Feb 21 2006

No Post Today

I can’t think of a damn thing to write about. So here’s your chance to complain about anti-porn feminists or the impending extinction of male gynecologists, or describe how BDSM saved your marriage, or celebrate male prostitutes, or even, god forbid, something that doesn’t have to do with sex, and I’ll butt out.


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  1. Kristina

    I just want to say that as a graduate of a Christian university that attempted to impose policy to fire employees who got divorced, my budding, patriarchy-blaming soul is absolutely thrilled by your website. Since you couldn’t think of anything to write about, I have a question. What’s your take on The Bachelor? Suddenly it is everywhere and I can’t even watch CNN without hearing about it.

  2. firefly

    Well chalk up a win for the Patriarch Blamers- Larry Summers erstwhile President of Harvard University (yup the one who gave a speech on how female DNA keeps women from excelling at the sciences, which prompted a number of women scientists to exit the room) is resigning as President of that august institution as of June 30th, making his one of the shortest tenures in Harvard history. Conjecture has it that his resignation is a result of a vote of no confidence by the Harvard faculty, who have been in full blown revolt.
    College Republicans throughout the internet are screaming that his forced resignation is caving in to the “suppression of free speech” by the -well you know what they call Patriarchy bashers but I refuse to use terms coined by patriarchy wannabes. Hurrah for this slap back of an effort by Summers and his ilk to reinstitute 19th definitions of female mental capacities. It’s good to see that the profs of Harvard, many of the bightest minds in the country aren’t going to put up with turning back the clock.

  3. suezboo

    When we got our democracy in 1994, we women had a lot of input via the Womens Caucus and so forth. So, we got totally mysogyny-free abortion laws. Safe, legal, no conditions etc. This week, a group called Doctors for Life took a case to the Constitutional Court (our highest) claiming that the Constitution had been violated by this law on technical legal grounds. And so the wingnut menace spreads worldwide (much like avian flu, but more deadly).SA women are on tenterhooks because it seems as if the law, and therefore abortions, will have to be suspended while discussions takes place.

    Why do they hate us so?

  4. Mandos

    “Old Bay” seasoning is gross. Or whatever it is the grocery store used when steaming the shrimp I bought.

    See, because I was making a very spicy curry, I didn’t really need the shrimp to be ultra-fresh, so when they offered to steam them for me, I said yes. Of course, I expected just STEAMED shrimp. I didn’t expect them to put this horrible spice concoction on it which had nothing to do with the curry I was actually making.

  5. Chris Clarke

    Mandos, Mandos, Mandos. How deluded can one person… no wait. I agree with you.

    I will say the stuff ain’t bad on soft-shell crabs. Or for disguising inedible fish such as escolar in order to play mean practical jokes on people. Escolar in Old Bay seasoning, of course, is best presentationed on a bed of frisee, with Olestra-containing fat-free Tater Tots on the side.

  6. LMYC

    Will someone please tell me why the fuck I insist on spending $5 for what amounts to a mint-flavored coffee slushy?

    Aside from that I’m a moron, I mean.

  7. ampyx901

    The best thing I ever used in the preparation of shrimp is Zatarain’s Crab Boil. The vapors make your eyes tear up in the kitchen while the shrimp is boiling (only in a copper-bottomed kettle), but the end product is heaven.

  8. Paris

    Why oh why does my box scheme insist on giving me tomatos? Don’t they know it is February? And we are in England?

    Can I blame the patriarchy?

  9. Liz

    It’s too damn cold and rainy for Mardi Gras. They even cancelled the Krewe des Chiens dog parade Saturday. I blame the evereffing patriarchy. Mandos: what is your shrimp curry recipe? I need something really warm about now. But hold the Tater Tots on frisee.

  10. wheelomatic

    I blame Chris Clarke for making me lose my appetite.

    But as long as we are playing that game, don’t forget the orange Jell-O mold with grated carrots and halved green grapes floating inside topped with Miracle Whip. No, not Kool Whip: Miracle Whip, This is a salad people!Yesssss……..imagine it….mmmmmm

  11. bitchphd

    I hate myself today because it’s Tuesday already and I haven’t gotten a goddamn thing done on any of the THREE pieces I need to finish before the end of March. Hate, hate, hate.

    In other news, y’all can break out the half-price advent calendars and start counting down to the end of abortion. I wonder if any enterprising ob/gyns would be willing to stick their necks out and take on lay apprentices in preparation?

  12. alyx

    There was a news report on cosmetic surgery a couple of nights ago; specifically, the increasing number of Australian teenage girls pestering their parents for said surgery to correct their perceived flaws. When I heard of this vile case of patriarchal mind poisoning, I exclaimed something to the effect of “that’s terrible!” Then my brother (who’s going on thirteen and my junior by nearly a decade) shrugged and said, “It’s their bodies. They can do what they like with them.” (It starts so young!)

    When I proceeded to tell him about the insane amount of pressure put on young girls to subject their bodies to all sorts of primitve rituals in order to hew to patriarchally-approved beauty standards, he said, “Ok, so teenage girls are too young to have cosmetic surgery to fix their looks. But women forty and over should be allowed to have it.” Incredulous, I asked him why.

    “Have you SEEN the wrinkles on some women? They’re the ones who NEED it,” came the reply.

    Pardon the language, but I blame the fucked-up, asshat Patriarchy.

  13. Chris Clarke

    Now I should say, having successfully done the Tater Tot Troll Thing (I AM NOT A TROLL). that the non-fat-free kind are pretty acceptable if you put Thai sweet chili sauce on them.

    I served them at a somewhat fancy party at a friend’s house about twenty years ago, and a couple of the guests at said party, who had lived socially deprived childhoods in the Hamptons, marveled at them and asked me for the recipe.

    My secret: I put a cocktail toothpick in each Tot.

  14. schatze

    Speaking of disgusting and like Old Bay, also from the state of Maryland is State Comptoller and octogenarian Don Schaefer who had an assistant come back after delivering coffee, so he had a second chance to leer at her sashay and was videotaped. The sad thing is he apologized and has no idea what for. http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2006/02_16-57/GOV

  15. Hissy Cat

    I like bunnies. Little fluffy, furry bunnies. I wish there were, like, bunny petting stations all over the city where I could just stop and play with the bunnies. I blame the patriarchy for the dearth of bunnies in my life.

  16. Dana

    Every morning I drink my coffee out of a gigantic, pink, ceramic mug. The mug has Tinkerbell (the fairy) on it – and parts of her body stick out slightly from the mug. On closer inspection, it was discovered that her breasts and her butt stick out from the mug. Every morning, while I’m drinking my coffee, I’m also fondling Tinkerbell’s ass.

    The best part? After it was discovered, several of my friends also went to buy Tinkerbell mugs so they could do it too. We’re a bunch of Tinkerbell butt-fondling women.

    I feel better now that I’ve confessed that.

    In other news, and totally unrelated, I’m drinking two mugs of coffee every morning.

  17. sparkledark

    I used to have 2 bunnies. Now I have none. I work at a pet store though and I play with the bunnies everyday. It really helps.

  18. jenofiniquity

    My kids and I were watching a TV show the other night together. An ad for a cleaning product — I forget which one — came on, which showed a woman leaping ecstatically through her house while she cleaned it. I said, “Kiddos, why do you think commercials for cleaning products only show *women* cleaning house, never men?” My 5-year-old gave the question careful consideration, then said thoughtfully, “Because men have to work?” Not that I work, or anything, or that she sees both her parents doing dishes and making dinner. IBTP.

  19. Kate

    Okay, Chris Clarke et al., what the hell are tater tots? You crazy Murkins have all these wacky foods.

    On food related subjects it pains me to inform the patriarchy blaming readership that here in Perth, WA, (Australia), we have no good tacos. At all. Australia in general has a real dearth of Mexican (or even Mexicanish) food. So reading about Twisty’s tacos makes me want to weep, because I became somewhat addicted to them when I travelled in the US.

    If any talented taco makers want to immigrate, Perth is a nice city with lovely beaches, long summers and a very high standard of living!

  20. Joanna

    I recommend Spud Puppies as an organic alternative to Tater Tots.

    And, as a sign that our work in not all in vain, today I read an assignment in which a white male student cited Patricia Hill Collins and black feminist theory to talk about the intersection of oppressions.

  21. Sam

    Hey Hissy Cat, I’ve had the idea for a long time that someone could make a ton of money off “kitten therapy” where a person reclined on a soft mattress has a dozen or so kittens placed on top of them for adorable, aw-inducing soul therapy. This is what managing a nonprofit bookstore for non-invasive, medicine-free alternative health can lead to if you do it too long and read too many professional articles.

    I’d pay for ten minutes in a cozy room full of kittens, I just haven’t worked out how much yet.

  22. Summer

    Someone from my very, very small town found my blog, printed out parts of it, sent copies of choice bits to family members, downloaded the entire thing, burned it to cd, and has distributed them all around town. I just found out today. I’m floored.

    So much for “blogging naked,” eh?

    I wish I had a Tinkerbell mug.

    It would be good for smashing right about now.

  23. bitchphd

    I love Tater Tots.

  24. LL

    Tater tots are vile. I wish I could like them, because I love any other combination of potatoes and hot grease, but their texture makes me gag.

    In other wonders – I just spent $30 at Office Depot getting my daughter’s science textbook printed from CD because she hasn’t had a book all semester – in an integrated physics/chemistry class. Who can I blame??

  25. ginmar

    I want mu shu pork. And I want it right now. But I do have kittens.

  26. LMYC

    alyx, remind your brother that men are the ones whose asses flatten out and who lose their hair. Seriously. Whoever said women age worse than men wasn’t wearing their glasses. Men age SHITTY. Time to say it out loud. We keep our hair and our asses may sag a bit, but we still got `em.

    Point of consideration: including me, FIVE of closest female friends who are either in or nearing our forties have started graduate school or gone to get another degree.

    Male midlife crisis: buy a convertible and start trying to screw teenagers.

    Female midlife crisis: an advanced degree.

    I love being a woman sometimes. We ROCK.
    Male asshats who take offense: fuck off.

  27. Chris Clarke

    I want mu shu pork.

    I agree with ginmar.

