Oct 23 2005

Top UK Ad Exec: “Women Are Crap”

Only some women are crap.

Any number of readers–by which I mean Marianna and Tammy– have expressed an interest in the appalling story of this douchebag, a bigshot UK ad exec who, having opined publicly that women can’t cut it in the advertising world because they "inevitably wimp out and go ‘suckle something’ on accounta "they’re crap,"  got the axe from his employer.

The antediluvian view that women–at least those women who haven’t "empowered" themselves by installing stripper poles in their living rooms and getting their pubes yanked out with hot wax–are primarily incubators and nursemaids, is a view that just won’t fucking die. That the fucktards in charge of advertising feel no compunction about voicing the opinion that women are essentially vacuous receptacles for male incontinence comes, sadly, as no surprise in a world filled with commercials deploying such inspiring images as Paris Hilton sucking off a cheeseburger.


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  1. manxome

    It was so totally non-wimpy of the trainee matador to resign after crappy suckling ad chicks expressed outrage! Now there’s commitment.

  2. StealthBadger

    Paris Hilton wearing a huge diamond ring and a glowing necklace, no less.

    “Maybe your woman would be this sexy, this sex-crazed, and this owned if you fed her our cheeseburgers.”

    Gotta love traditional family values.

  3. d.e.i.x.i.s.

    That’s hot.

  4. Hattie

    Amazing, init.
    I have just spent a weekend wearing out a narcissitic male 15 years my junior. Force marching him around, taking him swimming, etc.I had to keep feeding him Advils lest he collapse. No sex (yuck) although he kept flashing his penis at me. Such a turn on, huh.
    Anyway, nothing burns a guy like being physically bested by an elderly overweight female.

  5. norbizness

    “… and was agent to the heavy metal band Judas Priest before going into advertising.”

    Presumably fired from the heavy metal gig because Rob Halford refused to suck off a cheeseburger to provide the image for the 1983 Screaming for Vengeance concert T-shirt.

  6. Tony Patti

    < < there are few female creative directors "because you can't commit yourself to the job." "You can't be a great creative director and have a baby and keep spending time off every time your kids are ill," he was quoted saying.>>

    Being a great creative director takes only a massive, overbearing sense of entitlement and a sociopathic commitment to your own sense of self-worth.

    I hate the ad industry on the best of days. Shit like this makes me burn even hotter. And everything they do is so useless and full of shit, too. There is no other business in the world where they go such absurd extremes to prove to each other how important and hard their work is when everyone else in the world hasn’t the slightest doubt that everything they do is worthless, brain-dead crap of the lowest sort.

  7. Anonymous

    Wait, who sucked off a cheeseburger? Is that a joke or did someone actually do it?

  8. Earl

    Um, and to add to the above comment, just *how* does someone suck off a cheeseburger? I’m confused.

  9. Twisty

    I am not sure why there is confusion about this. A cursory glance at the illustration reveals all.

  10. FlippyO

    Hmmm, what about childless women or lesbians — what do we want to suckle? I mean, other than sushi and fine chocolate, but that’s besides the point.

  11. Steph

    And this explains the patriarchy in the advertising world perfectly…

    Fuck you ad guy.

  12. Anonymous

    advertising is a criminal enterprise. fuck them all.

  13. wordgirl

    Criticism of those who provide care for young humans is typical of those who do nothing but grub for money and and obsess over their dicks all day long.

    People start out as children and someone has to look after them. Hopefully, it’s the people responsible for bringing them into the world. Otherwise…we hope it’s a person who chooses to care for that child. Eventually, those children grow into well-adjusted, well-loved adults. OR NOT.

    I don’t think that the ability to love another human in a selfless way is mutually exclusive of the ability to be creative or intelligent or productive. Rather, I think the whole industry of the patriarchy is just designed to distract us from the fact that many of their members can only do one thing at a time…and that thing is ususally centered around making the patriarchy happy at any cost. Criticism has a two-fold purpose. 1)Bitch slap those who care for the young and, 2 keep us from seeing the fact that so many of the patriarchy’s members are selfish, self-absorbed bastards.

    Yet they still claim to desire a world with happy people and world peace. WTF? How can that happen…unless….? Guess whose to blame?

  14. MsKate

    Yes, it is always good practice, careerwise, to piss off over half of the potential market … no … make that 3/4ths of the potential purchasers for any given piece of whatever you are advertizing (seeing that women get stuck with most of the shopping duties for themselves and busy men like the exec). Very smart, that.

