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Nov 28 2005

Lori Borgman: Dipshit

Science Daily reports on a treatment for heart failure called CRT, an implant that enhances "quality of life" for patients with this disease. That it is overwhelmingly offered exclusively to old men can come as no surprise, for nobody who loves patriarchy–and who loves it more than the medical establishment?– gives a fig for a sick woman in her 60s. Yet once in a blue moon, when some visionary MD dares to see the human being behind the wrinkly old unfuckable crone, a woman gets this implant. When she does, she is likely to live twice as long as any dude who gets it.

In other words, there exists a therapy for heart disease that is of greater benefit to women than men, yet women aren’t getting it. Nobody wants a bunch of useless old women hanging around. Kill’em off!

It’s too bad there is no similar treatment bias against very bad writers.

I allude to dipshit columnist Lori Borgman, who has a putrid little Hummel figurine of a piece in the Indianapolis Star entitled "Yes, Maureen Dowd, men are necessary." In it she appears to mistake Dowd for a feminist, explaining how dirty women’s libbers like Dowd try to turn men in to women and "use words like herstory instead of history."

Borgman, moved to the core that men have been so tragically impeded in this girlcentric world by conniving bitch-feminists, then extracts, probably from a Frank Capra movie, a series of sentimental mauve-colored slogans, suitable for framing and sure to the the centerpiece of any rec room, as proof that men are the greatest thing since the Pill. It’s really icky writing, and I’m not even talking about the way she tries to smear Shakespeare all over it like artificially-flavored grape jelly.

"How do we need thee? Let me count the ways: The primary reason we need men is because they are not women. ("Hallelujah Chorus" should be sung here.)"

Also:

"Men protect."

"Men provide."

"Men take responsibility."

Borgman appears to suffer from some sort of romantic disease, or fugue state. She seems unaware, for instance, that one-third of all New Zealand women have been abused by men in their lifetime, or that men in Africa can’t distinguish between women and cattle, or that men overwhelmingly control the world’s uteruses.

Maybe one day Lori Borgman will find herself among those many women who are not referred for CRT treatment because men don’t think she is necessary, and she will die die die of patriarchy.

53 comments

2 pings

  1. Carol

    We can only hope.

  2. Hattie

    I protect, provide and take responsibility. Does that make me a man?

  3. CafeSiren

    Re: the CRT issue –

    According to a doctor quoted in the article: “Gender referral bias needs to be addressed by further studies, since women with congestive heart failure who qualify for CRT may have equal or greater benefit than men.”

    Now, for some medical procedures (transplants, say), doctors factor into the decision the question of the risk factors you are imposing upon yourself. Do men in their 60′s do more things that contribute to heart disease (eat more red meat, less fiber, exercise less, drink more alcohol) than do women? Are women more likely to make radical lifestyle changes when faced with a life-threatening illness? Could this in part explain the skewed numbers on patient benefit?

    If so (and this is all pure speculation at this point): might the medical establishment conclude that women ought to be *favored* for such treatments?

    Just a thought.

  4. smasherjane

    tsk tsk tsk

  5. CafeSiren

    Re: the Bergman piece –

    Again, Twisty tries to induce vomiting in all of us. Thanks a lot, TF!

    Seriously, I started composing a satirical list in my head to counter Bergman’s: “Men rape. Men start wars. Men throw tantrums when things don’t go their way.” Most importantly: “Men validate our place in a patriarchy that we never made, but which we cannot escape, and which will marginalize and villify us if we try.”

    I used to have a list of what *I* personally needed a man around for: fixing cars and opening jars. Then I realized that I’d never owned a car, and that manufacturers had started making jar lids small enough to get a non-male-sized hand around, and I realized that my list had shrunk to zero.

    I would much rather have men in my life because I like them, not because I need them.

