A Muslim godbag in Aceh, Indonesia has informed his flock that last year’s tsunami was “God’s revenge” against wicked women who won’t wear scarves. According to Sharia law, there is no such thing as meteorological forces that are both unrelated and indifferent to whether human women sport around town with bolts of fabric stuck on their heads.
Which logic leaves as the cause of the tsunami God, a fussy old dude who can’t abide the sight of an unoppressed female head gone wild. The Muslim godbags got his back, though. “A Sharia police force, modeled after Saudi Arabia’s moral police, is seeking female wrongdoers for public humiliation.”
Meanwhile, since decrepit old Viagra devotees are all dicked up with nowhere to go, research for a sexbot pill for women who aren’t wild enough carries on at a frenzied pace. Note that the sexpackets for women address “lack of desire,” which, in our pornsick society, is interpreted as an illness, but which is actually a completely normal expression of disinterest in being used as a submissive receptacle. If you need a quaalude to fuck him, girls, fucking dump him.
Meanwhile, I Blame The Patriarchy has just learned that Joe Francis, Paris Hilton’s ex and the creator of those charming “Girls Gone Wild” videos, was robbed at gunpoint by an enterprising chappie with a sense of poetic justice. Dude broke into Francis’ house and forced him to “partially disrobe and pose for a demeaning videotape.” To which I say, heh.
29 comments
1 ping
Sylvanite
December 23, 2005 at 9:06 am (UTC -6)
I’m not wearing a headscarf. Guess God’s gonna smite me with a lightning bolt any day now.
The Almighty’s lack of precision never ceases to amaze.
Sam
December 23, 2005 at 10:30 am (UTC -6)
From the Joe Francis article, “Riley’s defense attorney, Ronald Richards, showed unedited “Girls Gone Wild” videotape made in November 2003 that showed four women involved in sex acts, who then signed releases for Francis to publicly show the videos.
The display was intended to show that Francis was less concerned about the humiliating tape than he was that other tapes could be used as evidence showing he had failed to ensure that actors on his tapes were adults.”
What the fuck kind of defense’s evidence is that?
sunny in texas
December 23, 2005 at 10:31 am (UTC -6)
“If you need a quaalude to fuck him, girls, fucking dump him.”
that is so quotable! and so completely TRUE!
i could probably rant indefinitely on hetero sex. i won’t start here, though.
Kyria
December 23, 2005 at 10:49 am (UTC -6)
Waiting at the airport over Thanksgiving, I spotted a Marie-Claire which featured the hed “The #1 Sex Tip Every Woman Should Know.” I had to see what this was, though I had a sinking feeling … and yes! It was … the clitoris! Imagine that!
I realize this is an improvement over your typical Cosmo “513 Ways to Rock His World,” but still. Imagine its equivalent in Maxim.
sunny in texas
December 23, 2005 at 11:07 am (UTC -6)
i confess i used to occassionally buy issues of cosmo in order to try to learn how to rock my ex’s world. turns out he just hated my guts(as later evidenced by his abandoning me and our kids).
and i never learned anything new either.
anon
December 23, 2005 at 11:13 am (UTC -6)
Fix women’s sex drives? HAH!
Remove some of the resentments that so many women feel and men would probably have more sex than they could physically deal with. I know a lot of women who just don’t care to have intimate relations with their partner because they’re angry with him.
In 30 years of active sexuality, I have yet to find a man who wants to have sex more than twice a week (and most of my lovers were in the once a week to every two weeks range — I’d be happy if I got it every night). Where are all these men who think they’re not getting enough? Because I sure haven’t met any of them.
Liz
December 23, 2005 at 11:44 am (UTC -6)
Ooops. I think maybe Hurricane Katrina might have been all my fault because the week before, I spiked my hair and bought myself a new vibrator. Soooorrrrry about that.
Hattie
December 23, 2005 at 12:06 pm (UTC -6)
This is the news from all over department. Heh.
Hogan
December 23, 2005 at 12:37 pm (UTC -6)
“A Sharia police force, modeled after Saudi Arabia’s moral police, is seeking female wrongdoers for public humiliation.â€
Sounds like a Best of Craigslist entry.
