Apr 07 2006

If Not Now, When?

A Texas Rollergirl inhabiting multiple dimensions, April 2, 2006

How has it happened that time has gotten away from the spinster aunt? I keep it in a maximum security lockup, but recently it escaped. An inside job, no doubt. In any event, suddenly I’m on the go, I’m on the go, I’m on the go-go-go, no time Toulouse. A nasty shock to the system, since in my natural state I am a blobular parasitic growth that my lime green recliner can’t seem to shake off. But there it is. All I can tell you is, soon, although I know not when, there will be posts on the women’s john at Jeffrey’s and on my stunning apostasy regarding the roller derby. Soon, soon.


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  1. politblogo.typepad.com

    What’s this with Austinites and roller derbies???

  2. hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com

    OMIGODDESS it’s so obvious that you’re feeling so much better than before. Now we get to live vicariously through your adventures. Yippee!

    In the mean time, at the lair of the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker, I’m in a patriarchy blaming mood. My attempts so far have been clumsy but sincere, and definitely inspired by IBTP!

  3. I’m looking forward to this stunning apostasy. Opening my Chronicle this morning, I stumbled, on page 9, onto an ad for Lone Star Rollergirls, featuring an upcoming match between the Cherry Bombs and the Holy Rollers (the latter, I’m guessing, sporting some kind of Catholic school get-up). The logo includes a matching pair of those buxom silhouettes so often seen on the mud flaps of 18-wheelers.

    Need more information? Just call 512.428.G-I-R-L.

  4. Every time I watch my new favorite reality show I say: twisty would flog me. Now it looks like I may be in the clear…


  5. Nice shot.

  6. grannyvibe.blogspot.com

    OMG, did you audition for the Hell Marys? Did you make the team?

  7. “OMG, did you audition for the Hell Marys? Did you make the team?”

    You know, I almost did!! Strange thing, though; I warned the manager I was schizophrenic, was a free bleeder and couldn’t even stand upright on roller skates. He said he could overlook those problems so long as I fit into the uniform… which, sadly, I couldn’t.


  8. tonypatti.com

    Rollergirls are in St. Louis, too. The usual gang from South Grand, it looks like. My friend FoJammi is a referee. Seem like a nice bunch of kids with a lot of energy, the punk rock hair, the strong builds, the struggle to define themselves outside of the patriarchal pigeonhole while still attracting the sexual attention that young people need.

    I was at a party at a Rollergirls house with Tony Carnejo and a bunch of them were wrestling all comers in the kitchen. I wasn’t about to let some strong young Rollergirl throw my back out. They mostly wrestled each other. Kids full of energy, bless their hearts!

  9. TP: Bless them, indeed, but as for the sport itself, I don’t see much difference between it and mud-wrestling (which, for the record, seems to me to contribute very little towards the disassembling of the partriarchy). That being said I’ll shut up now, and wait with anticipation for Twisty to make her case…

  10. cass — i’m not religious, but what the hell, bless you anyway! best real laugh of the day.

  11. bigbalagan.typepad.com

    we will wait as long as it takes and we will be happy when it happens. pay no attention to the blog god of daily posting.

  12. politblogo.typepad.com

    How are you not you?

  13. tonypatti.com

    I haven’t actually seen a game yet – and I doubt I will. I’m just not a huge sports fan. I have a sense that the girls I met wouldn’t be pleased to be regarded as mud wrestlers. So are they dupes of the patriarchy?

    It’s unbearably sad to think young girls can’t have any fun at all without being appropriated by the ceaselessly sexualizing male gaze.

  14. How are you not you?

    Ah, this happened to a friend of mine, one day just she started inadvertantly taking over other people’s bodies! But ever since she gave me $3000 dollars to help get me and my nigerian astronaut ass down from the space station I’ve been stuck on so that I could deliver to her the $500 per pill MIGHTY-COCK cialisis pills (pills, pilly pill pills) I developed in micro-gravity, it’s cleared right up! So do not fear: there is a cure!

  15. Hey Mildred!

    Let’s talk.
    I have nigerians here that have chests full of money that belongs to my second cousin and all I have to do is give them 2500.00 to open a bank account and then I’ll get the million. I”ll split wichya fifty/fifty. You send the 2500 and I’ll get back to you.

    Apostasy. Now I am one wit smarter than I was fifteen minutes ago because now I have a new word and if I read the pronunciation right, I can use it and look snarky and get respect from my peers, which I sorely need.

    Thanks Twist, keep ’em coming. I may not have had a $60,000 education, but I have you to help me along. It helps me to keep my anger at bay until tomorrow at least.