  6. PrissyNot

    Whoever said that men “take responsibility,” “provide,” and “protect” has got to be out of her tiny little brain! Most men tend to bounce the blame off to whoever is handiest at the time, worry about providing for themselves first and then, maybe, periferally, if it reflects sufficient glory on them with the patriarchy, whoever else happens to be around (i.e. families); and as for protecting! Please! Who do you think we need to be protected from???? Well, let’s see. That would be men! So, I agree with CafeSiren, none of us actually NEED men around.

  7. flea

    Please forgive me, but I have to put my nerd hat on now. I wasn’t able to get the link to the originaly article to pull up (and perhaps that’s for the best), but on the chance that the paraphrased “how do we need thee?” is the part that is being attributed to Shakespeare, well, it’s actually from Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s _Sonnets from the Portuguese_, Sonnet XLIII.

    The Sonnets were written for Barrett Browning’s husband, poet Robert Browning, who nicknamed her his “little Portuguese.” Several of her sonnets are known for their strong feminist themes, although the sonnets in _Sonnets from the Portuguese_ are pretty much straightforward love poems.

  8. laughingmuse

    ‘”How do we need thee? Let me count the ways: The primary reason we need men is because they are not women. (“Hallelujah Chorus” should be sung here.)”

    Also:

    “Men protect.”

    “Men provide.”

    “Men take responsibility.”‘

    (I know my quotation marks are off.)

    Reading this felt like being hit in the face with a particularly nasty, heavy bag of “Be a Little Lady and Hope People Like You!” – in other words, bullshit.

    Why why why do women have to turn against other women, in the silly and desperate hope that a man/more men might like *them* instead?

    I think we “ladies” (har har) should start valuing each other’s opinions and acknowledgement as a nice start to offing the Patriarchy – rather than some of these women going all cutthroat and ridiculous.

    Hey! Guess what! Some men really really REALLY don’t give a shit, and view women as other, lower, lifeforms! See international horrid prostitution as a start.

    Gah. GAH! I say.

  9. susan

    Amen and thanks!

  10. anon

    Ms. Borgman states:

    “Men protect.
    Men provide.
    Men take responsibility.
    Men tend to be steady.”

    But then:

    “Last year in our nation, 1.5 million babies were born out of wedlock. These children have no “man of the house,” no Dad who wants to marry Mom.”

    These statements don’t go together. That’s 1.5 million men (more or less) who are NOT protecting, providing, taking responsibility or being steady. And that doesn’t include those men who ARE married but don’t bother to do any of those either (I was married to one of those; a guy who was proud of having never “grown up” — and I hear that frequently from men of my generation).

    It is NOT the fault of someone else when an individual isn’t responsible. To be responsible is up to that individual; to expect someone else to force you to be reponsible just shows how irresponsible and immature you are.

  11. wordgirl

    Hu-what??? Hold on there…did she say that “men take responsibility?”.

    For what?

  12. Sneaksleep

    “I would much rather have men in my life because I like them, not because I need them.”

    Exactly! The whole “Are men necessary?” debate really bugs me. Who cares? They’re here, and we have to find a way to deal. In my dream world, men and women are equally necessary and valued as human beings.

    Honestly, it just seems so silly to me that Borgman thinks her views differ so vastly from Dowd’s. The truth is, neither of them really get it, and neither of them were willing to do any level of real research or even a teensy bit of catch-up reading of feminist theory before spouting off. I don’t claim to be an expert, but at least I acknowledge that.

  13. wordgirl

    I’m leaving for the vomitorium right now. Who’s with me?

  14. curiousgyrl

    “Men temper women’s concerns for security and safety with a sense of adventure and risk.”

    hmm–this one is hilarious

    It reminds me of the old 1950s kids book my teacher found in the library. it had jobs and went something like this:

    boys are pilots
    girls are stewardesses

    boys are chefs
    girls are waitresess

    boys are lawyers
    girls are secretaries

    boys are doctors
    girls are lawyers

    my teacher asked me what was wrong with the book (i was 9)and it took me a minute, even though my mom is a doc.

