Comments on: Study of the Week: Me Time, You Jane

By: belledame222

belledame222 — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 07:52:18 +0000

O of course it was meant that way (more or less), Syfr, but she’s just so *nice.* There are ways in which to make requests without screaming *or* tripping all over yourself apologizing. “Hey, for future reference, I usually fold them this way, because ___. Thanks again!”

…jesus fuck I can’t believe I’m processing a cartoon character now.

I just hate the “nice girl” thing. It’s really fucking insidious. You can be kind and gracious without prefacing and couching and ducking and weaving for twenty minutes before you get to the damn point; it’s just that generally in this culture women aren’t supposed to do so, because “straightforward” reads too close for too many peoples’ comfort to “aggressive,” and we can’t have that.

And of course you’re often not even *told* “you must soften up your approach in order to be more socially accepted” in so many words; that would be, too, you know, straightforward.

By: sunny in texas

sunny in texas — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:10:56 +0000

ALOT of men don’t get, but not ALL men don’t get it.

after being abandoned after almost 17 years by the sperm donor of my kids i figured it was ALL men too. so i almost settled for less. ALOT less.
lucky for me, in the nick of time, i found a man who gets it. maybe being reared by a single mom was the key to his understanding, but whatever it is, there are a few who get it.

By: Syfr

Syfr — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 18:46:10 +0000

When I read this cartoon, I read it as a criticism of the fact that men don’t do laundry, and that Elise’s assumption that that’s her husband’s task is the way it should be. I also figured that she asked the way she did is because it’s easier to get most people to do things the way you want if you ask them nicely, than scream at them (at least, the first time you ask.)

I find it interesting that we can look at the same cartoon, and reach different conclusions.

By: kelleyBell

kelleyBell — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 17:57:09 +0000

So, basically it seems that this group feels that gender roles are 100% nurture / 0% nature, and that any form of cohabitation or cooperation betweeen a woman and a man is for chumps.

Which still leaves the big question unasnwered…

after all the bitching and blaming, if women get their way, what sort of world do we want?

By: Ms Kate

Ms Kate — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 17:46:34 +0000

Cental theme here: Housework belongs to the woman. Men aren’t trained in it, and have to be supervised. Any housework that men do is 1)voluntary and 2)just helping the woman. Thus, any such “help”, even when both partners work equal hours in economic pursuits, is to be grandly appreciated and either carefully supervised/scruitinized or held to much lower standards even when it is done so badly as to be useless.

By: mythago

mythago — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 05:40:50 +0000

Now, this makes no sense. If Twisty hates men, shouldn’t she be offing men, rather than herself?

By: mythago

mythago — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 05:39:24 +0000

So true, Heo. I am lovin’ the mental image of the CO’s reaction.

By: Ms Kate

Ms Kate — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 02:05:53 +0000

I assume that, in Jake’s tiny little world, “hating men” is defined as “expecting the male of the species to act like a mature, autonomous, adult who is respectful of the humanity and maturity and autonomy of women”.

Sorry jake, but immature jerkoffs are immature jerkoffs and will be called as such in this space. ‘kay?

By: belledame222

belledame222 — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 22:48:25 +0000

…heh, I wrote that before I looked at the FBofW strip, but that’s really perfect. “Honey, I hate to criticize.” I just bet you do, you painted wussy.

By: belledame222

belledame222 — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 22:40:18 +0000

I need me my me time. Too much busy and too many demands without any breathing space make me crazy. Between the Protestant-work-ethic-on-speed informing the current culture and the additional pressure for women to put others first, always…egh, no. Can’t deal. Wish I didn’t have to.

There is, sadly, a lesbian and/or feminist-activist variation of the “I must put others before myself” meme most women raised in this culture get drilled into us. I am thinking specifically of collectives I belonged to. Too many women who could quote chapter and verse on all the sociopolitical issues of the day and yet never met a task force or fair-weather friend in need of a favor they could turn down, even at expense of their own health. I think a lot of that has to do with the other thing we’re all raised with, to wit, “I must not get angry, and conflict is bad.” So in that context, political/external anger was O.K., but hardly anyone seemed able to confront each other about personal shit, at least not in a straightforward, constructive way.