  28. LL

    No kittens, but I gots cats and cheap red wine. Who knows a good mu shu pork delivery place???

  29. ginmar

    They make mu shu chicken, too. And excellent spring rolls. And chicken with garlic sauce. Sigh.

    Weirdness. I eat this stuff for breakfast, but I eat cereal for dinner. I’m just not attracted to cereal in the morning. I want lasagne.

    Oh, there’s a good Indian place over here, too. Sigh….Food.

  30. Becker

    Tater tots are wonderful, mostly because you have to wonder how someone thought them up, just before popping them into your mouth.

  31. Flamethorn

    I’ve got some leftover General Tso’s chicken if anyone wants some.

  32. Jodie

    I had a study audit today. It didn’t go as well as I’d like and I’m tired and cranky. I blame the patriarchy (OK, it had more to do with my recordkeeping and their poorly designed data capture sheets, but I think the patriarchy slides by enough that this time it can take the rap).

  33. Rachel

    If anyone’s into patriarchy-blaming in the cinematic establishment, there’s Alex Jackson from Film Freak Central that needs a good defenestration. Excerpt from far-ish down:

    “…masculity is the inherently superior perspective because I am a man. Zacharek’s lack of masculinity significantly reduces her utility as a critic for me.

    Consider these two perenial questions: what is a woman? What is a man? Do those words have any defined meaning, or should they more or less be retired from the lexicon entirely. Or strictly replaced with the terms “male” and “female” which are to only refer to the mechanics of sexual reproduction?

    I’m kind of going to the extreme in divorcing gender entirely from biology actually. Zacharek [a reviewer he’s dissing] is a woman and I am fully expecting her to act like a man if she is to have any use to me.

    One of the unsurmountable primary problems that I have about feminism is what the official line on femininity is. Does feminity need to be destroyed and do woman need to assume a masculine identity? How much of what we define as feminine enables the further subjugation of women, or makes it easier to accept their subjugation?

    I mean isn’t a woman who likes Casanova kind of like a black man who likes fried chicken and watermelon? She kind of reinforces all those negative stereotypes about women.”

    I love the reviews on the site, and it saddens me terribly that they’ve just taken on this loon.

  34. lexicon

    Amazing how once sex was off the table we all start talking about food. Who said humans aren’t animals?
    In that vein, reading the Twisty archives until the wee hours last night stoked in me a hunger for comida mexicana. I went taco hunting after work today and I’m sure my haul would have made Twisty’s spinster aunt heart proud.

  35. kactus

    I blame the patriarchy for menopause. And bad spelling. There, I said it.

  36. Hissy Cat

    My cat has three legs. She totally blames the patriarchy.

  37. CafeSiren

    It’s apparently common here in southern California for parents to offer to “reward” their teenaged daughters for good grades through High School with a boob job as a graduation present. That’s high school graduation.

    Southern California the Patriarchy.

  38. Becker

    Since this is a free-for-all thread, I would like to announce my intention to quit my job at Wal-Mart on July 4, 2006 after 13 years of servitude. I invite anyone else working for corporate America to join me.

    Think of it as that day when you don’t buy gas, or that day when you don’t use your ATM card, but actually important. You have four months to prepare. Then quit. All of us. July 4.

  39. ellie

    I stood in line for ten minutes, waiting to apply for my son’s passport. They wouldn’t accept the photos we had taken at the UPS (unqualified Photography Students) Store because they were too dark, so we had to go back and have them retaken. The UPS Store blamed my kid, saying his fro cast a shadow on his face. Finally got decent pics, got back in line at the clerk’s office, and paid an extra $60 for expedited service, meaning we should have his passport in 6 weeks, ten days before he leaves for Mexico.

    I blame the Patriot Act.

    Wait. What?


    Okay I blame the Patriarchal Idiots who wrote the Patriot Act.

  40. Sibyl

    I blame the patriarchy for anti-porn feminists.


    Because they don’t have a problem forming alliances with musty old godbags who hate women and want pornography banned for entirely different reasons (namely, their fear and loathing of the female body and anything that even remotely smacks of agency therewith). Worse, they don’t give a good goddamn about the actual women involved in pornography and sex work — they’ll pay lip service to “economic coercion,” but they don’t get that banning porn and sex work would put a lot of economically-disadvantaged women out of work, or drive them underground where they can get arrested (the pornmakers and pimps, meanwhile, staying safely behind the scenes and collecting all the money). And after they talk about how these poor women are coerced, they turn around and blame them for betraying their gender and participating in sexual assault against white, liberal, middle-class feminists who’ve never been that desperate for survival.

    Yes, I wish that women didn’t have to sell their bodies to get by. Until someone presents a viable employment alternative, they’re going to keep on selling, because it pays. Support education and job-preparation programs if you want to get women off the streets and out of the studios.

  41. Becker


    Your anti- anti-porn feminist post suggests a connection between porn acting and waitressing, since both professions are havens for women with few job opportunities, but I confess I’m not smart enough to join the two.

  42. Becker

    I mean hell, obviously, since I’m not smart enough to spell Sibyl correctly. My apologies.

  43. Round Rob'n

    Best news all day: No more Lawrence Summers!

    Have a great day off.

  44. Rachel

    If anyone’s into patriarchy-blaming in the cinematic establishment, there’s Alex Jackson from Film Freak Central that needs a good defenestration. Excerpt from the blog comments:

    “…masculity is the inherently superior perspective because I am a man. Zacharek’s lack of masculinity significantly reduces her utility as a critic for me.

    Consider these two perenial questions: what is a woman? What is a man? Do those words have any defined meaning, or should they more or less be retired from the lexicon entirely. Or strictly replaced with the terms “male” and “female” which are to only refer to the mechanics of sexual reproduction?

    I’m kind of going to the extreme in divorcing gender entirely from biology actually. Zacharek is a woman and I am fully expecting her to act like a man if she is to have any use to me.

    One of the unsurmountable primary problems that I have about feminism is what the official line on femininity is. Does feminity need to be destroyed and do woman need to assume a masculine identity? How much of what we define as feminine enables the further subjugation of women, or makes it easier to accept their subjugation?

    I mean isn’t a woman who likes Casanova kind of like a black man who likes fried chicken and watermelon? She kind of reinforces all those negative stereotypes about women.”

    I love the reviews on the site, and it saddens me terribly that they’ve just taken on this loon.

  45. Betsy

    I had a good phone conversation with my mom and my best friend today. It had been a while. It was just what I needed. ‘Cause earlier today I had had to chair a meeting earlier and I was nervous. I screwed up somewhat and it made me wonder about if I could handle the job. ‘Course I blame the patrimalarkey.

  46. Carol

    I do have a bunny, but it’s a male bunny and therefore presumably part of the bunny patriarchy. It’s a shame, because he’s awfully cute. I am going to get him neutered, though, so maybe that will help. When I was pregnant, my ob/gyn suggested that if we weren’t planning on having any more kids, I should get my tubes tied (I believe his words were “as long as we’re in there”)and I laughed in his face. I told him I’d done enough already and my husband could get HIS tubes tied.

  47. Sunya Harjis

    My work, which is of course a thing of the utmost possible importance for national security and economic strength, allows me some time here and there to dot the hours with a bit of light reading. I’ve been whiling away the minutes with the short stories of Chekov, especially of the 1888-1895 vintage – but slowly, carefully, because in these late and depraved times each story is very rich. The good ones are incomparably rich indeed and must be shoved out of mind with a vengeance if I mean to finish anything at all for the rest of the day.

    A Woman’s Kingdom has many traditional readings, but I have my own one of secret feminist delight: here is a woman patriarchally irreproachable in every way – beautiful, sensitive, virtuous, intelligent, loving, rich, yet artlessly modest and sensible and quite humanly afraid of freedom – and though she longs to commit herself to the mastery of a husband, she has no equals in her town! Every match available to her would involve the waste of some glorious attribute or another. The deepest and most foolish waste of all is that nobody cries for her, all the while they are trading on her charity and enjoying her sympathies, and because she is a woman she never even thinks to seize her factory and lawyer and servants in hand and command them as a man would. A story about the tragedy and paradox of being an excellent woman.

    But it’s this one, for which I prefer the more piquant title “A Boring Story”, that makes me quail and shake the most. Because I think this is a story about a Sunya that might have been, and also about a Sunya that could still be; loving, as I do, logic and politics a little too well, although they’ve never done jack for me, isn’t it true that I could become in my arrogance that inward-gazing and crumbling and isolated? The man in the story – couldn’t that happen to anyone who runs out of the fire and vigor of youth? I’m a difficult person, but I have flattered myself for a long time to think that (naturally) my genius and generosity make my violent, willful, and mercurial nature somehow delightful… after reading this story I wonder if I haven’t been too concerned with imposing my radiance on people and too little concerned with simple conversation and fellow feeling. I do agree with Chekov that few things are more penetratingly sad as lack of intimacy and understanding, but I also feel that if everyone in that story were just a little bit stronger, a little more willful, a little more – more – whatever it is that I am that will magically keep me from turning into them… (I do have such a quality, do I not?)

    Was that fear and apprehension the author’s intention or not? Either way, I have been reading Chekov at work, and I should be more careful with him.

  48. nobody

    As a woman, I sometimes feel guilty for disliking most of the women I meet. I find a lot of them to be competitive, jealous, and even malicious. Why are so many women so mean? I once worked with a woman who proceeded to make a coworker’s life a living hell after her husband flirted with the coworker at a company gathering. What’s with those jealous beyatches? I guess I should blame the patriarchy.

  49. Adrienne

    I love tater tots. There use to be a Tater Hut fast food joint in my town. We would go there every other day after school for some yummy tots. Sadly it was converted into a Wolf Camera! How I miss the Tater Hut.

    I have discovered I have a strange fascination with Curling! I can not explain it.

  50. shannon

    I like tater tots, but I hate beauty. I can’t really articulate it, though. It’s like either you’re hot, or you’re totally worthless, and a terrible person. It’s the impression I get from stuff like the SI swimsuit issue- sure, these ladies have nothing to do with sports… BUT THEY ARE HOT, and that’s all that matters. It drives me nuts, and I don’t know why. It might relate to the patriarchy though.