  15. Twisty

    Flea is correct. I’m not sure how it happened, but my chemo-brain mixed up the Browning, for some reason, with “shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” which is Shakespeare, but which is not the grape jelly used by Lori Borgman. Yipes.

  16. Tony Patti

    “Why why why do women have to turn against other women, in the silly and desperate hope that a man/more men might like *them* instead?”

    Men and women both take an evil pleasure in degrading those they deem deserving of their contempt. Men do it because it is their birthright under a patriarchy, women do it because they can vent the anger engendered by suppressed frustration under a patriarchy on victims they see as not sucking up enough.

    I think there is a sexual delight that conservatives are too deluded to acknowledge in the evil tendencies they openly espouse. For example their approval of torture and depriving the poor of anything they can take from them. Day by day they seem to grow bolder and bolder, as if testing the waters of public opinion to see how evil we will allow them to be.

    Many people, women included, will be very happy to degrade and abuse those below them. It seems to keep their own abasement from driving them crazy.

  17. antelope

    “Men tend to be steady.” i.e. – women are oh-so-flighty & need a grounding influence.

    “Men temper womens’ concerns for security etc. w/ a sense of adventure and risk.” i.e. women are SO grounded that that it’s boring and anal & they need men around to shake things up a bit.

    She doesn’t even bother to separate these contradictory stereotypes by as much as a single sentence.

    And yet, how much do you wanna bet that her actual treatment of her husband is sweetly and primly matronizing and that there is no doubt in her mind that she’s the boss when you get right down to it? And no doubt that she should be because she is more clever & has more strength of character than the type of himbo she describes?

    Maybe hetero feminists need to explore some sort of language that would make it clear that we DON’T WANT to be the boss anymore. At least not at home.

  18. laughingmuse

    Rock on, Toni Patti. Rock on.

  19. CafeSiren

    With apologies to Twisty: I would so make out with *all* of you.

  20. Jay Woolsrake

    “Men protect.”

    “Men provide.”

    “Men take responsibility.”

    That’s the weirdest bunch of hog-wash I’ve heard in a while. I have six sisters. Any of their names could be inserted into above statements in place of the word “men.” I am daily confounded by the way people are still thinking in the 21st century.

  21. yankee transplant

    Sing it, Twisty!

  22. bitchphd

    I am highly amused by the thought of Dowd *ever* using the word “herstory.”

  23. mcmc

    Hork! Urk! Bleuoagh!!!

    Failed to make it to the vomitorium.

  24. jp

    Little Lori seems to miss the point that Dowd’s title is apparently ironic. Because men are apparently so necessary to MoDo that she pretty much spends the entire book complaining that she can’t snag one.

  25. MaRy

    I think Bergman is really a man. A man undercover. Yup

  26. wordgirl

    Absolutely. A man who can’t get a woman (undercover or otherwise), so he feels the need to write about why he’s so necessary. Lori Borgoman, my ass! His real name is Harry Dickman. Bet on it!

  27. kactus

    Oh boy–men take responsibility? That’s giving me one hell of a belly laugh, especially when I consider the exactly $638 in child support that I’ve received in the 9 years of my daughter’s life.

  28. Joolya

    Ergo:
    Women do not protect?
    If you’d ever met my mom, or for that matter fouled my boyfriend in a soccer game, you would be quickly disabused of that notion.

    Women do not provide?
    My mom, grandmother, godmother, and various related and not related aunts all belie that proposition.

    Women do not take responsibility?
    Not to bring it all back around to my mom again but . . . I know a lot of dads (some very well) who’ve cut and run and very, very few moms who have done the same. Not to diss all men. Some are great. Some take lots of responsibility. Some moms are crappy moms. But by and large I don’t see the ladies dropping the ball when it comes to kids, bills, friends, parents, jobs, carpools, birthday parties, etc.

