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Jan 06 2006

On Unnaturality

Categories:

Patriarchy, my patriarchy

by Twisty

The surgically unmodified: a freakish fetish fringe group.

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33 comments

  1. Liz

    January 6, 2006 at 6:34 am (UTC -6)

    Oh I bet they’d go into cardiac arrest if they ever saw a TOTALLY “natural girl” over the age of 12. But what intrigues me is the call for those elderly 35-50s. What the hell are they doing, red hot nursing home shots? And I wonder what’s with the missing demographic, the elusive 26-34 brigade.

    Anyway, I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who can’t read a newspaper without a red pencil in my hand.

  2. Ms Kate

    January 6, 2006 at 8:22 am (UTC -6)

    You make me feel … YOU make me feel … YOU make me feel like a natural … GIRL?

  3. SneakySnu

    January 6, 2006 at 8:23 am (UTC -6)

    “Attractive, females”

    Girl, interrupted?

    I second the WTF?

  4. Ledasmom

    January 6, 2006 at 8:34 am (UTC -6)

    I note that, if you only look at the body of this ad, that oddly-placed comma suggests that they want any attractive people and any females, not necessarily both in one person.

  5. kabbage

    January 6, 2006 at 8:36 am (UTC -6)

    I think “natural girls” are women who have hair in all the places their genes dictate — armpits, legs, etc., included.

    Sorry, Twisty, but you might not be considered a “natural girl” right now.

  6. laughingmuse

    January 6, 2006 at 8:41 am (UTC -6)

    Ah, the “natural girl” addendum!

    Assmunches.

  7. Sam

    January 6, 2006 at 9:16 am (UTC -6)

    Used to be there were a whopping three kinds of women; blondes, brunettes and redheads. The plasticized presentations in pornography have managed to reduce the kinds of women down to two, the surgically-altered and the not surgically-altered (natural).

    Usually I hear the distinction between the two kinds of women coming from men who say they prefer the women in their porn have real breasts, but I don’t believe them any more than I believed the men I’ve dated who said they preferred women who didn’t wear makeup to women that did. I’m convinced it’s something men pick up they’re supposed to say, and I’ve never heard a man outside sex industry circles openly claiming to prefer cut-n-stuffed plastic boobs to real ones, yet the summit-perching popularity of Pamela Anderson, Jenna Jameson (two sets of impants each), and Britney Spears persists.

  8. Steph

    January 6, 2006 at 9:26 am (UTC -6)

    I don’t think guys care that much about “natural” vs surgically altered. They want girls who will fuck them.

  9. Charles

    January 6, 2006 at 9:30 am (UTC -6)

    Why are the attractive, females “amateurs” if they get $300-$600 per shoot? Just asking. We don’t need to guess which end of the pay spectrum the “natural girls” fall on.

  10. Laura

    January 6, 2006 at 10:26 am (UTC -6)

    As someone else much cleverer than me said, Natural is living in trees with no deodorant..or something. and is constructed by the patriarchy so that women can come in different flavours, chocolate, strawberry, natural, plastic… for when, you know, you want the timotei fantasy. I am not trying to say that i think plastic breasts is a feminist ‘choice’, any more than whether you shave your armpits is, in itself (you may be dating a armpit hair fetishist perhaps – is it a feminist choice then?), but i think that there is a real danger of blaming the women who do have plastic breasts, wear make up, shave, wear a skirt, dont look like me…

    how about they are all terms made up by people who are not us and dont care about who we are, just whether they can sell us or want to buy us. And models are in the business of being bought and sold on their ‘flavour’ for a patriarchial society. Wouldn’t it be great, if there were enough fulfilling well paying jobs for women of all classes, colours, nationalities that there was a real choice about living on your looks? How many full time models would there be?

  11. RCinProv

    January 6, 2006 at 11:10 am (UTC -6)

    Maybe “natural” means your hair color is actually your hair color. Just a guess. But whatever it means, it doesn’t actually mean natural, of course.

    My own close textual reading raises another question: what about 26 to 34 year olds?! What am I missing? (Rhetorical question.)

