I’ll have half of what she’s having.
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You are reading I Blame The Patriarchy, the patriarchy-blaming blog that advances the radical feminist views of Twisty Faster, a gentleman farmer and spinster aunt eating dinner in Austin, Texas.
I Blame The Patriarchy is intended for advanced patriarchy-blamers. It is not a feminist primer. See Patriarchy-Blaming the Twisty Way for details.
"I couldn't get Twisty's point. It was so longwinded." -- The Blogosphere
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That’s sweet. And I second lines 2-4.
(1) And this is why you can never title one of your posts “YOU SHOULD ALL KILL YOURSELVES!”
(2) All she needs is the nominal $25000 application fee, and then you can get at the assets currently frozen in the bank account of the deposed Nigerian prince.
Ditto for me, Susan and thanks!
I did this once. Sorta. A bit more ‘earthy’, shall we say. (Post-menopausal women have less time to waste. Thank god he didn’t post it.}
Rock on Susan.
Just to be clear, I am not dissing Susan. This is my all-time favorite email, ever.
I know. I just felt confessional, and sisterly. And awash with relief and gratitude to the guy who could have humiliated me beyond belief. I blame hormones. Well and the patriarchy.
I’ll drink to that.
Go, Susan!
You have told it Made It in the blogiverse Twisty.
I never get drunken love letters from my blog readers (and since I mostly blog about knitting, this is a good thing).
What? No skriptkid33z?
Somehow, I think her name ain’t Susan, but Ethel.
X.S.”Ethel” Knoll.
thank the deities for those with enough courage, liquid or otherwise, to say what we’re all thinking.
Now there is a wonderful tribute.
The only reason I have not sent you a similar e-mail is because I have not been drunk while connected to the interweb since I discovered your blog. I also love you.
Oh you don’t need to be drunk to fall in love with fanfuckingtastic wordsmiths. So maybe you should send already Kelda. it couldn’t hoit. Especially, it couldn’t hoit Twisty.
Furthermore, Susan’s narrative trajectory is patriarchy-blaming in a nutshell. She progresses from “Twisty is fucking brilliant”—an excellent point, but amorphous—to “I am fucking amazing,” a somewhat more useful hypothesis, and one in which I can detect no flaw—all in the space of a few drinks. Brava.
Pass the flask, y’all, I’m fixin to go needlepoint that entire thing onto all my damn throw pillows.
So true, so true.
I love you too.
Aw, that’s so sweet.
The only way it could have been better was if she threw her arm around Twisty, booze breath and all, and somebody caught it on video.
Honest, or at least forward and positive drunk friends are a real boost some times …
This amuses me because my name is also Susan, I am also one of the skulking non-commenters, and I also think you are fucking brilliant and read you daily.
Rock on, e-mail Susan, for having both the moxie and the blood/alcohol content to say so!
A correction: Susan doesn’t progress to “I am fucking amazing”, she progresses to “I am fucknig amazing” which is MUCH more eloquent and evocative. Susan’s email is lovely, and Susan: if you are reading this, don’t feel humiliated (as Pony suggests you might) because, indeed, you HAVE only said what we are ALL thinking. Speaking of: Twisty, I heard an echo of a rumor in your Airstream post that you might stop blogging? Not true of course? Perhaps a reference to taking a few weeks off?
Susan’s feelings are her own. I was not suggesting anything for her; but pitched into empathy for her expressed emotion because of my similar doing, and deserved humiliation.
Enough about me.
OK, so i’m not drunk, however, I love you too, your blog is an island of sanity in a sea of craziness.
This is just another woman of color who gets you and enjoys you. Keep your spirits up and stay healthy because how you see the world is actually a life line for me and all of the “blamers” in my family.
Patriarchy gets a whole lot of mileage where I come from and I’m doing my part for the “Raza” so we don’t all go down the tubes, “que viva la mujer!”
There have been so many nights when I’ve written drunken emails to twisty just like this one, but then didn’t have the guts to send them. So Susan, you speak for me! Twisty I fucknig luuuuuv you!
#20 I hope not where else can we get our patriarchy blaming
I completely agree with Susan, except I usually pass out before I get to the point of expressing myself.
Tequila!
Considering how many e-mails I have typed up while sober that have about as many typos, I am leaning toward adding the “ok so im drunk” disclaimer by my signature to save time proofreading. It’s worth a try.
Drunk emailing is sooooooo hard. I’m impressed.
Awww sweet. I totally wished I had done that. (the email writing, not the drinking).
But I’ll be bold and say that I too love Twisty.
*smooch*
It’s clear you’re not dissing Susan. I can see why you love Susan. I love Susan.
What a tribute! This is better than any blog award, in my book.
Another Susan checking in to say that this Susan expresses my feelings perfectly. And we’re all fucknig amazing!
