advice–if you want those vile sluts who fuck three different men a week to toss a little your way just once in your sorry, sorry existence, it might help to quit claiming that anyone who has a speck of self-esteem hates men.

  25. ae

    Dammit, I’m always late to the party! I must tether this computer to myself more tightly!

    We “girls” sound like “that lesbian.” We have hit the big-time of bringing the misandry! Woohoo! I’d like to thank my pansy-ass father and my butch-ass mom, the Academy, my gym teacher, the girls on my softball team…

    And for the life of me, I cannot figure out how in the bejeezus it is that people are confused about the nature of this site. What gives?

  26. Josef K

    Nobody’s really confused about the nature of this site, except for Fred The Troll, whose party-piece is pretending to be confused for “comic” effect. Kind of like that Marilyn Monroe film where she acts shortsighted.

  27. Christopher

    I was actually going to ask the same question as Fred, namely, isn’t it possible that there are also some women who just want no-strings attached sex?

    Of course, my implicit assumptions were rather different then Fred’s, because I was going to ask, “Isn’t it possible that that’s okay?”

    Now, the question is, are there also stupid pick-up manuals for women? My theory would be that there probably aren’t.

    Over all, I don’t think that there is just one correct approach to living your life. I think that the nomadic quality of American life has some benefits and some drawbacks, and works for some people better then others

    But I don’t think you can really divide the world up and say that men want this and women want that, because there’re always going to be enough women who want this and enough men who want that to cause trouble.

    Also, American cities don’t seem to have a feeling of ancientness because they just aren’t very old. This is especially true on the west coast. Part of this comes from the fact that, in many areas, Native Americans didn’t really build cities, and the other part comes from the fact that, in the areas where they did build cities, Europeans came and knocked most of them down.

    Stupid-ass Europeans.

    So, that was in response to what ehj2 said.

    Now, as for the book itself, I almost didn’t click the link, because a while back S.Z. at World O’ Crap did a piece about one of these “get girls through hypnosis” type writers and his stuff was just so embarassing and vile that I couldn’t read it.

    So now I’m very afraid of these kinds of books.

    I did read the article though, and now I’m confused. Is this a self-help book, or a narrative about the author traveling in self-help circles?

    Because I think the latter could be fascinating, as there’s obviously a deranged subculture there that I know next to nothing about.

  28. Twisty

    The book’s about a journalist who goes deep into the subculture of chick-mesmerizers for 2 years, and how he supposedly morphs from a mousy dork to a major mack daddy.

    Scewing assloads of people strikes me as a braindead hobby, but I don’t give a crap if people do it. What gets up my shorts about this book is that the approach of these fuckers seems to be “trick the stupid bitches, and you will become a great manly dude at their expense.” You tell me how adorable that is.

    Are there “trick the stupid cocksuckers” manuals for women? Hell if I know, but even if there were, the two examples would not be comparable. Their social implications would be completely different on account of the patriarchal hierarchy. It would be similar to a “stick it to the oppressors” manual for slaves.

  29. Tony Patti

    The book is openly about lying and manipulation. It’s about how men use psychological tricks to use women for sex. So what use is it to a feminist? I see it as extremely useful for any feminist who deals with men on any level.

    Here’s the evil tricks, here’s how they work. Look at the man behind the curtain! Don’t be fooled.

    Men are always trying to use any tools they have, no matter how primitive and stupid they may be, to get what they want from women and each other. Uncovering these stupid tricks is useful, because anyone can be manipulated when they don’t suspect it.

    I’m not defending the evil premise of manipulation. It’s a sad and bitter thing, men lusting after sex with supposedly ‘beautiful’ women. The confusion starts in the first flush of youth when the characteristics of beauty are imprinted. Continuing to lust after the same characterisitics after your own youth has finished is sad.

    The worst thing about books like this is that they suggest to women that all men are evil manipulaters, none of them are capable of love, they only want to lie and cheat to get sex from you. To understand how this feels to a man, just examine your own response to the man above (Fred) who chose to turn it around on women.

    Women don’t like to be told that they only want men for their money or some sense of security (a truly male-centric concept, isn’t that? A man is woman’s security? Men are rather a source of anxiety, not security, especially in a relationship!) or because they want an alpha-male underwear model rich kid. It’s what men tell themselves women want in order to excuse themselves from their failure to be promiscuous little sluts. These adolescent sex fantasies are the reality that men live within, as if in an alternate universe, and thank god there are a few men out there who have the capacity to see beyond this little trap themselves.

  30. Finn

    >Their social implications would be completely different on account of the patriarchal hierarchy. It would be similar to a “stick it to the oppressors” manual for slaves.<

    I don’t see how adopting the method of the oppressor relieves the feminist gold-digging woman from guilt if she manipulates a guy using techniques found in a book.