  12. dread pirate roberts

    January 6, 2006 at 11:15 am (UTC -6)

    bad ad. stupid ad.

    i like your new look tho.

  13. Ms Kate

    January 6, 2006 at 11:25 am (UTC -6)

    You mean, it isn’t natural to consume vast quantities of the most damaging poisons ever concocted by humans?

  14. Ron Sullivan

    January 6, 2006 at 11:32 am (UTC -6)

    …those elderly 35-50s. What the hell are they doing, red hot nursing home shots?

    >>Thwap!

  15. Sola

    January 6, 2006 at 12:28 pm (UTC -6)

    One example of thousands of hair-fetish sites: hairtostay.com

    And here’s a dusty news item re our natural disgustosity:

    Monday, February 21, 2005

    WHITEHORSE, Yukon Territory (Wireless Flash) – The sight of a woman with hairy legs usually grosses people out, but at one festival in Canada, it will earn the ape-like woman a prize.

    The 45th Annual Yukon Sourdough Rendezvous in Whitehorse will begin Wednesday (Feb. 24) and one of the biggest events is the “Women’s Hairy Leg Contest.”

    In the contest, the hairy-limbed ladies compete in three different categories that consist of “the densest hair,” “the longest hair” and “the most horrific hair.”

    The winner in each category is determined by a barber in the small town and receives a gold plated razor.

    Festival spokesman Harold Sher expects more than 15 girls to compete and admits it’s one of the more popular spectator events at the festival, which also includes the “Beard Growing Contest” and the “Flour Packing Contest.”

    More than 20,000 people are expected to flock to the three-day festival – which celebrates the loads of people who traveled through the area during the Gold Rush.

    Admire this masterpiece at http://www.flashnews.com/news/wfn5050221J23226.html

  16. Hattie

    January 6, 2006 at 12:40 pm (UTC -6)

    We all know what’s really disgusting: the unadorned, full frontal, undepilated, curvy female body. Any old gutbag of a guy can be considered cute, but never a woman who is less than Barbie dollish in the nude.

  17. NancyMc

    January 6, 2006 at 1:19 pm (UTC -6)

    The 45th Annual Yukon Sourdough Rendezvous in Whitehorse will begin Wednesday (Feb. 24) and one of the biggest events is the “Women’s Hairy Leg Contest.”

    So that already happened. Anybody have a report on how it went?

    Also, I love how the prospective contestants start out as “women” then turn into “ladies” then finally, “girls.”

    Have you ever read any description of men where they are suddenly turned into boys?

    Also, the assertion “The sight of a woman with hairy legs usually grosses people out,” is backed up by which study?

  18. Twisty

    January 6, 2006 at 1:34 pm (UTC -6)

    Ay yi yi!

  19. Sharoni

    January 6, 2006 at 1:55 pm (UTC -6)

    They want amateurs because attractive professionals charge more, see, and this photojournalist is cheap – and more than likely sleazy.

  20. antelope

    January 6, 2006 at 2:14 pm (UTC -6)

    As a teenager, I was at a unitarian summer camp where there was quite the range of shaving options amongst the gals. A male friend reported that the guys had a big chat about it and agreed that smooth is cool, hairy is cool, stubble sucks. Unitarian teenagers don’t make a good stand-in for society at large, but I still use that ‘survey’ to conclude that women like me, who get a 5 o’clock shadow on the legs if we do shave, are better off not bothering from every point of view.

    In my opinion, this goes double for men with otherwise glorious thick black hair who take on a heavy sandpaper texture about the chin by 5-ish, but will you ever see women telling random dudes on the street what they think of their shaving choices like some men do to us? Hah!!

  21. Liz

    January 6, 2006 at 7:00 pm (UTC -6)

    Hey watch it, you just thwapped a sweet little old lady, bub.

  22. sunny in texas

    January 6, 2006 at 7:17 pm (UTC -6)

    heh. any man who wants to kiss me more than once has to grow a beard. the fullness of it is up to him of course, but i demand that loving kisses not result in stubble burn to my face.
    so far i’ve had no problem getting co-operation.