Sharoni
December 23, 2005 at 1:25 pm (UTC -6)
I deigned to lend myself to a young man half my age and after about 20 minutes he couldn’t keep up. I married a younger man so that he’d be able to keep up, and still have more energy . . . although I will say my husband is at least open minded, unpossessive and always sweet to me (I’m the one with the mean streak). So I agree – where ARE all these men who aren’t getting enough? AND just because I don’t feel desire for any given man at any particular time doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.
Also, Thank goodness you’re feeling well enough to be back with us, Twisty! We’ll all think good thoughts.
Dani
December 23, 2005 at 5:06 pm (UTC -6)
On the down side: Dude is likely to be incarcerated for his Zorro-like antics. Does this mean I won’t be able to buy the video? Shame.
thebewilderness
December 23, 2005 at 5:48 pm (UTC -6)
The charming patriarchy blamer at this blog
http://capitalismbad.blogspot.com/
has given patriarchy blamers a lovely name.
The Recalcitrancy.
This resonates for me because all the women in my family are and have always been recalcitrant. We know because members of the patriarchy yell it at us in response to questioning their authority on a regular basis. I am very happy to be part of the Recalcitrancy.
Alex
December 23, 2005 at 8:35 pm (UTC -6)
I was tutoring a course on meanings society places on the female body last year, and we were going over this very topic. One of the women in my group- an older woman- informed us that while she was in high school, some dumb fuck slipped into his girlfriend’s drink one of those pills you feed horses to get them excited enough to mate. He claimed he just wanted her to get sexually aroused enough to have sex with him, but he didn’t mean for her to die. And guess what? He was released with not so much as a slap on the wrist. Oh, and some of the fellas in the group actually felt sorry for him. For him.
ae
December 24, 2005 at 2:43 am (UTC -6)
While Viagra works at the level of male sexual part, the female pill would work at the level of nervous system, he said.
Aha, that was my question. Well then, I would like to request a pill that mimics the effects of peace of mind, met responsibilities, professional contentment, a happy tomorrow, yogic physical mastery, and synapse-popping intellectual engagement. Thanks, science!
Question #2: will insurance companies cover this, and will pharmacists refuse to fill this prescription, too?
The Fat Lady Sings
December 24, 2005 at 2:52 am (UTC -6)
I’m gonna have to agree with you. I always thought the ‘I’ve got a headache’ tag foisted on women was a definite misnomer. It’s the men who say not tonight – not the girls! The man my best friend is in love with only wants to have sex once a week. She has had to curtail her desires because she loves him. I only found one man in my life who could keep up with me, and he wasn’t the kind you marry. Most women make adjustments – that’s life.
The Fat Lady Sings
December 24, 2005 at 2:54 am (UTC -6)
Off topic but – I wanted to say Happy Holidays to you Twisty – and to everyone here. I hope you are feeling better, and that you have a super weekend. Be safe and take care!
Anonymous
December 24, 2005 at 1:35 pm (UTC -6)
I am for the first time thinking about cheating on my girlfriend of 3 years, because I still find her just as attractive as when we first met, but she doesn’t. I want it every night. And every weekend, twice a day. At least. It’s a supply / demand thing. I need some extra suppliers now.
Twisty
December 24, 2005 at 1:40 pm (UTC -6)
My, isn’t she lucky to have you!
Chris Clarke
December 24, 2005 at 2:19 pm (UTC -6)
Seems like Anonymous is suffering the usual confusion between “my girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex” and “my girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
belledame222
December 24, 2005 at 5:15 pm (UTC -6)
Um. As annoying as aspects of the viagra-ization of society has been (not least of which the way health insurance oftens covers it without covering birth control), women can have sexual dysfunction that isn’t about “they need a better lover/vibrator/empowerment,” y’know. Can’t we have bread and orgasms, too? Why does wanting to punch up your libido make one a “sexbot,” and for that matter is that necessarily a bad thing?
signed, doesn’t sleep with men, has still felt that low ebb, usually for physiological reasons, and would have loved something to punch up the libido, as it is the cream in her coffee.
belledame222
December 24, 2005 at 5:34 pm (UTC -6)
(happy holidays to all, and to all a good…what you will)
Jodie
December 25, 2005 at 4:08 am (UTC -6)
You are correct that sexual dysfunction in women does exist. YOU feel that you do not have enough desire — THAT is sexual dysfunction.
