Perhaps these squash enchiladas at the East Side CafÃ©, Austin, will soften the blow
In defense of the tawdry and divisive BDSM threads
Please, no more BSDM conversations on this site! It just leads to a lot of us who are natural patriarchy-blaming allies getting upset with each other, and that helps no-one except the patriarchy. [*]
I’m probably gonna regret this, but I have to take one last stab at—I know! I’m sorry!—BDSM before imposing a necessary moratorium. Because, like everything else that aims to reduce women to fuckbot status, such as the previously-discussed plural marriage dealio, or South Dakota’s recent hostile takeover of its population’s uteruses, BDSM is a feminist issue, and the fact that some feminists are also pro-BDSM is a dumb reason not to blame the patriarchy for it. Actually, that BDSM has emerged as divisive among “patriarchy-blaming allies” interests me strangely.
I mean, am I a spinster aunt or aren’t I? The code demands that I not shirk my duty. It has not escaped my notice that it upsets some women when I say their beloved stiletto heels are tools of the patriarchy, or when I say the nuclear family is a tool of the patriarchy, or when I say that pole-dancing is a tool of the patriarchy, so I don’t expect they’ll like it when I out their spanky-spanky sex life as a tool of the patriarchy, either.
As repulsed as I am by the fetishization of patriarchy, and despite the sad fact that I am up for a Koufax Award for “Best New Inadvertent BDSM Blog By A Texan Spinster Aunt,” and as often as I have to cover my ears and go “muamauamuamaua” when people start describing their dorky sex lives, I’m convinced that these discussions actually serve the interests of patriarchy-blaming. True, we don’t need to have them every week, if only because of the alternating spasms of boredom and disgust that afflict me personally whenever the subject comes up. Which is why I was this close to not posting that Taken In Hand thing (whether it’s BDSM or something even more fucked up, I leave to those with stronger stomachs to decide): on accounta the boredom and disgust alone.
But, like it or lump it, BDSM is patriarchy, the whole patriarchy, and nothin’ but the patriarchy, in a black latex nutshell. It is, I unwaveringly assert according to the Honor Code of the Blaming Spinsters, the eroticization of a vastly horrific social order that has, over the millennia, generated the suffering of untold millions, and against which I am sworn to vituperate. BDSM’s got it all: sex, power, rape, pain, dominance, submission, the false pretext of freedom, delusions of superiority, sublimation of the orgasm at all costs, women who think it liberates them, a conservative orthodoxy, compulsory conformity, absurd, exaggerated gender roles, and a silly dress code. It is profoundly anti-feminist, anti-intellectual, anti-individual, and unattractive.
Do it, do it, do it till you’re satisfied, whatever it is. Just don’t kid yourself. You’re gettin’ off on patriarchy. Which is not to say that patriarchy-blamers can’t be all “yay, BDSM!” Because if pain and humiliation get you off, what better way to achieve it than by hanging a sign on your ass reading “I blamed the patriarchy but all I got was his stupid orgasm.”
And now, I’m satisfied; you may all strew rose petals in my path and get over the dry heaves, for the subject is closed until further notice.