    Women do not tend to be steady?
    What does that even mean? That women are raging psychos? My women friends and relatives are unfailingly steadfast. I’m sorry for the author of this piece if she has not had the same experience. So have some men – but the implication of the piece is that these are male virtues rather than female traits. Not so.

    I’m hardly saying that men aren’t necessary. I’m just saying that men aren’t one set of things and women are another set of things. The more people who love and raise a child the better – two parents who care for a child are certainly better than one. I’m also not saying I don’t want (or need, even) a partner in my life (and as a more-or-less hetero girl, it’s likely to be a man). What I’m saying is this:

    A little less with the FUCKING GENDER ROLES ALREADY! They really don’t do any of us any good.

  29. Ms Kate

    Men protect their own interests. As for protecting women, dream on stoupidde twit! Just like Charles Stuart protected his pregnant wife. Just like Scott Dipshit protected Lacey. Just like any homicide department in the country will tell you that husbands are automatic suspects because they are their wife’s killers >50% of the time.

    Some men are responsible, for themselves, children, and families. Others take the traditional “I went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back” approach tempered only in recent years by the IRS tracking their deadbeat asses. Stable. Right.

    And how many traditional protective men would suffer a wife with a taste for adventure? Yeah, right.

    What a racket!

  30. Julia

    Not to belabor the point, but:

    Men provide, protect, and take responsibility?

    What kind of a dreamworld does this yo-yo live in?

    Ask any woman who is the mother of a child with a deadbeat dad, and you’ll get the answer!

  31. Buffalo Gal

    Tony says Many people, women included, will be very happy to degrade and abuse those below them. It seems to keep their own abasement from driving them crazy.

    Also, you can justify to yourself that you are the exception to the role stereotype without challenging the stereotype. If most women are dumb, and I’m smart, then I’m the one who deserves to be in the Boys’ Club.

  32. antelope

    When I was in the late teens, early 20s neighborhood, there was this conversation that would come up late at night when talking one-on-one w/ my closest women friends. Who is more guy-like?

    It always turned out that each of us considered herself to be more guy-like, and had several specific positive traits in mind as the reason why. In other words, we dealt w/ some of the competitiveness in our friendship through the old, “well, but she’s just a girl…” thing. Also it was obvious to us that most anything we actually LIKED about ourselves must not be a female trait. We understood just as clearly as Ms. Borgman that female=bad, so therefore if you were smart, rational, competent, light-hearted & likely to tease, serious, athletic, bookish, take-charge, assertive, quietly helpful, and so on – all of these were ‘guy-like’ traits.

    So I agree 100% with Buffalo Gal, and I’m SO glad to have grown out of that.

  33. San Francisco Knitter

    oh BULLSHIT.

    “Men protect.”

    “Men provide.”

    “Men take responsibility.”

    Tell that to Trish Wilson – where are the “Father’s Rights” people when their kids need money? Trying to get their ex wives committed, probably, and using the kids as pawns in the process.

    Tell that to the NYT article this past weekend about women giving up their careers in the primes of their lives to go home and take care of aging parents. WOMEN are doing this, not MEN.

    Tell that to … oh, you get the idea. Men sit around on their asses and wait for their sisters or wives or mothers to take care of whatever the problem is.

    What an infuriating load of bullshit.

  34. mythago

    Twisty, it’s not nice of you to pick on people who have Daddy fantasies. Who are we to judge Ms. Borgman’s erotic needs?

    If most women are dumb, and I’m smart, then I’m the one who deserves to be in the Boys’ Club.

    Plus, I get all the boys’ attention because I am the only one who has overcome my unworthy femaleness!

  35. Nancy

    No doubt about it, Borgman is a handmaiden of the Patriarchy. But how did you ever end up finding her column? I mean, who the hell reads the Indianapolis Star? I can’t believe even people in Indiana read it.