  51. ae

    Adrienne, I was going to mention Curling, too. I’m hooked! I’m just into enjoying it now and not, for once, trying to explain it. I much prefer the women’s matches (or whatever they’re called) to the men’s though.

    Is anybody in Vancouver, BC? If so, could you bring me some soup from Legendary Noodle? Best soup ever from the Best Named Restaurant From Which I Would Steal My Band Name If I Had a Band.

  52. judy

    hissy cat and sparkledark-
    i had 2 rabbits, named shulamith firestone and brownmiller.
    great pets, with no real agendas. now i have 2 cats, gonzo and carmen–they not only have agendas, they have rule books.

  53. Thalia

    My then-roommate and I once came across a five-pound bag of (frozen) Tater Tots at the local supermarket. Naturally we had to buy it, for kitsch value alone. Perhaps this is why I find Weird Al so compelling sometimes.

    Shannon, beauty is huge and everywhere and not confined to the SI swimsuit issue. Do not let the patriarchy define it for you.

  54. Chris Clarke

    Best Named Restaurant From Which I Would Steal My Band Name If I Had a Band.

    Teriyaki and Donuts
    16th St., San Francisco

  55. CafeSiren

    You know what I like about Twisty, her blog, and y’all regular posters? No one tries to tell me that the haunted house of patriarchy is “only a movie,” but this blog is also one of the only stairs that doesn’t creak. I’m grateful for both of those things.

    Thanks, to all.

  56. John M. Burt

    Hmmm… all of a sudden I find myself wondering how mu shu kitten would taste.

  57. emjay

    Oh good, I can put off the advanced degree another nine years. I wish I could put my eggs on hold for nine years instead and get the degree now and have a baby later, but I suspect my mind will be much better at 40 than the eggs, so it’s baby now, degree later. I’m sure the patriarchy is somehow at fault.

  58. Tessa

    There are absolutely no Indian restaurants in this town. Seriously, there’s no Mexican food, either, but I can deal with that because I am a righteous taco/burrito/fajita/salsa maker, but many of my curries leave something to be desired, and there is no place I can go to fulfill my deepest craving for a killer vegetarian curry, unless I want to drive several hundred miles to the next decent sized city. I blame the god damn patriarchy.

  59. CafeSiren

    (With apologies to all)

    Hey, Summer!

    I’ve lurked on your blog off & on. I get a feeling that the nosy neighbors in pop. 600 have meant that it’s been torn down.


    I blame the small-town patriarchy.

  60. stingray

    I blame the patriarchy for mustard-totin’ french fries, but aioli’s a little brokeback for most.

  61. alyx

    Kate: You’re from Perth? Well, it’s good to have another patriarchy-blamer from Dullsville! (there seems to be a shortage of us in this backwater state…er, I mean, in this wonderfully cosmopolitan Australian city, bustling with progressivism and opportunities…heh.)

    LMYC: You know, I never considered that angle. I went for the “What We Call Beauty Is A Crappy Media Construct” angle. But you’re right: Men don’t seem to be making themselves pretty for OUR aesthetic enjoyment at ANY age, do they? I’ll make sure I mention that next time.

    P.S. As a fellow wog, I agree with you re. Italian women. We are not to be fucked with. Hell hath no fury than a Sicilian woman scorned!

  62. manxome

    Obviously I’m going to have to lay claim that leftover General Tso’s.

    Tater tots must be crispy, with fried chicken seasoning sprinkled on before cooking. That is the final word.

    There just aren’t enough “blame” buttons on the internet. Damn patriarchy.

  63. kathy a

    i’ve had an odd yearning for comfort food — baked mac & cheese, mashed potatos, pot roast, and/or soup — want it fresh, and want it now, and i don’t want to cook.

    also — my daughter likes to go to the animal shelter, just to visit the dogs and cats. we can’t adopt any more, but it is lovely to visit. we foster kittens sometimes, and maybe we’ll get a new bunch soon.

  64. syfr

    I spent the first 29 years of my life embracing my masculinity. Now I am embracing and appreciating my femininity. In steel toes. With degrees in engineering. And while I’m knitting. Once I get a good grip on this femininity thing, I’m going to reach out and grab my masculinity, pull it close, and have a great big group hug!

  65. Chris Clarke

    Tater tots must be crispy, with fried chicken seasoning sprinkled on before cooking.

    Tater Tot Tartare!

  66. slim slow slider

    is anyone still up??? i’m halfway across the world you see. and listening to The Shins’ “New Slang”.
    i’m going to see Stevie Nicks live in concert in just eleven days. if you want a good example of a woman whatever she damn well wants and making a fantastic job of it, you can’t go past Stevie.

  67. slim slow slider

    dammit i just lost my post. sad face.
    anyway, I bet I’m the only one up, as it’s only just past 8pm here now.
    some exciting news: i’m going to see Stevie Nicks live in concert in eleven days. Stevie is a damn fine example of a woman doing exactly what she pleases and doing a great job of it too.

  68. Marie

    I didn’t finish my bachelor’s degree until I was 31. Does that mean I have to push my midlife crisis advanced degree forward to my crone years? It’s just as well, because I’ll be paying off the flipping student loan until well into menopause, at this rate. I blame myself for that one.

    It seems to me that education (that which broadens one’s horizons and provides a good overview of life, history, and what we think we know so far) is rapidly being replaced by training (that which provides job-specific skills, but makes little or no contribution to one’s character or ability to think independently). I concede that both are important, but the latter without the former makes Jack a dull boy. I blame the patriarchy.

    Seymour Phineas Puffinstuff! I can’t stop giggling, dammit.

  69. antelope

    ae – I intend to leave the Last Frontier & plant myself in Vancouver, BC before this year is out, so I have tagged Legendary Noodle. Feel free to throw out some more recommendations. My all-time favorite Vancouver comfort food is the sesame fries with miso gravy at the Naam. Also I really, really love being able to get samosas, spanokopita or viet namese fresh rolls at most any street corner in Kitsilano. Americans are much too hung up on the idea that snack foods must be super-sweet or super-salty & we mostly fail to take advantage of our tremendous diversity when it comes to snacking, but Canada gets it.

  70. Monkeypants


    I live in Kitsilano, I know what you mean.

    In fact, now that you mention it, I’m craving Naam fries and miso gravy.

    Also, 99 cent pizza. Mmmm…

  71. Hissy Cat

    Chris Clarke–
    Teriyaki & Donuts is just a few blocks from my home. Yeah, it’s an awesome name. It’s also real close to kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. Maybe even bunnies, too. The SF-SPCA is a few blocks away.

    kathy a.–
    Your daughter is so awesome. The SPCA here, anyway, is like this amazing kitty-cat happyland zoo. The cats all have their own rooms with little cat-sized sofas and fish tanks and official petters and art on the walls and cat trees and televisions with videos of squirrels. Before I was able to have a cat in my own apartment due to my studentitude or whatever, I used to stop in and look at the cats when I was taking de-stressing walks. That just happened to always lead from my front door directly to kittens.

  72. Cara

    Thanks, Rachel, for the link to Film Freak Central. I love Walter Chaw’s reviews but I can’t find the offensive & masculine poster you were referring to. That’s fine though. I just read Memoirs of a Geisha (I held off for years because I HATE that whole ‘aren’t Geisha exotic?’ thing), but my neighbor raved about it and I thought that I should give it a fair chance, after hating it for so long without having read it. It was as bad as I feared, maybe even worse, and now I can hate it in an informed way. So reading Chaw’s review of this idiotic, deeply sexist and offensive tale was so satisfying to me. Every other review I read just ignores the central problem of casting a girl living in sexual slavery as a heroine. Even women who descibe themselves as feminists seem to just glaze over that part of it. Why is that? Wait, I know! I blame the patriarchy!

  73. hedonistic

    I had General Tso’s Chicken last night.

    I have kitties. PRRRRRRR.

    LMYC, as I careen into my forties I, too, am back to college for the second degree. Calculus test tomorrow!

    And as for those paunchy, wrinkly, aging men passing judgment on women’s appearances while doing nothing to improve their own? It even drives my metrosexual ex crazy! What is UP with these assholes? LMYC, you have inspired me: The next time some out-of-shape, middle-aged gasbag casts aspersions on a woman’s appearance I’m jumping his ass like a deranged harpy.

  74. SneakySnu

    I have nothing to add about tater tots, unfortunately. I do wish I could have some pan-fried catfish with homemade tartar sauce. Or even better, a softshell crab with tartar on a hamburger bun.

    Regarding the Italian court fiasco, about which I didn’t comment the other day: I was out with some of my Italian friends last night who are so pissed that they want to form a “Born Again Virgins” organization and go protest in Italy.

    They also reminded me that just a few years ago, the same district court passed a ruling saying that if a woman is wearing tight jeans, she cannot be raped because it takes her participation to remove the jeans. Fortunately, female parliamentary members on both the left and right protested the following day by wearing jeans to parliament (going against house rules for dress).

  75. wheelomatic

    Good Morning!
    The best Tater Tots are the the ones with onions built in from the factory. They make the house smell very nice whilst baking. (Yes I am Murkin but I love the word “whilst.” In my defense I never say it out loud.)

    “Spud Puppies” sounds like a band name, not a food. Fave band real names: “Dumpster Juice” and “Flamable Jammies.” “Kruddler” gets honorable mention. I would name a pet Kruddler.

    Corner Bunny Stops and Kitten Therapy are definitely something I would pay for. Tho’ sitting in the sun on some green grass being stompled by a passle of pups is pretty good too.

  76. Sylvanite

    I’m healing from the latest wound my cranky African grey inflicted on me this morning. He’s my avian overlord.

    I’m also dealing with the fact that I’m actually rather happy that my fiance’s rageaholic mother is boycotting our wedding. Actually, I’m finding it quite easy to deal with the boycott; the fiance still has trouble dealing with the reality that his mom is a rather lousy person. I actually blame the patriarchy for this, and the whole deification of motherhood thing. Women still have every bit of flawed humanity they possessed before giving birth, after all. They are not redeemed by motherhood, and it doesn’t help the children of emotionally screwed up moms to pretend that otherwise.