  15. Pinko Punko

    Yeah, but you can’t sue that cheeseburger anymore for making you fat. I love this personal responsibility crap. Marketing can sell and saturate you with any and all images they want, but in the end, it’s all “your choice.” Thanks, marketers! I hate you!

    Maybe some parts of the country have NOT been saturated with the Paris ads, but i find that hard to believe, maybe Twisty Commentersâ„¢ just aren’t falling into the patriarchy of TV as much as the rest of us cobags (like Three Bulls!), we seem to have the image of the modigliani-esque alien Paris Hilton seared into our skulls. And Sonic Tater Tots. Goddamn I love tater tots, which I know to be the height of patriarchy. *sigh*

  16. Earl

    The linked picture just shows a woman biting a cheeseburger. How do you get from there to sucking it off?

  17. Earl

    Pinko: that may explain it — I don’t own a TV. Seriously. Not a fucking annoying hippy either; just no time and little desire.

  18. Pinko Punko

    earl- yeah, that is a snap of an incredibly insane ad where Paris Hilton, totally almost naked takes an orgasmic like bite of a burger. obviously she is not sucking it off, but the rest of the imagery is so sexualized, the cheeseburger is the most likely symbol of a phallus in the presented patriarchical tableau, as it were. Nobody is makin’ fun, just teasing a little (and we got to the gist of it- no TV!). If Capt. Trollypants shows up and makes fun, don’t listen to him, Earl, he’s got a smart mouth, that one.

  19. d.e.i.x.i.s.

    I haven’t watched TV since I was 15, but I didn’t escape the internet buzz about the Paris Hilton commercial– can’t imagine how anyone DID. Anyway, here’s a whole website devoted to it, where you can watch the commercial & see Paris Hilton wash a Bentley & then suck off a burger.


  20. Christopher

    “Yes, it is always good practice, careerwise, to piss off over half of the potential market … no … make that 3/4ths of the potential purchasers for any given piece of whatever you are advertizing (seeing that women get stuck with most of the shopping duties for themselves and busy men like the exec). Very smart, that.”

    Just what I was thinking. What kind of nut has such a burning desire to express his hatreed for women that he’ll sabotage his entire career for it? It’s kind of scary.

  21. TMo

    Paris Hilton is gross, that commercial is gross, and as someone who works in the Marketing industry i’m embarrased. I hereby vow that when I run my own business (and women can do that successfully Mr. French) that I will never ever create an ad that uses a woman’s body as a cum magnet (in Paris’ case it’s soap suds, but the imagery is the same) and I’m going to prove that women in advertising can use their brains to create concepts that are clever and classy, without having to resort to using women as sexual objects to sell products. People who do that are the wimps because they don’t want to stand up to their clients and say “let’s try something else than the outdated ‘sex sells'”.

  22. jolie

    OK, I’m waiting to someone (capt trollypants?) to point out that the phallus symbol is the hotdog. which leaves the burger a symbol of … oh my!

  23. Meribeth

    I seems that this attitude (as well as advertising trend) is becoming more acceptable these days. It permeates all businesses at all levels.

    I started working in ’66..I was refused work over and over “because you will get pregnant” and have to stay at home. I was refused work because of my uterus? I got jobs because the old farts thought I was a horny sweet young thing that they could intimidate. I didn’t get raises because “women don’t need the money like men.” Angry? You betcha. Funny, the only job I ever had where I was treated like an equal was working with 95% men.

    So these Zipperhead will continue to treat the world as if it is a locker room, and will wonder why they are being picked on when they make comments like “women can’t play golf because they have boobs, and boobs get in the way,” “women aren’t good managers because they talk to much,” “women aren’t team players,” and that idiot CEO from Savvis who spent $214,000 at a strip club entertaining clients. (He has 3 little girls. I wonder how he would feel if his daughters were lap dancing in 10 years.)

    And yes! She does look like she is giving that burger a hummer. Um, after she gave the BMW a lap dance of her own. Saw the commercial when it first came out and was insulted to silence. God! when are women going to quit whoring themselves out like that? There is no “empowerment” in that.

    Now excuse me, I am going to find something to suckle… Better yet! Get something to suckle me…espresso.

