Mar 11 2006

Beyerstein on Equal Rights

Lindsay is

a firm believer in equal rights. I agree that every pregnant man has the right to an abortion! (This is the safe, legal, and very, very, very rare kind.) Or, not to give birth if he doesn’t want to. His body isn’t the property of his wife or his girlfriend. She shouldn’t be allowed to force him to carry the pregnancy. Nor should she be able to leave the child destitute if he makes her a mother before she’s ready.

If I ever knock up a guy, and he decides to have the baby, I solemnly pledge to pay my child support on time, in full, every month. Even if I don’t want to be a mother. And yes, even if he told me he couldn’t get pregnant!


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  1. These people are mad as hatters, but in a good way. The discussion? under way could be considered about food.


  2. faultline.org

    The thing is, I would jump at the chance to have Lindsay’s baby.

  3. Doesn’t want the kid, doesn’t want to pay for her. He must be one of those loving caring dads we hear so much about these days.

  4. Speaking of human reproduction, I clicked on Raw Story to get my news fix on, and was horrified to see this:


    Patriarchy blamers may have already talked about this little diddy (it’s about 2 days old), but I’m just seeing it now, and I needed to share the outrage. (Not the least of which has to do with the fact that judging only by appearance, I much prefer younger men to older ones. Also, my brother recently married a woman 23 years his senior because of her intelligence and their shared common interests. The age of her eggs did not factor into the equation).

  5. OK, that link did not work. Anyone interested can go to the Raw Story home page and click on the editorial “Farm Fresh Eggs”. I’ll try to link one more time.


  6. geekyfeminist.wordpress.com

    I’m not going to use my eggs, so what do I care if they ‘rot’ and ‘decay’? But I love being described as rotting fruit and my ovaries likened to stinky old eggs.

  7. Twisty

    Man, reproduction just needs to go. There has got to be a better way.

  8. “Man is a creature whose nature is to deny his creatureliness.” Fine, but that only begs the question of what kinds of creatures we are exactly. And who and what we are obviously has little to do with the addle-brained fantasies of writers like this one.

  9. Farm fresh eggs? Tropical fruit? I’m nauseated, truly. Does the reverse hold true? All men with farm fresh sperm are hot tamales, ooh la la? Not hardly. She’s an idiot.

    What a way to start a day of blaming.

    Also, anyone wishing to claim herself a “Writer” should know the difference between wattle & waddle, and how to spell muu-muu (not moo-moo).

  10. I’m getting a little tired of everyone mocking men who don’t want kids. The right of women who don’t want kids, or a kid right now, or this kid in particular, to have an abortion has been covered extensively on this blog. The right of a woman to engage in vaginal intercourse without consenting to motherhood has also been convered extensively. We’ve even covered how contraceptives fail, and how women should not be forced to be pregnant just because technology isn’t 100% perfect. So why am I reading that men who don’t want kids should keep their legs crossed (as it were) or agree to face the consequences, ie, the kid? I’m tired of it, I tell you, tired.

    As for the farm fressh eggs, what a piece of dreck. I blame the writer’s high school English teacher. Was there a thesis statement in that article? I must have missed it.

    People looking for something to start their day of blaming should go here

    You, sexy UT student popping a squat on Colorado street infront of UT building, me lucky police officer that got a sneak peek at your mystic rose, sorry about the ticket, make it up to you with dinner…

    read this one, too

    You, sick police officer that peeks at girls’ privates and then wants to take them out to dinner. That’s Just Gross

  11. Man, reproduction just needs to go. There has got to be a better way.

    We could try living forever. Then we wouldn’t need little version of ourselves to replace us when we die.

  12. whoooooooaaaaaa…is that Raw Story writer on drugs? That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Like, really horrible drugs that turn your story into nonsensical mush and make you sound all crazy-like.

  13. blinkandyoullmissit.typepad.com

    Creatureliness isn’t even a cute neologism.

  14. heocwaeth.blogspot.com

    Wait! Bald, paunchy men are hot? To whom? This girl is a deeply sad creature, to use her term.

  15. First, thank you Twisty for providing this site, and thank you to my sisters who commented on the “Farm Fresh Eggs” fiasco to share my outrage so I did not have to endure it alone.

    Second, does this site have an annual awards-type dealio that it sponsors, and is there a category for best “Faux Feminist” Editorial/Article? I would like to nominate “Farm Fresh Eggs” for best Faux Feminist writing 2006, (and heaven help us, I know we’re only still in the first quarter of this year). The writer wants to be a feminist by telling us to reject plastic surgery and accept the aging process gracefully. Yet she also wants women to gracefully accept their place in society as having no more value than the age of their ovaries…and being a good mentor to women with younger eggs.

  16. vociferate.wordpress.com

    Hey Oaktown Girl, I’m gonna nick that link and blog about it. I hope you don’t mind.

    I’d suggest throwing eggs at the author, seems appropriate, particularly if they’re off…

  17. Great idea, O.T. Girl, except we’d have so many nominations I’m afraid we’d get overwhelmed. I say we call it the Vichy Feminist Award.

  18. “Vichy Feminist” Award!!!! GENIUS. Be warned: I will be stealing this phrase directly.

    And who can pick just one? Why call it the “best” when it’s really the worst? There are, alas, so many Vichy Feminists that we can bestow the title on one per day if we wanted to.

  19. joolya.blogspot.com

    Vichy Feminists – I love this.