    And thank you for scoffing at the idea that Smurfette is a feminist. Dowd is such a daddy’s widdle gwirl. Really not an attractive pose for a 50-something woman. The only reason she is the NYTimes token female columnist is because she does not threaten the Patrarchy one jot.

    It’s pretty sad that the Times can’t get a better quality female columnist than the Indianapolis Fucking Star.

  36. Karen

    The most disgusting part about the Stuff one-in-three report is not merely the appalling statistic, but that the story is buried in the Health section.

    Because an appalling and widespread human rights violation in a First World nation is apparently a *health* issue, not a crime.

  37. Christopher

    Jesus, Lori, SHUT UP!

    What if the other genders see men being defended by women?

    They’ll make fun of us, that’s what! They’ll laugh that we have to have a silly girl defend us from another girl.

    They’ll call us “sissy” and “pansy” and “pussy-whipped” and other hurtful names.

    Can’t you see you’re emasculating us?!

  38. laughingmuse

    “No doubt about it, Borgman is a handmaiden of the Patriarchy. But how did you ever end up finding her column? I mean, who the hell reads the Indianapolis Star? I can’t believe even people in Indiana read it.”

    Nancy – it’s true. I’m there (here) and I don’t read it one bit. Give me the BBC online any day. Then I can actually read about world news.

  39. peacebug

    let’s link twisty’s site and these spot-on observations to the lori borgman site.

    anybody know how to do that?

    I also want to read the letters to the editor the lori-thang gets.

    austin has its own “lori” in ashley sanchez. here’s a sentence from one of her bits from an august edition of the statesman: “Some research suggests that pregnancy re-shapes and improves females’ brains.”

    [this isn't the best example of her pro-patriarchy-ness, just what I could find without an archive search.]

    so pregnancy reshaped my brain?? damn! and I’d wondered what had happened!

  40. laughingmuse

    “improves” women’s brains?

    Someone explain to me where a dickwad scientist said that.

    People. Gah.

  41. CafeSiren

    Here’s the link to the “study” about how pregnancy reshapes the female brain:

    http://www.boston.com/news/globe/health_science/articles/2005/10/31/giving_birth_to_a_better_brain_do_babies_sharpen_parents_minds/

    Salient points:

    1. The study was done on rats.

    2. Rats with pups became more skilled at finding food.

    3. Anecdotal evidence suggests that human women with children become more adept at juggling work and family obligaitons than they were before they had family obligations to juggle.

    4. Ergo: Pregnancy and/or parenting (“researchers” seem to want it both ways) makes human girls smarter.

    Even my non-maternal brain can figure out the problems with this logic. Imagine what I could do if I were pregnant. Why…. why, I’d rule the world! Bwah-haa-haa-haa!!!

  42. CafeSiren

    Sorry: that URL cut off. Here’s the rest of the URL, after tha last slash:

    giving_birth_to_a_better_brain_do_babies_sharpen_parents_minds/

    Euphonious, no?

  43. Betsy

    Hey WordGirl, I’ll accompany you to the vomitorium. I’ll even hold your hair … well, I will if I can make it that long!

  44. emjay

    The Indy Star is owned by the Quayle family. Need we say more?

  45. jaye

    Yeah, I got a comment today when my local newspaper linked to my blog in an effort to find people who really can write.

    Some man wrote that I was a “feminist wack-job” because I dared to say that men have some “issues.”

    Of course, he didn’t sign his name there by not taking responsibility for his remarks.

  46. zuzu

    To get back to the CRT issue for a moment, my mother might be alive today had the patriarchy not so influenced cardiology.

    Because everyone knows that if you have a heart attack, you get shooting pains in your left arm, right?

    Except, not so much if you’re a woman, but given how little research is done on female cardiac patients, this is not well known.

