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Feb 01 2006

Chicken And The State Of Modern Cinema


Breast-o-chicken with mango-orange glaze, leftover fettucine Alfredo, and the thing they call “broccolini”

I got outside this tidbit while ruminating on Rebecca Traister’s justifiable complaint that there aren’t any female leads in any of this year’s best picture Oscar nominees. I tried to work up a head of patriarchy-blaming steam over this unsurprising revelation, because let’s face it, Hollywood is the epicenter of American misogyny and it is my sworn duty to mock it whenever possible, but in the end I just gave up. Why? Because I hate celebrities so much that I don’t give a limping rat’s ass if Nicole Kidman, or any other airbrushed fuckbot from the cover of People magazine, wins a stupid Academy Award.

Gimme the female equivalent of Napoleon Mormonface—i.e. a truly homely chick actor playing a putz with whom we’re supposed to sympathize—and we’ll talk. Like that’ll ever happen.

And don’t say “Strangers With Candy.” Because (a) Amy Sedaris is a hottie in real life and (b) that movie still hasn’t been released and (c) if you actually sympathize with Jeri Blank you’re the putz.

20 comments

  1. pluripotentate

    i haven’t seen it, but there’s “welcome to the dollhouse.”

    i also thought “secretary” gave us an at least different-looking and strange but sympathetic female lead.

    none of that this year, of course.

  2. Jennifer

    Welcome to the Dollhouse? Maybe?

  3. firefly

    Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)
    IMDd Plot Summary
    Insightful look at an unattractive 7th grader as she struggles to cope with un-attentive parents, snobbish classmates, a smart older brother, an attractive younger sister, and her own insecurities.

  4. virgotex

    On one hand I’m pleased Catherine Keener was nominated for Capote and that Transamerica even got on the roster, on the the other, i have a similiar Fuck the fucking oscars reaction.

    And re: homely. I’d take that. I”d also take anything other than emaciated waferthin fuckbots.

    We were watching “Kings and Queen”(Rois et reine) on DVD not long ago – French film by Arnaud Desplechin , made all the critics top 10 list at the end of the year- I’m not going to deconstruct it or anything but the lead actress – Emmanuelle Devos- was stunning. But she would never be cast in the lead of any major American film – she had hips, thighs, a butt, asymmetrical facial features, big horsey teeth. She looked like a real -fucking gorgeous- woman.

    I love broccolini! Second only to broccoli rabe.

  5. Steph

    Funny how the hollywood sexbots only win if they transform themselves into “regular women” or “homely women” or in some other body morphing way.

    I think they win for going back to their sexbot selves.

    And how about the most blatant performance by an actor in the “I know I played a gay man in a movie, but I’m really really straight” role?

  6. Rachel

    Let’s not forget how busy the Academy is honoring the hardships faced by the country’s pimps.

  7. Rachel

    Also: “Spirited Away”?

  8. Lavoris

    “Secretary” is about a hottie overcoming suicidal misery by taking the sub side of a BDSM relationship. I doubt Twisty would approve. And fuck “Transamerica.” Were there no transsexual actors for the part? It makes me mad as does the dude who had his legs digitally removed for “Forrest Gump.” Actors who don’t fit the businesses’ beauty stereotypes are passed over for “ugly” roles for pretty boys and girls who are then praised for their uglification. It’s all crap.

    Just gotta say, you take the best photos of food I’ve ever seen.

  9. jc.

    The Oscars is a definite “guess it´s full of injustice but I really can`t seem to care about the stupid ceremony anyway” Routine injustice in Hollywood is about as surprising as dogmatic injustice in religion.
    Todays swedish Dagens Nyheter newspaper had a peppy piece in the economy section about SAS´s first woman flight captain (the first woman pilot was in the late sixties). I read the piece in agonized suspense, the same sort of expectation one experiences when you know a catastrophe is going to happen, and sure enough my pessimistic hopes were not unsatisfied: “She is relaxed in a BROWN dress, finally a day at home with the family in their villa in Jarfalla.”
    Discrete but tastefully traditional.
    Thank god I didn`t have to spend the rest of the day wondering if she was clothed during the interview and if so what color her dress was.
    Unfortunately I was left in doubt as to wether she pilots naked.

  10. Grace

    I have to say, I love Felicity Huffmann. Both she and her husband seem to be real people.

  11. firefalluk

    How can you not love Judi Dench?

  12. virgotex

    Lavoris, I’m not gonna defend Transamerica too far because it’s not worth that much, and I didn’t think it was that good- I just like it when movies with any glbt content get within 10 feet of middle america.

    but regarding the concept of “acting,” are you suggesting that actors need to actually be in real life what they are playing on screen. Is that just when there is a somewhat physical component involved? So just because someone is a good actor and has the ability to sell the role emotionally isn’t enough?

  13. Finn

    Welcome to the Dollhouse, fer sher.

    Dawn’s experiences are clumsy-perfect (much more real and believable than Napoleon Dynamite BTW) and they nailed the ‘period’ of the piece, too.

    Twisty, you have to see this movie if only for the “band” scenes. ;-)

    -finn

  14. Amber

    Twisty gimme the recipe for that mango glaze potion. The chicken in my fridge wants it.

  15. Twisty

    Sorry, Amber, the recipe is one bottle of Terrapin Ridge Orange Mango Lemongrass Poultry Sauce. You could make your own, though, by combining some mango, some ginger, some garlic, some onion, some rice vinegar, some light brown sugar or honey, a little cornstarch, and some orange juice in a blender. Puree it, and cook it over low heat until it thickens up. Oh, and some lemongrass. And dunk your chicken in there, and pan-roast it at 425 for 10 or 15 minutes.

  16. Lisa

    Lavoris, why are you mad at Captain Dan’s legs being digitally removed in Forrest Gump? I could see if he was legless throughout the entire movie, it would have made sense to use a guy who actually had no legs, but in the first half of the movie, Captain Dan had legs, which would have been really difficult for an actor with no legs to simulate.

  17. Lavoris

    Lisa, I stand corrected. I never saw the first part of the movie, and will continue to avoid doing so if possible. But Virgotex, what I am suggesting is that there are a lot of transsexual actresses not getting work because of who they are. And apparently the producers thought that a TS playing a TS in a movie would be just too threatening, so they chose someone from “Desperate Housewives.” I’m not saying that she can’t play the part; I’m saying that the casting choice was discriminatory.

  18. LMYC

    Like all those white guys with shoe polish on `em who play Othello.

  19. Joanna

    Just for the record, Felicity Huffman made the movie before she was cast for Desperate Housewives. It was rejected all over town, and finally was made for a (relatively) paltry $1 million. That doesn’t address the question of whether there are a bunch of mft folks out there with acting chops, but this is not King Kong we’re talking about.

  20. frippy

    I’ve been thinking we need a movie with a sympathetic homely female character in it, but if it does happen, sadly, there will be a fuckin’ TRANSFORMATION scene where she gets all hot and sexxxxy and gets a dude, which is all she ever really wanted/needed anyhow. I hate transformation scenes with all of my black little heart. I was the nerd girl who never got magically turned into the hotty and I hate films that assume that’s all the nerd girls want. I didn’t want to be transformed, I wanted the world to transform instead. Maybe because I’m lazy, I don’t know.

    I think “Dollhouse” takes a bit too much delight in its cruelty towards the protagonist but it’s more realistic than any other film with a girl nerd in it.

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