The graffito reads “DUDE some-one seriously needs to show me what it feels like to get my ASS giggled.” “Bend over” suggests some subsequent respondent, reasonably. Because the compulsion to illuminate the infinitely tedious minutiae of Central Texan existence is what separates the spinster aunts from the boys, today I inaugurate my latest project, a …
Monthly Archive: March 2006
Mar 30 2006
Antidote
I am posting this picture of my transcendent soup because it is tasteful. Soup, unlike the thing from yesterday’s post, elevates humanity. Which is why I wish readers would rethink this tendency to refer to photographs of my dinner as “porn.” To make Leek and Potato Soup à la Spinster, which I am happy to …
Mar 29 2006
It Burns!
“Pro-life” sculpture of—that’s right—Britney Spears ready to take it up the ass while giving birth on a bearskin rug. “Why the sporadic posting, Twisty?” you ask. I’ll tell you. It’s because a couple of readers sent me this godawful thing. When I saw it the first thing I did was, I stared at the monitor …
Mar 28 2006
Repeat Offender
A spinster aunt cannot advise being offensive without a honkin’ big bowl of ratatouille with saffron rice. As a consequence of my having been but a sporadic reader of Blac(k)ademic—a progressive blog on race, feminism and queer studies—Bitch | Lab has taken the opportunity to point out that I Blame The Patriarchy is offensive to …
Mar 26 2006
Sunday Jesusianism
Over breakfast—a humorless, hairy cup of herbal tea and a bowl of curried dung granola—I’ve been reading the Patriarchy Manual. By which I mean the Bible, the durable bestseller that gives modern misogyny its legs. Boy-o, is that shit a hoot. Like the part where Jesus says, “Woe betide the Dean of Admissions who accordeth …
Mar 25 2006
Blog Against Stuff
I love Blog Against Stuff days. What could be more ecumenical than being against stuff, writing about it on the World Wide Web, and having 23 like-minded people read it and cry out, “damn, you so rock”? Take heteronormativity. Nubian at Blac(k)ademic is spearheading Blog Against Heteronormativity Day on April 22. Anti-heteronormativists unite. Not coincidentally—because …
Mar 23 2006
Buy Her A Tractor Instead
Unearthed from a dark crevice deep inside my iPod, I give you the weirdest song about wife ownership ever recorded.
Mar 22 2006
From the You Go Girl Dept.
Cecilia Fire Thunder, president of the Oglala Sioux Tribe on the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, has had it up to here with that woman-hating honky-ass abortion ban. “To me, it is now a question of sovereignty [...] I will personally establish a Planned Parenthood clinic on my own land which is within the …
Mar 22 2006
Hot Mama
This morning I skimmed a blog I’ve never read before—let’s call it Morphing Into Mama, since that’s its title. I read only a few posts, so it is possible that I’ve misconstrued the gist of the blog (it wouldn’t be the first time), but I applaud the Morphing Mama as one of the increasingly uncloseted …
Should you wish to flatter me with theft
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Savage Death Island Motto
Take it or fucking leave it and get the hell away from me.
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