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May 06 2006

Jackass of the Week

jackass.jpg

This dipshit, clearly a white male under 18, either thinks breast cancer is fucking hilarious or is deeply confused about bra architecture, having never seen one in person. Either way: Jackass.

Hi,

You posted a photo of me on your site saying that I was staring at you. My wife reads your blog and likes it very much and she told me about it. I was wondering why you’d taken my picture, but now I know.

I’m very, very sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. It was just that one of your bra pads had slipped or something and looked very funny and I was debating whether or not to tell you.

If I should ever see you again when I’m out and about, you may be sure I’ll be looking studiously straight ahead and I won’t have the temerity to look in your direction.

Regards,
Woody Woodruff

33 comments

  1. Mandos

    Woody Woodruff???

  2. kathy a

    holy shit.

  3. Jodie

    Shithead.

  4. Kate

    probably freeman.

  5. norbizness

    I know that guy! He lives in Leander! Unfortunately, some of the low-water crossing because of the last three days’ rain has made his trailer home inaccessible from the outside world. But we can wait.

  6. Pinko Punko

    I can’t believe some troll lurked here and delivered that as a little piece of performance crap.

    Seriously of all the people I’d wanna tangle with on the internets, I’d rather try to defend Long John Silver’s to Norbiz that drop that turd in the Twisty punchbowl. You are not gonna win with that low quality.

    I also was gonna comment on the leering post, but it was a little too close to home. I have called the Senior Punko on such stuff and while it clearly happens, it must be some sort of subconcious thing because he gets upset and embarrassed in a way that really seems like he didn’t notice. That’s not defending anything, just an observation. I will also add that I literally never used to “check people” out, even with a functional younger person’s wiener, but that it seems to happen more and more now. I don’t feel like my patriarchical marination has increased, there must be some sort of larval stage that molts in the late 20s into some sort of more insidious leeringial instar.

  7. ms. jared

    i’m always surprised by the assholes and the nerve.

    i mean, really!

    i fancy aunt twisty hugantically and that’s why i usually just sit back quietly and read in awe. because i recognize greatness and appreciate the glow of my nearness to it.

    i’m sorry that those with nothing to say just don’t shut up already.

    xoxo, jared

  8. AntipodeanKate

    *wipes tears of mirth from eyes*

    Oh Twisty. Words are not enough to express my admiration for you and the aplomb with which you eviscerate idiots.

  9. mel

    First of all, the person Twisty originally took a picture of does not strike me as being able to write. Or read, for that matter. So he is not the arsehole who wrote the above letter. It is probably something that the free man or one of his lackeys wrote. Secondly, the above writer does NOT have a wife. There are some dumb women out there but not THAT dumb. If that were my husband–the one in Twisty’s first picture OR the jackass poster–I would have fileted him alive. Get a life.

  10. Cass

    Well done, Twisty.

  11. katrina

    Hahahahahahaha!
    Doosh #1, aka NoWoody: No way he knows how to use the word “temerity” in a sentence. If only his glass eye would have fallen out during the ‘photo’ session. That would have been classic.
    Doosh #2, aka Woodrrrrrrrruff: Oooooooooooo, did some lil guy get his last ‘noive’ teched?????? Heh. Some keyboard somewhere with Cheetoe crumbs and grease is begging for intelligent life.

  12. june

    Poor little innocent donkey, having its picture associated with crap like that.

  13. jc.

    I am not sure about the authenticity of the jackass message, but I am truely disturbed that, even in Texas,
    the name “Woody Woodruff” is considered too absurd to be true. The picture and the name together seemed to be just the kind of guy who´d feel called upon to galantly help some unknown “little lady” who was unaware of a little “appearance” problem.
    Another cherished illusion crushed.

  14. Twisty

    There was never any question, folks, that the leering guy and “Woody Woodruff” are not the same guy. The knob in the photo is a middle-aged perv. The jagoff who wrote the email is a teenaged moron.

  15. kathy a

    the email is absurd and adolescent. what sets it apart, though, is the sickening little cancer “joke.”

    even adult guys who firmly believe it is their god-given right to leer and judge the appearance of any women in the environment [exhibit A being leering guy] presumably have enough sense and life experience and humanity to know that cancer is not funny. amputation is not funny. riffing on life-threatening illness to put down a person you don’t know, because you have some disagreement with political views expressed on the internet — extremely not funny.

