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Mar 20 2006

Cheater Post Today

At long last, it has arrived. My Last Day Of Chemo. Can I get a hell yeah.

To celebrate, after my delightful 5-hour infusion I’m goin’ out shopping for an Airstream. Because that’s how Twisty’s gonna roll.

I leave you with The Moron Comment of the Week, from a guy who actually used the terrific phrases “step up to the plate,” “life is hard,” and “go back to the kitchen.” Trolls, poor things, are among the least visionary of all the planet’s unvisionary morons. They are funny, though. Isn’t it hilarious that none of them can write beyond a sixth grade level?

Moron troll: As I suspected feminism is simply a front. It is an attempt to achieve more rights while keeping the privileges that women had in the past of being treated with kid gloves.

Lest this leave the dull taste of murdered syntax in your mouth, I give you our own Erin’s exceedingly measured and reasonable response:

Men and women both have the right to do what is within their power to prevent a pregnancy. Unfortunately, men’s choices happen prior to ejaculation: they can, if they’re truly committed to not being a father NOW, wear a condom or, if they’re committed to not being a father EVER, they can have a vasectomy. Women have contraceptive choices prior to ejaculation, but they continue to have choices after the man’s orgasm: they can take emergency contraception, or they can have a surgical or medical abortion of the pregnancy. That’s what happens when conception and subsequent processes occur in your body.

The idea that contraception is entirely or mostly the woman’s responsibility, and that the failure of contraception is entirely or mostly the woman’s fault, is so ingrained, that this is seen as a non-starter, but it’s the way it is. It’s not a “keep it in your pants” argument (though that is indeed foolproof), it’s a “take control of your own damn fertility” argument. If you don’t have nearly foolproof, non-intrusive, reversible options for contraception, take it up with Pfizer, not with the women here.

The other part of the issue, and the one that make me angry, is creating an equivalent relationship between what a woman chooses to do with her BODY and what a man chooses to do with his MONEY. I’m so insulted by this assumption of equivalence that it makes me not want to discuss it at all.

90 comments

  1. Cass

    Hell YEAHH!!!!!

  2. kathy a

    hooray! good riddance to the chemo.

    here’s a little something that i thought you’d like:
    http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/20/DDGU9GJ8FN1.DTL

  3. SneakySnu

    HEY-ELLLL YEAH! Congratulations!

  4. schatze

    Hell yeah, sistah!

  5. Erin

    I’m so happy about the chemo, and the Airstream (for real?). The quote made my day and made me wish I had proofread better.

    Now I’m just picturing Bert in an Airstream.

  6. Jodie

    Hell YEAH!!!! WOOOT!

    I want an Airstream — camping with none of the hard rocks migrating under your sleeping bag.

    Erin is just plain cool.

  7. teffie-phd

    Hooray! Woohoo! Hell yeah!

    I can’t wait to see what culinary delight you’ll celebrate with when your stomach is fully cooperating again.

  8. Ron Sullivan

    Oh, hell yeah, here’s another Hell Yeah! Perfect way to celebrate the alleged coming of Spring. I’m hoping the Airstream will find its way to northern California, too.

  9. Cass

    I hope you’re not also thinking of taking that thing to Mount Rushmore… besides being America’s cheesiest national monument, don’t forget that that entire state is under boycott by all right-thinking citizens.

    May I recommend a couple of places for your celebratory dinner?

    The Buenos Aires Cafe on South 1st is a delightful little spot (though unfortunately, a little too intimate to tango).

    Siena, at 360 and 2222, has wonderful food and gorgeous Tuscan architecture, which happens to go spectacularly well with the Hill Country scenery.

    Cheers!

  10. redneckmother

    Hell, yes, indeedy! Woo hoo! I’ll look for an Airstream update.

  11. Erin

    Our underbridge-dwelling friend is now over at Pandagon, telling people about how this one time, some lady (she was A NURSE) gave a blowjob, and then somehow got the semen from her mouth into her uterus and made a baby to TRAP HIM.

    Doesn’t that sound awfully close to The World According to Garp?

    I’ve heard the blowjob thing before. In the absence of hamster-like cheek pouches, how does one accomplish that? The only scenario that I can come up with involves whipping out the turkey baster right then and there, which would probably clue the guy in, I would think.

  12. babd_catha

    HELL’S YEAH!

    I am so happy that you are through that foolishness! May much good food and good will come your way.

  13. Amber

    Hooray for the end of chemo! Congrats, Twisty. We demand Airstream shopping pics. Or at least I do.

  14. FamousSovietAthlete

    Great Chemo news!

