May 28 2006

Nebraska Judge Lacks Clue Re: Mini-Perv

Popular cartoon character Ned Flanders is transubstantiated into evil Munchkin

Prisons appear to function chiefly either as rugs under which honkys enjoy sweeping the displeasing detritus of patriarchy’s failure, or as iconic repositories of polite society’s magnificent vengeance. Still, there are moments when even I must admit that the notion of a hitch in the hoosegow is not without its appeal as a fitting fate for certain choice deviants. Those Enron dudes spring to mind. The odd Nazi, religious zealot, or American president who cannot control his addiction to mass murder. Rapists. The chucklehead at the end of my street with the atomic leaf-blower at 7 am on Sunday morning.

And of course, the above-pictured charmer, a convicted child molester.

You’d think, given the fantastic mandatory sentences handed down for stupid crap like drug possession, that a conviction in a case of sexual assault on a little kid would naturally incur a bid in the bastille. The idea of imprisonment, when scrutinized by persons with an aversion to child rape, presents few flaws. But the pokey was not to be for this dude. In fact, although anyone with two brain cells to rub together can see at a glance that the guy is a total perv, he was given probation instead.

Why? He’s 5’1″.

Here’s how it happened: Cocking her head, the judge, gavel in the air, thought she heard something. A sound, a dulcet vibration, a gentle murmur floating on a placid breeze from the penitentiary. Was it?—yes! Yes, it was! The refrain wafted from the throats of a thousand felons gathered for their weekly singalong. It went: “Don’t want no short people/ Don’t want no short people/Don’t want no short people/Round here.”

“I truly hope,” said the judge (who has a gambling problem) to the mini-perv (whose problem needs no introduction), “that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced.”


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  1. wolfangel.calltherain.net

    Gah! My feeling that mandatory sentencing requirements are a way to appear “tough on crime” while at best having no effect and usually causing more harm than good is hitting my feeling that perhaps child molesters shouldn’t be let out on a feeling that they’ll be ok and stop molesting now that they’re told it really is bad.

    And he’ll be electronically monitored for 4 months, and if he doesn’t follow the guidelines, he can go to jail . . . for up to a month a year.

  2. No, I can’t be shocked. I’d love to be shocked, but, well, I can’t be. I can, however, indulge in some idle speculation regarding various ways I could work in a brief visit to Sidney, Nebraska sometime in the near future.

    Nothing like a free-range chicken-necked rapist!

  3. Ever look up your hometown on the sex offender tracking sites? Violence and pedophilia really is the norm.

  4. faultline.org/place/toad

    ‘Da FUCK? Merely monitored, and for how long?? Gah indeed; it’s hard to know where to start with this one. Does the judge have some sort of puppy fetish? (Quick, call Norbiz’.) I dunno, is there some way to sentence him, a la Cain, to be condescendingly patted on the head and cooed at by everyone who meets him? I figure he’d be bald and hypertensive within six months.

    Where oh where are the outraged jockeys? Think of the, well, never mind.

  5. So, here’s my idea: when the Twistolution begins (that is, when it’s in its early, guerrilla-warfare stages in which we still look like individual malcontents), our front lines should be short people. Then, when john law comes after us, we can say “But we’re short!”

    How short does a woman have to be to get the exemption, do you think?

    And seriously: SOMEBODY please tell me that this decision has already been appealed. Please?

  6. blog.3bulls.net

    Well, I’d add both the odd and even Nazis, but now I fear the molestos will develop a shrinking ray to get out of the pokey. Although they probably just sit back and relax, knowing that the prisons will continue to fill up with glaucoma patients hitting the happy weed, or particularly patriarchy/cancer blaming connoisseurs of gourmet brownies.

  7. maarmie.blogspot.com

    It is my opinion that the judge is deserving of some jail time.

  8. I’ve always heard anectotally that child molesters are the one kind of criminal that even other criminals can’t stand, and that they’re particularly singled out for abuse while incarcerated. I thought that was kind of (if covertly) the point.

    Dear gods, my heart goes out to this man’s victim. And to his future victims.

  9. Damn, that should have been “anecdotally.” At least, I think that’s correct.

  10. From what I remember of the article, the judge was concerned that other convicts would be target the defendant for abuse b/c he is short.

    I’m under the impression (from pop culture more than actual data) that convicts dislike people who molest little kids. Under this “reasoning”, we should not send any child molestors to prison, for fear that they be targeted by their fellow prisoners…

  11. onejewishdyke.wordpress.com

    I’m not quite five feet tall. Does this mean I can commit crimes with impugnity, since I’m too short for prison? My guess is that there are lots of women my height in prisons. I’d even venture to say that there are other 5’1″ men in prison. It’s in the left tail of the bell curve for a white American man, but not nearly so far left if you look at Latinos and South Asians. I don’t have any kind of numbers to back this up, only life experience living in an ethnically diverse place and having been a teacher of ESOL mainly to Central American and Vietnamese adults, few of whom broke the 5’4″ mark.

