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Sep 06 2005

Mr. T Versus The Frequently Asked Questions

Mrtvsfaq

Traffic’s up, and the time has come.

Let me preface the following FAQ with high praise for the people who read I Blame The Patriarchy and agree with everything I say. You guys are really smart! And with equally high praise for those readers who engage in intelligent debate without rancor. You guys are really smart, too! And with equally high praise for those readers who enlighten and crack me up at the same time. You guys are the smartest of all!

Anyway, below please find the frequently asked questions. The answer to all of them is the same. It is this:

If you are asking this question, you are reading the wrong blog.

——————————————————————————————

Is that a picture of you at the top of the page?
What is patriarchy?
What is feminism?
Why not "humanism"?
Men experience ______, too! What about them?
You used the word "negro." Are you a racist?
You used the word "fucktard." Do you hate mentally retarded people?
Why do you want to oppress men?
Do you represent all feminists/all women as an elected spokesperson?
Why did you make fun of me/delete my comment/ban my IP? Can’t a guy disagree with you?
Are you a straight white guy in his early twenties doing a parody of a feminist blog?

(Note: If you are a straight white guy in his early twenties who is not as smart as I am–and let’s face it; I’ve never met one who is–there is a high probability that you may find irresistible the compulsion to try and take me down a peg. You cannot succeed. Undoubtedly the psychiatric professionals who desire to study this common self-defeating behavior are legion. I, however, am not one of them. Nevertheless, I will offer some parting advice: As an activity better suited to your talents, I suggest taking a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut).

41 comments

2 pings

  1. rhondda

    Twisty for President, or come to canada and be my prime minister. I’m not too smart, but I know I am not reading the wrong blog. Thank you for saying what you say.
    Now is the time for your puppy or a damn good recipe.
    Please, I am so hungry for truth.

  2. Ron Sullivan

    You know how the problem with public service is you gotta deal with the god. damned. public? Well.

    Acourse, when you hear from someone who can’t tell the difference between himself (or “all men”) and the patriarchy, it’s hard to tell whether he’s dumb or just honest but generalizing from his own case.

  3. antelope

    Wow!

    With comments like that coming in, how could anyone think that there’s any need for blogs about feminism or patriarchy?

    Thank you for drawing some fire on behalf of the rest of us – it helps us be that much more clear about what we’re resisting & why.

  4. Ancrene Wiseass

    “As an activity better suited to your talents, I suggest taking a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.”

    Thanks, Twisty, for giving me the mental image that will get me through the rest of the day. I really needed a good laugh.

  5. miz_geek

    I heart Twisty! You make my day!

  6. Chris Clarke

    Why do you hate doughnuts? Doughnuts are oppressed by the patriarchy, too. which would you pick: being beaten by the cops, or being eaten by the cops!

    Can’t we all just get along with all the pastries of the rainbow?

  7. Kate

    *applause*

    *more applause*

    I can’t think of anything else to say.

  8. That Crazy Fool Murdoch

    I hate to disagree, but men also _do_ experience the heartbreak of gingivitis, and none of your rapier wit will change that.

  9. Liz

    This website reminds me of my old high school class, which was full of very clever girls. I learned more from listening to them than anything else – after a while you learned how to look at issues and use your brain.

    This site is also a good illustration that you don’t need to disagree on an issue to get a lively discussion, and that humour and truth are closely related.

  10. StealthBadger

    “I suggest taking a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut” *wince*

    Ow.

  11. StealthBadger

    At the image of the attack-belly-flop onto hapless pastry, not the suggestion. *remembering the games drunk teenagers play*

  12. ae

    God. Damn. I love me some Twisty.

    Twisty, stellar parting advice. Do they get a parting gift, too? Which is to say, who’s providing the Krispy Kremes up in this mofo??

    P.S. The gray zip-neck sweater really suits Mr. T’s complexion. What is he, a summer?

  13. bitchphd

    I totally love it.

    My other favorite “FAQ” is, “don’t you know that the word “bitch” is derogatory? Why would you call yourself that? It doesn’t seem like a very feminist thing to do.”