    Here’s another one, courtesy of my feminist penis-having partner: “You know how there’s the Rust Belt and the Bible Belt and the Sun Belt? I think there should be a name for the states that are banning abortion and birth control: The Chastity Belt!”

    Has someone else already coined this phrase? If not, why not?!

  20. So why am I reading that men who don’t want kids should keep their legs crossed (as it were) or agree to face the consequences, ie, the kid? I’m tired of it, I tell you, tired.

    Because, due to the asymetrical reproduction strategy of homo sapiens sapiens, all of the reproductive choices after conception fall within the female’s sphere of autonomy. It’s unfair, but it’s less unfair than the alternatives.

  21. “Man, reproduction just needs to go. There has got to be a better way.”

    I can understand that there might be a niche in the population that agree with you, but let me tell this story and get yer thoughts.

    I went through ‘birth classes’ with my wife during both her pregnancies. And there were women in those classes who were vehement about ‘natural vaginal delivery’. I have a hard time believing that Patriarchy made them that way. It sure seemed like something else was at work… because every guy in that class cringed every single time the process was described in any detail. And we were all looking around the room like helpless dogs.

    I’m famous for making points that don’t stand up to the ‘standard feminist rhetoric’ so you can feel free to shoot me down on this, but I kinda think men would be wide open to the idea of alternative birth methods if women told us it was going to be that way.

    Decent guys are in awe of child birth. I can see how jerky guys might be in fear of it and do some crazy things, but enforcing traditional biological birth methods seems a lot lower on the list than, say, running away…

    probably way off, but felt it worth mentioning for some reason

    i blame my lack of caffeine

  22. Twisty

    Have a swig of your latte and check this out: what I advocate is the complete severance of women and gestation.

  23. “Have a swig of your latte and check this out: what I advocate is the complete severance of women and gestation.”

    Oh, I got that part. And, personally, I am cool with it. Why should I care, right?

    What i can’t wrap my head around is whether patriarchy is oppressing women by imposing gestation…

    I mean, even if we cook up a way to allow the fetus to gestate in a box, there will still be floods of women who insist on ‘natural’ child birth… and even more loads of women protesting the Fetus Box.

  24. faultline.org

    Have a swig of your latte and check this out: what I advocate is the complete severance of women and gestation.

    That’s just utterly repulsive, counter to all human decency, tradition and culture, and terribly, terribly wrong.

    A latte?

  25. “That’s just utterly repulsive, counter to all human decency, tradition and culture, and terribly, terribly wrong.”

    Actually, it would be more convenient for you if you could incubate fetuses without women and their pesky autonomy. But then you might have to do your own laundry, which would be utterly repulsive and a counter to all human decency, tradition, and culture.

  26. faultline.org


    I understand your consternation and disdain. But you seem to have misread my intent.

    My comment is an attempt at what is referred to by expert language and humor experts as a misdirection joke. Such a joke consists of two sections: The setup, to which you were reacting (and quite eloquently!), and the resolution. The setup serves to lead the reader down a path in which they begin to expect a certain rhetorical outcome. The resolution diverts that progress to the expected end. Much of humor lies in unexpected events and unanticipated results.

    Let’s diagram my comment, shall we? The setup:

    That’s just utterly repulsive, counter to all human decency, tradition and culture, and terribly, terribly wrong.

    Leads the casual reader to believe that I am referring to Twisty’s statement of opinion with regard to human reproduction. In buidling this setup, I borrow from several common oppressive cultural types:

    – the sexist male who responds with revulsion to a suggestion about changing the patriarchal orde of things;
    – the pseudo-intellectual godbag who conflates oppressive social strictures with “decency” and “naturality,” and;
    – the culture warrior who appeals to a false reverence for tradition in order to maintain the unjust status quo.

    The intent of the setup, in other words, was to induce the reader to prepare for precisely the kind of offensive sentiment you ascribe to the writer.

    However, the resolution demonstrates to the reader that this is not in fact the writer’s intent, thus generating, from the friction between the reader’s expectations and the actual outcome, large amounts of humor. That resolution:

    a latte?

    deflects the false culture-warrior godbag offensiveness tropes from their expected target — the admirable struggle of women to free themselves from oppressive social and biological strictures, which I, like you, wholeheartedly support — to a trendy allegedly caffeinated glass of warm milk. In this manner, the reader is deflected from a building sense of outrage at an anticipated obnoxous comment, when suddenly the tension is relieved as the reader is invited to join in the condescending, meta-stylish mockery of ephemeral social trends such as lattes.

    Of course, there are limits to this kind of humor. The setup should never be overlong, lest a casual reader develop such revulsion that she fails to read all the way to the resolution. And the resolution itself should be hilariously funny. And both of these limits are, necessarily, subjective metrics.

    Thank you for this opportunity to clarify my intent.

  27. Jonathan

    Chris; if you have to explain the joke, then it isn’t one. (see: intentions vs. effects)

    With regards to choosing “natural” or “unnatural” child birth, the Patriarchy is definitely involved: women MUST choose some kind of birth and then do 90% of the accompanying domestic drudgery by themselves! Once a woman “chooses” to become a mother, she get’s all the freedom to choose between pregnancy, pregnancy-lite, diet-pregnancy, and lemon-lime-pregnancy. It’s all the same brand with a slight change in coloring and flavoring. If you are female and not a mother, you get scorn.

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