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Apr 04 2006

Dewey Faulkner!

The website where I found Dewey is mesmerizing. It is called Classic Bodybuilders of the Golden Era. There isn’t a drop of estrogen anywhere near it. Except here.

34 comments

  1. Princess of Cybermob

    So it stopped being a Golden Era when women entered bodybuilding? Hrmph.

  2. june

    Ew.

    The writing is great but I have a complaint about some of the graphics of late.

    And I’m not talking about the washroom photos….

    (ps – I hestitate to even joke about making a complaint in light of the altar girl e-mail you got, lest you take off in an Airstream and never blame again – please take this post lightly)

  3. Sylvanite

    Bodybuilders are a freaky bunch. I suspect The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste had it right when it said that bodybuilding isn’t quite a sport (you don’t get to see all the exertions, just the finished product), and not quite an art (everyone shoots for the same proportional look, rather than working specific muscle groups to end up with truly unusual physiques), but is kind of like a dog show. So much prep and grooming. I’ve never watched a bodybuilding competition. Do they feel the competitor’s testicles, like they do those of the dogs at a dog show?

  4. Vibrating Liz

    So it stopped being a Golden Era when women entered bodybuilding?

    No, the so-called Golden Age ended when anabolic steroids officially took over.

    I’m fascinated in kind of a train-wreck way by the whole bizarre bodybuilder subculture, and I go to shows often to cheer for my friend Darwin who competes totally unjuiced. They all use this wild day-glo orange fake tanner stuff called “Dream Tan,” even the black guys, and they’re careful to choose “posing trunks” (i.e. microscopic dental floss g-string things) that won’t show the orange stains. No need to feel their testicles, you can see every damn goose bump from the balcony seats.

    Here’s me hanging out with my pal Ron, eight-time winner of the Mr. Olympia title. He’s a real sweetheart but he speaks with this strange speech impediment, because his “supplements” have tripled the size of his tongue muscles! I mean, you’d just never think of these things, if you didn’t see them for yourself.

  5. Puffin

    Dewey is the shiz-nit.

  6. finnsmotel

    I think you should use the name anyway and make him your mascot.

    Irony is best served meaty.

  7. Ms Kate

    Jeesh, Twisty, you really want us het gals to get all, well, het up!

    Gadzooks these guys from the early days look so … so … classic! Anything later looks totally stupid and buldgy and wrong. I was never turned on by the bulge-o-nators that came later, but I always like to look at natural and functional muscles – male or female, actually.

    Before I moved a few miles away, I used to go into this health food store near my house to buy lactase drops for my younguns (this was before you could get the milk already modified). It was a little independent place owned and run by a couple of guys who were part of a “clean” body building movement. Damn did they look so much better than the rippling rolling roidheads. Really nice guys, too.

  8. Cass

    I disagree. Your current mascot (of whom I’m very fond) was unconsciously revealing of your hair envy; a male bodybuilder, in her place, would give rise to all sorts of vulgar speculations that you really don’t want to deal with. (Sorry, that’s just the lot of a feminist in this society.)

  9. KMTBERRY

    Well-muscled humans (male and female) with little body fat look kind of like arthropods, don’t you think? Like there is an exoskeleton. If I squint my near-sighted eyes, my brain goes “Insect !! INSECT/HUMAN HYBRID APPROACHING !!!”.
    I wish I had visible muscles. Even when quite strong due to weightlifting, my fat obscures my exoskeleton.

  10. Nyx

    Both links lead to the same page,did I miss something?
    Gee, was it quite common for these fellas to be holding whips and the like? One of the “unknown” guys had his wrists bound in rope as if he were being led like a slave—ha, a slave to patriarchy!
    After seeing 2 other galleries I left dissappointed because;
    1- Ron Unger was so stuffing his shorts
    2- Kim Fox is a man.

  11. wheelomatic

    Okee dokee, not what I EXPECTED to see today. But hey It is Twisty’s world and I am just visiting.

    Got any pictures of Greg Lougainis in top Olympic form? Now THERE is form fit for gazing upon. Le sigh…..

    Vibrating Liz is da bomb, by the way.

  12. nerdlet

    The last link didn’t work for me until I copied and pasted it into my browser, otherwise it seems to lead back to the main page. Also, ew.

  13. Puffin

    Oh god, one of the body builders is named Dick Falcon. Tee-hee! (I’m six years old). In the Classic Bodybuilders Boardgame, I get to be Dick Falcon always and forever. I call it.

