I can’t resist this Onion bit on an anti-abortion pill that “terminat[es] pregnant women while leaving their unborn children unharmed.”
[Thanks, Anna B]
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Bwahahahaha!
“Tuesday night, South Dakota legislators introduced a bill to impose a five-day waiting period for teenage girls and women before they can buy the pill, claiming its use does not adequately safeguard the lifestyle of the father, the laundry of the father, or the favorite meals of the father.”
And yet, although funny, there is a serious element to this article for one just knows that, if allowed, the patriarchy would implement this faster than Bush can snort coke. It’s the stuff of their dreams.
Brilliant. This had to be written by a woman.
Americans think they can solve all their problems with a pill, and here’s a perfect example. Instead of simply extracting the baby and murdering the evil mother, they take the easy way out.
Your Favorite Onion Article Sucks
“If people can’t afford the drug or get it prescribed on short notice, they’re not going to have enough time to act, especially when their wives want to end the pregnancy fast,” men’s issues commentator Stan Dynes said. “UR-86 should be made available over the counter as soon as possible. It’s the husband’s right to choose if this drug is right for him, and neither the government nor the medical elite should get in the way of that decision.”
Haha!
The line about the laundry of the father killed me for some reason, but my co-worker and I were deeply creeped out reading this. We (don’t) laugh because it’s true. Brrr.
We’ve already had a high-profile example of keeping a braindead woman alive to save a fetus. I’m sure there are countless other examples.
Damn. I meant to sign my post “Systems Analyst.”
Love it!
Effin brilliant. Swiftian.
Why norbizness?
Sorry, Pony, that’s just a play an Onion slogan (”Your Favorite Band Sucks”), much like Twisty’s post title is. The satire itself is brilliant.
Hadn’t noticed the Onion slogan. Duh.
HA! Through humor, truth is revealed of how some view women… As always, thanks Twisty!
What wouldn’t surprise me most about this is that if given to fundies across the country, they’d sit for hours debating the ‘feasibility’ of such a plan.
Braindead and half-alive, still able to stock the fridge, wipe to toilet and breed without impunity.
I was kvetching in front of my daughter’s tube, watching an indie film on A&E last week about a women’s appeal on a murder charge. She murdered her ‘lover’ who it turns out was actually an abuser that picked the girl up from a friend and brought her home to keep’. At the trial one of the murdered man’s ‘best friends’ said of what he knew of the girl’s arrival to his friend’s home.
“Well, he said that a trucker friend of his called him and said he had a girl in a motel room and he was all done with her and he could go git her to have her if he wanted, so he did.”
No one in the courtroom blinked.
The article and its closeness to reality called that scene to mind.
Yay! I’m glad you posted this- It’s brilliant.
UR-86
You are 86-ed. Wondrous.
Seems about right. Is this an over-the-counter thing? Probably…
The Onion was a spoof (please someone tell me it was a spoof!!) but this one is for real.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/4763137.stm
A politician in Scotland has called for contraception to be added to methadone to prevent addicts having children.
Addicts - I’m guessing he means women??
Okay there is a whole heap of problems when you combine pregnancy with drug addiction but enforced medication of women seems a step too far for Big Brother. He says:
“As a first step, we need to explore putting some form of oral contraception in methadone, or using other methods. That way, we could reduce this problem and prevent some of those children coming to harm.”
Does he mean - ‘prevent some of those children’ - FULL STOP?
Hey, here is a suggestion, why doesn’t the State enforce all boys to undergo vasectomies when they hit puberty? They can have it reversed if they pass a test of parenthood later in life - Whoops … silly me, that would be controlling MEN’s bodies.
Man, although as a rule I, too, am revolted by the brain dead but still gestating situation, I’d have to say that if I was in that shape, that’s exactly what I’d want my husband to do (I’m 23 wks right now). It’s a logical extension of my wishes, and everyone in my family knows about them. I’ve got it all down legal-like: If I’m brain dead, harvest what you can and donate the rest to a medical school or body farm.
Once the brain’s gone I’m nothing but meat. Why waste two lives? That makes no sense to me. A viable liver, a viable child — harvest what you can! Hell, yeah.
Brilliant. Thank you.
I hear you KB. It doesn’t sound to me like the husband in that article wanted things to be this way and, difficult as it may sound, she may very well have turned down agressive treatment (which is often futile anyway) to save the pregnancy. It isn’t like she had a living will saying one thing and her parents were getting court orders and lobbying parliament to keep her incubating.
Hard to accept in many ways, but who is to tell people in such situations that they must abort and be burned/poisoned against their will? Is the role of anti-patriarchy to protect us from ourselves? My sons attended preschool with twins who lost their mother to melanoma shortly after their birth. Their mother was an M.D., their father was in medical school. Similar situation, without the stroke part.