    I’ve always wanted an Airstream, but I think I’d avoid visiting the site of the four dead white fellas lording from atop that stolen rock. Come to New York instead. I don’t know how we’ll deal with the Airstream parking problem, but I’m sure we could find you something good to eat once we got that settled.

  15. Janeen

    Hell yeah! Felicidades and all that rot. Are you going to dub the Airstream the Blamemobile?

  16. Pony

    I wanted to say something profound but my milk is frozen and I haven’t had coffee yet. Anyway I have increasingly found, in the past year or so, that saying anything intelligible let alone profound went with the estrogen.

    So I’ll just wish you a great day filled with every kind of excess and maybe a bit of charity if you should come across these two rubes.

    http://thestar.blogs.com/sxsw/

  17. pslade

    Hell yeah!

    Are you really going to do the Airstream life? That has been my fantasy. Seriously.

    Remember the conversation a few days ago about snails? And BTW, I think you are right about the garlic and butter…that’s what I really enjoy. And the French bread…oooh la la. But the little guys don’t taste that bad…I liken them to chewy mushrooms.

    Anyway, the story I heard was that snails are asexual…they can have sex with others or simply have sex with themselves! Plus they are born with their own homes that can be transported wherever they roam. And death comes swimming in a pool of garlic butter or in a little bowl of beer (did you ever set out a bowl of beer in the backyard to awake in the morning to see slugs lying in it drunk and dead?) Snails have a good life…and as reincarnation goes, it could be a lot worse.

    So the Airstream is like the snail’s home. I had forgotten about the Airstream idea…it sounds fantastic. So free…and when it gets hot, head to Bar Harbor. When it gets cold, head to Sante Fe. And what adventures along the way.

    Twisty…you have the right idea. Now you have me thinking about my fantasy again. I had tucked it away and forgotten about it. You could travel from town to town enlightening the women about freedom and feminism and food. Maybe we could get a caravan mobilized? Like truckers do with their convoys…oh it sounds just wonderful. Gypsies of the highway…

    Hell yeah!

  18. Sara

    Well, HELL yeah!!! Now…any radiation in your future? Or are you really well and truly done with yucky treatments now?

    Enjoy the Airstream. Looking forward to Tales of Twisty On the Road. :)

  19. Vibrating Liz

    What is that, about a 1960 Bambi? I’ve always wanted one of those cute little vintage Bambis that you can pull with a normal car. With the top down. Feeling the wind. In your BRAND new HAIR!!! Honk if you’re passing through LA.

  20. Vibrating Liz

    the site of the four dead white fellas lording from atop that stolen rock

    We always refer to them as the Four Spacious Guys.

  21. Sylvanite

    Congratulations on ending chemo.Hopefully you are well and truly out of the woods, and can go back to enjoying life, sans nausea!

  22. robin

    ..and rejoicing was heard throughout the land:
    HELL YEAH!!
    So glad you’re through w/chemotherapy.

    If you are serious about the Airstream (I hope you are!), I guess you won’t be spending many hard earned dineros in South Dakota?

  23. Sophie

    Enfer ouais !

    (approximate French translation of required words)
    This is excellent news. I’m not talking about the rest of the post.

  24. Jezebella

    and a hell yeah here.

  25. TP

    Hell Yeah!

    I’m so very happy for you. You have been incredible throughout this whole thing. You are now my hero in more ways than one.

    The forcible pregnancy issue has reminded me of the horrific start of John Waters’ “Pink Flamingo” a few times lately. A stupid hippie keeps a couple of women pregnant in a dungeon to sell the babies for adoption. He tires of impregnating them the usual way and jacks off and uses a turkey baster instead. It’s such a metaphor for the patriarchal lust to dominate and use women.

  26. CafeSiren

    Hell, yeah!

    Now, can you find out what happened to your “chemo buddy” whose husband (boyfriend) couldn’t be bothered to support her through chemo, and who had to rely on her hunky farrier friend (Jan 4 post)? I think about her sometimes.

    Does the Airstream mean that you’ll be taking patriarchy blaming on the road? If so, let us know, so we can all scout out the best tacos in our area.

  27. trixie

    Hell, yeah!

    Will the Airstream be new or vintage?

  28. Pony

    Somewhere, in some lonely hell, Random Thug’s mommy is banging her head on a wall. .

  29. BCollie49

    I’m so new here that I didn’t know about the chemo – fantastic that this is your last one! Hell Yeah! The air stream will do wonders for your immune system.

    We don’t have good tacos in NJ (do I ever miss them after 33 years in California!), but I hear that there is a community of people from Oaxaca somewhere in this area, so I’m sure we could find a great taco for you – so, stop by if you make it out here.