  24. masterfraud

    This reminds me of the dear late Bill Hicks, the irascible comedian who advocated suicide for people working in advertising and marketing.

  25. laughingmuse

    Wow. I haven’t had TV for about 6 months now…. We’ve been thinking about paying for cable and hooking up again into the TV-world, but shit like this makes me think that walking the dogs in the evening and doing craft projects is a lot more satifying. This is the first I’ve seen/heard of the Paris/burger ad, and… eeeew. I mean, eee-EEEWWW.


    And yes, that ad exec must really loathe women so much – or be so self-absorbed with the wonders of his own penis – that he would say something to totally alienate the majority of the folks he is marketing to.

    Another example of no responsibility making people stupid. I mean, does this guy even do his own dishes? I doubt it.

  26. g

    I think the Bentley is the phallus —typical auto imagery —, and the soap suds the cum. So what does that make the burger?

    I think this guy wouldn’t have her bite the burger if he thoughtit was his dick.

  27. The Fat Lady Sings

    Seems like this guy and these two other dipshits share the same defective brain cell. Institutionalized misogyny, nothing more. Mr. French is probably one of the reasons almost every commercial on TV depicts Mommy/Wives who have to practically diaper their incompetent, lazy Baby/Husbands. This kind of crap just really sets me off!

  28. Sara

    One thing I noticed throughout the advertising and marketing portions of my checkered career is that those guys only bother to insult things (people) that (who) they feel threaten them in some way. (And incidentally, I did not notice women in this profession behaving any better, but that whole dynamic of mimicking the Patriarchy in order to beat it at its own game whether or not it’s even a game worth playing the way it’s currently set up is another discussion for another time.)

    Sort of along the same lines, I recently heard an interview with Paul Theroux about a book he’d written on his famous, now defunct friendship with V.S. Naipaul. At one point, he said Naipaul had told him he didn’t like any living writers. Theroux started listing them. Naipaul, as quoted by Theroux, had nothing good to say about any of them, and usually reduced his negative comments to a quick one- or two-word summation for each. Theroux at some point said he realized that this was because Naipaul was competing with them, in his own mind at least.

    I don’t know anything about either Theroux or Naipaul, really, and neither may have anything to do with the Patriarchy beyond the accident of their shared gender. However, I do think it’s interesting to consider this dynamic every time anyone makes such a huge point of verbally belittling women, our talents, focus, drive, ambition, likelihood of success at a given career — especially since our very definition of success, which is in fact often different from that of die-hard Patriarchy stooges and bully boys — is currently redefining the workplace and the marketplace of ideas around the world. Since keeping everything the same is the Patriarchy stooge’s bread and butter, I cheer for the demise of this one big stooge’s job. Thirty years ago — heck, if I’m being cynical, probably ten years ago — not only would his mouth not have cost him his job, but his blather never would have been reported; no one would have batted an eye.

  29. bitchphd

    Uh-oh, looks like the Brits are trying to give the macho Americans a run for their patriarchal money: Gordon Ramsay says women can’t cook worth a damn.

  30. PrissyNot

    Earl seems inordinately concerned with the sucking off parts. Just the fact that Paris appears to actually be putting foodstuffs in her mouth (when we all know that to maintain her “figure” this is an absolute no-no)is probably the turn-on. A skinny woman eating. How sad.

  31. Twisty

    Ha, B, I was just about to write a thang about the Gordon Ramsay story. But now I think I’ll just squish the Twisty keister into the lime green recliner and watch “Star Trek.”

  32. Ancrene Wiseass

    I was so depressed by this that I could hardly hold my head up for a bit today. This kind of thing gets said, and there are still people who think that gender equality has already been achieved? That feminism is outdated because it’s no longer needed?


    Then I got a mental image of this guy’s nonagenerian mother showing up and beating the crap out of him with her walker while yelling, “Why don’t you go suckle yourself, you ungrateful fool?”

    And I felt much better.

  33. JDCasteleiro

    The camera angle we see in the photo here is pretty typical for a porn fellatio scene. That’s hardly an indictment, but yes, I think the connection was deliberate. I do personally find it arousing, aside from the fact that it’s creepy Paris Hilton and a yucky gooey cheesburger. Aside from all that, it’s totally hot. Uh . . . .

  34. ae

    Everytime I hear some flabby-minded, misogynist crank bloviate in this manner, I want to yell, Sorry about your penis! I’m sorry he sucks in bed, has never been kind to another human being, is roundly despised, has no good ideas, and will die alone, but it’s no reason to take it out on the rest of us.