  14. Ms Kate

    Do they feel the competitor’s testicles, like they do those of the dogs at a dog show?

    Maybe they should – it is a good way to tell who’s been doing the sauce and who hasn’t.

    If a body chemical is supplied through artificial means, then the equipment that normally makes it tends to atrophy.

  15. kathy a

    i have some kind of protective mental block that prevents me from exploring the website, possibly because it reminds me of my governator. which reminds me of politics and hollywood, which naturally leads to thoughts of ronald reagan. the whole line of thought makes doing my taxes look pretty inviting.

  16. jacie

    OMGWTF!

    Heh. Some of those — seriously, not so much “bodybuilding” as not-so-thinly-disguised (call it half-closeted) gay porn!

  17. CafeSiren

    What are those schlong-snoods that some of them are wearing? Yipes!

  18. Pony

    Nah. These guys are for other guys.

    You remember that scene in A Fish Called Wanda where Jamie Lee Curtis is writhing all over Kevin whatsisface begging him to say *anything* in Italian? That’s me. Italian. Cajun. ‘Strine. Just lay it on. As long as it’s another language or in an accent doesn’t even need to make sense.

    Linguine!
    Ooooh….

    Tortellini!
    Uhuhhh….

    Aspartame!
    (I’m easy.)

    I don’t know why, nude visuals of guys don’t do a thing for me.

  19. R. Mildred

    oooOOOOOOOOoooo bannana hammocks!

    I love how all the abdominal muscles make them look like they’ve constantly got a half-on.

  20. Annie

    CafeSiren,
    I never thought those I always thought those were baked potatoes in those “snoods” as I figured no one could really carry those gargantuan balls around 24/7…and if there are really some out there like that…well…keep ‘em the hell away from me. Bristling here, and now fully in need of a Tito’s Handmmade Vodka (my new favorite!)so I can get the thought of those classic Handmade Hand Jobs outta my head!!!

  21. nebris

    If you check out the Mickey Hargitay pix, second row, second pic, you’ll see a young Mariska playing cards with her folks. I’ve met Mickey. He’s a cool guy. Never got over Jane, however.

    ~M~

  22. nebris

    And then, Aunt Twisty, there’s Annalee. =)

    ~M~

  23. Blume

    Has anyone else noticed the hairy bits sticking out in Dewey’s other picture? I guess this was back in the day before they shaved everything.

  24. meg

    for anyone else that could get fired for looking at annalee while at your respectable working establishment. i would like to note that she is very Not Safe For Work.

  25. Summer

    Schlong-snoods?

    Brilliant!

  26. whyme63

    nebris

    That’s not Mariska–it’s Jayne Marie Mansfield, Mariska’s older half-sister from Big Jayne’s first marriage.

    I’m such a geek.

  27. kactus

    My personal favorite is Rock Stonewall.

  28. spiritrover

    Aw, c’mon, any guy’s going to look good in one of those pouch thingies.

  29. Sunya Harjis

    Ken. IL GUERRERO.

    Hokuto no Ken, which is the greatest comic book, TV show, OAV series, and movie (we talk of the old movie here, with the unbelievably great English dub job even! And not the new one, which Sunya hasn’t seen… YET) is THE place to be for giant, giant, giant muscly guys and their feel-good antics. Where by giant I mean “tens of stories tall, on occasion” and by antics I mean “post-apocalyptic warrior-monk crushes all evil in his path.” They even keep the misogyny to a minimum! Sadly there are no giant, giant, giant muscly women playing for either the white hats or the black hats this time around, but god damn! You hardly notice what with all the TOTALLY AWESOME SHIT going down.

    The sub group on the show is great, too, a bunch of overgrown boys – not lads – who just brim over with joyful FISTINESS. Well, anyway, it’s probably not the sort of thing you can walk into with extensive cultural education. I had an in because I used to date Ken. We broke up when we mutually realized that we were never going to open up and share our feelings with each other. We’re still friends though. Also be warned! I’m told the animation on the TV show is super shitty. To me it comes off deliciously scuzzy – like Mos Eisley via Terry Gilliam. Some things are supposed to be half-cocked.

    There are few things I enjoy as much as a couple hours with Hokuto no Ken and a big fat freezer mug full of Tatinger. Unbelieveably, every video game based on this epic of epics is complete crap. ESPECIALLY the fighting games.

