Popular cartoon character Ned Flanders is transubstantiated into evil Munchkin
Prisons appear to function chiefly either as rugs under which honkys enjoy sweeping the displeasing detritus of patriarchy’s failure, or as iconic repositories of polite society’s magnificent vengeance. Still, there are moments when even I must admit that the notion of a hitch in the hoosegow is not without its appeal as a fitting fate for certain choice deviants. Those Enron dudes spring to mind. The odd Nazi, religious zealot, or American president who cannot control his addiction to mass murder. Rapists. The chucklehead at the end of my street with the atomic leaf-blower at 7 am on Sunday morning.
And of course, the above-pictured charmer, a convicted child molester.
You’d think, given the fantastic mandatory sentences handed down for stupid crap like drug possession, that a conviction in a case of sexual assault on a little kid would naturally incur a bid in the bastille. The idea of imprisonment, when scrutinized by persons with an aversion to child rape, presents few flaws. But the pokey was not to be for this dude. In fact, although anyone with two brain cells to rub together can see at a glance that the guy is a total perv, he was given probation instead.
Why? He’s 5′1″.
Here’s how it happened: Cocking her head, the judge, gavel in the air, thought she heard something. A sound, a dulcet vibration, a gentle murmur floating on a placid breeze from the penitentiary. Was it?—yes! Yes, it was! The refrain wafted from the throats of a thousand felons gathered for their weekly singalong. It went: “Don’t want no short people/ Don’t want no short people/Don’t want no short people/Round here.”
“I truly hope,” said the judge (who has a gambling problem) to the mini-perv (whose problem needs no introduction), “that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced.”
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Gah! My feeling that mandatory sentencing requirements are a way to appear “tough on crime” while at best having no effect and usually causing more harm than good is hitting my feeling that perhaps child molesters shouldn’t be let out on a feeling that they’ll be ok and stop molesting now that they’re told it really is bad.
And he’ll be electronically monitored for 4 months, and if he doesn’t follow the guidelines, he can go to jail . . . for up to a month a year.
No, I can’t be shocked. I’d love to be shocked, but, well, I can’t be. I can, however, indulge in some idle speculation regarding various ways I could work in a brief visit to Sidney, Nebraska sometime in the near future.
Nothing like a free-range chicken-necked rapist!
Ever look up your hometown on the sex offender tracking sites? Violence and pedophilia really is the norm.
‘Da FUCK? Merely monitored, and for how long?? Gah indeed; it’s hard to know where to start with this one. Does the judge have some sort of puppy fetish? (Quick, call Norbiz’.) I dunno, is there some way to sentence him, a la Cain, to be condescendingly patted on the head and cooed at by everyone who meets him? I figure he’d be bald and hypertensive within six months.
Where oh where are the outraged jockeys? Think of the, well, never mind.
So, here’s my idea: when the Twistolution begins (that is, when it’s in its early, guerrilla-warfare stages in which we still look like individual malcontents), our front lines should be short people. Then, when john law comes after us, we can say “But we’re short!”
How short does a woman have to be to get the exemption, do you think?
And seriously: SOMEBODY please tell me that this decision has already been appealed. Please?
Well, I’d add both the odd and even Nazis, but now I fear the molestos will develop a shrinking ray to get out of the pokey. Although they probably just sit back and relax, knowing that the prisons will continue to fill up with glaucoma patients hitting the happy weed, or particularly patriarchy/cancer blaming connoisseurs of gourmet brownies.
It is my opinion that the judge is deserving of some jail time.
I’ve always heard anectotally that child molesters are the one kind of criminal that even other criminals can’t stand, and that they’re particularly singled out for abuse while incarcerated. I thought that was kind of (if covertly) the point.
Dear gods, my heart goes out to this man’s victim. And to his future victims.
Damn, that should have been “anecdotally.” At least, I think that’s correct.
From what I remember of the article, the judge was concerned that other convicts would be target the defendant for abuse b/c he is short.
I’m under the impression (from pop culture more than actual data) that convicts dislike people who molest little kids. Under this “reasoning”, we should not send any child molestors to prison, for fear that they be targeted by their fellow prisoners…
I’m not quite five feet tall. Does this mean I can commit crimes with impugnity, since I’m too short for prison? My guess is that there are lots of women my height in prisons. I’d even venture to say that there are other 5′1″ men in prison. It’s in the left tail of the bell curve for a white American man, but not nearly so far left if you look at Latinos and South Asians. I don’t have any kind of numbers to back this up, only life experience living in an ethnically diverse place and having been a teacher of ESOL mainly to Central American and Vietnamese adults, few of whom broke the 5′4″ mark.
It’s quite well-known in our society that if you are caught molesting a child, the punishment is prison. There shouldn’t be a get-out-of-jail-free card for height. There was an episode of Law and Order this season where the (female) rapist claimed, “I’m too pretty for prison.” Is that next?
I do have some concerns about a criminal justice system where the so-called authorities are helpless to prevent rape and murder, and which serves basically as a school of depravity for the inmates. But you’re right, this wouldn’t have happened to a short black man; and the results are going to be more innocent victims.
Well, the good news it’s Nebraska and he’s sure to find lots of other very interesting things to do to occupy his time.
My cousin is a guard at East Jersey Correctional Facility (formerly known as Rahway State Prison, where “Scared Straight” was filmed) and he has always stated that those inmates who have done anything to kids are basically dog meat once they get in there. And they all seem to look like the guy above, only maybe not as short.
And seriously–a guy can get twenty years for a dimebag but only four months for sodomizing a kid? Hello, misplaced priorities!