    On another note, medicinal mushrooms are supposed to help with the side effects of chemo.

    I wish you all the radiant health that there is!

  30. norbizness

    Congratulations! As for the Airstream… if you get sticker shock, you can always jack one from that lot next to Shady Grove.

  31. hedonistic

    Welcome BCollie49, another NJ transplant here, welcome to Twisty’s site!

  32. Betsy

    Congrats and Yaaaaa-hooo!

    (like you don’t have enough yahoos around)

  33. Edith

    Chemo? CheNO! O Happy Day! I am sending you a virtual overly-exuberant high five!

  34. Charlie

    Congratulations and hell yeah! I admit that I do worry from time to time about the health of my favorite patriarchy-blaming spinster aunt. Hopefully I’ll find out relatively soon that I can stop worrying.

  35. apophenia

    Hell to the yeah!

    That is all.

  36. CafeSiren

    Did I ever mention that, when I was home for this past christmas, surrounded by siblings and their offspring, my father jokingly refered to me (unmarried, childless) as a “spinster aunt”? I thought of Twisty, and puffed up with pride?

    Sending happy spinsterly vibes your way.

  37. Charles

    Wonderful news on the end of chemo!

    Is there any room for gratitude that the underbridge-dweller did not write of thinking outside the box?

    But the key question is: If (when?) you get the Airstream, will the cherry-red convertible be part of the deal?

  38. ljdugan

    Well, hell yeah! Congratulations, Twisty! And oh, the Airstream. *sigh…* Lovely.

  39. Nyx

    Hell yeah! So glad for you Twisty!
    I went to the Airsttream page and now I have lust in my heart and desire in my veins for a Bambi!

    I only hope the water trickling into the crevices of the 4 white dudes causes the faces to drop off in my lifetime.

  40. MzNicky

    H E L L Y E A H.

    Oh Hell Yeah.

  41. femhist

    Hell yeah!!!!

    I, like CafeSiren, have occasionally wondered about your friend and her farrier (and her jackass boyfriend). Did you ever encounter her again?

  42. Justin

    I logged in so I could say:

    Hell Yeah!

    Yay Twisty.

  43. Ms Kate

    Hip Hip Hell YEAH! Hip Hip Hell YEAH!

    While you are on your way to Mt. Rushmore to take a Holga picture of Bert hanging out the window of your Airstream, you will simply have to stop at Carhenge and at any giant neon prarie totem you happen to pass.

  44. suezboo

    As a practicing Luddite, I have avoided Logging In. Till now. Now, it is necessary to say :
    HELL YEAH !
    Did I sound authentically Texan enough? I really tried.

  45. Becker

    Just damn and hellz yeah! Great news.

  46. Twisty

    Thanks, everyone, for all the hell yeahs I asked for. You are so obedient! No wonder I’m nominated for that BDSM award!

    No, really. Thanks. I couldn’t have asked for a sweller bunch of patriarchy-blamers to babble at while puking my guts out, and that’s no joke.

    Except for Random Thug. He is a joke (why don’t you suck all the fun out that guy, Mandos?). He’s also a roach-fucking needledick.

    Anyway, yes I am really getting a Blame-Mobile. I’m gonna blame all over the damn place. Lookout!

  47. trope

    HELL YEAH! Fabulous. I look forward to the day when Twisty, Bert, and the Blame Tour visit my town. Here’s to many years of traveling.

  48. Summer

    Woo-ha! Woo-hoo! Yay!

    So glad to hear you’re 1.) done with chemo, and 2.) shopping for an Airstream.

    Will you be emblazoning it with a giant extended middle finger? (That’s the only way I’m going to SD/Mt. Rushmore these days: with a big ‘fuck you.’)

  49. thebewilderness

    Hell Yeah!!!
    Freedom, Feminism, and Food. What could be better.
    Are you getting the airstream so you can go to the Giant Artichoke and wallow in all that artichokely goodness?

  50. Burrow Klown

    Congrats Twisty! Yay for last days!!

    Anywho, I love me those Airstreams. I hope you find a good one.

  51. Rene

    Hell yeah! I’m very glad the chemo is over. Enjoy the new Airstream in all of its pneumatic chrome splendiferousness. You deserve it. I quit smoking on March 1 and rewarded myself with a little black cat from the city pound. His name is Branwell, after the doomed Bronte brother, and he’s painfully adorable.