    Masterfraud, I was thinking the same thing. God, I miss Bill Hicks.

    Sara, Naipaul practically defines patriarchy, and Theroux, w/ his snotty, cranky ass, ain’t far behind. (A shoutout, though, for _A House for Mr. Biswas_, which was a beautiful, heartbreaking book.)

  35. Lorenzo

    Criticism of those who provide care for young humans is typical of those who do nothing but grub for money and and obsess over their dicks all day long.

    People start out as children and someone has to look after them. Hopefully, it’s the people responsible for bringing them into the world. Otherwise…we hope it’s a person who chooses to care for that child. Eventually, those children grow into well-adjusted, well-loved adults. OR NOT.

    Exactly. Production is impossible not to mention pointless without social reproduction.

    Of course, the whole point is to privatize the costs of social reproduction onto individual women which dualy benefits capitalism and patriarchy.

  36. Indy

    When I was a young middleschool lad in southeast virginia (about 1993), there was a regional burger chain-Rallyburger- that did something very similar.

    I’d be sitting at home, listening to the radio, when the ad for their “Big Beuford” came on. Yes, the “Big Beuford”, evidently named after the uncle of one of the founders. Large, greasy, dripping with cheese, yeah.

    This particular comercial had a voiceover from a sultry-voiced woman who narrated having her new boyfriend come into her apartment, with his hot, steaming meat, and place his package right there on the diningroom table, and how huge it was, and then, how she couldn’t help herself, and in one gulp, devoured it…
    and all he could say was”but, but, you just ate my Big Beuford”.

    All i really got was the image of some guy having his cock bitten off and eaten, and went to bed with a strange sense of castration anxiety.

  37. g

    Is Gordon Ramsay British? Because, excuse me, what the fuck is anybody who’s British doing complaining about anybody else’s cooking?

    Just sayin’.

  38. misterniceguy1960

    Undoubtedly, she isn’t sucking that cheeseburger off: she’s cunnilinguating it.

    Indy, isn’t castration one of those things young children think are hilarious, like cannibalism and fat men in tutus?

  39. Crys T

    Y’know, I can’t stand Gordon Ramsay any more than most people. The guy is a sexist swine.

    But I really don’t see how “getting back” at him by trotting out lame cultural stereotypes helps. OK, it’s just about cooking, but there’s that whole concept of slapping someone down for what they are or where they come from rather than for what they’ve done that gets me.

  40. Charlotte Smith

    OK, Gordon. You win. Go cook for all of us women. We’ll just relax. Sucker!
    I admit I don’t much like cooking and I’m not that good at it. So my husband cooks instead. He also vacuums. I do the laundry & dishes. It’s a good trade-off, really.

    I once applied for an post-graduate advertising program. My entrance essay was all about getting back to selling things on their merits. I wrote an ad campaign about peas and how they’ll still be around after all the fad diets have gone away. I got in to the program, but I never went. I can’t reconcile selling things to people that, chances are, they don’t need. I do recommend peas, though.

  41. Sara

    AE, thanks for the heads-up re Naipaul and Theroux. I never read anything by either of them — well, I tried to read something by Theroux once, but it bored me, so I put it down. Hearing that they are both part of the problem, though, bolsters my observation and belief that it is the practice of the Patriarchy to loudly belittle and abuse whatever (whoever) threatens it.

  42. spencer

    “You can’t be a great creative director and have a baby and keep spending time off every time your kids are ill,” he was quoted saying

    I was in advertising for a while, and I can say without a doubt that this is bullshit.

    It’s not mapping the fucking pig genome. It’s not criminal law. It’s advertising. I mean, how much effort does it really take to make a new sportscar look good?

    On the other hand, if you’re the CD stuck on the green ketchup account, you’ll never make that look good, no matter how many all-nighters you put in . . .

  43. spencer

    That said, however, this:

    advertising is a criminal enterprise

    is just stupid.

  44. TeenageCatgirl

    I think I might track that guy down and force him to form fellatio upon himself, after I’ve removed his member.
    ‘Suckle that, fuckface’ I shall cry.

  45. Nina

    That’s very interesting, as I just spent today doing my own and my boss’ work because he was at home caring for his sick son.

  46. MT

    The guy must have been born after Thatcher.

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