    When my mother had her heart attack, she didn’t even realize that’s what it was. She just felt run-down and crummy, like she had the flu. She didn’t seek medical help for three days, when the symptoms worsened to the point that even she, who generally refused to go to the doctor for anything, called an ambulance. But by then, the damaged tissues in her heart were being shredded more and more with every beat of her heart, so much so that surgery only had a small chance of success. We decided to try, of course, but just before Thanksgiving three years ago, my siblings and I made the decision to take her off the ventilator.

    So the patriarchy killed my mother.

  47. ae

    then extracts, probably from a Frank Capra movie, a series of sentimental mauve-colored slogans, suitable for framing and sure to the the centerpiece of any rec room, as proof that men are the greatest thing since the Pill.

    That is exactly what I needed tonight. Thank you. A belly laugh a day keeps the Hummel figurine(-sized) phallus worship away. Men are the greatest thing since the Pill! Bwahahaha! Twisty, I heart you immensely.

    One question: why come these protectin’, cow-ropin’, Marlboro smokin’, steady-on, pro-responsibility mensches (and their bootlickers) always need to be reassured and stroked and consoled about their oh-so-high status? Sounds kinda wimpy and childish to me, and — to quote ol’ Bill — protesting too much-ish.

    I’m v. sorry, Zuzu.

  48. John

    I was really impressed with Lori’s ability to boil down men’s needs to food, love, and respect. Judging from the rest of the article, I assume she means dinner on the table and available sex from a wife who doesn’t talk back.

    I guess her column is supposed to be funny, but unfortunately it’s saccharin Reader’s Digest,’$5 for a quip’ humor and not satire (which would at least start to make her Beaver Cleaver generalizations excusable.)

  49. Ron Sullivan

    Oh thanks, AE. Now I’ve got this image of a Pwecious Moments Widdlest Penis figurine, probably with a halo.

    The Twisty Stadium and Patriarchy Barbeque will have to install pukeatories like those trough-style urinals in the boys’ room, so we can line up all at once and hold each others’ hair.

  50. sois disant

    Sadly, Twisty, your phraseology is once again perfect (and Zuzu, your story is wrenching and outraging all at once). Can we start putting up appropriate tombstones somewhere? ‘Cause I’m guessing we all know someone who died from patriarchy.

  51. Cindy

    If there was a way to make men taste good, THEN there would finally be a use for them.

  52. Liss

    Sorry if I’ve missed someone pointing this out above, but…

    doesn’t Mrs Borgman have the most marvellously appropriate name?

    She has, indeed, assimilated.

  53. BritGirlSF

    You can add my mother to the death by patriarchy list. During breast cancer treatment, her primary oncologist decided to take a month-long vacation…without making any alternate arrangements for her care, leaving us scrambling to find another oncologist, get him up to speed on her case, etc. She died less than 6 months later.
    The best part is, the dude called me “hysterical” for telling him off for not letting Mom know that he was leaving, or making arrangements for her treatment while he was gone. Frankly, the guy’s damn lucky that I was talking to him over the phone and not in person, or he might have been patriarchy-induced casualty number 2 himself.
    Ms Borgman’s name is rather apt. You have to laugh at how much she dislikes Dowd, given that they seem to be very much cut from the same cloth. There’s something terribly undignified about all that Daddy’s Little Girl stuff coming from a middle-aged woman. Don’t most people grow out of that some time in the tween years?

  1. Pandagon

    Sorry lady, the strawfeminists left right before the unicorns got here

    Twisty found a piece in the Indianapolis Star that she correctly describes as a putrid little Hummel figurine of a piece called “Yes, Maureen Dowd, men are necessary”. The writer of the piece, Lori Borgman, apparently didn’t read a scrap…

  2. Pandagon

    Sorry lady, the strawfeminists left right before the unicorns got here

    Twisty found a piece in the Indianapolis Star that she correctly describes as a putrid little Hummel figurine of a piece called “Yes, Maureen Dowd, men are necessary”. The writer of the piece, Lori Borgman, apparently didn’t read a scrap…

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