    Rene

  52. Chris Clarke

    Point the blame-mobile this -a-way, Twisty and you and I can sit at the Ferry Building and eat Recchiuti and make fun of the tourists. And Taqueria Pancho Villa is only a few short steps away.

    I actually leaked a tear while reading that today’s your last chemo session. I might have done so anyway, the state of the world being what it is. But I’ll let you claim it.

  53. Pterodactyl Woman

    Congratulations Twisty.

  54. mrs_enid

    Congratulations! I’m happy for you that you’re done with chemo.

  55. amaz0n

    Blaming the Patriarchy: The World Tour.

  56. Joanna

    Hot diggity dog!
    That’s the greatest news. I’m thrilled for you!

  57. Aussie Liz

    Hell Yeah to you, and to the wide open road!

  58. Violet Socks

    Hell yeah! (Said with vestigial South Carolina accent, not Texan — sorry.) Wonderful, wonderful news.

    Twisty, a few years ago I took several weeks and traveled the country with my dog. I wanted to “see America” and experience the continent on the ground, from the eastern seaboard to the Great Lakes, across the rolling plains to the Continental Divide, and down to the Western ocean. Then back through the Southwest and the southern plains, across the Appalachian escarpment and back home. I drove about 10,000 miles. The entire trip was one of the high points of my life. Do it!

  59. Dr.Sue

    Twisty, if you will airstream up to Brooklyn, the tacos are on me.

  60. AntipodeanKate

    Hell yeah! (Said with Australian accent.)

    Ohmygod those airstreams are so cool. Do they get really hot though?

    Props to Erin as well. Kick-ass reply to Monsieur Troll.

  61. cypress

    Hell yeah, eh?

  62. Ron Sullivan

    Joe and I took about a six-month trip around the US and parts of Canada, let’s see: Sweet Braised Jeezus, it was 26 years ago. Anyway we didn’t have an Airstream, we had camping gear and a secondhand Datsun 510 that broke down twice and went through Texas on two working cylinders, and that trip was still the best thing ever.

    I eventually did figure out that “Drive Friendly” means “My semi wants to mate with your li’l furrin car” but we sure liked Padre Island and the Edwards Plateau. (Still haven’t made it to Big Bend.) And Austin wasn’t half bad either. Though it was just outside the city that Joe tore up the local site guidebook and threw it over a cliff in disgust. We still need golden-cheeked warbler.

    Go go go! Man, if we could do it again, and in an Airstream yet! Maybe we’ll wait till there’s wireless everywhere. And a place to buy rats for Shep.

  63. Rhus

    I’m sooooo glad!

  64. lavalamp

    Hell YEAH. Airstream’s a good investment.

  65. Blippity

    Delurking to add my HELL YEAH!!

    My grandparents had an Airstream for many years in the 60′s and 70′s and went just about everywhere in North America – Alaska to Yukatan. I still have a few necklaces made out of beans from their Mexico trip. Gram loved beans. I also remember that the trailer had a/c and a great heater.

  66. tigtog

    bloodybewdymatehellyeah!

  67. arse poetica

    Hell fucking Yeah!! And great news about the Airstream. Sending you fortifying vibes for your many road trips. Come visit your blaming faithful in NC!

  68. Occasional Expositor

    Ditto on the hell yeah. Where’s the Congratulate button?

  69. Chris Clarke

    Twisty, a few years ago I took several weeks and traveled the country with my dog. I wanted to “see America” and experience the continent on the ground, from the eastern seaboard to the Great Lakes, across the rolling plains to the Continental Divide, and down to the Western ocean

    *Looks at appointment calendar from a few years ago*
    *doesn’t find “Violet Socks: Coffee” any damn where*
    *shakes fist at sky*

  70. flea1

    I re-registered to say HELL YEAH.

    Hell yeah for no mo che mo, hell yeah for the Airstream, and hell yeah for me going into the kitchen to learn how to make the best damn tacos in the U.S. in preparation for the Chicago leg of Twisty’s World Tour.

  71. saoba

    Hell and also yeah!

    Point the Blamemobile towards Oregon’s Williamette Valley, Twisty. Our taco supply is uneven, but we do have authentic Hungarian food and people who love to pet Goldens.

  72. theorizethis

    One more “hell yeah” for the chorus… I’m with Flea, and hoping that you drive your blame-mobile up Chicago’s way.

  73. rrp

    hell yeah and again!

  74. bitchphd

    Hell yeah! Congratulations!

    And rock on with the airstream!

  75. Lara

    Hell yeah and hot damn for chemo’s end from yet another Antipodean. May there be many tacos in your future.

