Nov 16 2005

This Fucker Has Got To Go

Dr. Jason in his office

Great Scott, remember this roiling psychopath? He should be on trial for war crimes, but he’s still at it, hacking off pieces of women who think men will love them more if their cunts look like rubber roses. Only now he’s framing his mutilation service in terms of "sexual equality." And why shouldn’t he be? Thanks to the patriarchy, there’s no shortage of women with piles of cash who believe men will love them if only they could look a little more like the hot-waxed teenaged centerfolds their men smeg all over in grimy little magazines.

Quoth Jessica from Feministing (whence cameth this link): "Cause when I think equal rights, I think designer vagina."

Don’t we all!

I’d like to exercise similar equal rights by first inventing a paradigm that makes it a super-hot fashion statement to sew jerkfuck plastic surgeons’ dicks to their legs, and then going ahead and sewing Dr. Jason’s dick to his leg.

In other news, I have been honored by a link in this week’s Carnival of Feminists. Yay Carnival of Feminists, which if you haven’t heard of it, is this. This week’s instalment–and it’s a doozy– is hosted by Sour Duck.


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  1. Felicity

    link’s broken. Or at least I can’t get there. C’mon, you don’t want a red rubber rose vagina? If we’re designing genitalia, and I can be forgiven for sinking to the dr’s level, can I have the foreskin sewn back onto my husband’s dick? ‘Cause I find uncut dicks much more attractive. I might love him more, then.

  2. Sylvanite

    Maybe he thinks it’s equality because invasive surgical procedure on a woman = penis enlargement suction device? After all, if men are obsessed about their genitals, and they certainly seem to be, then women should be, too.

  3. Steph

    I wrote about a different fuckwad surgeon today. He provides all kinds of before and after photos of cunts so men can have their chicks pussy selected from the menu.

    I’m figuring I’ll be more equal when men stop spending so much time thinking about my vagina.

  4. zz

    This is from the site that Steph linked on her blog w/r/t hymen reconstruction: “Cosmetic Surgery, P.A. is sensitive to the needs of women from cultures that embrace these particular issues due to cultural, social, or
    religious reasons or for individual cases of rape, incest or child abuse.”

    Good god. Just when I think I can’t hate the patriarchy any more than I already do.

  5. tisha

    I think I’m gonna hurl.

  6. Chris

    Just remember, it’s not genital mutilation if someone pays oodles of cash for it and it happens in a white room at the hands of a certified surgeon. It’s… “Designer Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation”! Oooh, you can even pay in monthly installments.

    I don’t get the stupid things society values. You’d think actually enjoying sex would be more important (and sensual for both parties) than having a mutilated vagina to look at. And I’d bet that that kind of man isn’t even going to be spending much time looking.

  7. Ms Kate

    Gee, I had to have my hymen snipped at age 13 when a tampon got stuck. Can I get a reconstruction paid for by insurance? I mean, I never got to have the total cherry popping experience, so I feel cheated out of my due of pain and bleeding. My husband feels cheated too.

  8. nicky

    There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Pussy-tightening needn’t be about the fat old bat’s stretched-out vagina, perhaps from having borne the stud’s spawn. Indeed, it’s more likely about fat old stud wanting to once again experience an adolescent girl’s vagina.

    May I suggest therefore that all men be required by law to deposit their sacred seed into sperm banks, in case a woman may at some point decide for herself whether she has any need of it, after which said men undergo mandatory vasectomies, and then receive injections of concrete into their penises and upright stents in order that said sex organ be in a constant state of readiness, in the event that anyone should choose to utilize it. For the aesthetically displeasing penis, balloon implants not unlike artery-clearing stents, or saline-filled breast forms, may be required for appropriate lengthening and/or thickening purposes.

  9. Erin

    Dammit, Twisty! Now I have “Red Rubber Ball” stuck in my head, and I don’t think I’ve heard that song in at least a decade.

  10. Stella

    I have a question: did anyone else not have the ‘cherry-popping experience’ their first time?

    I had no pain and no bleeding and certainly no ‘popping’. It wasn’t even really that big of a deal. He couldn’t even finish the job. For him or me. Isn’t that cute? Teenage boy nerves… aww…

    Anyway, I had used tampons for about four years beforehand and played tennis, but my impression wasn’t that those types of things would definitely rid you of your hymen. I never had a moment when I felt a pinch or had an unexpected bleeding episode or anything… ? Am I a total weirdo here or what? Sometimes I wonder if I was penetratively sexually abused when I was too small to remember it.

    The whole fixation on this by certain culture really bothers me. Like, if I had been born in 15th-century Italy instead of 20th century America, would I have been drowned as a hussy and a witch because my marital bedsheets failed to produce the necessary blood spot?

  11. Stella

    Btw, the ‘red rubber ball’ song being stuck in your head is weird, too… as it was stuck in my head last night at 2am. ???

  12. Jim (the canuck one)

    “Laser Vaginal Reconstruction”?? Sweet tap-dancing Christ! How many women might fall for that nonsense. MY GOD, he’s gonna aim a laser at their hoo-haa and press FIRE!!!

    Anyone for aiming a laser at his dick and blowing it into the next county?

  13. darkymac

    Stella, this site will probably answer your questions. There’s a very detailed anatomy section.
    Many girls don’t have much in the way of a hymen by the time they reach puberty. And this is most likely not because they’ve been raped when they were too young to understand or remember, although for some it is.
    I think you’re lucky if you got away with no pain for your first root.

