Cast your jaundiced eye over the pinkfaced perv pictured above. He is wealthy Oregonian Loren Parks, who hits the Ass-Bag Trifecta by being a nutbag, a rightwingbag, and a dirtbag all at the same time. Greymatters hipped me to his outrageous website, the so-called Psychological Research Foundation, Inc, wherein he purports to offer “self-therapy for depression, phobias, anxiety, headaches, allergies, sleep problems, dyslexia, stage fright, etc.”
And of course “Lovemaking Techniques For Men.”
“A woman,” quoth Parks, who is not a licensed medical professional and who uses hyp-mo-tizing techniques to totally sockit to the ladies, “who arouses quickly and climaxes intensely and repeatedly is a real joy to be in bed with. I have encountered few of them EXCEPT those I created using the sex techniques I’m about to tell you about.”
Holy Mother of Tossed Salad. The hubris! The hubris! There are so many hilarious exerpts I hardly know where to start.
– A GIMMICK: Try to get your wife to role play. Have her imagine she’s a prostitute and play that role.
– Remember, with a normal functioning woman there’s essentially no limit to the number of climaxes, and by your suggestions you can make them bigger. Of course they are mostly brought on by your fingers in the vulvar area. You can’t talk to her if your mouth is down there.
– Most American women are slow to climax and/or are inadequate responders and they fail to climax or their orgasms are so-so or they fake it. They usually lubricate poorly.
– If she can’t come, she may need to add 500 mg. histidine (an amino acid) 30 minutes or so before meals
– Talk softly into her ear, saying words like “It feels so good to be loved, caressed, held closely. Feels so good.” That last phrase must be given repeatedly but not mechanically. Fit it in with other patter. “Keep your mind right under my hand and feel the good feelings building up. Feels so good, so good, etc.”
– It’s no fun to try to have sex with a sack of potatoes.
– Being a hypnotist and she was a good subject, I proceeded to use the deep trance (amnesia and hallucinatory phenomena) to change her into various other women friends or relatives of hers and then make advances.
– I once gave a partner the suggestion in the deep trance that she was a sex machine–a character I defined for her. Let me tell you, that short woman was so wild that I, (6’2″), could only take it for a short while.
– If she has emotional blocks to responding, she may need therapy.
On the upside, it seems unlikely that there’s any way this penisface ever persuaded a real woman to sleep with him. At least, we can hope.
[via Loaded Orygun]