Feb 01 2006

Announcements From The System Lord


to everyone who has nominated me, or who has congratulated me on getting nominated, or who keeps meaning to congratulate me on getting nominated but just hasn’t gotten around to it yet, for the Koufaxes. Is now a good time to fess up that my real name is Andrew Smallstein, a 20-something dude doing a parody of a radical feminist blog?

Ha. Haha.

I’ve only been blogging seriously–by which I mean regularly–for about a year, during the first few months of which it seemed I was blaming to an empty room. So it’s been very gratifying to discover, after all, that so many people seem to enjoy patriarchy-blaming as much as I do. I especially appreciate the opportunity to have established this absurd public identity; after years spent pretty much in some public eye or other, I’d gotten used to it. I Blame The Patriarchy and its exquisite ballbusting readers have made my transition from scenester to spinster that much more agreeable.

Thanks Also

to everyone who has expressed an interest in how I’m doing, life-threatening disease-wise (for new readers, I allude to breast cancer, with which I was diagnosed last fall). Aside from the novelty of having an 8″ disfiguring scar where my favorite boob used to be, and of chemically-induced anaemia, menopause, baldness (including eyelashes and pubes!), assorted bodily function issues about which I am of a temperament too delicate to detail, and the short daily burst of self-pity, I am doing extremely well. Your support has meant a great deal to me. A special shout-out to my sister, who sits with me through 5 hours of chemo every single week. And another to MzNicky for the sanity-saving mantra “it will end” (I recommend this mantra to everyone who is enduring something hideous, such as a meal with your in-laws at a sub-par restaurant that employs polyester napkins, or when your singersongwriter friend makes you go to her open mic).

For the cancer-curious, my situation is this: I have infiltrating ductal carcinoma, also called “twistinoma,” diagnosed at stage 3. I have completed 2 months of chemo #1 (adriamycin and cytoxin). I have 7 remaining treatments of chemo #2 (taxol and herceptin). Following this will be six weeks of daily radiation. Following that will be another year of herceptin. Following that, party at my place! Mark your calendars.

Where’s My Comment?

Ever since the most recent retooling of the discussion section, folks have been reporting that their brilliant analyses aren’t showing up in the comments. While it may be true that Word Press eats the occasional gem, the far more likely contingency is that your post is stuck in the moderation queue.

What has happened is that some word in your post matches some word that my spamulator has been instructed to bring to my attention before publishing (I have had to resort to the spamulator because the blog attracts an absurd amount of comment spam–sometimes hundreds a day). So your comment gets chucked in the queue for my review. I try to moderate these as they come in during the day, but let’s face it, sometimes I actually leave my desk, like to go to the bathroom, or to eat a ham sandwich, or to swing my niece around by the arms, or to stand on street corners yelling at people. I also lounge around staring blankly into space for roughly 26 hours a day. But fear not. Your comment will appear sooner or later.

Now, look around you, find something in need of blaming, and blame it. It’s time for my nap.


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  1. Erbie

    And thanks to you, Twisty, for the year of patriarchy-blaming! Your unique way with words is a joy unto me. Best wishes for your continued blaming and successful riddance of cancer.

  2. Ms Kate

    We like you! We really like you!

  3. Sharoni

    We do like you! How do we nominate???? I want to nominate! I hope you’re feeling better after your nap, Twisty, and will enlighten us further.

  4. A White Bear

    Long ago, when I was writing another blog, Twisty Faster inspired me with her message that not all who claimed to be feminists were dildo-waving porn stars demanding hourly orgasms from the sex-addled masses. Some feminists actually care about women and their lives and the daily grind of belittlement that women are more likely to experience when we dare to get jobs and leave the house and claim the title of “human” for ourselves. Before I read Twisty, I thought the most recent feminist I agreed with was Frances Willard (1880’s). That’s pretty sad. Twisty changed my mind. Thank you, Twisty. I’ll never settle for less than my share of the proverbial subway seat again.

  5. Steph

    Thanks for a fabulous patriarchy-blaming blog. It’s one of the things that makes me remember how completely fucked up patriarchy is–and they ways it makes you think it’s not fucked up so you just ooze into stupifying sexbot/womb existence.

    Oh and for adding the words fucktard and sexbot to my vocabulary!

  6. antelope

    And Godbag! Thank you, oh Twisty, for giving unto us the word Godbag!

  7. Beth

    I’ve always been fond of dildo-wavers, myself…

    Now, I know that there has been a wave of packages bearing goodness to Twisty’s doorstep- did I miss the address being given? Where, praytell, may we send such things?

  8. Rene

    Congratulations on your Koufax nom! But what’s a Koufax? Is that the cyber Pulitzer or Man Booker or Nobel? If it is indeed recognition of your literary and rhetorical achievements, I wholeheartedly concur; if it’s some kind of judaeobaseball prize, well, I guess that’s cool, too.