    It’s quite well-known in our society that if you are caught molesting a child, the punishment is prison. There shouldn’t be a get-out-of-jail-free card for height. There was an episode of Law and Order this season where the (female) rapist claimed, “I’m too pretty for prison.” Is that next?

  12. I do have some concerns about a criminal justice system where the so-called authorities are helpless to prevent rape and murder, and which serves basically as a school of depravity for the inmates. But you’re right, this wouldn’t have happened to a short black man; and the results are going to be more innocent victims.

  13. norbizness.com

    Well, the good news it’s Nebraska and he’s sure to find lots of other very interesting things to do to occupy his time.

  14. My cousin is a guard at East Jersey Correctional Facility (formerly known as Rahway State Prison, where “Scared Straight” was filmed) and he has always stated that those inmates who have done anything to kids are basically dog meat once they get in there. And they all seem to look like the guy above, only maybe not as short.

    And seriously–a guy can get twenty years for a dimebag but only four months for sodomizing a kid? Hello, misplaced priorities!

  15. saraarts.com

    Hmmm. I wonder if this opens up the opportunity for all larger-build child molesters imprisoned in Nebraska to sue to have their sentences overturned because obviously they’re only in jail as a result of some terrible act of discrimination. Height profiling or some such nonsense. Also, what if the previously jailed but now released child molesters of Nebraska sued for damages, stating that they were forced to endure cruel and unusual punishment because of their physical stature?

  16. David Duke, as I remember, argued to the judge that he shouldn’t have to go to jail because there were too many black people there.

  17. members.cox.net/thevixen/Cayenne/1.html

    I wonder if the judge would have felt the same way if one of her kids had been molested by him ?

  18. wolfangel.calltherain.net

    I don’t know, Schatze, I’m wary of trials turning into revenge-fests.

  19. I’m not interested in *him* and what is safe or unsafe for *him.* What the question should be is: are society’s children safe from him?

    The answer is no. Rehabilitation is not known to work for child molestors and rapists. He will always remain a threat. Therefore the main focus should be how to protect society from him.

    If there is so much concern for this boy’s safety among the general prison population, then lock him up in solitary. It’s done all the time with men who cannot be among the general prison population due to notoriety, revenge factors, and various other reasons.

  20. I recall somewhere there were ‘Bantam’ regiments for guys too short for standard units. This highlights a need for ‘Banam’ jails; I’m sure with the vast percentage of the US population in jail you could fill up a facility with dudes his height or shorter.

  21. But jails routinely protect child molesters. They are given special treatment, and let out early. That’s what someone I know who did 3 years in federal lock-up told me.

    Anyway he could have been placed in solitary. That still would not have been as bad as what he will do to some beautiful children. He will ruin their childhood, guaranteed.

    Child molesters need to do life. That’s the only way to deal with them.

    SO sad.

  22. Twisty, please post again SOON. Every time I go to check your blog I’m confronted by this repulsive little troll, and it is starting to fatigue my psyche.
    Eew. I’d almost rather look at the laced-up torso than this sickening creep.
    Please make him go away.

  23. hattie.typepad.com/hatties_web

    Robin: I eyeballed guys like him for almost ten years working as a prison educator. So stop complaining!
    He should go to prison. He could make cigarette money giving blow jobs.

  24. barlyru.blogspot.com

    That “judge” should be flayed. Alive, natch. At the very least, they should have branded the perv. on the forehead with the Mr Yuck symbol as a warning to all in his path.

  25. nursepammie.blogspot.com

    This mini dude needs to be locked up before all of the other pervs. The fact that he is so small is exactly what makes him such a huge threat to children. The judge needs a brain transplant.

  26. javamama

    How about protecting, oh, I don’t know, those short people otherwise know as CHILDREN? Why is this short person more important than all of those short people? I agree, being a short person (a child) in this world makes you quite vulnerable. This judge has her head so far up her ass that the irony of her verdict is completely lost on her, I suppose? I must go weep now.

  27. justbetweenstrangers.blogspot.com

    Prisons appear to function chiefly either as rugs under which honkys enjoy sweeping the displeasing detritus of patriarchy’s failure, or as iconic repositories of polite society’s magnificent vengeance.

    I had to pause before continuing to the rest of the entry, so overcome was I with the magnficence that is the Twisty eloquence.



  28. Karen M

    Ai yai yaiii! Did any of you see this story?

    A newbie! My first comment here– but I just have to say I love your rules. All of them. And I have added your site to my other blog: Lyssa Strada

    – Karen M

    Wow! And I really love this “blame” button!

