Feb 08 2006

Wednesday Dog vs. Baby Blogging

Wednesday is Baby Dogfight Day at the Twisty Bungalow. We Fasters enjoy betting on the outcome of these weekly bouts.


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  1. laughingmuse

    It’s an adorable/cranky throwdown! Sweet!

  2. Kelley

    I’ll put 20 bucks on the baby!!!

  3. laughingmuse

    … it’s like a tiny yelling Sumo threat against a mini-Dogzilla fluffy menace!

  4. Tom

    We used to have similar battles in the Ambivalent household, the family room rug surrounded by hard-drinking gamblers clutching wads of cash in their tattooed fists. It was remarkable how fast the dog learned to lose, given that the reward for victory would be court-ordered euthenasia.

    Also, I think it’s nice and friendly how your comments page welcomes me back by name. Does your comments page have a name, so I can greet it in return?

  5. Jodie

    sooooo cute! Awwwwww.

  6. Miriam

    *lmao* I love that you stopped to take a picture instead of scooping up the baby. That makes me inexplicably happy.

  7. A White Bear

    Clearly, Bert is eating something or coughing up. No golden retriever has ever made that face out of malice.

  8. Deborah

    I am overwhelmed by the mighty power of Cute.

  9. robin

    Adorable! Funny!
    now let’s hope you don’t get any humorless comments about your insensitivity to the baby-mauled dogs of the world, eh?
    (“as a witness to a terrifying baby-mauling, I’m offended by…”)

  10. Sharoni

    As a witness to someone getting bit on the face by (their own adored) dog, I say watch out. Was Bert jealous? Was he distressed because the baby was lounging on his bankie? Hopefully, as A White Bear pointed out, the dog was coughing up something. But then, what was he coughing, and did it land on the baby? I do think that the baby should win, but let’s face it, the dog at this point is tougher and has quicker reflexes, not to mention the ability to hold his head up.

  11. Liz

    I know it’s a long shot but I’m putting my cash on baby eviscerates dog. BUT NOT LITERALLY!!!

  12. Kaka Mak

    “Bertie there?”

  13. robin

    Just to be clear, I find nothing funny about babies getting mauled by dogs… and even the most well-tempered dog can bite if threatened or startled.
    I was just making a little jokey about dogs getting mauled by babies…

  14. darkymac

    Ceci n’est pas un Bert.

  15. Clare

    We’ve been trying for YEARS to do dog/baby races but no one will volunteer their child. We’ve got the dog, we just need someone to provide the baby. The kid has a definite chance at winning, since the dog is known to lick babies, especially if there is a whiff of food on them, get distracted by knocking and squeaking noises, and is easily slowed down by sudden urges to lick his privates and ineffectually scratch his ears.

  16. Twisty

    Darkymac is correct; the dog is Bert’s cousin Fletch, who wouldn’t bite a baby with a ten-foot pole. And menacing though the baby looks, no dogs were harmed in the taking of this photo.

  17. Carol

    Yep, that’s one great big cutie pie you’ve got there.

    The baby’s pretty cute, too.

  18. Hissy Cat

    My, what lovely yellow fur that baby has, and such adorable floppy ears, too!

    I’m told that my extended family amused themselves in the lead-up to the first Thanksgiving after I was born (I’m a May baby) by placing bets on who would weigh more come turkey day– the big bird or baby me. I don’t know who won, but man, this is so much cuter.

    C’mon, Baby! Go Fasters!

  19. Kelley

    Wait, I’ll expand my bet. Fourty bucks says baby drops dog in five moves!!!

  20. Violet Socks

    What nice big teeth Fletch has!

    In my family we have only dogs, no babies. When my Dad was in the hospital, my sister-in-law brought him some new photos of the dogs and propped them up on the window sill where he could see them. He told the nurse, “Those are my grandchildren!”

  21. Q Grrl

    With both my brother and myself being queerbots, when my dog had puppies my mom, in all her laced-tight Prussina pride asked, “Does this then make me the Grandbitch?”

  22. Betsy

    For the love of golly, get that baby away from the dog’s teeth.

  23. Chris Clarke

    The dog is smiling nicely, folks. Zeke does it all the time. We humans bare our teeth to show pleasure and occasionally love, and a good dog will often mimic the behavior in an attempt to conform.

    Zeke didn’t learn it from us, though. He learned it from a big ol’ black Doberman where we lived in Oakland, nicest dog you’d ever want to know, who’d grin at passersby and make them leap across the street.

    If that was a snarl, Fletch’s ears would be pinned back, and his(?) head would not be extended all the way from his shoulders like that.

  24. Chris Clarke

    Oh, and NB the lack of eye contact on the dog’s part. Relaxed and happy.

