Mar 04 2006

Dig My Dog

bert digs really deep hole
Bert contemplates recent modifications to Hole #8

This is my puppy Bert. Bert is a golden retriever, but these days he has little time for retrieving. He is very busy with the excavations for his public art project “The Four Thousand Holes Of Barton Hills.” The project, he says, will challenge conventional notions of “back yard,” “permanent landscape edging,” and “healthy ankle ligaments” even as it brings the community together in a discourse on art, eyesores, and man’s relationship to negative space.


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  1. Jodie

    Awwww…Bert is so cute. At least he’s not digging under your fence. There is a strange collection of things nailed to the fence and filling the holes underneath it in my backyard in an attempt to thwart my dog Wiley.

  2. Violet Socks

    My favorite Twisty post yet.

    (Until my next favorite Twisty post, of course.)

  3. Hattie

    I see that artistic talent runs in your family.

  4. Ron Sullivan

    I see a coffee-table book in Bert’s future.

  5. Pony

    Surrender. You’ve got a Golden.

    I’m privileged to be an aunty to one. Bliss.

    Not to mention the art education.

  6. bridgetka

    Awwwwww. He’s adorable. Fluffball!

    I have a Lab, and her puppyhood artistic endeavors involved eating crayons and then shitting in a dizzying array of colors. I was always so sad to have my glorious boxes of Crayola 120s (quite the status symbol back in ’98) ruined. To add insult to injury, I’d then have to go out to the back yard and pick up dogcrap in shades of Macaroni and Cheese, Cerulean, and Purple Pizzazz.

  7. Chris Clarke

    “When Dogs Pant”!

  8. karenology

    Your dog is adorable! May he grow up to be a fine patriarchy-destroying hound.

  9. Sharoni

    Bert looks like a sensitive dog who has just been chastised for digging holes. If you want to stop a dog from digging under the fence, you need to use chicken wire judiciously when you build the fence. Bury the chicken wire about two feet down from the fence and trim the inside of the yard with about a foot of chicken wire attached to the fence and laid along the ground on the outside. My dog just made a dirt wallow under the juniper bush in the corner, and he’s happy with that. Of course that still means he needs his nose washed of mud every once in a while. I blame the patriarchy.

    Sorry about your cat, Twisty, I’m just catching up. All my good thoughts for your days, nights, weeks, etc. and hope you are dealing well with therapy.

  10. Caja

    So you’re saying he’s an architect?

  11. Kaka Mak

    Looking foward to his interpretive dance of this project.

  12. Twisty

    I never chastize Bert for digging holes. I am pleased that he has such lofty aspirations. A couple of his holes are over a foot deep, which is really saying something, considering how hard the ground is on accounta our big drought.

  13. jc

    I was once contacted by a woman who had deliberately collected and imported a large array of spanish street dogs who had collectively reduced her backyard to something resembling a particularly erosion destoyed portion of andalusia.
    She seriously wanted me to suggest an alternative landscaping solution that didn`t involve the gassing of her beloved rabid canine earthmovers.
    I love Analusia and dogs and firmly believe that love sometimes requires acceptance. Sometimes things will be as they are, so to speak.
    I promptly lost her telephone number.
    I`m no philistine,
    or mercenary adherant of lost causes.

  14. Cass

    What a sweetheart. My poodle prefers the medium of abstract pee stains on a harwood floor.

  15. Liz

    So where is Berto’s Jeanne-Clawed?

  16. AndiF

    Perhaps Bert would like to team up with my malamutt who is a budding paleontologist. Her fossil digs are much appreciated by my other dogs, not only for their scientific discoveries but also for supplying cool places to sleep on hot summer days.

  17. suezboo

    Twisty, how can you classify Bert The Adorable WonderDog under Varmints ? I’, appalled.

  18. Janeen

    I’m one of your few readers who isn’t instantly turned to mush at the sight of Bert, but I must say this is one of those posts that makes me totally want to make out with you. And I hate those conventional notions of things.

  19. wordgirl

    It is patently clear that the artist Christo looks to Bert for his inspiration. The miles of fabric and the orange Gates in Central Park? Undeniably Bert! If Christo does ANYTHING that remotely resembles digging, I suggest you seek legal counsel.

  20. Fran

    If Bert is bored ,it may be time to introduce him to tennis balls. My goldie Max, bless his soul, absolutley loved them, though he never did catch on to giving them back once he’d retrieved them.
    Goldie’s rock! and Bert adorable!

  21. schatze

    Bert is looking much like my female Golden. My new Golden puppy will no doubt go through the digging stage, but he will be chastized. There isn’t enough space in my yard for that. Perhaps Bert is digging a golf course?

  22. Ms Kate

    Golf course! Of course! Here you thought he was putt-ering around, Twisty. Brilliant dog! The Barton Hills Links – you can even advertize how it is a “naturally landscaped” course with no extreme water needs.

    Not to mention how nicely that Holga would photograph all the pasture pool shooters in their silly garish garb.

  23. Grace

    What a beautiful dog!

  24. Dean

    Bert has a contemplative look on his face, like a painter studying the canvas of a work in progress.

  25. Kitt

    Well, I’m just happy to know other people’s pets talk to them.

  26. Kat

    Awwww, what a cutie. :)

  27. Sara

    AWWWW! So so so cute!

    Somehow it seems wrong to hit a “blame” button in this context.

  28. littlem

    ““back yard,” “permanent landscape edging,”
    So feeling it. Loving the edgy.

    “healthy ankle ligaments”
    Still arguing with the PT about proper ongoing treatment for a bucket-handle (!!!) meniscal tear.
    Any room for negotiation on the project here?

  29. Twisty

    “Somehow it seems wrong to hit a “blame” button in this context.”

    You can blame this wretched animal for destroying my yard without a permit, if you like. I certainly do!

  30. Ron Sullivan

    I believe Bert and I share an opinion about benderboard. We’re not sure what it’s for, but it doesn’t belong in the ground.

  31. saraarts.com

    “You can blame this wretched animal for destroying my yard without a permit, if you like.”

    But Twisty (she said, ducking as quickly as her aging reflexes would allow), he can’t help it. It’s what he’s hardwired to do.

  1. Friday pup blogging « virgotext

    […] pup blogging April 6, 2007 Posted by virgotex in Pets, Animals, Dogs. trackback While he lacks the coherent creative vision (and possible sociopathic tendencies) of TwistyFaster’s visionary Bert, my Possum is very thorough and serious about his dirt work. In particular, he is most helpful when I am out in the yard trying to photograph plants or bugs, or catalog my backyard plants. He assists by madly digging a hole as close as he can to the center of my attention. I’m fortunate to have such a dedicated assistant. […]

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