«

»

Dec 30 2005

De Spread of Debauch


Even Shiva (or is it Nataraja?) can't resist hot god-on-pole action. Thanks, Maxim!

Maxim magazine, beloved bastion of women’s naked pole-dancing empowerment, is exporting its important message–that true male fulfillment depends on a connoisseurship of airbrushed T&A–to India.

Lucky India! Perhaps now that backward hellhole of a subcontinent can retrain its recalcitrant female population to lovingly embrace the male gaze, just like their enlightened, surgically-enhanced western sisters. Because, let’s face it; until now Indian women have been woefully ignorant of the enormous sense of freedom and self-worth that obtains through sashaying around town in hot pants and stiletto heels in exchange for male approval. Would you believe that in India “men never touch a woman in public, unless she is elderly or sick”? I’m not even kidding!

That’s why, as any white liberal American Maxim reader will tell you, western culture is best! The editor of the new Indian Maxim lists the western-style commodities to be enjoyed magazinally by the “new urban male,” presumably in order of importance, as “wine, gadgets, cultural trends … and beautiful women.”

To the honky who dabbles in feminist rhetoric, the main problem with all those barbarian Hindus and Muslims and terrorists and what-have-yous over there is that they force their women to schlep around in too much fabric. It’s so sexist! It’s so oppressive! How the heck can such inhibited females ooze the kind of liberating sexmissive pornstar availability that earns a woman her rightful place in western society if nobody can see a red patent-leather thong sticking out of her butt-cheeks when she bends over the nonfat yogurt bin at the Piggly Wiggly?

Maxim can change all that. By introducing to a grateful nation the superior form of western sexism, it can help India repurpose its women. Oh, they’ll remain wholly-owned subsidiaries of the male state, all right, just like here, but now, because the male state will confer treats on them for compliance, they’ll be raunched-out sexbots at the same time!

Like any hostile takeover, this swapping out of one sort of tyranny for another may require a period of adjustment, since Indian men are “more educated, literate, and tasteful” than the average western metropalooka. Maxim will start by replacing the outdated “typical coy, sari-clad Bollywood pose” with the “scantily clad woman who looks directly at the camera.” And then everything will fall into place.

Imagine the rush of liberated well-being that will seize her like a sweaty palm when that first lucky young Indian woman lands a job at the New Delhi Hooters–for where Maxim leads, Hooters fears not to tread–and experiences first-hand the joy of getting her ass pinched by an appreciative member of the ruling class of dogbreathed drunk businessmen. Tears of fierce pride will well up in her Maybellined eyes when she tells her worried women’s studies friends with a wave of her French manicure to lighten up, that feminism is for angry frigid dykes, that she’s making shitloads of dough, that she’s getting her boobs done to please herself, and that she bought that $600 leather bustier mainly, you know, for other women.

And soon no middle-class Indian rec room will be without its brass pole.

{Gracias, ArsePoetica}

22 comments

1 ping

  1. Sam

    Hooters beat Maxim to the market when they invaded India in 2004.

    Between five and 10 Indian locations are initially planned, with the first opening next year.

    Hooters’ expansion is the latest sign that U.S. businesses have awoken to the potential of the Indian middle class and its growing disposable income, said Jagdip Ahluwalia, executive director of the Indo-American Chamber of Commerce of Greater Houston.

    “We’ve got Domino’s there, we’ve got McDonald’s there, we’ve got all these brands out there,” Ahluwalia said. “There is a window of opportunity that’s open. And if we don’t grab that opportunity, Europe will.”

    Hooters already has a strong global presence with some 370 restaurants, including 26 overseas locations in such places as Austria, Guatemala, Singapore and Taiwan. This is its first location in South Asia, where more modest sensibilities often prevail. But it has aggressive plans for further expansion — including its first restaurant in China, due this fall, three restaurants in Thailand and elsewhere.

    With 25,000 employees, the privately held chain proudly defends its use of sex appeal and the role of its 15,000 Hooters girls. “To Hooters, the women’s rights movement is important,” the company’s Web site states, “because it guarantees women have the right to choose their own careers, be it a Supreme Court Justice or Hooters Girl.”

    And the skimpy attire? “Hooters is not immoral,” Ahluwalia said. “It’s a different way of marketing their product.”

  2. Liz

    Well this will certainly open up a myriad of exotic new bare-skin real estate opportunities for the bindi. Boob bindis! Butt bindis! Oh the location location location options will be endless.

  3. kokobeng

    NOOOO save India from this showcase of bad taste! They already have gender equality problems to deal with, it’s not that they need any imported sexist crap too.

    “To Hooters, the women’s rights movement is important”
    I think my brain just imploded.

  4. ae

    How the heck can such inhibited females ooze the kind of liberating sexmissive pornstar availability that earns a woman her rightful place in western society if nobody can see a red patent-leather thong sticking out of her butt-cheeks when she bends over the nonfat yogurt bin at the Piggly Wiggly?

    Twisty, there are not words to convey how much I am loving you at this moment. I am seriously thinking of cross stitching this and placing it on the mantle.

