I can’t stop! So it’s officially Fashion Week here at I Blame The Patriarchy. Over the next few days I’ll be ridiculing assorted fashion trends, standards, and practices. My brilliant thesis, in case you’re just joining us, is this: fashion = misogyny.
"Whoa there, Twisty," you say. "Why such a killjoy? Fashion is fun! Through fashion I choose to creatively express my individual personality! "
Unto you, my young onion, I say this: Pause. Reflect. For although fashion, like singersongwriting, expresses many things, believe me, your individual personality ain’t one of’em (for personality expression–if I may suggest–nothing beats playing the accordion!).
What does fashion express?
Fashion expresses your affiliation with your particular cult. It expresses your loyalty to consumerism. It expresses your insouciant indifference to indentured servitude in 3rd World labor markets. It expresses your status within the caste system. It expresses the misogyny of sadistic gay male fashion designers. It expresses the taste created by money. It expresses your acceptance of the patriarchally-approved Standard Two-Gender System. It expresses the extent to which you have internalized the woman-hating doctrine of femininity.
Fashion, to sum up, expresses your obeisance to patriarchy.
"Excuse me? Patriarchy?" your fashion statement says, having spotted its idol in the shoe department at Nordstrom’s, "Omigod! It is you! I hate to bother you, Mr. Patriarchy, but I’m just such a huge fan! I mean, all your work, like "Millions Of Women Suffer And Die In Poverty," or "The Slut Asked For It," it’s totally awesome, and I really loved you in that "Nomination Of A (Male!) Veterinarian To Head The Women’s Health Section Of The FDA" show the other day, but my all-time favorite has got to be "Compulsory Motherhood!" Would you mind–I mean, could I please get your autograph? What? Oh! Oh, sure, of course I’ll suck your dick first! What? Oh, god yes, I’d be honored if you used my head as a beer caddy! It’s just such a thrill to to meet you!"
Next: the consummate stupidity that is the teeny satchel handbag
Previously: Partial Feminist Analysis of a Sick Mail-Order Catalog
Thanks to Judy for the Molly Ivins link