  23. sunny in texas

    January 6, 2006 at 7:23 pm (UTC -6)

    i’ve always had inner turmoil concerning my level of unnaturalness.

    i started dying my hair when grey started showing up. but it became almost an act of fanatical devotion to myself after the divorce because i felt the sperm donor had stolen what was at the time HALF of my entire life…
    now, about six years down the road i’m just now letting the grey show for no other reason than dying is a major hassle and i have better things to do with my time than fuss over my damned dye damaged hair. i’m also letting it grow long too for the same reason: short curly hair is labor intensive.

    i’m going to end up being one of those old women with long grey hair. :P

  24. Kelley Bell

    January 6, 2006 at 7:56 pm (UTC -6)

    My appologies as this is off topic…

    Maslow’s heirarchy of human needs claims that we all need acceptance from our community.
    I am no exception.
    Therefore, please accept my invitation to cast your votes for the 2006 Web Log Awards.
    2006 Bloggies
    Vote for yourself, for your friends, for the blogs you admire, but above all, dont forget to cast a vote for ME. (Ha Ha)

    P.S. Im posting this shameless self promotion here, because this is one of the blogs that I nominated, therefore, it’s not totally shameless, right? We are the blogger community, so we all need to promote each other.)

    Support the Bloggy Awards…They help us all find each other and share our music…

    The Daily Blog with Kelley Bell

  25. Ms Kate

    January 6, 2006 at 8:49 pm (UTC -6)

    Yeah, but those rendezvous are the kinds of places where MegaFlannelMen wear coyote carcasses on their heads as decoration.

  26. LMYC

    January 6, 2006 at 9:27 pm (UTC -6)

    … they prefer the women in their porn have real breasts …

    And most of them think that “real” breasts are perfectly hemispherical, sit like basketballs on a ribcage the size of a 14 year old boy’s, and stick straight up when you lie on your back anyway.

  27. LMYC

    January 6, 2006 at 9:30 pm (UTC -6)

    Yup, despite the fact that all of Western Civ supposedly considers the female body a beautiful work of art. It’s bullshit — they consider the plastic fantasy in their brains as a work of art, and the real female body is a swamplike pit of filth in their minds.

    Personally, I consider that most women *are* hot enough to be worth doing in bed, and most men are *not*. I’m bisexual — do I get some sort of special expert witness status from that? Let’s face it — testosterone is not a beauty treatment, people.

  28. Ron Sullivan

    January 7, 2006 at 12:09 am (UTC -6)

    Hey watch it, you just thwapped a sweet little old lady, bub.

    Except for the “sweet” part, ditto. Only in the passive voice. Or something.

    “Bub.” Indeed.

  29. Ron Sullivan

    January 7, 2006 at 12:13 am (UTC -6)

    Come to Berkeley, Sunny in texas. We’re all over the place.

    OK, mine’s only partly gray so far. But I got the long part down.

  30. Hattie

    January 7, 2006 at 12:41 am (UTC -6)

    Oh to be 55 again!

  31. Burrow

    January 7, 2006 at 3:24 am (UTC -6)

    gall dangit! I didn’t notice that at first. grrrrrrrrrr, but remember language isn’t that important.

    Ack, apparently from what the girls I work with (I am using the term properly…I work with mostly kids under 15) tell me is that men like women to be hairless, but as I always assure them men don’t really care if you have armpit hair or not and if they do care then they are NOT people you want to be with. really, maybe one guy in my entire life ahs commented negatively on it, wheras maybe 12 guys have ever commented on it. They don’t care (which, unfortunately for them, did not mean that I would sleep with them)

  32. Charles

    January 7, 2006 at 11:44 am (UTC -6)

    Sharoni, now that you point that out, it seems beyond obvious. I guess I was really just commenting on the semantic stupidity of saying he wanted amateurs when he was going to pay them.

  33. Buffalo Gal

    January 7, 2006 at 1:20 pm (UTC -6)

    Yep, Sunny, long and gray is the way to go. Keeping curly hair short is constant maintainence. So is shaving. After years of not being able to decide whether to shave my legs or not, I’m going with shaving in the summer to show off my fabulous legs ;-). Armpits, never! It’s far too irritating.

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