    Realizing of course, the absurdity of the phrase “feminist gold digging woman”. ;-)

  31. Twisty

    Finn, stay with me here. I didn’t say “relieves feminists of guilt.” I said “not comparable.” In the first place, no real feminist, gold-digger or not, would write such a dumb book. In the second place, this is just another “what about the men???!!!” derailment. What’s wrong with asking “what about the men???” I’ll tell you. Even if the hypothetical stupid book were taken word-for-word from the aforementioned Asshole Manual, if the sexes are reversed, the meanings are completely changed. Why? Because the sexes are not equal to begin with. Capeesh?

    Be a standup dude and resist the urge to believe that what I have just written is “if women act like dumbfucks it’s just fine but if men do it it’s not.”

    I’m gonna have to put an anti-whataboutthemen? disclaimer on the front page or something.

  32. Josef K

    I think you should rename your blog “Won’t Somebody PLEASE Think of the Men?”

    There are cartloads of “how to deal with men” books sloshing about, and they’re bought by plenty of women. The massive difference between those books and The Game is that books aimed at women are termed *self*-help books. The message, loud and clear is: “You are the problem. Learn to behave. This is how to understand men and behave in a way that pleases them.” Whereas The Game has a completely different message: “Women are your problem. Here is how to make them behave.” That’s what I find chilling.

  33. Finn

    >Even if the hypothetical stupid book were taken word-for-word from the aforementioned Asshole Manual, if the sexes are reversed, the meanings are completely changed.<

    I agree with that part of what you said.

    The other part isn’t worth getting into, since I can’t imagine such a thing existing in the first place. The longer I thought about the image of a feminist gold-digging for revenge, the funnier it got.

  34. Mark Early

    This was just as bad. Why is so hard to comprehend that relationships should be based on respect for one another and not dishonesty.

  35. ae

    Twisty, please, please put an anti-whataboutthemen? disclaimer on the front page! I would like to refer people to it in conversation, because, well, I’m sick and tired. And lazy.

    Mark Early, do you mean that The Rules was just as bad for women as the book Twisty mentioned above? If so, I agree with you. If you meant that that book stands as a noxious counter-example to the book Twisty mentioned, I do not.

    Let me say for the record that my best friend and I were absolutely murderous re: The Rules and worked v. hard to take foot-to-ass action on the “authors.” Actual advice from that piece of pablum passing for lard-knows-what: wear a short skirt and bend over in front of your luuvv object. Ahh, all the same murderous feelings resurface…

  36. Ron Sullivan

    Then they persuade themselves that after boinking a few hundred men, their knight in whire armor will arrive, marry them, and they will live happily ever after.

    Huh. It worked pretty well for me. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t anything like “a few hundred” (though I did forget to keep count, oh dear) and he doesn’t wear armor… Does getting him all drunked up and into a Ren Faire suit one time count?

    Josef K, you’ve put your finger on it precisely. I’ll admit to finding those books more funny than infuriating, myself. I keep seeing this cartoon: He’s carrying on with the book-script and His thought balloon says, “Ah-AH! Maybe I’ll get laid tonight, if I put this one over on her!” She’s nodding and humming and sipping her drink and thinking, “All right, how long do I have to stroke his ego listening to this crap when all I want tonight is to get laid?”

    Or, “One more paragraph out of him and I’m going home to my Hitachi.”

  37. Mark Early

    AE- I think both books are bad for their intended reading target and the targets that the reader may eventually target.

  38. ae

    Well played, Mark Early. =)

  39. Twisty

    I have a HUGE crush on Mark Early.

  40. Mark Early

    Oh Twisty, you’re making me blush. The same can be said vice versa… crushwise that is.

  41. b

    http://www.thisissouthampton.co.uk/hampshire/basingstoke/whatson/BASINGSTOKE_WHATSON_BOOKS8.html

    “Germaine Greer’s latest book is a tribute to the charms of the teenage male as portrayed in art through the ages.

    She says it’s about time women stopped “censoring their responses” towards this age group and learned to appreciate them visually.

    “Look but don’t touch” is her clear message. This should allay the concerns of those who, in the present climate of heightened anxiety over paedophilia and child porn, have attacked the book.

    Her definition of a “boy” is rather broad, which is borne out by some of the illustrations. She says: “An adult male who remains slim and lovely and keeps the hair on his head, rather than growing it on his face and body, may play a boy’s role for as long as it is congenial.”

    In recent years, Miss Greer says, panic about paedophilia “completed the criminalisation” of this awareness, and part of her book’s purpose “is to advance women’s reclamation of their capacity for, and right to, visual pleasure.”"

    That sounds a awfully lot like the objectification defintion thrown around by feminists. Oh wait a minute — Miss Greer is female. I completely forgot — only men are capable of objectification.

    Carry on.

  42. Twisty

    You apparently confuse me with the person who is in charge of Germaine Greer. You are in error.

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