    I’ve never really enjoyed tater tots. The ones in grade school always seemed to be undercooked. Ick!

  77. Josef K

    Have you seen this?


    It’s a massive story about something with potentially devastating, potentially revolutionary consequences, and as usual you won’t hear a peep about it in most British newspapers. Briefly: union hushes up equal pay win out of fear of “destroying the public sector”.

    In other news, what the hell are Tater Tots?

  78. Grace

    Mm, tater tots.

    However, I am craving fritos.

    I am in Germany.

    There are no fritos in Germany.

    I suppose it’s nice that there are a few Murkin consumer products that aren’t yet available absolutely everywhere on the face of the earth.

    I am jealous of the Stevie Nicks fans. My absolutely favorite band EVER (the Ur-British folk rock group Steeleye Span, first formed in 1969) are touring starting May 3. With their original vocalist, the unbelievably cool Maddy Prior.

    The day AFTER I fly back to Germany from Britain.

    When they toured the US, I found out about the concert in my state the day AFTER it happened.


    Unfortunately, I can’t think of any way to connect this misfortune to the Patriarchy.

  79. Lisa Cech

    Having been raised by a Chesapeake Bay-centric family, my palate has been carefully honed to adore Old Bay seasoning. But since marrying a soul crippled by shellfish allergies, I have been forced to abstain from shellfish to avoid triggering a reaction. For some reason, I don’t blame the patriarchy for that.

    The idea of Tater Tots is better than the actuality of them, I’ve found. Probably because I don’t take the time to deep-fry them as they should be, and opt to bake them, they never seem to be as good as I remember from childhood.

    My two favorite band names are Jif And The Choosy Mothers, and Smack The Mime. I think the guys who came up with the name The Magical Attraction Of Booty were trying way too hard. If only there was someone, or something, to blame for that.

    Oh look! There’s a button to push!

  80. shannon

    Thalia, the whole point of the partiarchy is to define beauty. By beauty, I mean that unerring standard with so little wiggle room- you must be tall, , white(or at least not too ‘ethnic’), thin(and no, having hips and thighs and a thin torso doesn’t *count*), have straight hair(maybe curly but not too much, certainly never nappy!), wear makeup every day, wear impractical clothes and shoes, have a thin nose, not be too dark, not have hair except for on your head(oh, and your head hair has to be long too!) and the whole shebang.

    I hate that *standard* because it’s got a lot of rules and takes up a lot of time, and many of the provisions are impossible for me to reach, and yet I’m still evaluated by this crazy standard for no good reason.

  81. jezebella

    Just like:

    “the patriarchy” DOES NOT EQUAL “men”


    “porn” DOES NOT EQUAL “women who act in porn”

    Therefore it is possible to be feminist, opposed to porn, and yet in sympathy and support with women who work in the sex industries.

    I can blame the patriarchy without blaming every single man.

    I can condemn porn without condemning porn workers.

    Get it?

  82. robin

    I think I may have to euthanize a dear old cat which has been hanging around our neighborhood for many many years, and i do BTP for it.
    He’s beautiful in his way and I’ll miss him. I don’t hate beauty but hate the the cruel and strict definition of beauty which the Patriarchy uses to shackle women and girls from the moment they are born.

  83. Q Grrl

    All three of our kittens got spayed yesterday — the two girls were absolutely miserable while Remy decided things weren’t so bad and alternated between chasing his tail and looking for his lost “cotton balls.”

    In sadder news, the infamous Mack-a-Doodle was supposed to get the snip with the kittens, but it looks like he has gone on permanent walk-about or perhaps just the fast track to Kitty Heaven. We’ve now lost three animals in less than six months (2 cats, 1 dog). Sigh. Of course we still have nine others…

  84. Rachel


    Sorry! You can find the insanity here. It’s a bit of a ways down. He begins with a comment about how he hates this critic, basically, for being a “girl”. Some of the more evolutionary-favored posters call him on his shit, and his attempts at defending himself just lower further into his shit. Of course, for someone whose idea of art consists of cutting off fingers, it’s clearly where he prefers to be.

    I desperately wish I had the time to give him a good shellacking (to regress a bit into masculinist rhetoric) BUT this is the week I have three papers due. Just because I don’t have the time, however, doesn’t mean I don’t end up wasting it anyway silently fuming.

    I mean, I could understand why W.C. would want more reviewers for the site, it must get exhausting. Especially if a dude’s got any knack for it. Surely though, there are competent, funny writers who aren’t also extraordinary douchetrucks?

  85. antiprincess

    grace – did you say “steeleye span” and “tour” in the same sentence with “Maddy Prior”? are they coming to the US?

    (insert batshit-crazy beatlemania-like swoon/pass out/wet my pants here)

    oh, and BDSM killed my marriage. but I think it was a case of euthanasia.

  86. Courtney Brady

    What are your opinions on women that like to stay at home and take care of children, but think that all women should be able to make whatever choice they want in their life? I fall into this category and I consider myself a feminist, but would others on here?

    I don’t think that there should be any laws that limit what women want to do with their lives (besides laws against committing crimes of course) whether they would restrict a woman to the home or the work place. I am very happy doing traditional womanly things such as caring for my kids, cooking, sewing, knitting, and even cleaning (somewhat). I think that sometimes some feminists stereotype women as much as the patriarchy. Not all women (or even feminists) want high powered careers in law or politics. Every person is an individual and more suited to some things than others. I plan to work some when all of my children are in school full-time, but it will be on my terms. I either want to be an illustrator or go back to cake decorating like I did before I had children.

    I’m not saying that the women on this blog feel this way, in fact I wanted to know what you all thought about this topic. Is someone that wants to lives a traditional wifely roll, but wants all women to have the power and the choices to make whatever decisions they want, a feminist?

    Courtney Brady

  87. That Girl

    I moved from a hippy town to a yuppie suburb and am constantly amazed at the wide range of food delivery available. None of it tastes good though. Is it possible for food to taste homogenous?

    Then again, tater tots – mmmmmmmmm

  88. Charles

    Wow, what a great thread.

    Isn’t it Maddy Prior who does the great backup signing on “Gimme Shelter”?

    When I get home tonight I think I will feed our two kitties (Wanda and Wampus) some Tater Tots.

  89. Charles

    I Love Typing! I meant “singing” not “signing.”

  90. Impulsivecompulsive

    Open thread, hey? Well, I’m gonna vent.
    I went into a clinic yesterday, and the doctor refused to give me a pap. He had better things to do. He thinks vagina’s are icky, and not his problem.

    I definately blame the patriarchy.

  91. Chris Clarke

    extraordinary douchetrucks

    Band name thread.

  92. hedonistic

    Courtney, no patriarchy-blamer worth her chops thinks less of a woman who chooses her traditional lifestyle; rather, we are more inclined to Blame The Patriarchy for their (cough) “choice.” Because it’s a false choice. Members of the Sex Class don’t get REAL choices. We just get make our dealios with the patriarchy and cope.

    Confession time here: I’m a homebody. I get a cheap thrill from washing my floors. If I didn’t have to get up at 6am every weekday to commute an hour to work, I’d putter around my house all day, cleaning and redecorating and listening to National Public Radio. But I recently decided I’m not willing to pay the PRICE (marriage) for it.

    Courtney, I hope to Goddess you are a trust fund baby, because if you rely on a man to take care of you, blindly trusting that abandonment in middle or old age will “never happen” to you . . . . . .

  93. LL

    Grace, wait a minute – no Fritos in Germany??

    Aren’t there laws against that sort of thing?? Want me to mail you some??

    The humanity.

  94. weeza

    I caught my cat watching ‘Judge Judy’ last night. He did have the grace to look embarrassed.

    I though a Murkin was a pubic wig… oh no wait, that’s Merkin.

    I like Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. Mmmmmm….

  95. kathy a

    courtney — stay at home moms can be feminists. i think the key is that women be able to exercise their own choices, and respect the need of other women to make different choices.

    robin — so sorry about your elderly feline friend.

  96. peacebug

    had lunch last thursday at dog & duck pub and *completely* didn’t order the fish & chips. so how dumb was that? I ordered a goddam burger!

    stoopid, stoopid, stoopid!

  97. wheelomatic

    Hi weeza!
    Murkin, see also Murrikin: The way certain faux-Texans in high office pronounce their nationality.

    Perhaps one day all those crotch-waxers will need merkins when the Partiarchy’s dictates as to what is appealing in the male gaze swings back in the other direction.

    When I was a highschool teacher, kids in my class would try to sneak eating Fritos. The horrendous smell always gave them away. Yet they never quit trying to eat them on the sly. Such is the power of Fritos.

    I love corn in all its forms, EXCEPT for Fritos. Nasssssty.

  98. larkspur

    Paris: what is a “box scheme”? Is it like a vegetable or grocery co-op thing that’s supposed to deliver wholesome seasonal organic stuff? (But then they don’t, what with the tomato problem?)

    Wheelomatic: Jello mold salad *does* require the Miracle Whip, but cannot be considered haute unless the ingredients also include chopped celery and Blue Diamond walnut pieces. Also? For the first 15 years of my life, I thought Miracle Whip was mayonnaise. I mean, my family would say, “Where’s the mayonnaise?” or “Pass the mayonnaise”, but it would be Miracle Whip. When I finally tasted mayonnaise, my taste buds were shocked and, frankly, outraged. (I got over it.)

    Alyx, CafeSiren, et al.: Rite-of-passage boob jobs for teens is disturbing. But I have to say, many many years ago, when I was just a pup, the summer between junior and senior year in high school always seemed to bring an epidemic of deviated septums (septii?). Come September, all them septums was miraculously un-deviated, and even more miraculously, the noses that housed them were shorter, straighter, and perkier. But at least back then, everyone pretended to believe the deviated septum lie.

    Summer: Damn. Small town, public blog outing by a mean person. I wish I had a Tinkerbelle mug to give you. All I can do is clap my hands in Tinkerbelle support of you over the next days. Maybe the kitties that flunk out of Sam’s therapeutic kitten club can be re-trained as agents of the Vicious Patriarchy-Blamin’ Attack Kitty Brigade. Then we can deploy them on your adversary.

    John M. Burt: I totally thought of mu shu kitten, too, only I decided it would be too gross to post about it. And now I’m evil, too.