  16. ozma.blogs.com/hah

    Apostasy is almost better than guacamole.

  17. Cass you crack me up. I take it you won’t be wanting one of the two miniscule red plaid skirts I saw at the thrift shop this week? One looked like a referee skirt; standard issue, plain. rather longish coming in at 6 inches. The other for a forward I assume. Kiltish, all three and one-half inches of it, with a soignee little buckle to one side with fringe from waist to hem.

    Looking back, will we all soberly refer to this time as


  18. Hang on my little Roman Catholic apostates, bless your monsignor-washed brains.
    Could not our host’s “stunning apostasy” as likely refer to a rejection of the religion of Roller Pervy?
    I suggest this in the light of Twisty’s previous profession of faith here.

    I had the impression that, whatever the boner levels of the audience–which included a gazillion women, and a bunch of kids, too—the skaters definitely don’t view themselves as fuckbots. Which is the message I heard louder and clearer than “Do me, baby.”

    This is not a big point that I’m trying to make; I haven’t every skerrick of the archives under my belt and am often wrong about things.
    And I’ve never even heard of Roller Derby before I began blaming in here.

    But would not heresy be a more fitting description of the act of permitting Roller Derby acceptance into the Twisty Way of Patriarchy Blaming?

  19. Forgive me the past perfect sin, host.
    I am not worthy.

  20. “I have a sense that the girls I met wouldn’t be pleased to be regarded as mud wrestlers. So are they dupes of the patriarchy?”

    Its possible, sweetheart, that I overstated things by comparing it to mud-wrestling. And certainly I’m not in a position to pass such a cruel judgement on anyone. (If I were, that description would still be more applicable to a soldier in Iraq, fighting for God and country. But most of us could have made these same mistakes under different circumstances in our lives.) It sounds as though the ladies you met have fun with what they do, and God knows, I’m all in favor of that. At the same time, I do think its important to remember why they’re being paid to do this in front of other people… it isn’t the beauty of the sport. This is true, of course, of lots of women’s sports, even the more “respectable” ones. Not long after “Million Dollar Baby” came out, I read an essay on the world of women’s boxing, and the contrast between the boxers, who had serious aspirations for themselves, and their sleazy managers and promoters (who didn’t bother to teach them the most basic skills) was utterly heartbreaking. Not to mention, of course, the men who came to watch them…

  21. Cool Pink.

    Teens get glimpse at colourful mind of pop diva Pink
    Singer speaks out on esteem issues at Toronto school
    You don’t have to dumb yourself down, girls told


  22. (To go with my previous post with the article about PINK, which is in moderation)

    I don’t have a tv and hadn’t seen Pink’s STUPID GIRLS video. Here it is in case anyone else hasn’t seen it. She’s great.


  23. I’m finding such interesting links on the web. I apologize to whichever blog I lifted this off at 3 a.m. I can’t remember now in order to give attribution and thanks:

    This is Not Sex
    A Web Essay on the Male Gaze, Fashion Advertising and The Pose

  24. That was very interesting. I particularly loved that WWII soap ad; the woman has that same faraway look of nobility that you see in recruitment posters of men going out to defeat Fascism.

  25. politblogo.typepad.com

    I was making a movie reference :)

  26. Oh Gawd did you read her vow? I nearly wet mesef.

  27. ibiblio.org/bascha/blog

    I’ve seen all types out at the rink. Here in the east, it’s flat track, not banked… but even a flat floor is hard to master. It’s speed skating with blocking and tackling, very rough and tumble. Tons of teamwork and strategy. Lots of the women I’ve met who skate enjoy similar contact sports like soccer or field hockey. To many, skating is a passion–they’ve been rink rats since they were kids and can do things on roller skates you wouldn’t believe.

    Sure, the outfits are kind of skimpy, but what athletic wear isn’t? Roller rinks get hot, especially when packed with two teams plus an audience. You certainly break a healthy sweat from the effort. And outfits run the gamut; most of the time it’s shorts, t-shirts, pads, and helmets..

    I have a few friends that derby. I’ve worked out with them a time or ten, and it’s an amazing amount of fun… and a hard workout! I have to respect that.

    As far as I know, proceeds from matches go to pay for things like rink time, insurance, and basic stuff like incorporation and taxes. I don’t know any women that are paid (I think the Texas Rollergirls might be different–but isn’t everything different when you get TV cameras involved?), and even if they were, I’m pretty sure it would work out to a paltry sum per hour for the training and practicing they do.

    Maybe they’re being ogled while they work it out. Now that’s a big surprise. But women can’t do anything without some pervy dude thinking it’s all about his stick.

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