    On an unrelated note, Robert Pollard has a new solo CD out that I’m reasonably sure you will dig.


  9. norbizness

    Smallstein! I told you to keep that on the down low!

    To very quietly answer Sharoni’s question, so as not to disturb our host, it’s the Koufax Awards hosted by the Wampum site. Right now, the nominations are plentiful (about 200 per category), and Twisty’s readers have nominated this place for Best New Blog and a few of her choice posts for Best Posts. Voting, which will produce finalists in each category, will begin as soon as all nominations in all caegories (I believe she’s up for a few more) are announced.

    So stay tuned pending the announcement on when voting opens up, then SWARM.

  10. Sharoni

    Thank you, Nor, I’m going now to nominate my little heart out! I know we all love and worship Twisty, and she’s bound to win out in the end.

  11. tisha

    I double the thanks to Twisty’s blog for increasing my patriarchy-blaming vocabulary: fucktard, sexbot . . . and asshat!

  12. norbizness

    Sharoni: Nominations are closed. Voting will happen in another week or so.

  13. Sharoni

    Thank you, I added that blog to my favorites and will watch for the voting.

  14. Amber

    I’m fairly new to this site but I sure am glad I came across it. Thanks for being so raw, Twisty. You’ve inspired me.

  15. MzNicky

    I’m honored to have been of help. Only 7 more chemo treatments! Yay! It’s almost over! And compared with chemo, radiation is a breeze. The end is coming! (repent! har-har)

  16. Janeen

    I know I’m not the first to say this here, but it bears repeating: Twisty for President! We can start a new political party and call it the Churlish Feminist Patriarchy Smackdown Party or somesuch, and put you on the ticket for ’08. At the very least you should be the Governor of Texas. Forget Kinky.

  17. Ancrene Wiseass

    “Blogular” should not be forgotten as yet another fantastic Twisty coinage.

    We heart you. And would all so totally make out with you. And then we would bring you Chapstick. And then we would make out with you all over again.

  18. Cass

    As it happens, Twisty, I’ve been meaning to get around to congratulating you on your nomination for the Koufax awards; I’ve also been meaning to get around to saying how much I enjoy dropping by your blog, which I’ve been doing regularly now for a few months. I work at a domestic violence agency and thus consider myself an experienced Patriarchy-blamer; sometimes the horror of it all gets to me, though, and I can’t imagine myself wielding another feminist argument, or opening another feminist book. I never feel hesitant about dropping by your place, though; you provide the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down, and in the most delighful way!!
    I’m so sorry for what you’re having to go through with your cancer, but you’ve got the right attitude: anything that’s temporary you can survive. As for self-pity, well, its not the noblest or prettiest of human sentiments; but sometimes, dammit, you’re entitled! Just keep concentrating on all the Tex-Mex you’ll be enjoying again one day, and I’ll look forward to your future reviews of Austin eateries..

  19. Nia


    The day you posted an entry about scallops with gremolata, I wrote a coment saying that I cannot imagine cooking without garlic, and asking you how much chemo you had left. Then I was called to dinner before clicking “send”, and now you answer the question I had in mind. Heh.

    The almost two years that you have left is about the time I will take to finish my dissertation on gender violence. maybe we can party together.

  20. Twisty

    I hope I have more than two years left!

  21. DrSue

    Don’t forget “obstreporal lobe.” I’ve penciled that one into my neuroanatomy books.

  22. Ms Kate

    I personally heart “fetus-fetishist” as my new all-purpose patriarchy blaming vocabulary word of the month!

  23. Lorenzo

    Congrats Twisty!

    Since I first encountered your blog (by way of Amanda @ Pandagon) I’ve been hooked. An unabashed radical feminist blog and a blogger with such an acerbic wit? Perfect!

  24. Helen

    Since discovering your blog a few months ago, I can’t go for more than a day or two without my patriarchy-blaming Twisty fix.

  25. Nia

    Twisty, I meant that you have two years of treatment!

  26. vinny

    just wanted to send more thanks and sisterly love. you rock.

  27. M

    Am hooked. Blog is great. Cancer is bad. Get well. Um… yes. *points up* what they said, basically.

  28. Ms Kate

    One thing I just can’t figure out here: how can anybody who loves food and eats so much be called “faster”?

  29. Twisty

    MsKate: I’m extremely light on my feet, for a glutton.

  30. tisha

    I just smacked down my knob ex-boyfriend for making a patriarchal fucktard-asshat comment about rape.

    And for that, I blame teh Twisty.


  31. Daphne

    I withheld comments on the frisee/salad debate, but am moved to comment on goddamned polyester napkins. If ever there was a tool of the patriarchy!

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