    Fascinating that a burgeoning middle class and disposable incomes translate directly to burgeoning sex class and disposable women. Both Hooters and Maxim (a pox on both their houses) are glassy-eyed at the thought that as soon as these assholes have 2 rupees to rub together, they’ll celebrate their newfound power in society by denying (some) women their dignity. The patriarchy is so fucking jive I can’t stand it.

  5. Jodie

    Isn’t that Kali dancing in that picture? I’m thinking she’s the one sometimes depicted with a necklace of skulls and a skirt of severed arms, dancing on her consort’s (Shiva’s) body. Trust the patriarchy to twist a damn scary goddess into some brainless submissive twit.

  6. ae

    Twisty, forgot to add that the photo and the caption are truly inspired. Brilliant.

  7. AoT

    Ironiacally, have a feeling that the indian patriarchs are going to protest this more than the rest of the country

    The Patriarchy is worldwide..

  8. TimT

    Ironiacally, have a feeling that the indian patriarchs are going to protest this more than the rest of the country

    Damn those patriarchs! Subversively supporting the patriarchy by not supporting it! What cunning stratagems and wiles will they get up to next?

  9. Twisty

    Here in the US the “patriarchs” are all like “porn is eroding our national purity!”, but it always turns out that the loudest protesters are psycho homos on the DL with huge collections of naughty vids under their mattresses.

  10. Twisty

    I’m going to be sick.

  11. Joolya

    It’s about owls, though, right?

  12. Alex

    This reminds me of Fatima Mernissi’s piece, Size 6: The Western Women’s Harem. She talks about the veil of ugliness and uselessness that the patriarchy places over mature, self-confident women who don’t fit the Western ideal of female beauty, and how Western women are complicit in their own marginalisation by internalising the meanings the patriarchy places on women’s bodies. It’s tangentially related to your post, and definitely worth a read.

  13. Christopher

    Well, it’s essentialy a battle between two competing patriarchies, with differing ideas of how to keep women as second-class citizens.

  14. Sam

    That was excellent reading from an interesting perspective, thanks.

  15. Matt25

    Joolya, I always thought it was one of those icky straight guy things, but this scan of a bootleg copy of the 2006 calendar on BoingBoing does seem to have a more universal appeal.

  16. TimT

    Time to rename this blog ‘I blame the patriarchies’.

  17. Twisty

    Sa-weet!

  18. belledame222

    Let’s see: Supreme Court Justice, or Hooter’s girl? Supreme Court Justice, or Hooter’s girl? What to do, what to *do.*

    anyway, Harriet Meiers must be relieved that there still are options.

    I dunno much about India’s particular patriarchal culture, but from what snippets I’ve seen of their popcult and news I get the impression that they’re even more conflicted about sexuality than we are. Heavy British Empire repressive hangover, even still, I think, on top of the homegrown stuff. and yet, recently I caught a music video, which was sort of MTV and sort of…something else. whatever it was, ay yi yi, it was *raw.* Hardly unpatriarchal, what with the crowds of shouting, sweating men surging around the feet of the dancing women, but it was definitely a different flavor than anything I was used to seeing in our mainstream media. Interesting stuff.

  19. laughingmuse

    I went several days without Twisty – and then 3 fabulous and immensely righteous rants await me. Twisty, you deserve golden tacos of perfection – and doggie tacos for Bert, too.

  20. Random Bob

    Not quite, its Nataraja, Shiva’a dance god/evil-vanquisher form. Or at least I think so based on one year of Indian history 9 years ago.

    Oh, and this is my de-lurk post after a year of readership. Awesome blog, Twisty!

  21. Apurva

    backward hellhole of a subcontinent

    Hey! whats so “backward” about India?

    “men never touch a woman in public, unless she is elderly or sick”

    hmm… I know what you mean but why is that such a problem? Do all cultures need to judged by western standards?
    Plus, it is not entirely true — http://mumbaigirl.blogspot.com/2005/11/why-did-you-touch-her.html

    Maxim will start by replacing the outdated “typical coy, sari-clad Bollywood pose” with the “scantily clad woman who looks directly at the camera.”

    Maxim is too late. We already have numerous Shakira-, britney-, mariah-wannabes in numerous remix videos!

    I guess you post was pretty sarcastic but I am not sure how sarcastic it is. So, if you really did not mean all the above (in this post) literally, ignore this comment.

  22. Apurva

    Isn’t that Kali dancing in that picture? I’m thinking she’s the one sometimes depicted with a necklace of skulls and a skirt of severed arms, dancing on her consort’s (Shiva’s) body.

    Whoa!
    That is Nataraja and not Kali. And Kali does not dance on Shiva’s body but on the dead body of an asura (demon) she has killed (according to Indian mythology).

    I know these are not relevant to the above post but couldn’t help correcting people :)

  1. Maxim is Stupid at I Blame The Patriarchy

    [...] A couple of weeks ago I predicted that the incursion of Maxim into previously lad-mag-free India might generate some interesting results. For once, I was right. [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>