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Jan 10 2006

Why Blogging Is Worthwhile

Promoted from the comments for obvious reasons:

A friend who worked as an EMT while getting her RN told me that at least once every month she and her crew would pull a dead dude out of a wrecked car with an Accujack clamped on his dick. That’s an automatic masturbater that you can plug into the cigarette lighter.

Thanks, Michael. And eew.

18 comments

  1. Tom

    More evidence, if any were necessary, that we should outlaw cell phone use in cars.

  2. Steph

    It’s this kind of stuff that makes me wonder how patriarchy and male domination actually survived this long.

  3. Matthew

    What a weird name for the product. Why would an automatic masturbating gizmo’s appeal be its… accuracy? What does that even mean?

  4. Ms Kate

    Well, with the carjacking device, no actual women were killed while outside of their seatbelts with their heads in the crumple zone.

    The stupid shit I did at 17 (mumble mumble).

  5. wheelomatic

    Matthew: A long time ago I remember seeing ads for “MasterJacks.” But those were old-fashioned things that one had to hand pump, like a bicycle pump, (hardly seemed like an improvement on the usual method) not one of these new-fangled electric jobbies that plug in to the cig lighter. (And may I just say “WOW” to that.)

    Maybe with the electronics you can dial-in the speed most suited to you needs with the utmost exactitude therefore the prefix “Accu.” Not too fast, not too slow, juuuuuust riiiiight.

    ok, I think I need to go sit down now.

  6. laughingmuse

    Whose idea was it to make sure that men could be masturbated while operating a vehicle?

  7. Will

    I seem to recall that there is a device for women that can be operated by remote control. The advertisment for it showed a woman control her vibrator, but I suspect the most prevalent buyers are boyfriends who want to operate it at parties.

  8. Sam

    “It’s this kind of stuff that makes me wonder how patriarchy and male domination actually survived this long.”

    It is amazing, isn’t it? Proof of the lack of any kind of ‘intelligent design’ so far as I can tell.

  9. Hattie

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

  10. sunny in texas

    darwinizing at its’ best!

    i am visualizing a non-profit org to distribute these things far and wide…

  11. Sylvanite

    Astounding the things you learn on this blog.

  12. Charles

    Where in the heck do you even buy that stuff? Can’t you just imagine some idiot at Walgreen’s: “Excuse me, do you stock any Accujacks?”

  13. Nebris

    Yay! I’m famous..and for all the wrong reasons, too. Double yay!

    ~M~

    ..come yee back from said Metroplex, Tia Twista..xoxox

  14. katrina

    Jerry: Elaine, do women know about shrinkage?
    Elaine: You mean like laundry?
    Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming…and it’s cold…
    Elaine: Oh! It shrinks?
    Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
    Elaine: Why does it shrink?
    George: It just does!
    Elaine: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

  15. badgerbag

    Those remote-control vibrators are totally for bachelorette parties. Y’all have any idea how many tipsy straight girls I’ve watched give each other orgasms by remote?… yeesh! I had no idea. Straight girl bachelorette parties are better than most actual lesbian sex parties!

  16. Mike

    Take it from this old fart, those Accujacks have been around for over 30 years (at least!) I remember seeing ads in adult magazines back in the 1970′s and joking about them with friends. No I never owned one of the goddamn things although I considered ordering a “Linda Lovelace Inflatable Woman with 3 Love Holes and a Vibrating Pussy”. It was only $59.95 plus shipping and handling, batteries not included. I was worried a future girlfriend would find the damn thing and either be totally outraged or die of a laughing fit or my family would find it after I kicked the bucket while fucking it so I nixed that idea. I really wonder about that story about paramedics finding people in car crashes with Accujacks attached…is that true or more likely just an urban myth? I will be pondering that all day! Cheers!

  17. Liz

    “I really wonder about that story about paramedics finding people in car crashes with Accujacks attached…is that true or more likely just an urban myth?”

    Snopes says: “Sorry, no matches were found containing accujack.” However, a search on masturbation brought up
    this delightful cornucopia
    of urban masturmyths.

  18. Nebris

    “an urban myth?”

    Well, I only know what I been told. Tammy, the EMT soon to RN, told me that she had seen this herself. She’s now a burn nurse who loves to ‘debree’ (sic?), meaning to scrape dead skin off burn victims and her best friend, who I dated for a while, was a pen pal of John Wayne Gacy when she was 16[I saw those letters], so these were [and still are] some odd gals, big Germanic blondes from the San Fernando valley.

    Things are strange out here…

    ~M~

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