Jan 10 2006

Good News, Bad News

First, the Good News

From the That’ll Teach Me To Use Unsupported Blog Plugins Department: I am delighted to report that the comments section has been restored to the original pristine and intelligible version. Which is to say that the much-maligned “nesting” feature is a thing of the past, the most recent comments are back on the bottom where they belong, and it’s all extremely legible (in Firefox). The downside of this return to a simpler, gentler technology is that on old posts some formerly nested comments may now appear out of order. C’est la guerre.

Now, the Bad

I’ll be cooling my heels in the repellent Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex (really, that’s what they call it) for the next couple of days. I mention this not to arouse your pity (although I totally deserve it), but to prepare you for irregular or nonexistent posting as I (a) attempt to eat my way through the city(ies) and (b) gawk at the incomparable hairstyles of the female Metroplexians. They’re wack about hair up there. Come to think of it, they may not even let a bald chick in.


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  1. LM

    I’m a native Houstonian who hacked off all her poofy Texas hair while living in the Midwest. When I tried to drive home for a visit, I was stopped at the OK border by a posse of aviator-shaded TX Rangers and refused entrance. Turns out there is a minimum as regards the amount of
    1) hair
    2) air in same
    required to cross the border into Tejas, and my inch-long art-chick locks met neither.

    It was months before I saw my family again. Or had a decent enchilada, for that matter.

    Perhaps you can squeak through with a cowboy hat.

  2. June

    I’m sorry.

    When I have to be in that area, I take refuge in the Oaklawn neighborhood.

  3. kcb

    Doesn’t “Metroplex” sound like something that could be treated with psychiatric meds? Good luck, Twisty!

  4. Liz

    Hahahha, I love going to Dallas. Between my short spiky ‘do and huge rippling muscles, people are always saying things like “Excuse me, Mr. Aikman, sir” and stepping out of my way.

    I like the new comments layout, but I’m going to kind of miss that little pop-up box that was always warning me about Brian’s threads. Who the hell was Brian anyway?

    Bon voayage, Twisty, and take lots of pics of the Metroplex Big Wack Hair scene.

  5. Steph

    I’m going to have to download Firefox just so I can read your blog. The comments are totally messy/unreadable in IE.

    And yes I know IE sucks. I was just going with the evil I know (and loathe) and I’m lazy.

    So not only are you good at blaming the partriarchy, you’re also forcing me out of the microsoft induced complacency.

  6. Twisty

    Steph, you’ll be much happier with Firefox. I promise. It’s E-Z. Besides, all the bloggers are doin’ it! Get it!

  7. wordgirl

    Dallas has bigger hair than Fort Worth and I’m okay with giving them that victory, because we have Joe T. Garcia’s. Generic tacos, but good for what ails you. That and killer Margaritas. El Rancho Grande near the Stockyards is good, too. Nobody cares about bald here. If anyone gives you trouble, just holler, and I’ll come kick some ass.

  8. laughingmuse

    The times I have spent in the DFW area have been rife with:

    big hair

    lots of mall/shopping-related activities

    movie watching in mammoth theaters

    eating at restaurants

    …and that’s about it.

    I hope you enjoy yourself more than that, Twisty!

  9. Deborah

    Isn’t a Metroplex like, a mall with a multi-screen theater? No?

  10. Hattie

    Real Americans love Dallas. What is wrong with you, Twisty?

  11. sunny in texas

    i work in the oaklawn area as mentioned above. you’ll fit in fine here.

    looking back through the memories i have of visiting here, the hair has actually gotten smaller.

  12. The Fat Lady Sings

    I spent one year living in Austin going to college. This was back in the late 70’s, around the time Austin was one of the few cities in the US to be given prints of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I attended St. Edwards – which, as you may know, is just a tad conservative. Which is why I was there only a year. But Texas made a definite impression – I decided I like Austin better than Dallas, or Ft. Worth. Much better night clubs, for one (I used to enter dance competitions with one of my fellow classmates – loads of fun) and the late-night Rocky Horror crowd was the best. My first showing the guy in front of me passed a joint back – now that’s sharing! So Twisty – even though it’s not home – they gotta have good taco’s somewhere – just enjoy watching the birdies with the poofy hair, have some good food, and relax – you could do with some decent R & R.

  13. Sarah


    Being a Dallas native and current resident, I have a comprehensive knowledge of the multitude of ways it sucks. However, you can taco well at Cuba Libre on Knox-Henderson.

    Too bad this recommendation has no credibility because I’ve never de-lurked on your site before. Sigh.

    Thanks for your continuously edifying insights.


  14. Mary Kay

    Hair isn’t the only thing they’re wack about in the Metroplex (yes it IS a giant shopping mall with movie theatres — sums it up quite well in fact). They will wear whatever Vogue tells them too. I swear to god, if Vogue said tutus and Doc Martens, the insecure Junior Leaguers of DFW would be out there weaing them. Whenever I have to change planes at DFW I amuse myself by watching the clothes and big hair.