“Fucknig.” Those Germans have a word for everything!
Susan! (And Pony.) I’m so pleased to know I’m not the only person who sends ‘I love you’ emails when I’ve had a few.
Don’t you just love drunk typing? It comes straight from the heart - typos and all. Makes you smile while bringing tears to your eyes.
Incidentally - I second (third, fourth, fifth - whatever) that emotion. I love Twisty too.
It actually is a word of Germanic origin. And it goes right into the fucknig Twisty dictionary.
Damn witchy-woo. I don’t drink. Any mayhem I get up to, or declarations of adoration or admiration, are done on hormones alone. Geez they rock at this age I tell you. I figure I have the testosterone level of two 18 year olds. Male.
My favorite part of the screen shot above?
“Unread: 28 Total: 1128″
I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t clean out my inbox.
I registered just to agree with Susan.
By the way, yesterday I saw some female students skipping down the street shouting ‘I hate the patriarchy!’ Hurrah.
Susan is awesome. I don’t write drunk emails either because I usually have trouble turning on the computer when drunk, but if I did, Twisty would definitely have received several long ones about how hard this is all is but how much she inspires me. And so forth.
My name is not Susan, but I love Twisty, too. The day I discovered Twisty I was in such a state from patriarchal bullshit that I might have harmed a computer if I hadn’t found her blog.
Sheesh, because of all the login/shmoggin here, Capt. Trollypants can’t chime in.
While I do feel strong admiratory feelings for Twisty (she had me with the pork fetish I know she and I share), Capt. T would like to pass along:
“Cue up the KUMBAYAH, let’s all ROAST SOM EMARSHMALLOWS AND GET NAKED. WHAT AN AMMMMMMMMMAAZING LOVE FESTIVAL!11!! I THINK I AM GOUNG TO THROW UP.!@1!”
God love Capt. T, he has such a way with words. I just punched him in the mouth.
Pony - testosteorone levels…male….I can identify.
Fuknig heavens Twisty…how do you sort through one thousand one hundred and twenty fucking eight emails?
You need an assistant…..
HOLY SHIT. I am beyond flattered!!!! I meant EVERY ffucjibg and fucknig word.
Susan, lover of Twisty and beer
Hi honey. I think everyone’s tucked in now. But welcome from me.
Yay! Susan commented! Twisty is Love.
WooHoo, another day, another 15″ rolling around laughing. thank you susan, thank you twisty, thank you all. not nearly drunk enough!
Hey, Susan, I’m still up because I have a deadline. (Draft done. Trim tomorrow. More bourbon now.)
/clink/ Hoist another, hooray for us all! Sybil, Pony, may I pour?
This has to be one of the happiest, most loving, funny threads I’ve read in a long, long time. Twisty, you are indeed an inspiration and can feel the waves of love comin’ at ya!! Thanks again, to Susan and all here!
Wow. What a love fest this thread is. Can you feel all that love comin’ at you Twisty? I am grateful to have found you, too. And everyone! Thanks again and sending more love.
Yep - I second everything Susan says as well. You are awesome, and I’m so glad I found your blog!!!!!
Forty-eighth-ing the lurve.
This is an amazing blog.
Cheers to Susan! I ffucjibg love ya too Twisty!
In #20: “Speaking of: Twisty, I heard an echo of a rumor in your Airstream post that you might stop blogging? Not true of course? Perhaps a reference to taking a few weeks off?”
Not a bit of it. I write compuslively and since I lack the focus to actually write the book I’m supposed to be writing, my daily gurgitations will continue to take blogular form, even when Airstreaming. Particularly, I should imagine, when Airstreaming.
Why does Susan love Twisty? Here’s my guess: Because this blog is just about the most life-affirming thing there is on the whole Internets. Anyway, that’s why I love Twisty. What a great Friday morning thread, even if it was posted on Thursday morning.
Me too. And I agree that needlepointing this into a pillow would be the perfect touch. In fact, I need to learn needlepoint right now so I can start an obscene needlepoint business. I think there’s a market for it, don’t you?
Too late, bornfamous. Julie Jackson of Dallas’ own Subversive Cross Stitch has the obscene needlepoint market pretty much cornered.
She writes like my relatives. (And i love them, too.) Hang on… one of my relatives is called Susan.
Fucknig amazing indeed.
I too delurk here, solely to agree with Susan.
I’ll have about .16 of what she’s having.
HAH. Susan writes what we think. Huzzah.
Hell yeah, Susan. You are fucknig amazing. And so is Twisty. In fact, at dinner and drinking tonight, two of us were on about the Twisty love-how we need the dose of patriarchy blaming, how it keeps the blame where it ought to be. The other three of us were mystified, but oh well, they get it by proxy.
I write drunk all the time too, but I never have nerve to post it. I suppose I’m doing it now.