  29. Hey folks.

    Wake up please, you are repeating the same lies that Bill O’Reilly told.
    The judge did not lightly sentence this bastard because of his physical statue, but because of the mental retardation.


    I suspect some of you think every man is a pervert in training, but please get your facts straight.

    Sick people like this guy deserve every bit of hell, but if he killed somebody and was proved mentally incompetent, we might not be calling for blood so fiercely.

    If you are arguing the same case as the idiot O’Reilly, you are truly fucked.

  30. Twisty

    I reiterate the case as put forth in SFGate, which alludes not to a “physical statue” but to a child molester. As for getting “facts” straight, I was not there, and neither were you. Moron.

  31. Apparently. We are both incorrect.



    But Jesus Twisty, ” Moron”. Is 7 am too early for you to be clever?

  32. From the second article linked:

    The media has focused on Cecava’s comment regarding Thompson’s “physical size,” and her statement that, “I don’t think you will do well in prison.”
    Thompson is five feet, one inch tall.
    Cecava also referred to Thompson’s “basic ability to cope with people, and quite frankly, I shake to think of what might happen to you in prison.”

    Can’t see how that makes you both incorrect, just one of you. I think moron’s quite apt.

  33. well – all i can say is this-

    I am glad I moved from Omaha, NE 2 yrs ago. I had a ticket that cost me over 2 grand. What was the ticket you ask?

    A plain “failure to signal”. At 4am I went to work, and didnt put on my blinker leaving my apartment complex, and was pulled over AT THE GUARD SHACK before I ENTERED the Air Force Base. I got in trouble for being late (military seems to like you on-time) and then because I was military, the judge then gave me a severe fine – because I should have “Upholded the law as a military defense personell….”


    Military people dont make alot, a lawyer would have been costly, and really, I didnt think I needed one with such a small ticket…..

    Beware of Omaha!


    ps – no, nothing else was charged, or crimed, or anything…just no blinker!

  34. Well, when consumerist patriarchy can produce advertising for childrens’ underwear which ends up on paedophile pinups and g-strings to fit 5 year olds with “Daddy’s girl” printed on, you know you’re in one sick society!

    “If he killed somebody and then proved mentally incompetent…”

    That’s the problem with abusing children. Us children then have to grow up angry, obnoxious and difficult, and then are outcast by society for being so difficult. There’s a line that goes around that “you hang around just to spite the bastards” as consolation when you’re feeling suicidal over the mess that has become your life because some creature couldn’t keep his fly zipped.

    As for all men are molesters in training, well, Andrea Dworkin answered that one.


  35. short and pissed

    Hey. I’m a four-foot-seven woman. And when I fought back against a would-be sexually assaulter, I was told by the policeman playing “good cop” that I should first feel lucky that he didn’t “kill me” because I’m so “petite” (GAG I hate that term, just call me a diminutive nothing fuck-hole why don’t you).

    I have extensive self defense training btw despite my lack of height.

    The douchebag was asked if he wanted to press charges against me for hurting his precious testicles. Luckily he was too embarrassed to press charges against a “peh-teet gurl”. My (now ex) girlfriend said I should have felt lucky that he didn’t press charges against me, but I was enraged that *I* was the one who was perceived as the assailant when this douchepiece groped me first while I was just minding my business. His testes would have remained happily swinging in their smug scrotal sac if he hadn’t gone near me.

    The other cop (“bad cop” I suppose?) overheard this and had to pipe in. What he said was why couldn’t I just “feel flattered” that the groper found me “attractive enough” and just “politely tell him” that I wasn’t interested? After all, “girls like me” (ie those who are four-foot-seven and are therefore butt ugly disgusting dwarf-things who should prostate their self-respect over any dick-haver who’d ‘desire’ them when there are tons of more model-like tall specimens around) “should be flattered”.

    This is not to excuse the actions of the short perv man. It’s just to say that in patriarchy, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING works both ways to blame the woman. You’re a short man perv, you won’t go to jail. You’re a short woman who manages to defend yourself and actually strike back against the actions of a (non short) man perv, you’re told that you’re so damn ugly that you should be happy that some Manny McMann tried to touch you, since you’re the opposite of those tall models that the Menny McMenn really want. This is all because of the fact that while the Patriarchy believes (erroneously) that fat women can starve themselves into being adequate fuckholes, we midget nothings must use our insufficient height to give countless blowjobs to the one or two “charitable, love-is-blind” men who are brave enough to go after our repulsive antithesis-of-model selves. This is because we can never change in order to be more “desirable”, and since we’re women, that’s all that matters. Everyone can yell “encouraging” comments at the Fattista McFatties to shape up so they’ll be considered rapeable, but no stretching rack exists as of yet, and most of us aren’t good candidates for leg-lengthening surgery even if we had the money, masochism, and self-loathing to submit ourselves (see short women in China). So we Midge McMidgets should just be grateful for the men who’d be willing to “have” (read: PORK) us.