Hmmm. I wonder if this opens up the opportunity for all larger-build child molesters imprisoned in Nebraska to sue to have their sentences overturned because obviously they’re only in jail as a result of some terrible act of discrimination. Height profiling or some such nonsense. Also, what if the previously jailed but now released child molesters of Nebraska sued for damages, stating that they were forced to endure cruel and unusual punishment because of their physical stature?
David Duke, as I remember, argued to the judge that he shouldn’t have to go to jail because there were too many black people there.
I wonder if the judge would have felt the same way if one of her kids had been molested by him ?
I don’t know, Schatze, I’m wary of trials turning into revenge-fests.
I’m not interested in *him* and what is safe or unsafe for *him.* What the question should be is: are society’s children safe from him?
The answer is no. Rehabilitation is not known to work for child molestors and rapists. He will always remain a threat. Therefore the main focus should be how to protect society from him.
If there is so much concern for this boy’s safety among the general prison population, then lock him up in solitary. It’s done all the time with men who cannot be among the general prison population due to notoriety, revenge factors, and various other reasons.
I recall somewhere there were ‘Bantam’ regiments for guys too short for standard units. This highlights a need for ‘Banam’ jails; I’m sure with the vast percentage of the US population in jail you could fill up a facility with dudes his height or shorter.
But jails routinely protect child molesters. They are given special treatment, and let out early. That’s what someone I know who did 3 years in federal lock-up told me.
Anyway he could have been placed in solitary. That still would not have been as bad as what he will do to some beautiful children. He will ruin their childhood, guaranteed.
Child molesters need to do life. That’s the only way to deal with them.
SO sad.
Twisty, please post again SOON. Every time I go to check your blog I’m confronted by this repulsive little troll, and it is starting to fatigue my psyche.
Eew. I’d almost rather look at the laced-up torso than this sickening creep.
Please make him go away.
Robin: I eyeballed guys like him for almost ten years working as a prison educator. So stop complaining!
He should go to prison. He could make cigarette money giving blow jobs.
That “judge” should be flayed. Alive, natch. At the very least, they should have branded the perv. on the forehead with the Mr Yuck symbol as a warning to all in his path.
This mini dude needs to be locked up before all of the other pervs. The fact that he is so small is exactly what makes him such a huge threat to children. The judge needs a brain transplant.
How about protecting, oh, I don’t know, those short people otherwise know as CHILDREN? Why is this short person more important than all of those short people? I agree, being a short person (a child) in this world makes you quite vulnerable. This judge has her head so far up her ass that the irony of her verdict is completely lost on her, I suppose? I must go weep now.
Prisons appear to function chiefly either as rugs under which honkys enjoy sweeping the displeasing detritus of patriarchy’s failure, or as iconic repositories of polite society’s magnificent vengeance.
I had to pause before continuing to the rest of the entry, so overcome was I with the magnficence that is the Twisty eloquence.
!
!!
Ai yai yaiii! Did any of you see this story?
A newbie! My first comment here– but I just have to say I love your rules. All of them. And I have added your site to my other blog: Lyssa Strada
- Karen M
Wow! And I really love this “blame” button!
Hey folks.
Wake up please, you are repeating the same lies that Bill O’Reilly told.
The judge did not lightly sentence this bastard because of his physical statue, but because of the mental retardation.
http://www.newshounds.us/2006/06/02/oreilly_unhinged_when_accused_of_distorting_facts.php#more
I suspect some of you think every man is a pervert in training, but please get your facts straight.
Sick people like this guy deserve every bit of hell, but if he killed somebody and was proved mentally incompetent, we might not be calling for blood so fiercely.
If you are arguing the same case as the idiot O’Reilly, you are truly fucked.
I reiterate the case as put forth in SFGate, which alludes not to a “physical statue” but to a child molester. As for getting “facts” straight, I was not there, and neither were you. Moron.
Apparently. We are both incorrect.
http://nebraska.statepaper.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2006/06/02/44803acbb7265
http://www.nptelegraph.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=16726865&BRD=377&PAG=461&dept_id=531813&rfi=6
But Jesus Twisty, †Moronâ€. Is 7 am too early for you to be clever?
From the second article linked:
The media has focused on Cecava’s comment regarding Thompson’s “physical size,” and her statement that, “I don’t think you will do well in prison.”
Thompson is five feet, one inch tall.
Cecava also referred to Thompson’s “basic ability to cope with people, and quite frankly, I shake to think of what might happen to you in prison.”
Can’t see how that makes you both incorrect, just one of you. I think moron’s quite apt.
well – all i can say is this-
I am glad I moved from Omaha, NE 2 yrs ago. I had a ticket that cost me over 2 grand. What was the ticket you ask?
A plain “failure to signal”. At 4am I went to work, and didnt put on my blinker leaving my apartment complex, and was pulled over AT THE GUARD SHACK before I ENTERED the Air Force Base. I got in trouble for being late (military seems to like you on-time) and then because I was military, the judge then gave me a severe fine – because I should have “Upholded the law as a military defense personell….”
BULLSHIT – I SMELL BULLSHIT!
Military people dont make alot, a lawyer would have been costly, and really, I didnt think I needed one with such a small ticket…..
Beware of Omaha!
Gia
ps – no, nothing else was charged, or crimed, or anything…just no blinker!
Well, when consumerist patriarchy can produce advertising for childrens’ underwear which ends up on paedophile pinups and g-strings to fit 5 year olds with “Daddy’s girl” printed on, you know you’re in one sick society!
“If he killed somebody and then proved mentally incompetent…”
That’s the problem with abusing children. Us children then have to grow up angry, obnoxious and difficult, and then are outcast by society for being so difficult. There’s a line that goes around that “you hang around just to spite the bastards” as consolation when you’re feeling suicidal over the mess that has become your life because some creature couldn’t keep his fly zipped.
As for all men are molesters in training, well, Andrea Dworkin answered that one.
Cheese.