My pal Maggie decants her anguished soul at the Cindy Sherman show. Taking a photograph at a photography opening will, ironically, attract the attention of a douchebag power-drunk art-guard whose job is to prevent photography.
I am returned, my young onions, from St. Louis, intact in most of the important ways. It turns out that my […]
Archive for September, 2005
Fellow patriarchy-blamers: Heeding the expensive advice of medical professionals, I’ll be hitting the trail this weekend to revisit several of the scenes of my misspent youth in the Midwest. The last time I left Austin for St. Louis I was held against my will for 25 years. This time I hope to be back by […]
Hatred, Compulsion, and Insanity
Published September 15th, 2005 in Easy Persiflage and Patriarchy-blaming. 46 CommentsBehold the quaint wicker basket. Whenever I look at it I am consumed with the icy purgatorial fires of hatred. Some previous occupant of my house nailed it up so that the US Postal Service can stop by every day and drop off 759 mail-order catalogs.
Every day I dump the entire contents of this […]
¡Hole mole! Chris Clarke has written me a corrido. It is, I believe, the world’s first and finest patrinarco-corrido.
The chorus:
Oh the sun it shines like oil upon the mole
And the dogs they beg and whine, they’re getting barky
And the sexist trolls are thicker than pozole
Everybody dance, and blame the patriarchy!
I’m sure yall’ll join me […]
The view from my obstreperologist’s window
Yesterday morning my obstreperal lobe went the way of the watermelon off the frat-house roof. Fearing that this emblooeyed lobe was to blame for my recently diminished patriarchy-blaming vim, I went to an obstreperologist to have it looked at.
"We’ll have to run some tests," the obstreperologist said. She stuck a […]
At 9:02 this morning, two weeks’ ceaseless bombardment of reportage, both newsular and blogular, on the interwoven subjects of chaos and human suffering and government incompetence and future doom completely overloaded the Twisty obstreperal lobe. It went critical when I read Richard Roeper’s compendium of moron Katrina quotations, and finally blew two minutes later, all […]
A couple of Cotinis nitida, Green June Beetles, in flagrante delicto, photographed by Twisty in North South Austin, September 2005
It will interest no one to hear that this morning I emerged blinking from my lair into a huge swarm of green junebugs. There must have been a hundred of’em, or possibly a thousand. They were […]
When the going gets tough, the spinster aunt makes orange-scented chow mein out of buffalo, with broccolini and crispy noodle cake
My embarrassingly huge collection of cookbooks has been packed away for the past 3 years in anticipation of my eventual permanent removal to El Rancho Deluxe, which removal keeps getting postponed because the house keeps […]
When I was a kid my father used to think it was just hilarious to wake me up in the morning by suddenly flipping on the lights and shouting "Good morning Mary Sunshine!" in a mocking tone. This formed the basis for my future panoramic misanthropy, and is why I will die alone.
Until then, here […]
Are All Baptists This Fucking Stupid?
Published September 11th, 2005 in Patriarchy-blaming. 42 CommentsIt fucking boggles my mind that human beings in the 21st century are still gargling out crackpot medieval jibba-jabba like this:
"Sometimes God does not speak through natural phenomena. [Hurricane Katrina] may have nothing to do with God being offended by homosexuality. But possibly it does."
This is the brilliant utterance of deep thinker Rev. Dwight McKissic […]
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