This one smells like Country Baby Powder Flowers
You know what I haven’t been paying any attention to because of North Korean slave labor in the Czech Republic [check], and the loony idea that if men guard women in prisons somebody’s gonna end up raped [check], and the fact that Pope Ratzi is truly a tool of the Dark Side [check], and this bizarre poll tallying Saudi support for allowing women to drive [check]?
I always wanted to start a band called The Massengills, but frankly I was unaware that anybody actually still believes their vagina capable of filling up with dirt to the extent that they need to hose it out with storebought chemicals.
I could not have been more wrong.
According to Reuters, which quotes some obscure medical journal, over one-fourth of American women “of childbearing age” (which I guess means between, what, 11 and 75?) regularly become so disgusted by their own pussies that they muck’em out with foreign substances. Naturally there are “health professionals” afoot. They’re attempting to stem the tide of douche fluid flowing across young American loins. “Cut it out!” is their refrain. “Vagina clean thyself!”
Please, those of you with legitimate medical disorders for whom douching has saved your life–for I didn’t just roll off of the bloggy truck yesterday and I know that you, the Feminist Douche Activists, are out there, waiting, with your purulent birth canals and your hand-knitted douche bags and your flared-nostril outrage that feminists all too often dismiss your concerns when dissing douching–please, put a sock in it. I don’t mean you.
I mean perfectly healthy young women who are apparently still being told they are naturally unclean. Knock it off, girls. Your vagina doesn’t stink; what stinks is country baby flower perfume manufactured in New Jersey! For you post-coital straight girls, the impulse to get rid of that gross snotglob of semen is understandably acute, but the wiser course of action is to avoid acting in the capacity of its repository in the first place. That’s what rubbers are for! Tell that dude “no glove, no love.” Or better yet, dump him!
Not only is douching is a crappy form of contraception, it causes microbial imbalances in the vagina, it causes emotional imbalances in the brain, it causes infections, it costs money, and it is a tool of the patriarchy.
I’ll tell you what my Great Aunt Holly “Clitoris” Faster told me: Never stick anything in your pussy, girls, that you wouldn’t stick in your mouth.