Jan 25 2006

The Lettuce Chronicles: Fish Under Siege

All right, which one of you knuckleheads cameraphoned me this appalling photo of an innocent fish fillet besieged by what can only be described as frisée? Isn’t there pain enough in the world?


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  1. SneakySnu

    The horror! It’s alive, ALIVE! Just look how the pasta (or whatever it is) is hiding under the fish.

  2. Ron Sullivan

    What the hell?! The stuff levitates??

    Ok, well, maybe I need to rethink this. Though I suppose I’d eat a levitating sparerib, if I could catch it. Gee, I wonder if the property is infectious.

  3. Ms Kate

    Levitation? Or just a high aspic ratio. Vertical integration in anticipation of a large plate shortage?

    Either way, the sub frisee sector looks like that can of fancy feast I just served to Amelia Aercatt and Mario LeMiaux.

  4. Mandos

    High aspic ratio, hah. But it looks tasty to ME. And it will look tasty to YOU. IT WILL. IT WILL.

  5. Hank

    I also find the resting on a wad of spaghetti noodles more than a little disconserting.

    I made your curry last night. Super yummy. And there’s enough left over for lunch today. Mmmmm… curry…

  6. B. Dagger Lee

    Serving fish with a toupee is also very poopular here in NYC, but in good restaurants the chef includes a pair of green beans to double as boots. I too dislike the feel and taste of the hair lettuce. A little wiglet of gaggery. Me no likey.

  7. Sylvanite

    The frisee is sort of perched like a jaunty cap. I’m sure it’s just a clever ruse, to lull me into a false sense of security.

  8. Liz

    Would it be too pro-patriarchal to suggest that somebody really ought to give that poor fish a Brazilian?

  9. Chris Clarke

    The hell with the lettuce. Who on Cthulhu’s green and covered in dirt earth cooked that fish until it curled like that? Atrocity.

  10. Kelley

    Dear Twisty:

    More Ro-Tel!! More Bertie!!! I’m dying out here!! What with the impending confirmation of you-know-whom, I have to have something to distract me!!

  11. Stephanie

    What is with the stacking things on top of other things and asking me to eat them? Is it so wrong to do it like my mom did, and put the food in nice little clumps side by side? It fills out the plate nicely, and isn’t so tippy. I mean, I’m really not going to take a nice big bite altogether of pasta/fish/unspeakable greens in-is that aspic? Can we get an “Ew!”? I have to take the weird little tower apart to eat it anyway (well, the parts I’d be willing to eat. At this point that’s the pasta, which looks insipid but edible, unlike the fish, which Chris is right about, and the aforementioned cow bone/weeds atrocity.) I understand we like to present food creatively, but with this dish I am declaring the end of the “tower” plating trend. Like, now.

  12. LL

    Stephanie, thank you!! I suppose it’s pretty to look at, but it’s purtneer impossible to eat.

  13. Hattie

    You need to wilt the damn stuff, or something.

  14. Lauren

    I threw up in my mouth and I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Thanks A LOT!

  15. SneakySnu

    What is with the stacking things on top of other things and asking me to eat them?

    Good question, Stephanie! All that plate needs now is some kind of balsamic reduction squeezed “artfully” all over the plate. Somebody get me a radish rosette, stat!

  16. AndiF

    Siince my first look at the image was through the wrong part of my bifocals, I started off by wondering why Twisty was posting a picture of an octopus wearing a flowered hat.

  17. hippie

    That is just *wrong*. It’s defying gravity and growing millions of legs…

  18. CafeSiren

    Sadly, the frisee is the only thing that even approaches having any color on this plate. “I’ll have… oh, I don’t know. Just bring me a plate of something beige.”

  19. Charles

    Stephanie, you were awfully nice to the pasta by calling it “insipid but edible.” The stuff was clearly boiled to within an inch of its life and globbed carelessly onto the plate. Of course this is exactly how I cook pasta at home, but can’t we expect something better at a restaurant? I’m OK with plopping (properly cooked) fish onto mashed potatoes, but somehow pasta . . . no.

  20. lindsey

    Hahah I thought stacking food like that is only what little kids, and crazy college kids like me do with all the food on my plate from the dining hall that I tried but was completely inedible.

    B. Dagger Lee’s response was so hilarious that I almost peed my pants!

  21. jennifer

    Look, the crystalline entity travelled back in time and attached itself to some crappy piece of fish! Time travel must have taken a lot, though, cause it’s not doing much to that crappy piece of fish. Ah, the prescient days when the crystalline entity sucked all the life out of m-class planets.

  22. kathy a

    the lettuce posts, and especially this photo of aggressive, wiry tendrils atop something possibly too wicked to eat, are bringing back bad memories of parsley garnish from my youth.

    this wasn’t the parsley that you could use in cooking — it was strictly decorative. it was a uniform kelly green, with perky frou-frou leaves, and the consistency and taste of plastic. it was the goddess of garnish, back in the day. at least they didn’t plant it on TOP of food…

  23. Lorenzo

    I’m laughing out loud. At a thread about frisee in inapropriate places. LOL

    Also, as someone who is (culturally) Italian, I’m deeply offended by the inappropriate use of (OVERCOOKED!) pasta!

  24. Mandos

    You see those parsley garnishes sometimes still. I eat them.

  25. Ron Sullivan

    (Mandos gestures hypnotically.) We WILL? Uh-oh.

    Mandos, Mandos, Mandos. Don’t you know the difference between pussy and parsley?

    I don’t know; crystalline entity, maybe. I’ve been thinking about this while driving around half the back roads in Solano County not seeing mountain plovers, and I was thinking something about the vegetable version of Cthulu. On TOP of the FSM, yet.

  26. Sylvanite

    Unholy trysts are taking place under our very noses. Chthulhu and the FSM caught in flagrante delicto!

  27. laughingmuse

    The frisee looks like it’s “hanging 10” on a overcooked fish-board, riding the sea of limp pasta.

  28. Charles

    The crystalline entity obviously suffered horribly on its trip back through time.

  29. deviousdiva

    Oh I get it now. You’re supposed to EAT that thing on a plate. I thought it was some new WMD!

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