  25. Marian Needham

    I will put my money on the beast with teeth. And such nice, white teeth they are. If Fletch did bite that baby, I wouldn’t blame him anyway – I’d have to blame the patriarchy. I’m about a week away from getting a new Golden puppy. Unlike babies, one can’t have enough Golden puppies. My Goldens love kids so much I thought about having some for them. I thought better of it, though. For one thing I can’t afford kids, I have dogs.

  26. bitchphd

    When did Bert get so BIG???

    Also, I love it that the baby is laughing.

  27. bitchphd

    Ah, it’s not Bert. Should read comments before posting.

    I think it’s funny that Chris interprets the dog’s expression, and I interpret the baby’s.

  28. Chris Clarke

    I think it’s funny that Chris interprets the dog’s expression, and I interpret the baby’s.


  29. Chris Clarke

    Oops. I missed noticing the leg out front. Fletch could also be currying fur with front teeth or somesuch.

    Either way, relaxed and happy.

  30. Ledasmom

    Those two are plotting something, probably something involving the consumption of disgusting things found on the floor.

  31. Betsy

    I love dogs and agree this dog’s expression is affectionate. But babies are unpredictable, have different behavior patterns than older children and adults. No baby should ever be so close to a dog’s mouth that someone would not have time to intervene in the unlikely event of a conflict. Why not play it safe?

  32. Chris Clarke

    You’re probably right, Betsy. My viewpoint’s colored by fifteen years of watching babies hang from Zeke’s ears and lips with no subsequent hospital visits.

  33. bitchphd

    B/c Twisty hates babies, obviously.

    Actually, in all seriousness, I often let PK do things that are potentially dangerous: it’s a risk / benefit analysis kind of dealio. The problem with keeping babies and small children safe is that doing so means not letting them explore things that, well, could be dangerous. So, I figure, probable fatal kind of dangerous (i.e., cars) okay, be firm about that. But things that are unlikely, or that if they happen aren’t likely to be seriously damaging, it’s best to allow the kid to do it b/c the probable result (expansion of the kid’s world, independence, confidence) outweighs the small risk.

    ‘Course, my kid’s been scratched by the cat more than once.

  34. anne

    I’m thinking… that there is a lot of thinking going on over this photo. Goldens are baby dolls for the most part. Babies I can’t speak for, but their parents will – mostly – whisk them away from harm if they can.

    The picture is great, as if that needs saying.

  35. Liz

    I only wish the picture came with sound effects.

  36. Ms Kate

    Babies howling at growling loyal curs on the floor?

    When did you start covering the US House?

  37. rachael

    I bet that dog won’t think the baby’s so nice when it gets a hold of his fur!

  38. Dean

    Hey, Twisty –

    I like the new digs, and I see that your many fans have followed you to your new URL.

    And to think, I remember when a post on IBTP would generate only a handful of comments! You seem to have really “caught on,” and deservedly so, for your writing is both funny and insightful.

    The dog/baby photo is quite funny, and it also pleases me to see what looks like a slight smile on your face in the Twisty/baby photo a post or two before that. I hope this year is better for you than the last, and wish you continued strength and orneriness to keep on blamin’.

  39. Adrienne

    First thing I thought when I saw that picture was there must have been something stuck to the blanket that the dog was trying to get at. Some kind of food particle no doubt. My dog has that same look every time he tries to scrape a flattened piece of gum off the sidewalk.

  40. Carol

    Fear not, Nervous Nellies. As soon as that blob of baby and assorted bodily fluids pops out of you, you are endowed with near superhuman powers that allow you to defy the space-time continuum in order to snatch your child out of harm’s way before others in the vicinity even catch on that there’s trouble. I’m sure it’s a Darwinian adaptation.

  41. wheelomatic

    Ms Kate RE comment 35

    Ah hah ah ahahahahahaa! yeah, what you said.

    I vote for dog is sneezing and baby was startled by noise and flying dogsnot. But I could be projecting.

  42. Twisty

    OK, here’s what happened. Baby stuck finger in dog’s face. Dog got itch on face. Dog scratched itchy face on rug. Also, dog is wholly harmless baby-loving golden retriever. Also, Mother was inches away.

    FYI: a dog performing an actual violent baby-killing snarl would have its eyes open and its ears pinned back and its hair standing on end. Golden retrievers of decent lineage are genetically incapable of snarling.

  43. Chris Clarke

    Ah! So I was wrong! How unusual.

  44. M

    Carol – those Scientist types have proved it you know:

    (it would take more than increased ability to multi-task to make me want my own though).

    So you can whisk the baby out of harm’s way while reading Satre and doing yoga. Probably.

    And as for safety – those children-things are very resilient. I survived a relative’s Jack Rusell (body count: 1 pet rabbit, 1 sheep, other things too dismembered to tell, my dad’s leg etc) with minimal intervention from parents.

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