  76. Violet Socks

    *Looks at appointment calendar from a few years ago*
    *doesn’t find “Violet Socks: Coffee” any damn where*

    Chris, I waved to you from I-80, but it was very smoggy that day so you probably didn’t see me.

  77. hedonistic

    mee too mee too – - – - hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah! And when the Patriarchy Blaming World Tour reaches New Jersey, taco-themed party at my place! Yer all invited! ;-)

    Hey, what about a nation-wide rolling taco party?

  78. wheelomatic

    HAIL YEH!

    Here’s to healing esophogeal linings that can withstand all the great tacos this wide contry can offer.

    I second the request for a Holgafied Bert-in-the-slipstream picture.

    Rooting (but not in the Aussie sense) for lots and lots of Twisty Tales from the Road.

  79. Vibrating Liz

    One question: will this new Airstream be fully equipped with a LAPTOP and CONNECTIVITY? because if not, I’m afraid I’m going to have to rescind my hailyeah on it.

  80. Grace

    Hölle Ja!! (I am in Germany, after all.)

    But by the time the Airstream embarks, I will presumably be back in New Haven, CT, where I am always eager to squire people around and feed them the Best Pizza in the Universe.

  81. RP

    Yippee ki yi fuckin’ a! Mazel tov on the end of chemo!

  82. Twisty

    Fear not, Liz. The RV will have a satellite dish. I see no reason to forgo internettiness just because I’m on wheels. I have also discovered, among 43,762 other infobits (many of them frightening) about this bizarro RV subculture, that a lot of the RV camps have Wi-Fi.

  83. Newbie

    Well HELL YEAH – which I can say in all good conscience now that I know that the RV will have a satellite dish!

    Had to register to say hell yeah, but also because I had to chuckle to myself. Driving to work today (1hr commute with 3 1/2 yr old) we drove past an airstream and I was admiring its beauty, and explaining the coolness of it to young daughter. She was entranced by the idea that you could sit in it, eat in it and sleep in it, but for some reason the fact that it had seats in it was the most exciting thing for her. Though I must confess that my antipodean upbringing had me calling it a caravan. I had a brief fantasy about travelling around in an airstream/ caravan and seeing North America, and it was such an appealing idea!! Then to go about my daily business of reading my favourite blogs and to find one on here was a just a bit too much for me – just coincidence, I think not.

    You absolutely have to post pictures and tell us stories so we can travel vicariously, just as we discover great food vicariously, through reading the words of wisdom of the great blamer Twisty herself.

  84. L2

    I see lots of Hell yeahs, but not one single “WHOOOOOOO!” This (Austin) IS a college town, after all.

    So – I’m turning my imaginary baseball cap backwards, making devil horns and giving you a big ol’ WHOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! for the end of your chemo.

  85. finnsmotel

    Adding to the chorus of hoorays for the end of chemo!

    Love, love, love the airstream. Even the new ones:

    http://www.airstream.com/

    I kept trying really hard to send a link to a StL Post stltoday.com column yesterday, but stltoday.com stinks and kept snagging. There’s a columnist going under the title: Mamalogues… mother of two… thought you’d get a kick out of her a stab at “the real feminism” yesterday. You either didn’t get it or got it a hundred times as my computer flipped its lid.

    I’ll keep digging for it.

    -finn

  86. wheelomatic

    Oh heck! I forgot to request some one more talented than me to send Twisty a link or a copy of the song “Motor Bungalow” by Adrian Belew from the album “Mr. Musichead”

    Motor Bungalow
    Round and comfortable
    Got a shower but no stairs.
    You can anchor her
    almost anywhere……

    Gotta hear it.

  87. kathy a

    imagine the blaming possibilities in campgrounds across the U.S.!

    twisty, i can’t remember if one of the silly mysteries i sent you for chemo relief was “going nowhere fast,” by gar anthony haywood — it features an airstream named lucille, and extolls the virtues of the sleek aluminum-clad airstream compared to monstrosities like the winnebago.

  88. Ms Kate

    Before you go, see if your local library has a copy of “Mad Monks on the Road”. These guys had some wacky adventures in that there RV of theirs.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671767976/002-8665994-4136006?v=glance&n=283155

    Last I checked, they still road and write http://www.monk.com/about.html

    Happy Blamin’ Trails!

  89. ginmar

    Well, another Hell Yeah can’t be a bad idea, even if I posted the other one in the wrong place. Hell, yeah, Twisty, that’s good news.

  90. mary tyler gore

    Hell YEAH Twisty!!

    Have you ever seen these pods? http://www.podcaravans.com/

    From Europe, but stylish as can be – and pretty affordable it seems!

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