    “hey, you lost all your hair and now you look like uncle fester, and it was really funny, so i was debating whether to tell you.” i think not. “hey, your pants hiked up and i could see your artificial leg, and i thought it was really funny.” no. “i heard you had that brain tumor removed, so i was thinking, maybe they could replace the whole thing. ha ha.”

    his mama would not be proud. his future fraternity brothers will find him disgusting within weeks, if not hours. he may have a future in government.

  16. Hattie

    Damn! The battle goes on and on.

  17. Sara

    Too bad you can’t forward it to his mother. I’m sure she’d laugh real hard, too.

    (sigh)

  18. Burrow Klown

    Good god. The mind boggles at the sheer stupidity of this.

  19. Vibrating Liz

    This sounds like one of those pathetic “any attention is better than no attention, better to be reviled than ignored, I love to poke ant hills” people. They almost seem to get off on being spat upon, and evoking angry or derisive reactions from people somehow makes them feel powerful and in charge. They never learn or change anyway, so the best tactic is to totally ignore them. Without the rewarding barrage of negative feedback, they quickly lose interest and take their shit elsewhere.

  20. jami

    i am comically swinging my fists at “woody woodruff”, while the long arm of anonymity holds me by the head at a safe distance.

  21. Pony

    What can I say? What can I say? That post can only have been made by someone with an IQ of 160.

    {Did you not have a pix of the other end dear Twisty?}

  22. ae

    I swear to god, I despair at humanity.

  23. Edith

    My jaw, like, could not drop any lower.

  24. giraffefairie

    I am in total agreement with Vibrating Liz. No better way to put it.

  25. Ron Sullivan

    I dunno, I was just on the phone with one of my sisters last night, laughing about cancer. It’s not that the attempted joke was in bad taste; it’s that it was so inept.

    The original shot looked oddly like a friend of mine who’s a transplanted Texan; friend’s a bit younger though. I’m not sure he owns a pair of aviator glasses but he does have one hell of a barbecue apparatus. Good results too. I think it could be towed behind an Airstream, with a change of wheels.

  26. Alex

    Wow, I’m surprised he was able to operate his computer. I mean, you’d need something fancy, like opposable thumbs.

  27. rumblelizard

    Vibrating Liz, in scientific terminology they’re called assholicus trollicus, but really, they’re just your every-day, garden-variety troll. But you’re right–unlike most invasive species (such as snakeheads, swamp eels, and the like) assholicus trollicus will eventually lose interest and its numbers will diminish if ignored.

  28. Christopher

    I honestly don’t get trolling. What’s the point? To prove that people don’t like it when you’re a confrontational dick? Isn’t that already kind of obvious?

  29. The Fat Lady Sings

    I agree with all – it was some kid thinking he was being all edgy and funny. He will not grow up into anything remotely approaching a human being. He will instead be a boil on the ass of humanity for the entirety of his useless life. You know – when I was lots younger, I used to fantasize about magically eliminating all of the cruel and hate filled people on the earth. What if, I would think, I could have one perfect night; if I could see into the souls of everyone on the planet and instantly vaporize those who are simply the waste of a good suit. The perverts, murderers and bullies. All gone overnight. How many would that actually be, do you think? How much of the worlds population would be left standing? I know one thing – the kid that sent you that email would be amongst the first to go.

  30. spiritrover

    [...]but he does have one hell of a barbecue apparatus. Good results too. I think it could be towed behind an Airstream, with a change of wheels.

    That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard anybody say about anyone.

  31. Brad

    I came for the feminist theory and commentary, but left with the classism! And the ‘less evolved’ narratives: now where have I heard those before?
    (yes, he’s an asshat, the kind that are structured by patriarchy. I agree with that part.)

  32. Ron Sullivan

    It dawned on me rather belatedly that the Woody in question might indeed think breast cancer is hilarious because he thinks he’ll never get it. Bwahahahahah. Back in my days of poke-n-torture-for-a-living, I personally took care of three guys in two years who had breast cancer. It’s statistically more common in old guys but these were in their mid-thirties to early fortyish. And that was just in my student clinical and the year I worked for the registry.

    Tends to get discovered later in men because they don’t think to look for it. Guys feeling up their own boobs? Perish the thought! Hm, fatal macho.

  33. Pony

    Wait until the little pisser can’t.

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