Men, at least those men who are pleased to cop to vulgarity and atavism, have maintained for quite a while now that they are hardwired to get it up for hot chicks. It’s biology. There’s nothing that they or anybody else can do about it. Male brains, they assert, have simply evolved to respond with pitched tents to stone cold, moist pink foxiness, and to recoil in abject horror from anything suggestive of non-receptacality.
Which is why they have invented porn, hookers, strip clubs, lipstick, stoned supermodels, spandex, labiaplasty, and TV shows where women in bikinis with huge jugs bounce on trampolines while gobbling handfuls of worms. They have created, in other words, a vast network of sexbots as a means to prevent, or at least buffer, men’s accidental exposure to females or female images that might torment them with the repellent spectacle of unfeminine unfuckability.
It’s only natural!
This evolutionary defense of male assholicness has, for the past 30 years, met with no small amount of feminist skepticism. But now here’s science to the rescue at last, proving the biological necessity of patriarchally-defined femininity. Classical feminine beauty, concludes a team of psychologists at St. Andrew University’s Perception Lab, is no cultural whimsy. No, sirree. Beauty is linked to estrogen, which is linked to fertility, which is linked to male approval. The aforementioned team of Perceptionists reasons that men have evolved to respond to phenotypical expressions of fertility–i.e. hotness–with incessant woodies.
"Men," observes one shrewd psychologist who I suspect has just left his wife of 30 years for his 22 year old Swedish TA, "really just want someone young and pretty who is fertile."
Meanwhile, did you know there is such a thing as The Face Laboratory at Aberdeen University? Well, there is. It’s right next to the Ass Laboratory. A Delphic cabal of highly specialized physiognomists sits around there all day pondering the esoterica of the human mug. Quoth the head cheese at the Face Laboratory on the subject of universal absolute feminine beauty: "Men from all cultures and all backgrounds find similar faces attractive. They are drawn to a babyish face and big baby-like eyes."
So you see, there is an evolutionary advantage for grown women to resemble toddlers.
No word from these elite researchers on why gay men have not evolved to routinely pulsate over gorgeous women-babies, or how plain women ever manage to land a man.