    I might have to just start linking those people over here. You can thank me later.

  14. ripley

    Rock.

  15. Twisty

    Murdoch! You left cake in my van!

  16. judy

    i pity the fool who would leave you comments/questions like those above. i usually say, ‘why don’t you attempt aeriel intercourse with some pastry?’ i think it sounds everso martha-like. twisty, you rock!

  17. That Crazy Fool Murdock

    All-time classic:

    [Murdock, with help from Boy George, has disguised himself as a pregnant woman in order to gain entry to the jail-house]

    Murdock: Herbert, open up, darling, its Cynthia!

    Hannibal: Cynthia, go away!

    Murdock: Herbert, oh Herbert, we have to talk, for the baby!

    B.A. Baracus: Baby? what’s that fool talking about?

  18. Finn

    I’m sure it gets frustrating answering the same questions all the time, but you never know how many times it will take before the light goes on for someone.

    I was just telling G last night how much insight I feel like I’ve gained hanging out here, even though I get torched every other day.

    Apologies if I’m sounding like a twenty-something white guy.

  19. Twisty

    Joe, you are absolutely exempt from any and all of the above. It’s a huge pleasure to have you show up at all, and a bonus to get a moderate’s perspective.

    As to why I don’t want to explain “what is feminism” every five minutes, it’s not just that it’s frustrating, it’s that it isn’t quite the purpose I had in mind for the blog. In other words, I’d like to get away from what amounts to teaching an entry-level course in womens’ studies. I’m a patriarchy-blamer, Jim, not a miracle-worker!

    Ideally, the blog would presuppose that readers have a working knowledge of rudimentary feminist theory prior to commenting (you totally qualify in that department, after listening to me go off at NN for four years!). Otherwise the level of discourse is too often mired in the idiotic “you just hate men!”–essentially a quagmire where I end up exhausting myself defending my right to exist to fucktards who just want to smush an uppity woman. No thanks. I get enough of that crap in real life.

    I want this to be a forum for people who are either already feminists, or who are not feminists but have an intellectual interest in feminism. Without too many grammatical errors.

    Readers who want to know what feminism is can avail themselves of professional theorists who know way more about it than I do; I’m not stoppin’em!

  20. Mychelline

    First time commenter (I think), but I’ve been reading you for a month or so. I’m a feminist woman, and I love your blog. Finally, someone who I don’t have to explain “the patriarchy” to!

    Oh, and “I’m a patriarchy-blamer, Jim, not a miracle-worker!” made me choke on my coffee. You go, girl!

    BTW, I know plenty of mid- and late-20s straight white guys who try that same old sh*t with me all the time. Do they learn that crap in school or what?!?

  21. Finn

    >fucktards<

    Did you make up that word or find it somewhere?

    I ask because I saw it used on another site and I thought it needed to be appropriately trademarked or branded in some way to indicate the Twisty brand.

  22. nina

    Oh, fucktard has been around for a long time. It’s my favorite moniker for dubya. Twisty does use it especially well, though.

  23. Twisty

    It rolls trippingly off the tongue, n’est-ce pas? When I made up “fucktard” it was new to me, but it is not beyond the realm of possibility that other enterprising young Shakespeares have generated it independently. I believe young Kameron Hurley is hawking “Fucktard” T-shirts. She appears to define the word somewhat differently than I do, as in “I’m a fucktard and I’m proud.”

    I’m not about to argue with her. She’s a boxer.

    Incidentally, when an insult is indicated but only the -tard suffix will suffice, I recommend using “fucktard” in place of the more pedestrian “bastard,” which can connote tiresomely patriarchal issues of primogeniture, matrimony, and ownership of uterii.

  24. obsoletepostergrrrl

    I must add my appreciation for your blog. I like to think of you as Hothead Paisan in the flesh.

  25. Finn

    Well, if you did invent it (and I’m sayin’ you did), you’ve made it into the Urban Dictionary.

    Urban Dictionary sez:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fucktard

  26. Twisty

    High praise indeed, OPG, but truth be told, I am much too lazy to be homicidal.