    And all the bloody bedsheets stuff you read about was pretty much a stagemanaged affair run by women. As long as a girl was conforming with all the rest of the bullshit, the absence of a hymen wouldn’t have been detected.
    Your groom would usually then, as with now, not have a blind clue about hymens.

  14. Erin

    Jesus Harriet Christ: the average guy on the street doesn’t know how a vagina works, but of course they should get to have opinions on what makes a vulva pretty.

    Of course, if women wanted men to have their penises carved into the shape of a seahorse or whatnot, since the penis is not exactly everyone’s idea of eye candy, or scrotal tucks for those no-longer perky testicles, you know we’d be shit out of luck.

  15. ae

    Twisty, this caption rules. HA!

    Also, what Erin said.

  16. Ron Sullivan

    Stella, I have a question: did anyone else not have the ‘cherry-popping experience’ their first time?

    (Waves hand) Me! If I ever had a hymen, it never betrayed its presence, and I never used tampons before I had PIV sex. (I started having sex before I needed ~menstrual protection~, but that was with another girl, but but we did plenty of that “penetrative” stuff. Never happened then either.)

    Fine with me.

    Shit, now I have “If I Only Had a Hymen” stuck in my brain. Hymens and vulvas and clits, oh my!

  17. laix

    Dworkin warned us all about the continuing war against womon…..be warned sisters choppin vaginas about either near or far is epidemic porn carnage like ass fucking womon….men only ever want womon to be more abused, in pain, degredated and we have’n’t even mentioned the latest bit of ‘boyz fun and games ‘donkey punching; Laix

  18. kac90b

    So does a woman go from having her vagina surgically prettified to an office next door for an asshole bleaching?

    Gawd knows I can find plenty of ways to blame the patriarchy for this, but are we women getting so fucking stupid we’ll actually do this? For ANY reason?

  19. Sour Duck

    Many thanks for the mention. Your patriarchy post was fantastic.

    (I also liked the image you made to go with it. But it was mostly the content. ;))

  20. Jill

    “I have a question: did anyone else not have the ‘cherry-popping experience’ their first time?

    I had no pain and no bleeding and certainly no ‘popping’. It wasn’t even really that big of a deal. He couldn’t even finish the job. For him or me. Isn’t that cute? Teenage boy nerves… aww…”

    Ditto, Stella. Teen boy nerves and all.

  21. shannon

    I didn’t have a cherry popping experence, due to A)I lost my hymen to a bike seat as a child B)my vagina was prestretched manually to minimize pain.

  22. TeenageCatgirl

    Popping? More like horrific tearing and agony that bled like a bitch for a couple of days afterward.

  23. Joolya

    I have seen some really gross penises. Is there an equal penis cosmetic surgery industry? I don’t just mean making them bigger – I mean like correcting unsightly bulges, kinks, and purple veins.

  24. Joolya

    I have seen some really odd penises. Is there a penis cosmetic surgery industry? I don’t just mean making them bigger – I mean like correcting unsightly bulges, kinks, and purple veins.
    I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with those . . .

  25. Twisty

    I solve the Ugly Penis Problem by not looking at them, ever.

  26. weeza

    Alls I know is, I didn’t go rollerblading in a white catsuit until I started using tampons.

  27. WookieMonster

    I don’t think that the women who get these mutilations done really understand what they’re having done. I recently encountered a fembot who claimed that she was going to get this done to tighten her vagina (for her own pleasure mind you, not because she was a porn star and sick fucks would pay her more if she had it done, no no, this fembot only fembots for her own pleasure, gack). Now I don’t see anything on his sight that has anything to do with tightening the vagina so much as “improving the aestetics” by chopping the vulva, inserting or removing fat, etc.

  28. belledame222

    I can’t imagine that this would be seen as an asset for most porn stars, frankly.

  29. Winter

    I never had a hymen or if I did it was gone by the time I was old enough to wonder if I had one. I spend some time as a teenager with a mirror looking for it and feeling confused because I couldn’t see anything where it was supposed to be. My best friend didn’t have one either and for some time we believed that hymens were invented by the patriarchy to convince young women to put up with horrific sex the first time! Mind you I don’t think the presence of a hymen should ever be an excuse for horrific sex anyway.

  30. Sam

    Belledame222, genital & anal reconstruction have been done in the prostitution/pornography industry for a very long time. It’s not about how it works, it’s about how it looks, and two dicks shoved into one hole for hours has consequences on body parts not intended for such abuse.

    As with all other things porn, every woman is now told by the sex industry sexperts that she should emulate prostitutes as much as possible so genital & anal reconstruction got the zingy new name ‘labioplasty’ and patriarchy got another notch on its very big belt.

  1. Hymen Fetish Sickens Spinster Aunt (Who Isn’t Feeling All That Great To Begin With) at I Blame The Patriarchy

    […] I have not been exactly silent on the subject of cosmetic pussy surgery. Surgeons who hack up labia for a living rate pretty high on the blame-o-meter. But labiaplasty for the purposes of Hustlerizing the appearance of the human vulva in an effort to increase its appeal to pornsick sex partners is, it turns out, only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to invasive body modifications that are of no imaginable benefit to the patient beyond the gratification of some masochistic impulse to demean oneself at the altar of commercial male fantasy. […]

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