    It’s not as delightful a name as Teriyaki & Donuts, but Avatar’s Punjab Burritos is pretty cool. (15 Madrona St, Mill Valley, CA 94941)

    Hi Twisty. Go tackle Bertie and rub his tummy for me. Please.

  99. sujata

    The following was a response to a comment I wrote on http://www.visitunderthetree.com discussion group about resolution of religious conflict. I was, of course blaming the patriarchy for most of it. The guy who runs the website has always been intelligent and fair minded, or so i thought, but this response leaves me perplexed. Any thoughts on it?

    “In a couple cases, the moderator or decision-maker was a woman. The research shows women have less tolerance for conflict, as they are relationship-oriented and conflict threatens relationships.

    On the other hand, guys are more issue-oriented and tolerate conflict more easily. Not to mention growing up playing sports in which “trash talking” is the norm. (A friendly game involves lots of trash talking; a serious game is too quiet.)

    The issue of power balance is always present in this universe; power is not necessarily bad, coercive power, however, is desructive to relationships and sometimes entire civilizations.”

  100. emjay

    I’m a feminist with a high-profile (though not high-paying, since it’s for a community non-profit) job. I think that not only should women (and men) have the choice to stay home with children, but that they should receive a salary and benefits for doing so. Instead we derisively call that welfare (which once meant something good, but has become a dirty word like value or special) and talk about the lazy good-for-nothing women who receive it. We prefer to force women to ship their children off to institutionalized care that can cost more than rent, and then talk about how awful it is that the children are being raised by strangers. We also complain that if people can’t afford children, they shouldn’t have them, as if: birth control were failsafe, abortion were available to any woman who wanted one, and only certain people are worthy of being parents. Punish those dirty sluts for the crime of having sex while being poor. Don’t you know it’s their own damn fault? If they’d just work harder, they wouldn’t be poor. Pay no attention to the lack of educational opportunities and living-wage jobs, or the taxation that gets more regressive every year! The patriarchy did a great job with its woman-hating catch-22 on this one.

  101. Liz

    I Love Typing! I meant “singing” not “signing.”

    I have a bumper sticker on my car that says “Caution: Driver Singing” and so far three people this week have asked me where I learned ASL.

    Which of course reminds me of this hilarious ad.

  102. amaz0n

    I blame the patriarchy for anti-anti-porn feminists who believe that all critics of pornography and prostitution are white, liberal, middle-class and have never themselves been forced into sex work.

    I also blame the patriarchy for my lack of groceries.

  103. tall girl

    restaurant/band name

    Taxidermy & Cheese
    River Falls, WI

    Tater Tot Lovers:

    Search the internet for “tater tot casserole.” Make it for dinner–you’ll not only feed your obsession, you’ll also be having a cultural experience.

    Save the tuna fish casserole for your cats though.

  104. A White Bear

    I blame the patriarchy for raising teeny tiny little girls to think of nothing but the value of their loveliness. I blame it for the grown women in my neighborhood who bag rich dudes they can cheat on with younger men to feel prettier and spend all day at yoga classes to feel prettier and read magazines about how to feel prettier and buy clothes and makeup and spa treatments to feel prettier — and yet they all seem completely miserable, scowly, and thereby not very pretty at all. I blame the patriarchy for making women care more about pretty than they care about happy.

    I blame the patriarchy for my loathing of these women, for whom I should feel sorry or about whom I should care. But sometimes I feel like if these educated, wealthy, politically liberal women who have had every opportunity to turn against the patriarchy can’t do it, then what hope is there? I blame the patriarchy for my despair.

  105. alphabitch

    best restaurant/band name in my town:

    Tokyo Shapiro. It’s a Chinese restaurant, which is kind of strange.

  106. Nia

    Some of the 9-year-olds to whom I teach English as a foreign language laugh or complain when my choices of photos of people they have to describe are not thin, white, and stereotypically beautiful. Especially if they’re women, but they’re also demanding with men and children.

    Of this I blame the patriarchy.

  107. hedonistic

    Funniest restaurant name ever: Big Wang (NYC)

  108. Nia

    Courtney, in answer to your question: I think that staying home either because the job can be done without leaving the house (artists?), because a woman wants to take care of her children, or because the family can afford to have one less working member, is perfectly fine. But I think it is environmentally irresponsible to have more than one kid maybe two; that we need to start planning our retirements as early as possible; and that I wouldn’t trust a partner man or woman, to be there to support me financially indefinitely.

  109. Hattie

    Everything you said, Emjay!
    Even though I have the privilege of living in Hawaii, I’m getting Vancouver nostalgia reading about all that great ethnic food. We go to the Vancouver Folk Festival every year with our kids and grandkid and other various and sundry relatives. It’s our combo whoop-up and family reunion. Do you still have the Kitsalano Showboat? Years ago we went there and saw a ten year old do an impression of Ethel Merman that took the cake.
    Sunya: I too retreat to the Chekov short stories when life gets to be more than I can bear. It’s my kind of sentimentality. 19th Century fiction is my bulwark against the madness.
    I expect I’m the oldest poster here, age 66. I relive a lot of my moments, the good and the bad, with you other patriarchy blamers.
    I’m glad that I still have the strength to blame!

  110. Carol

    If I look after other people’s children and get paid money for it, I’m a nanny, teacher or daycare worker, and therefore a self-actualized feminist. If I do it for my own flesh and blood, I’m a victim of the patriarchy. Wha?

  111. tisha

    Carol, false dichotomy alert! (unless you were being facetious?) The underpaid daycare workers are also victims of the patriarchy (and stay-at-home moms can be, and very many are, self-actualized feminists).

  112. Sam

    There just aren’t enough “blame” buttons on the internet.

    One for my ever-expanding quote wall.

  113. laughingmuse

    One of the best things about this blog are the post-ers!

    In my crazy and youthful days, I would enjoy an occasional, somewhat underdone, Tater Tot. Now the thought of it curdles my stomach.

    I have 2 dogs. I think more people should be able to have pets, or free pet therapy. It seriously helps with lowering blood pressure (well, except when a pet has eaten a favorite pair of shoes or slippers), and so forth. I came out a long, stressful time thankful that I had my dog.

    The merkin/Murkin thing has me laughing.

    I’ve been to WA, I really enjoyed Perth (and Freo), I’d go back and hang out if I had the time/money.

    I have eaten like a very hungry person again today – I think my cold/fever/whatever is driving my thirst and hunger for the last 3 days. Today: Clif Bar, water, more water, sweetened blueberry tea, huge bean and cheese burrito (like, a pound or something), a slice of cake (work celebration), and frozen yoghurt topped with hot fudge.

    My teeth feel funny now.

  114. Sharoni

    Liz, I saw an ad, maybe a year or so ago, that had a young man shopping in a grocery store with a small child in the “seat” of the cart. The small child wanted some candy which the young man (impliedly his father) denied him. The child proceeded to have a full on temper tantrum that included climbing out of the cart and kicking and screaming on the floor. Naturally all the other shoppers were looking at the “father” censoriously for the behavior of his “child.” The end caption to the ad was: One of the best reasons to use our product.” and the ad was signed by Trojan (major condom manufacturer in the U.S., I don’t know about elsewhere). I found it interesting that (a) it was the father in the ad, and (b) I think they thought it was more humorous because it was the father. Anyway, it was also pretty funny. I blame the patriarchy that we don’t see more of these types of ads with “fathers” in the roles typically depicted as being assigned to “mothers” and get to laugh our asses off.

  115. LMYC

    Men don’t seem to be making themselves pretty for
    OUR aesthetic enjoyment at ANY age, do they?

    I’ve noticed that when a man dresses in a manner that women find sexy, he’s inevitably called “queer.”

    When a man dresses and behaves in a way that MEN find cool (and sexy, although they’d sooner die than use that worD), when he’s a “man’s man,” then he’s obviously so hetero that ovaries pop everytime he walks into the room.

    The plumb line ain’t yet been spun can reach the bottom of THOSE depths of irony.

    Women love boybands, men love Sylvester Stallone. And yet which one’s considered the height of heterosexuality?

  116. Andrea

    Carol in response to your comment, the point is if you take care of someone else’s children, you get paid. I think this just supports Emjay’s point, namely that if you were paid to take care of your children (either through welfare or otherwise, but NOT by having your spouse, significant other, etc. support you) then the score evens out. The point is, until a woman gets paid to take care of her own kids, she is a victim of the patriarchy.

  117. LMYC

    Courtney, I’ve noticed that many women who stay home generally mistranslate things as follows:

    Feminist: “You’re taking a tremendous risk by staying home and raising your kids. You’re out of the job market, and what if your husband dies or leaves you? It happens. And not rarely. You’ll be screwed. Besides, historically, women who stay home for 30 years and keep house tend to get bored out of their minds and depressed. We’ve learned this lesson already — please realize this before you reach the age of 45 and wonder what the hell happened to your life.”


    I’ve gotten tired of saying anything. You wanna stay home? Knock yourself out. But if you get a divorce and find out that you rolled snake-eyes after betting your entire future on something that has a 43% chance of falling through, I don’t want to hear about it.

  118. doggerelblogger

    Twisty, maybe you should not post every day – look how many freaking comments you have! Clearly, people want only to talk about their own shit!

    Actually, today is kind of like a discussion board, isn’t it?

  119. hedonisticpleasureseeker

    (Have I mentioned I have a blog crush on LMYC? Oh, wait, yes I have!)

    I wish I could cough up that New York Times editorial by the 60-year-old woman who used to lecture to auditoriums full of stay-at-home wives, waxing poetic on the joys of stay-at-home-mothertude. Unfortunately, the day she became unfuckable, her husband traded her in for a younger model. I think she ended up on welfare temporarily??? (does someone remember this story better than I do?) but finally, thankfully, she dug herself out of her hole and is a successful . . . something or other, I forget. Shoot. But what a cautionary tale.

  120. joy

    Tall girl- I did not know of Taxidermy & Cheese in River Falls! Awesome! But I must disagree re: tuna noodle hotdish (and it is hotdish, not casserole). Made properly, it’s way too good to waste on cats.

