Jan 26 2006

Thursday Sandwich Blogging

I swear, this camera just makes shit up.

Behold the transmutative power of Holga! This chicken salad sandwich on a toasted cheese bun with bacon, corn and blackeyed pea relish, fruit salad with poppyseed dressing, chips and a dill pickle—a combo known to me since childhood as a “special” at the Mermaid Bar at Neiman-Marcus in Dallas—actually resembled lunch when I ate it.

Although it wasn’t as good as it used to be. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that the modern ubiquity of the panini grill is not altogether a fortunate development.


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  1. Sharoni

    Oh, Twisty! My brother (who is gay and has no children, nor is he likely to) sent me this site: http://www.wholesomewear.com
    and recommends it for all our daughters, and those of us modest “girls” that feel swimwear this season is just too risque or that our daughters need some fashion direction. He calls it a joke . . . We could print “I blame the patriarchy” on the backs of these lovely garments and have a real hit! It actually makes me want to hurl, but I think we need to come up with some equivalent swimwear for the guy who needs to hide his hairy parts, not to mention his overhanging belly . . . they are sadly lacking in such matters at the site.

  2. RCinProv

    Love the photo!

    Did it make up colors, did it just give it that gauzey impressionstic feel, or did the camera actually change your order?

    Gotta say, those, Twisty, that I love my panini maker. Had a great Cubano conncoction over the weekend. Now all I need is a cheap camera.

  3. SneakySnu

    Was the chicken salad really pink?

  4. whyme63

    I think I’m gonna call your Holga “Andy”…that lunch is positively Warholian!

  5. Jennifer

    Hey Twist-a-rific, how ’bout them Texas bugs? I would love to see more varmits, including Bertie. In addition to everything else that makes you fabulous, you’re a damn fine photographer to boot (present photo is exempted due to the Warhol camera).

  6. Hattie

    Impeach Bush! Oops, got off message there for a minute. Anyway, enjoy your eats.

  7. Ms Kate

    Still Life with Saltines was one of Cezanne’s great masterpieces. I didn’t know that the Needless Markup Food Gallery in Dallas had acquired it!

    As a former lifeguard, that swimwear looks like a frigging nightmare. Long hair lotsa cloth would make for numerous places to grab ahold of these drown-destined beauties who prolly never were allowed to learn how to swim!

  8. BritGirlSF

    What happened to your camera? Your food pics are normally so delectable that they make me want to head straight for the kitchen, but this one looks like something the dog already chewed up. What gives?
    Also, there’s something very strange looking about that bread. It’s all floppy. Bad panini machine.

  9. GraceD

    I dig the Holga. It’s snapshot-esque and even slightly 3-D.

    Whoa! Did you get a load of those swimsuits Sharoni linked to? You could drown in those things!

  10. kathy a

    at long last, twisty’s childhood secret attachment to N-M, revealed. the lunch actually sounds wonderful — the diners of my youth featured neither blackeyed pea relish nor poppyseed dressing.

    the holga may be better suited to brooding landscape shots… or else, back up about 12-18 inches next time, because the bottom of whatever was in the middle of the table came out pretty well.

  11. Betsy

    I like the swimwear! I thought a couple of the outfits were kind of cute. Not everyone feels comfortable in skimpy bathing suits. We’re not going to make fun of women who choose not to be on display — are we?

    And after all, we all choose clothing that covers up the body parts we don’t care to show. I mean, I won’t wear a Brazilian thong. Are the Brazilians (or whoever wears those things) entitled to ridicule me for over-modesty?

    I imagine the primary market for these swimsuits is Amish and Mennonite families that go on vacations to Florida and other seaside destinations (yes, in fact, they do).

  12. Ms Kate

    When I looked at the swimwear I thought “that looks like Old Believer stuff”.

    Then I looked at the phone number. Bang on! Aurora, Oregon is home to both a Russian Jewish Old Believer community (think Hasidic X Green Acres) and a Mennonnite community. Mennonites are akin to Amish, but they drive cars and tractors and happily sew traditional stuff out of space-age fabrics.

    What struck me most about the site: beautiful asthetics and nice design. Tis a gift to be simple …

  13. Twisty

    We’re not going to make fun of women who choose not to be on display — are we?

    We’re going to blame the patriarchy for creating an atmosphere that forces women to choose clothing based on the number of unwanted boners it is likely to inflame. This swimwear is no different from hijab.

    As far as the photo: the Holga, which is a $20 toy film camera with a plastic lens, invented those wacky colors all on its own. Don’t ask me how. Focusing with that thing is also a total crapshoot, and the film element adds another hilarious variable. Which crapshootiness is, for me, the whole point of the Holga.

    I’m no photographer. I usually shoot with a Canon 10D–which is a fancy digital SLR–through a $1500 wide angle zoom lens. This excellent equipment is the only reason my “normal” pictures look exactly like the things I point the camera at. The downside is that my regular pictures are too literal. But I’m not clever enough to figure out how to make the Canon behave in a moody way. Hence my fascination for the Holga. These are just a few of the trials that face the modern artiste.

  14. Ms Kate

    Oops, I messed that up. There are two groups that dress similarly and come from Russia and formed communities in the Willamette valley – the “Old Believers” per se are to Mel Gibson’s Dad as Peter the Great is to Vatican II. They are an ultra orthodox schism not accepting reform. There is a second group who are basically agrarian hasidim.

    Both wear similar clothing and cover their hair – but the Jewish men have those underwear tassles hanging out.

  15. wheelomatic

    What got me, besides the COLORS of the food, was it looked like the blueberries(?) were making a run for it. Up! Over the Wall! And AWAY!

    Also confusing was the “Slimming” style offerings for modest swim wear. If the whole point is to make the female form less able to incite woodiness in the male on-looker, then wouldn’t relative rotundity (assuming of course, adherence to the skinny=HAWT paradigm) be preferable? Maybe the wearers of such suits DON’T adhere said paradigm?

    Am I missing something?

  16. laughinmuse

    Now I want a good sandwich. It’s been a while. Dang.

  17. Sarah

    That swimwear does look dangerous. Lots of loose flappy parts to take on sand, snag, or entangle a swimmer. Imagine that skirt coming up around your arms–danger, danger. Like a snap would hold in surf, right. Let them wear wetsuits. Shorts with drawstrings and a sports bra work for me.

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