  30. nebris

    My apologies for not making a Not Work Safe warning vis-a-vis Annalee.

    ~M~

  31. Twisty

    Hey Sunya, this is what I read when I clicked your link:

    “85 in da house! 86 coming up real soon. Get from torrent, or ddl. If you are in the irc channel type “/msg Relena xdcc send 30″ without the quotes.

    85: 1, 2, oxy

    Make sure you check your eps for any corruption. You can download the sfv and the md5 files from the tracker if you want. If they are corrupted then use the torrents to fix it.

    Experienced Timer wanted: Use Medusa or Aegisub or Sabbu. Must be able to time a 20 min ep in 3-4 hours at least.”

    What the fuck does this mean? I have no idea! So somehow I believe you about it being complete crap.

  32. Sunya Harjis

    Like many small-minded people, you easily confuse your stupidity with other people’s awesome. Don’t hide your fascination beneath your sneer! Sunya will make everything clear.

    First up is how to steal with the big dogs: BitTorrent is The Way All The Cool Kids Steal Stuff. Get yer basic client here and an easy-to-use improvement on the base client here. BitTorrent is kind of like downloading directly from an http link or what have you, it’s just… you have to… share a little back. Share lots! Honor among thieves and all that. Interested parties can access the first(!) 52(!) episodes of the original Hokuto No Ken series here and may I especially recommend that you use BitTornado or clients like it to select episodes in the range of 10-25 to download first? Just ask Sunya for directions if you don’t like all the help everyone else on the planet will happily give you.

    (Episode 19 is an EXCELLENT place to start. Ep 19 features: guns that shoot knives, guns that shoot ninjas, a guy taking down two helicopters with one spear, and an army that never, ever, EVER misses mealtime.)

    All that “impenetrable” “jargon” that frightened and alarmed you on that website was the harmless friendly banter of people explaining to other people the various ways to steal dat shit and the various ways interested parties can assist with future establishment of shit to steal. The fansub group is using pirated Hong Kong DVDs of a Japanese TV show and improving on the shitty HK translation; they are personally timing and setting the subtitles on each episode. This is shockingly common and totally delightful. It is the joyous replacement of “capitalist profit-driven shackling of art to commerce” with Sharing and Loooooooove. Fansubbing groups make me very happy, and not just because they give me free Hokuto No Ken episodes.

    Anyway after all that crap you will need a player. Heart Of Madness is a nice fansub group in that they don’t use anything too inaccessible when encoding their episodes. The easy answer to “how do I play these files?” is VLC Player.

    This is a lot of technical crap! Don’t be scared. You can still bypass it all by actually buying things…. Kind of. You’ll note that the only people who comment on this stuff at Amazon are complete dorks. This is natural and right.

    Dorks are the last sane people left in America – the last pushy, slyly narcissistic, enthusiastic, genuine, and splendidly cultured people we have to offer. The most brilliant socialite, the most powerful CEO – these people have nothing on the shameless and pathetic geek, who with open arms will welcome you freely to the temple of his chosen hobby. They discuss things to death and throw themselves into their loves with spectacular wholeheartedness, they are warty and brush their teeth infrequently and it only troubles them when they have to deal with Outsiders, they take thankless technical and bureaucratic jobs and work horrific hours and go home to drink Lipton’s tea and make Morrowind mods (still!) and sew up cosplay outfits and they eat bad food and yell at each other. They paint D&D miniatures! They wear dusters and funny hats and pine after ugly girlfriends, just as the girlfriends pine too over their ugly boyfriends! They collect books with Boris Vallejo covers and fact-check Harry Potter movies and write gay porn stories about Japanese cartoons! They make awkward jokes about The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy in the middle of meetings! They are alive and used to fucking up! They want to get balls deep into the beautiful worlds they see on the TV or read in the books or dream up in their heads. I love dorks; I wish wholeheartedly that I could be one of them. Sadly no. But I can watch Fist Of The North Star with them and so can you.

    I highly recommend the antiquated USA VHS release of the movie, which features what must be the greatest dub job ever done on anything, ever.

    I sure fuckin’ miss the “preview” button. Can there be a “Cast Aspersion” button next to the “Blame” button?

  33. Twisty

    Sunya, you begin to bore me. Put a sock in this condescending shit.

  34. Ms Kate

    Perhaps a sweet dose of element 3 is in order?

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