However, lack of desire is often labeled as dysfunction even though it may not be dysfunctional at all.
If, say, you were content with your level of sexual desire, but your partner wasn’t, that is NOT sexual dysfunction.
Or, say, your libido was decreased because you were too tired after working and then doing the lion’s share of the housework too — that is not sexual dysfunction either.
I’m sure others can come up with more instances of this, but throwing medication at things like this is like giving prozac for normal grief the day after a loved one dies; it’s ineffective and unnecessary.
belledame222
December 25, 2005 at 11:37 am (UTC -6)
Anti-deps are probably a good parallel. Yes, they’re over-prescribed. Yes, there are environmental/social aspects to depression as well as lack of desire that don’t get addressed by pills alone. I’m still damn glad they exist. Even if one of the common side effects of at least one is like hitting the “mute” button on the naughty bits. It’s an unfortunate trade-off; yeah, it sucks, but how much sex are you going to be having when you’re so depressed it feels like you’re moving at 33 rpm? As of now, the only effective counter I know of is altering dosage and adding Wellbutrin. (Yes, exercise, general happiness, better diet, tantric breathing, loving partner, good toys, and so on, all help too; they still don’t fix it ime, anymore than good talk therapy and loving friends cured the depression all by themselves).
It’d be nice if things like assertiveness training (“No, I don’t have a headache; I just don’t want to fuck you”) were as common as pills in this society. Otoh: *if* the new pills work, hey, all they do is increase desire. It doesn’t say what they increase desire *for.* Wouldn’t it be ironic if it led some women to realize that, y’know, actually those vague happy feelings they get around their best friend or the mail carrier were in fact Big Lusty Feelings, and the reason their marriage can’t be saved is because they were barking up the wrong tree all along?
sunny in texas
December 25, 2005 at 8:31 pm (UTC -6)
you rock! i just had to say that.
BritGirlSF
December 26, 2005 at 9:45 pm (UTC -6)
I wonder if there’s any way to send the dude who robbed Mr. Girls Gone Wild a Christmas present?
As an addendum to Twisty’s comment : Guys, the fact that a woman doesn’t want to fuck you doesn’t mean that she has a sexual dysfunction. It probably just means that you’re ugly, or that she’s already fucked you often enough to realise that you’re bad in bed, and unfortunately there isn’t a pill for either of those problems.
WookieMonster
December 27, 2005 at 12:28 pm (UTC -6)
Ug. Of course pharmacists won’t refuse to fill this, after all it would be a dude getting it, right? He’s the one who wants the sex so he has to “fix” her, right?
Of course dudes can’t actually get their hands dirty with nonsense like getting their partner excited, even if it just means buying a pill, silly me.
Frumious B.
January 1, 2006 at 10:06 pm (UTC -6)
Carnival of Feminists, #4, carries this story http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2005/12/23/more-tales-of-wild-women/ on Female Sexual Dysfunction.
As to the men who can’t get enough, I could introduce you to an ex of mine who wanted sex every day, twice in a row, despite certain biological changes which occur in males when they are no longer teenagers. You’d be disappointed, though.
Twisty
January 2, 2006 at 5:30 am (UTC -6)
Frumious, is it possible that you intended to allude to this post? I have had an email from its author, Ms. Riba, who chastises me for my insensitivity re: FSD.
I think it’s pretty clear that (a) I’m joking and (b) I’m not denying the existence of an actual pathology of sexual dysfunction. I merely suggest that a lack of interest in fucking should not automatically be considered a disease, when a perfectly natural disgust is an equally plausible explanation.
Donald Reyes
June 16, 2009 at 8:55 pm (UTC -6)
This is really so absurd to blame a few for some force majeure events.
Kill Pill at I Blame The Patriarchy
January 3, 2006 at 7:05 am (UTC -6)
[...] A while back, among a few facetious yet poetical lines written on the perils of chick-Viagra, I noted that women who are disinclined to submit to dudely impalement every 2 hours hardly suffer from a disease that warrants pharmaceutical intervention, and that any pill devised to make girls horny is obviously just a designer roofie and a sick ploy of the patriarchy to keep the sex class in thrall. [...]