    Might be a little wordy for a band name, but my favorite Wisconsin signs are on I-94 right after you leave Illinois and enter Wisconsin. Same exit, two brilliant destinations: the Mars Cheese Castle, and the Bong State Recreation Area

  121. joy

    …not to be confused with Dick Bong Heritage Center up near Superior.

  122. Alice

    Here in the midwest, we call it Tater Tot Hotdish, not casserole. You mix tater tots, string beans, a can of cream of mushroom soup (that makes it hotdish), cooked wild rice, and some mozzarella cheese (optional – omit for vegans). Bake it up. Bring it to a church basement supper.

    It’s hard to believe that something that sounds so vile could be so good.

    And, no, you can’t make it with regular potatoes. It has to be Tater Tots.

    A friend once accidentally referred to this dish as Tater Tit Hotdosh.

  123. Hattie

    Ladies.The biggest mistake I’ve made in my life is staying home with kids. As soon as I realized what a big mistake that was, I went back to work & finished my education. I had a pretty good time and a fairly good teaching career after that, but I could have gone a hell of a lot farther than I did.

  124. LMYC

    If I do it for my own flesh and blood,
    I’m a victim of the patriarchy. Wha?

    If you do it without pay for your own flesh and blood, you are setting yourself up to be a SERIOUS victim of the patriarchy when your husband dies or your marriage falls through (which happen more commonly than not) and you are up shit’s crick without a paddle.

    You’re playing in traffic if you stay home to take care of your kids in terms of your finances AND your fulfillment, and if women who have been-there-done-that try to warn your ass, don’t go hating on them when they turn out to be right.

    BTW, “hating on women who try to give you badly needed advice” DOES equal “being a victim of the patriarchy.”

    Thinking “my marriage is diffrint!” == “victim of the patriarchy.” Particularly when you do it defensively because you can’t handle imagining that your husband might leave you or die someday. I don’t like the idea of having my heart blow out like an old tire either, but I get my fucking echo done once a year. It’s not anti-woman to acknowledge that when your mama said, “You have to be able to put food on your own table,” she had a point.

  125. peacebug

    #120 hedonisticpleasureseeker:

    per yer query.

    methinks ’twere ivana trump.


  126. hedonistic

    Man I just had a flashback. My now-ex-husband, who is considered a “good man” and a “good father,” rushed to file divorce just months before our 10th anniversary. His skinny blonde girlfriend was tired of being the other woman.

    Why the rush? So I wouldn’t be able to claim Social Security benefits based on his income. Nevermind the fact that I sacrificed my own career prospects for the sake of his.

    So what did I do? Even though I was working, and even though I knew my own Social Security benefits were going to be worth more than what I would have gotten via him, I sat on the divorce papers (delayed, delayed) until our 10th anniversary passed.

    Just to piss him off.

  127. hedonistic

    WHY did I say, “MAN?????????”

    god I blame the f-ing patriarchy.

  128. Charles

    Not that it matters much, but Dick Bong — who indeed grew up in Superior, WI, across the bay from Duluth, MN — was a fighter pilot in the Pacific in World War II. In fact he was a hero as such things were defined then: He shot down more Japanese planes than any other American pilot. His fame reached a point where the Army Air Force took him off duty; they didn’t want to have the “Ace of Aces” get killed in action. After the war he became a test pilot and died testing an early jet plane.

    I really doubt that the cylindrical smoke-inhaling device was named after him.

  129. Jennifer

    I’m crushin’ on LMYC too, hedonisticpleasureseeker (and I love your screen name).

    Anyway, Courtney, my intermediate patriarchy blaming eyes began to scald in their sockets when I read this line in your post:

    “I plan to work some when all of my children are in school full-time”

    You will be working your ass off raising your children and maintaining a home for your family. Please don’t perpetuate the seemingly innocuous notion that one is not “working” unless she is getting paid by Mr. Sir (hat tip to LMYC) for her work. I’m sure our beloved Twisty could twist this into a more coherent response but suffice it to say that this is NOT just semantics.

    When I was a little girl, my Mom shared with me that when asked if she worked or not her response was “yes, at home” especially on financial forms. Brava! Respect yourself and others who make similar choices by never accepting the “work” vs. “stay at home” dichotomy (and secure your financial future, please)! The patriarchy is never going to give you the respect or the money you deserve. You have to claim it for yourself.

  130. joy

    Charles, I’m sure it wasn’t. Nevertheless, the Dick Bong sign cracks me up every time I’m up north driving on 53.

  131. ginmar

    I grew up in Duluth and remember the Bong bridge. What an unfortunate name.

    Oh, yeah, and restaurant names? “Chang O’Hara’s” in St. Paul. Named after a real guy.

  132. Famous Soviet Athlete

    Sunya Harjis, thanks for the Chekov link!

    Courtney Brady asks, “What are your opinions on women that like to stay at home and take care of children, but think that all women should be able to make whatever choice they want in their life?”

    The majority of people on the planet can’t even imagine your plight, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s kind of gauche to air such bourgeois personal concerns in public forums. What’s next, complaints about the fucking help?

    Really, congratulations for your liberal, enlightened view of women’s nonexistent choices. I fear that your attempt to have your privilege validated is getting in the way of a real engagement in the important discussions about bunnies and tator tots that are taking place here.

    Speaking of bunnies and tator tots, I don’t trust either of them because they both have claws.

  133. sabele

    Of course if someone wants to stay home with their kids thats fine – but don’t judge those who want or need (financially or otherwise) to work. The vast majority of working parents are quite capable of deciding whats best for their family – and the individuals in that family. Life is very rarely a simple either/or decision, lots of factors have to be taken into account.

    As a childfree woman (but a doting spinster aunt), I am quite happy for some of my hard earned salary to go towards taxes to fund social security, daycare etc for the greater good of the community …. I do wonder though how the argument would go if I said I wanted to stay at home and cook, clean, sew etc (most of us childfree people don’t have anyone to do this for us either you know – and its not something I look forward to after a challenging day/week at work).

    Over in the UK there’s concern that many women of my generation have not made sufficient contributions towards their pensions etc. partly because of breaks in employment whilst bringing up their family – we need to find a way of making it easier to combine work and family life. Some of the problem though is down to married women of my generation having been able to opt to pay a lower contribution – and now saying that they didn’t realise that this meant they would get lesser benefits. They now argue that they should still get the same benefits as those of us who paid full contributions. I really struggle with this one.

    We need to think through our choices – even when they are overshadowed by the patriarchy we shouldn’t just block our ears, sing la-la-la and assume that it’ll be OK. Everybody needs to look after their own financial independence – it helps us avoid being trapped in bad situations, and divorce does happen, you know.

  134. slim slow slider

    i just wanted to apologise for my double-post above. I blame the patriarchy. and Stevie Nicks excitement.
    to Courtney, I say do whatever you want. It is your choice. a decent feminist wants you to HAVE a choice, not belittle WHAT your choice is.
    when asked in a recent interview what her advice to women today would be, Gloria Steinem said “to do whatever they fucking well please. Ha ha ha! Have some fries.”
    oh I love it that the ‘post’ button is ‘blame’. he he he.

  135. ae

    Teriyaki and Donuts! Ha.

    Anybody been to Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles in LA? Best chicken salad sandwich I have EVER had. What do they put in there? Mmmm, dying now. Mouth watering. Need. Sandwich.

    antelope and Monkeypants, I’m so jealous you’re in/going to be in Vancouver! Been to the Naam, had the fries, and I have to tell you, I was not convinced before I ordered them. Not a big gravy-on-stuff-other-than-biscuits rule breaker, but hey, they know what they’re doing.

    antelope, you will not be disappointed by the sheer noodle mastery of Legendary Noodle. I went only once during my vacation there, and I still think about that bowl of soup and the many others I wish I could have. I swear I would FedEx myself some if I thought it would keep. We did have amazing Pho at another out of the way spot. I’ll check my notes and get back to you.

    As an aside, might I humbly invite all persons who cannot fathom feminists supporting women’s choices to stop listening to anti-feminists define what feminism does and does not support. If you want to stay at home raising ze bebes, do yer thang, girl. If you want to swing from the chandelier, so be it. If you want to be a Cuntry King, why the fuck not? It is not for anti-feminists to decide what is feminist. You are a feminist, define it, live it.

    Now, where is that blame button?!

  136. Carol

    Rest assured, my fellow patriarchy-blamers, that I have a law degree which I keep current and can easily support myself if need be. Indeed, once the urchins are all in elementary school, I will go back to work as a lawyer, at least part-time.

    Yes, in a Utopian society, I would be paid for the work I do with my kids, but until that day comes, I’d rather suck up the financial hit and know that I’m personally training my daughter to be a patriarchy-blamer from day one, than the alternatives. That is not passing judgment on what others do, merely my own personal judgment call.

    And as someone who practiced law for ten years before breeding, I might add that I enjoy being a childminder way more than working with and for the assholes I worked with in the legal profession.

    What I find disturbing is the premise that one can only be a feminist (and/or not a victim of the patriarchy) by working outside the home and paying someone to mind the children. Or by not having children at all. This flavor of feminism is restrictive and regressive, as it denies women certain life choices for no good reason. I prefer to view feminism as opening up choices for women rather than restricting them. But that’s just me.

  137. Courtney Brady

    Thanks for all of your great comments, ladies (maybe guys too, it’s hard to tell with screen names). I understand some of your concern about what would happen if I got divorced or my husband died. I know this sounds crazy, but that is a chance I am willing to take at this point in my life. Being here for my kids is the most important thing to me right now. It is a trade-off I’m willing to make and if anything happens to my husband and I have to start over form scratch, I won’t blame anyone but myself.

    I am conscience that anyone can get divorced since both sets of my grandparents, my parents, and my sister have all been divorced. I’ve been surrounded by divorce most of my life and I am not blind to it. After my mother got divorced she had to start over from scratch and go back to college while we lived with my grandma and in low-income housing.

    To the person that said that people might look down on her if she wanted to stay home even if she didn’t have kids, I want to say that choice doesn’t bother me. We all make different choices in our life based on what we can do and what we want to do. I’m willing to accept the consequences of my own choices in this life.

    Courtney Brady

  138. ae

    P.S. Hattie, keep blaming. You rock.