  27. Dot

    As an older woman who has discovered strengh she didn’t realize she had, because you say things so absolutely on target, felt but not articulated, this blog, AND YOU, are world treasures!

    Thank you.

    And how great to know not all Texans are fucktards!

  28. piny

    >>As to why I don’t want to explain “what is feminism” every five minutes, it’s not just that it’s frustrating, it’s that it isn’t quite the purpose I had in mind for the blog. In other words, I’d like to get away from what amounts to teaching an entry-level course in womens’ studies. I’m a patriarchy-blamer, Jim, not a miracle-worker!>>

    Also, if the traveler seeking enlightenment doesn’t see the need to do his own damn work instead of asking the nearest woman for help, he’s not gonna get very far into feminist thought. Efforts of various patriarchy-blowers notwithstanding, feminism is not exactly obsure.

  29. StealthBadger

    I’ve been using fucktard for years… but I have no idea where I first heard it. I want to say it was in Carl Hiassen’s novel Sick Puppy, but I’m probably thinking of “turd fondler,” which is no less colorful.

  30. Anonymous

    The epithet “fucktard” has been in routine use (or overuse)throughout the far corners of the internet for years now. Political blogs especially, though only recently has it became part of daily discourse. You totally didn’t invent it. Just sayin’.

  31. Twisty

    Yes, it has been previously established that I totally didn’t invent it. It has now been established that you are totally annoying.

  32. Josef K

    I think you should add:

    “Do you represent all feminists/all women as an elected spokesperson?”

  33. Twisty

    I think you should add:

    “Do you represent all feminists/all women as an elected spokesperson?”

    Done and done.

  34. Josef K

    > Done and done.

    Thanks!

  35. ink-faery

    *rolls around on the floor, laughing gleefully*

    Ah jeez. Heart you muchly.

  36. ginmar

    http://www.livejournal.com/users/ginmar/444558.html

    I had to do something similiar. They still refuse to learn, though.

  37. Wordlackey

    ’tis a hard farrow to plough, thou Patriarchy blaming siren. Indeed, these fucktards, these dumbass fucktards, they come from the woodwork, bleating their annoying plaints. Yet, like flaming moths, they lumber into your cozy corner, slack-jawed, aggro-preening, and querulous in their stupidity and insensitive blather.

    If only they were self-aware enough to know how deeply irritating they are… But then they wouldn’t be fucktards, now would they?

    Um, am I banned yet? Perhaps now is the time when I say how much I enjoy your blog and your biting commentary. Yup, yup! Funnysmart are you. And your readers seem pretty smart too. And thanks for NOT doing feminism 101. At some point, you have to assume a certain level of shared knowledge with your audience.

  38. glinda_w

    As an activity better suited to your talents, I suggest taking a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

    Or, as I learned it aeons ago:

    Attempt aerodynamically stable intercourse with a motivational toroidal pastry.

    (here by way of ginmar)

  39. murky

    You’ve been at this awhile, haven’t you? Anyways, I could take you down a peg if I wanted. Just don’t feel like it is all.

  40. littlem

    ‘why don’t you attempt aeriel intercourse with some pastry?’

    Holy God. If a lapse into the vernacular will be permitted, RFLMBRAO.

  41. Kyra

    Re the Frequently Asked Question “Do you represent all feminists/all women as an elected spokesperson?”:

    Just burst out laughing imagining the look on Ann Coulter’s face should she entertain the notion of Twisty being a spokesperson for all women.

  1. Creek Running North

    Frequently Asked Questions

    Twisty inadvertently reminded me this week that I’ve been meaning to put together a short FAQ for this here blog. Unlike some FAQs which should really be referred to as “Questions We Think You Ought To Ask If You Were…

  2. Creek Running North

    Frequently Asked Questions

    Twisty inadvertently reminded me this week that I’ve been meaning to put together a short FAQ for this here blog. Unlike some FAQs which should really be referred to as “Questions We Think You Ought To Ask If You Were…

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