  15. CafeSiren

    “…gawk at the incomparable hairstyles of the female Metroplexians.”

    Ha! As a friend of mine once said: “The higher the hair, the closer to God.”

  16. CafeSiren

    By the way, I flew out of LAX on Thursday, the day after the Rose Bowl. I think half the city of Austin was in the airport with me. I was surrounded by a sea of burnt-orange-clad happy Texans of all ages. I am pleased to report that a happy Texan is a thing of beauty. Even though I don’t give a rat’s ass about football, it was nice to be surrounded by that many smiling people.

  17. ampyx901

    My last trip to Dallas involved a mediation in October 2005 representing the plaintiff against her homebuilder over construction defects. The homey Dallas defense firm actually asked the mediator to find out why a Houston law firm was representing a Dallas resident. I’m not kidding. What a bunch of bush-leaguers. I recall reading that Dallas businessmen lunching at their clubs on Nov. 22, 1963 were toasting the Kennedy assasination.

  18. thebewilderness

    I’m with Deborah. I thought you were going to the movies, with tacos at the concession stand.

  19. virgotex

    they got em some great museums. the Gaugin show’s up till March, I think.

    Ft. Worth’s not as bad as Dallas

  20. ripley

    Ft. Worth museum of modern art is quite good, actually.

  21. Liz

    Ok. I take back whatever I said about all that “Bon Voyage have a great trip!” crap. This is NOT good. I’m seriously jonesing for my morning Twisty. Somebody get the hell over to Dallas and bring her back. Enough!

  22. Mimi

    Twisty, you need a PowerBook and should always have it with you! We miss you!

  23. kactus

    I’m a midwesterner who got stuck in Ft. Worth for a couple of years, and let me tell you the only things I really miss about it, or think of fondly, are the honky-tonks. Folks in Milwaukee can’t two-step worth a damn. Polka, yes–two-step? Nope.

  24. kathy a

    i drove cross-country once. dfw confused my sister and me considerably, partly because of the big hair thing, which we did not have, and partly because we needed to find our way out, so we could keep driving. we didn’t know about austin then, or we possibly could have avoided the tragic stop at the megaplex altogether. [yes, we saw the grand canyon. yes, we also saw new orleans — when it was hosting the world fair. pretty good trip, but could have been better.]

  25. larkspur

    Off to Dallas, home of the Dyed, Fried, ‘n’ Swept to the Side ‘Do!

    I have a friend who goes to Memphis every July for Elvis’s memorial services, and she swears she has to bring extra SPF 45, because there’s SO MUCH hairspray that week it busts a hole in the ozone layer right over Graceland.

  26. Sharoni

    I thought big hair was out? Haven’t they all gone to the sleek, I’m too cool for my blunt cut look? I live in a tourist town in New Mexico, and all the female texas accents I’ve heard lately have not been attached to big hair at all. Maybe they deflate when they cross the border? I’m confused again.

  27. tisha

    oooooooooooooo Firefox, LOVE IT, GET IT EVERYONE . . . yummy taco!

  28. Laura

    Please come back, Twisty, I think that I am showing symptoms of twisty withdrawal… mainly instead of laughing at your comments about patriarchy and feeling like it’s not just me that thinks it is silly and terrible, i am getting stroppy about it at my friends who can’t really do anything about, for example, rape comviction rates in this country, at least not in the pub.

  29. B. Dagger Lee

    Dear Twisty:

    Hope your journey to DFW accomplished your aims. My grandparents used to live on an experimental farm in Greenville, outside of Dallas, “Greenville, The Blackest Land and the Whitest People.” I don’t remember if I actually saw this sign at the city limits, or if I was just told about it. While my dad was from Texas, my mom was from Pekin, Illinois, home of “the Pekin Chinks.” I think they became the Dragons sometime in the 70s. Just a few choice telling factoids from the history of this great country of ours.

    But I write because I am curious about a post some weeks ago, where you said something about how it is creepy to read or lurk on a blog if you once knew the person writing. Why is that? I am willing to believe it is true, but need an explanation. If I read a blog by an ex, why is that stalky or an invasion? Rest assured I do not think I know you, although I led a wild, dissolute life in my early days and have mercifully forgotten much of it. But I do read the blog of an ex of mine. I do not comment or post trollish comments or anything like that; didn’t she post her blog in the public blogosphere? So why is it creepy?

    And why am I flipped to a Find field at the bottom of my screen every time I hit my apostrophe key, leading to a more stilted than usual writing style?

    Yours, B. Dagger Lee a.k.a Miss Albanian Sworn Virgin at General J.C. Christian’s

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