    P.P.S. Sunya, I could kiss you for those links! Now I’ll never get any sleep. (Yaay!)

    P.P.P.S. Wages for Housework.

  139. Carol

    Also, to LMYC, I am baffled that you suggest I (if you meant me) am “hating on” those well-meaning sistahs who are trying to give me good advice. My comments reflect only that this attitude perplexes me. I’ve said nothing disrespectful or “hating.”

  140. Hattie

    My last words on my deathbed will be, “I Blame!”

  141. Lisa

    Patriarchy-Blamers–the wife and I (I’m a chick) are thinking about having a kid. I would give up my job to take care of said kid. A good male friend of mine stays home to take care of the kid that he and his male partner have together. Now the chances are about the same that our same-sex partners will leave us once we’ve gotten old and boring and fat just the same as those folks in hetero marriages, but do they blame the patriarchy and we don’t? Just askin’.

  142. joy

    good lord. Chang O’Hara was a real person?! The place closed because it lost a couple of sexual harassment suits. Nice that the patriarchy occasionally takes a small hit.

  143. Chris Clarke

    Anybody been to Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles in LA?

    There was a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles (sans “house of”) in Oakland not long ago, by which I mean in the mid-1990s. There’s now a Chicken and Waffles (sans “Roscoe’s”) place in Oakland, I think run by the same people. I don’t get there nearly enough. Cholesterlicious!

    Haven’t been to the one in LA.

  144. Joolya

    All of my various parents worked and we all got along fine. Everyone had their own individual lives as well as family life. I think that’s awesome.
    On the other hand, I’d kind of love to be able to not work and putter around all say. My sig.other and I would both love it if the other one got a sweet high-paying job so we didn’t have to go to work. And could afford child care. Because minding toddlers and cleaning rugs is not the carefree hedonistic pleasure we have in mind.
    Although I guess ideally neither my partner nor I would have to work and then we could play together all day, going to the cafe and reading our books, taking long walks or bike rides, going on trips, seeing our friends, cuddling and watching movies, eating nice food, cooking nice food, writing, playing music . . .
    Damn. I totally pretend like I’d be bored if I didn’t have any responsibilities but actually it might kind of rock.

  145. LMYC

    Carol, it’s just that “hating on” is generally what feminists who call “being a stay-at-home-mom” what it is financially — viz. “playing in traffic” — generally catch, see my previous comment.

    Sometimes I think we talk past one another on this topic a lot: SAHMs say that they are doing traditionally womanly things, and women like me hear: “You Aren’t A Woman.”

    Women like me express the fear: “You are taking an insane risk by staying home to take care of your kids and the house,” and SAHMs hear: “I hate mommies.”

    However, that said, I must admit that I’m not really interested in praising women who have the financial wherewithal (or the denial) to do what most of us dream of doing: quitting our jobs. Every woman in my family has worked and raised kids. I admit openly that I resent hearing that working for a living outside the home is somehow not traditionally female when every single woman I’m related to back to my great-grandmothers and probably beyond have done it. It’s NEVER been “traditionally female” not to earn money.

  146. LMYC

    It is a trade-off I’m
    willing to make and if anything happens to my husband and I have
    to start over form scratch, I won’t blame anyone but myself.

    Courtney, you are free to do so, but you have to understand that a lot of women with other experiences, especially older ones, are equally free to think you are taking a crazy risk. If that equates to “looking down on housewives,” so be it.

  147. littlem

    This is aimed at a particular patriarchal subset (“I’m entitled to sex whenever I want it”) on behalf of a particular womens’ subset (African-American women) but since I thought women of all colors might be able to use it against the whine in question, I’m posting it here. If you think it’s on point, help me convince Essence to print the whole thing instead of eviscerating its guts for the “letters” section.

    3rd-generation ESSENCE reader wonders if Omar Tyree wants cheese with his whine

    (02/06, p. 116)

    As a third-generation ESSENCE reader who usually takes pride in that fact, I am appalled that ESSENCE granted Omar Tyree a full page to whine about how he can’t get all the sex he wants, all the time, from his wife – and what creepin’ options are open to him if he can’t get it.

    First of all, ESSENCE editors, please consider how you’d feel if it was your and your husband’s sex life laid bare in public to millions of readers. If I were his wife I’d be mortified.

    But since he’s chosen to put it out there, let’s flip it right back at him.

    Mr. Tyree complains that she’s sometimes “not in the mood”. Does he have a history of pleasing her? Has he even bothered to ask her, or is he so sure of his “skillz” that he feels he doesn’t need to inquire?

    Perhaps he could consider that if he has yet to check these things out with her, she could be considering the same creepin’ M.O. he seems to have laid out – assuming she’s potentially a tad cavalier about her health (more on that later) and that’s not too unsettling for his mind – and ego – to entertain.

    Mr. Tyree complains that sometimes she’s too exhausted. Do they have children? Aging elders? Does he help at all with family care after work, or is she running that second shift all by herself? Are any of his best-seller royalties being applied to professional help with the housework, or is she also running that third shift all by herself? Doing the work of four people with little to no assistance from the man of the house can lead to – *gasp* – resentment, thereby wreaking havoc on the female sex drive.

    (A shock, I know.)

    And this is the woman – to whom he has presumably committed, for life, before his community and his Creator – that he plans to have stay by his side, for life, even if he can’t satisfy her in the future because of some health malfunction, plain old stress, or in 30 years when he may not be as “Alpha” as he claims to currently be?

    (Now I don’t know Mrs. Tyree; she may well believe that it’s her spousal responsibility to “please” him all the time, every time, 24/7, and without regard to how he treats her, but that’s a different discussion altogether.)

    Mr. Tyree calls himself an “Alpha Male”. In 21st –century Black America, I can’t see that any male is automatically entitled to that designation because some combination of hard work, God’s grace, and good genes has enabled him to make “bank”, and he hasn’t cheated on his spouse yet.

    In my family and community, the “Alpha Males” are also committed family men and (watch now, this part is important) role models of strength in the face of numerous and varying temptations. (This is 21st–century America we’re talking about, after all.) Black men claim that they never receive support from Black women? Those are the Black men I support unreservedly.

    Now, moving from the ethical (arguably, not always in vogue these days) to the practical.

    For those who didn’t get the memo 10 years ago (and if you didn’t, please turn to p. 138 of this same issue of ESSENCE, discussing new theatre addressing AIDS’ devastation of Black families on two continents):

    Sexually transmitted diseases are now lethal. LETHAL.

    I’m familiar with the neuroscience detailing how differing impacts of testosterone and estrogen on the brain’s frontal cortex cause men and women to think about these things in different ways.

    Whatever. In the face of staggeringly clear scientific evidence that AIDS KILLS, GAME OVER, why would any self-described Black “Alpha Male” who claims that his wife and children are the most precious parts of his life even consider placing his children’s family life and livelihood –and his wife’s LIFE – at risk?

    Moreover – and again, I don’t know him – but if some of Mr. Tyree’s self-described “aggressive male energy” isn’t being applied to mentor the boys of his choice in his community, or at MINIMUM to donating the time he can to Katrina relief and other current erosion of Black American rights and freedoms (just look around and pick your issue), then he really needs to sit down and consider some alternative uses for that energy – and so does every other Black male who thinks the way he thinks.

    I live in New York, traveling frequently to Washington, L.A., and other cities harboring male power enclaves. I’m well aware that in various societal sub-groups, men are socialized to believe they are entitled to all the extra-curricular action they think they might want, whatever the circumstances and whatever the consequences.

    Quite frankly, the 21st-century Black American community can’t afford it.

    Mr. Tyree is a writer and a prolific and powerful Black American male voice. Male writers are presumed to be thinking men, with both the ability and willingness to parse the consequences of their behavior.

    Since I truly believe ESSENCE is concerned about its young black male audience, surely the magazine can find better role models for them than those framed from an emotionally adolescent perspective that refuses to get past the “let’s get laid just because I can” stage.

    The tired rejoinder about how “women do it too sometimes” aside (and a few reasons that could occur have been addressed here already, I think), ESSENCE talks at length in several places in this very same issue about two huge factors contributing to the annihilation of the Black American family (the core of Black American emotional AND economic strength):

    1) Black male infidelity. Poisonously widespread – and perceived as a potentially acceptable entitlement – precisely because viewpoints like Mr. Tyree’s are given national exposure, bordering on tacit approval, in respected publications like ESSENCE.

    2) 21st-century Black males abandoning their family responsibilities in droves because they have so few role models to show them alternatives to destructive behavior.

    The hypocrisy is galling. Mr. Tyree, grow up. ESSENCE, you can do better.


  148. t comfyshoes

    (way off topic here but I had to share)
    Hey Twisty I had the weirdest dream about you.

    In my dream, you had sculpted a waist-high pagoda out of red jell-o, and it was on display in the Cowley County Museum, next to my Grandpa’s barn made of toothpicks.

    I was the hack reporter who had to write about it, and the dream consisted of me writing and re-writing the following snippet of tortured prose:

    Twisty Faster’s wit is so sharp, and her sarcasm so cutting, you’d think she did her writing with a scalpel, not a pen. See what happens when Twisty really does get her hands on a scalpel at…

    Interpretations anybody?

  149. Carol

    I agree that we are talking past each other. I never said anything about what is or isn’t “traditional” female roles, probably because I don’t give a crap. I’m staying home because I find value in being with my kids. Said value isn’t dependent on whether the role is traditional or new-fangled but is intrinsic value.

    And I certainly ought not to be the target of your class angst: all the women in my family have worked too (for example, my grandmother worked in an old-fashioned laundry (the kind with hand-cranked presses) to make ends meet), I’m the granddaughter of coal miners, I borrowed and worked and got scholarships to go to school, blah, blah, blah. I will happily admit I’m fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids, although don’t kid yourself, it is an economic hit, and I worked my ass off to be able to afford it.

    What pisses me off is limiting a woman’s choices and then calling it feminism. And it benefits none of us to fight amongst ourselves over perceived slights.

  150. Mandos

    What pisses me off is limiting a woman’s choices and then calling it feminism. And it benefits none of us to fight amongst ourselves over perceived slights.