    I blame the patriarchy. And while, re: this article, I despise anyone who uses men’s lack-of-height to let them off easy, I also despise those who uses a woman’s lack-of height to FURTHER belittle us (double entendre with the word ‘belittle’ intended).

    I still throw rocks at the windows of dudes’ cars when they yell “midget” at me, which happens constantly, btw. I don’t know what to do when women (often in four inch heels, even though they are already usually a foot taller than me) call me “brave” for being so short and yet still “daring” to “go out and have fun even when people are jerks”. What am I supposed to do–hide in the attic? Or wear ten inch heels? The condescension makes me WANT to hide inside. After all, I can’t throw rocks at them. But what am I supposed to say? “Yes, I know I’m viewed as repellent and disgusting in your world, and therefore you see me as a plucky heroine. And yet that annoys me just as much as the comments made by the dudebros that you happen to find so dreamy.” Nope, I’m not going to go there.

    Sorry if this was off topic and YEARS after the post. I’m sick of hearing about how short men are given the short end of the stick while short women aren’t. Every damn article about height talks about the poor men who lose income and don’t get as much vagina because they’re short. No one talks about the kind of shit that short women are shoveled. And this is not about having men give me their stupid-ass sticks; I don’t want their sticks, short or otherwise. Nor do I want scantily clad patriarchal women’s sympathy for my “birth defect”.

    When I was an eight year old who was appalled by the sexism of The Smurfs, my doctor told my parents that I would be extremely short and I could get treatment to maximize my height. I begged my parents to let my doctor proceed, because I was so tired of being locked in lockers at school, thrown in garbage cans, and picked on by boys (physically) and girls (in a more ‘you’re a midget and therefore ugly’ way) alike. My parents said no. Not because I shouldn’t seek physical solutions for a societal problem, but because “men like little girls, it makes them feel powerful.” To this day, they tell me that if I just “accepted” that I’m a “little girl”, I wouldn’t be so “angry at men.” By the way, I’m THIRTY SEVEN.

    I’d like a get out of jail free card for tearing the testes out of every MAN who calls me “shorty” or a “spinner” or “little laydee”, thinking that my height and its lack of adherence with modelriffic beauty norms means that they have hit a double jackpot: That I am more likely to desire their nasty peens because I have a low self-esteem by being the anti-model, and that because of my size I am also less likely to hurt them if they go all “boys will be boys” on me in the event that I don’t jump for joy that they actually like the likes of meeee! I’d also like to smack every (assumedly unfeminist) woman half my age who towers over me and talks down to me (yet another double entendre) in a shrill, loud, condescending voice as if my height has anything to do with my mental abilities. Inevitably, most of women’s conversation will turn to men, because “men like girls who are peh-teet!” They often will look all oddly shocked when I go all Scary Lesbian on them (which largely means that I tell them that I am not sexually attracted to heterosexual men and I couldn’t care less how many of them think that I am an appropriately li’l dainty hole for their Big Mean Beef). Suddenly I’m not the Sweet Little Midget they thought I was, and they can’t Improve My ShortBus Assumed Self Esteem by telling me how my littleness means I am an adored pedophile-magnet and how lucky that is.

    A week or so ago, a woman walking with her boy child was sitting at the table next to me at a restaurant. When I got up to leave, he stood up and said, “Mommy! Why is that lady is shorter than I am even though she’s old and I’m nine?” I had no idea what to say, or even if to say anything. But it enraged me when she said to him, “SHHH! Don’t let her hear you, it’s not nice” in a voice TEN TIMES LOUDER THAN HIS.

    “But what’s wrong with her, Mommy?” he persisted.

    “I don’t know! But when something is wrong with someone LIKE THAT, you don’t ask questions! It’s hard enough for a lady like that as it is!” she thundered. “You should just Thank the Lord that you’re a Healthy Boy and Pray for People With Disadvantages!”


    P.S. I love your blog, Twisty. I just found out about it a few days ago via my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend. We are all roommates, good friends, and patriarchy blamers. I’m the only vertically-insignificant one of the three of us, which is why I felt inclined to chime in now. I personally think the song “Short People Have No Reason To Live” should have been more accurately changed to “Short Women Have No Reason To Live”. Our limbs just don’t cause boners, so we’re apparently worthless. Even if penis-in-me or baby-in-me wouldn’t cause AGONY, I would have no desire for either situation. Therefore, I am considered the ultimate worthless life by the patriarchy–and despite all the shit I take, I’m DAMN PROUD that I haven’t given in to their penny-tossing chin-chucks and cheek-pinches.

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