    I’m vaguely wondering whether this encapsulates the history of the American left or something.

  151. shannon

    It’s not so much limiting the choices, as asking people to think about the consequences. For the few women who can be stay at home moms, ok, but you’re taking a risk, if you’re ok with that, fine.

  152. lexicon

    @ ae in #136

    have you been to/heard of gladys knight’s chicken & waffles in atlanta? i had no idea the chicken/waffle combo existed outside of the south. for some reason this makes me very happy.

  153. ae

    Mandos, Mandos, Mandos. Yes.

    lexicon, I haven’t heard of/been to Gladys Knight’s Chicken & Waffles in ATL, but I will certainly make a trip when I next arrive on the scene. Thanks for the tip! Roscoe’s was the only place in LA where I could get sweet tea, so it had a quasi-Southern vibe to it (but not overmuch). Chicken and waffles, building bridges, bringing the world together!

    Chris C., enough with the chicken and waffles. Let’s make out.

  154. amaz0n

    What pisses me off is limiting a woman’s choices and then calling it feminism.

    How does other people’s well-meaning advice and concern limit anyone’s choices?

    When feminists outlaw housewifery, ring me up. Until then, the point is null.

  155. Catharine

    DAMN! A free day where we could talk about anything, and I missed it? DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! Can I blame the stupid patriarchy anyhow, even though I’m a day late?

    stupid patriarchy…


  156. Famous Soviet Athlete

    Chicken and waffles are also available at Amy Ruth’s in New York City.

  157. Laura

    Unbelievable restaurant name:

    Hung Far Lo
    Portland, OR

    I kid you not. Chinese food, great General Tso’s chicken.

  158. veet

    re hedonisticpleasureseeker query : This is the woman whose article appeared in NYT oped the same week as David “Bobo” Brooks classic ode to women who stay at home. Her first best-selling book, 30 years ago, urged women to make this choice. She remarks in this article (jan 1, 2006 NYT) that the next book might bear the title “Ignore the First Book”

    TERRY MARTIN HEKKER “Paradise Lost (Domestic Division)” (reported in Feministing, Jan 3, 2006)

    I started to post in a few days ago, but was so overwhelmed by disgust, I couldn’t bother. the thing about PETA ads, the jerk’s wedding contract, the bullshit piled higher and deeper every where we look…(sorry twisty, the ellipses are necessary)…gag me with a spoon. Or, in the words of, i think, norman mailer,” makes me want to eat more so I can vomit more.”

    ah, that’s better.

  159. veet

    And another thing: littlem, that’s a great piece on Black men. white woman that I am, I’m real glad to see Black women speaking out on this shit. Good luck with Essence.

  160. Violet Socks

    Ah, so the open thread is still alive? Okay, I need to rant:

    Imagine you’re a conservative moron who hates women (is there any other kind?) and for some strange reason you find yourself on a feminist blog. You don’t realize that it’s a feminist blog for a few days, despite the fact that the word “feminism” appears on the masthead in GIANT LETTERS. When it does finally dawn on you that the blogger is a feminist and this is a feminist space, you become enraged! You insult the blogger! You taunt her! You demand to have your “free speech” indulged so that you can tell the blogger all about the evils of feminism!

    So I want to know: is this just a question of fine-tuning your dosage levels? Or are you suffering from a peculiar psychosis for which no psychotropic medication has been discovered?

  161. Catharine

    Violet Socks @ 160: “So I want to know: is this just a question of fine-tuning your dosage levels? Or are you suffering from a peculiar psychosis for which no psychotropic medication has been discovered?”

    Yes. And yes.

    Strange that it could be both, but when you’re a radical right-wingnut misogynist, such a contradiction is, in fact, not only possible, but really the only logical explanation.

    Thanks for asking.


    P.S. I’ve been to your blog. The word “feminist” is right there. Big letters. No escaping it. Go figure.

  162. Flamethorn

    In other news, this crappy little set of college towns has two Thai restaurants, an Indian place, a couple of sushi places, but NO ETHIOPIAN.

    I blame the patriarchy.

    Because I can.

  163. kathy a

    violet socks — i diagnose a troll, and prescribe tater tots and disemvoweling. followed by the happy dance. [one can blame indirectly, you know.]

  164. Violet Socks

    I diagnose a troll

    An Accidental Troll.

  165. Violet Socks

    Damn, my blame button went off by accident. Anyway, this guy has inspired me. I’m going to write a fabulous novel (or just a blog post) about The Accidental Troll, a hapless wingnut who is forced to visit blogs espousing causes he hates.

  166. manxome

    tall girl, the tater tot casserole I ate as a kid was made with cream of celery soup. I am floored to discover, for the first time, that this is not mainstream tater tot casserole. Damn, I feel so marginalized now.

    Here’s what irks me about well-meaning advice given to SAHMs one doesn’t know regarding the general risk they take. It’s the same thing that irks a newlywed regarding endless requests to reproduce, or het couples who look so cute together regarding when they are going to get around to tying the knot, or smokers being informed it’s bad for their health, or working moms being told that they are abandoning their family, or a billion other things. It has that Bushesque patronizing tone to it, only without the doof-face and “See, everybody knows that. Heh.”

    If you don’t actually know that the person has never heard of divorce, financial security, parenthood, marriage, lung cancer, or the traditional role of motherhood, then don’t assume you are introducing the concept to them for the first time.

    I blame, therefore I am.

  167. Chris Clarke

    The Accidental Troll

    Anagram: Contradict hell tale

  168. Hattie

    Black men: the sex and violence class. They’re more oppressed than white women. And what this does to black women is awful. They’re the most oppressed class of all.

  169. Mandos

    Black men: the sex and violence class. They’re more oppressed than white women. And what this does to black women is awful. They’re the most oppressed class of all.

    Yes and no. I’ve noticed—at least anecdotally—that in the technical moneymaking professions, there are more young black women than young black men. I’ve never seen this (!!!) of white women. Our education and legal systems and culture give black men short shrift. The black man is a target of fear in a way that the black woman isn’t—she’s a target of contempt instead.

    But this is just my anecdotal observation.

  170. Alex Jackson


    Whenever you do get a free moment, I’m eager for my in-depth “defenestration”. No time limit, just find my e-mail and go to work on me. I’ve been looking for somebody with The Answers for quite a while now.


  171. TC

    I’m with Amaz0n on comment 103.

  172. Sandi

    I blame the patriarchy for the poisoning of our ocean. How would we be the Water Planet without livable water? Read Julia Whitty’s excellent, maddening article: http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2006/03/the_fate_of_the_ocean.html

  173. Grace

    antiprincess, unfortunately, no. Their tour takes in the vast sweep of geography between Oxford and Tunbridge Wells. I think the last time they were in the US was 2001.

    If I had only known this BEFORE I planned my long weekend in Cornwall …

    We can suffer together. I’ve known Below the Salt by heart since about age 9 …

  174. Grace

    LL, yup, I have been unable to find EITHER FRITOS OR DORITOS in Germany. All German salty snacks feature enormous amounts of MSG, paprika, or both. Ick.

    And in five days I give up candy for Lent. I have NO IDEA how I am going to get through Lent without Fritos.

    Meanwhile, the ongoing hotdish discussion reminds me of Garrison Keillor’s joke about Lutherans eating tuna hotdish and feeding the leftovers to their chickens.

    And re: General Tso’s chicken: it gets mushy when reheated. I’m in favor of eating it all when fresh, regardless of potential intestinal consequences. Mm, crispy.

    Another thing lacking in Germany: good Chinese food. Man, I miss the local takeout place at home.

  175. Jennifer

    OK, please just say: “work outside the home.” Good, now say: “work at home.” See, it’s no more awkward than teaching yourself to say “firefighter” rather then “fireman” all the friggin time, is it?!?

  176. Charles


    Sorry for my somewhat pedantic comment; I didn’t really think you thought that a Dick Bong was something you used to inhale.

  177. Hattie

    Mandos: Perhaps. I myself have enormous respect for successful African Americans, men and women, because of the s–t they have to go through to get anywhere. Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill excepted.

  178. y-girl

    Ah Violet Socks- I feel your pain.

    Trolls drive me up the wall, and I have trouble resisting getting into debates with them.

    It never fails to amaze me that there are people, mostly men, who are sufficiently interested in feminism to read feminist blogs and air their opinions in the discussion threats, or (in my experience) to start debates or discussions with me about feminist issues;
    but are not sufficiently interested to actually learn anything about feminism!

    My mom had a friend who, every time he saw me, would ask something along the lines of “why don’t feminists ever talk about/ argue such-and-such.” Such-and-such would always be something that feminists have written tons about. Whenever I’d try to exlain to him that his assumptions were wrong, or that his anti-feminist beliefs had been strongly refuted, he’d stop listening.

  179. Ron Sullivan

    OK, please just say: “work outside the home.” Good, now say: “work at home.”

    I work at home, mostly. Joe works at home almost all the time. We both work for money. (Neither of us does quite enough housekeeping, unfortunately, though I think he does more than I do.) No childcare involved. Those two phrases, I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

  180. Frumious B.

    Sharoni (comment 115):

    I am actually somewhat appalled by this. I’m an avowed child-hater, but an ad which pretty much flat out states that a man should regret the birth of his child stuns me into silence.

    I’m not surprised in the least that it was a man in the ad. First of all, and most obvious, men wear the things, not women. Not the kind sold by Trojan, anyway. More insidiously, I do not believe we will ever see an ad in this patriarchy suggesting, even in an off the cuff manner, that it is acceptable for a woman to wish her children had never been born.

  181. Ledasmom

    I laughed my ass off at that ad, and I’ve got two spawn at home. Believe me, regretting the birth of a child happens even in the best-regulated households, usually around the second hour of colic, the third hour of tantrum or the first five seconds of a small face appearing in the bedroom door whilst the parents of the body supporting said face are engaged in more or less the sort of activity that produced it in the first place.

  1. Tomessence at I Blame The Patriarchy

    […] The first-ever patriarchy-blaming open thread appears to have enjoyed some measure of success, possibly because of the focus on restaurants with funny names, such as Pho Well Hung, and on commercial potato products with funny names, such as Tater Tots. […]

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