Larry from Houston, who I suspect found me through my bug-geek website and is therefore of unknown patriarchy-blaming status, provides today’s unrelated illustration: a moody photograph of a spinybacked orbweaver. I never get the red ones around here, so you can only imagine my excitement.
I am delighted to present a few items from my inbox […]
Archive for May, 2006
US Senate to Hispanics: “Fuck You Mucho”
Published May 21st, 2006 in Patriarchy-blaming. 33 CommentsNobody luxuriates in the English language with more vim than this spinster aunt. I’m positively French about it. But these English-as-the-official-national-language bills currently stinking up the already gross-smelling federal legislature are nothing but xenophobic racist bullshit that can only be interpreted as a giant fuck-you to anyone who mops a floor or mows a lawn […]
Spamulator Update (now with pasta)
Published May 21st, 2006 in Morsel Institute and Easy Persiflage. 29 CommentsBehold the most perfect dish ever served by a spinster aunt at room temperature (the dish was at room temperature, too): penne with an uncooked sauce of charred tomato, garlic roasted over cheery glowing coals, olive oyl, and blood orange vinegar; with dry-cured olives, buffalo mozzarella, basil, and toasted pine nuts.
It is with some trepidation […]
A lot of your brilliant comments have been getting caught in the purgatorial web of the spamulator, for which I apologize, but it can’t be helped. For the past three days I’ve been getting fawken deluged with trackback spam to the tune of 200-300 a day. This means I have to wade through all that […]
Federal guidelines.
Consider, for a moment, the terrible implications of that concept. Ask yourself whether the federal government is an entity to which anybody (except people you dislike intensely) should apply for guidance about anything. When was the last time you spent a sleepless night mulling over some difficulty, such as, say, how to search and […]
Study of the Week: The Faster, Easier Sex
Published May 18th, 2006 in Patriarchy-blaming. 28 CommentsIt has long chapped the Twisty hide that media reports on alarmist boys vs. girls studies constantly portray women as abnormal. Following in this grand tradition, Fox News yesterday announced, in case there were some date rapists out there who’d forgotten, Women Get Drunk, High, and Addicted More Easily Than Men Do.
In the first place, […]
I can be silent no longer on the subject of this Pink Taco business. Phil, my secretary, has just handed in his resignation over the volume of emails we’ve gotten about it.
If you’re just joining us, “pink taco” seems to be a euphemism for “vulva.” I had never heard of it before, but the mayor […]
In this 1810 portrait by Karl Vogel von Vogelstein, Joseph de Maistre demonstrates la méthode du doigt by which European royalty have always claimed property such as beer or pussy.
Phil, my secretary, informs me that we’ve gotten “a veritable slew” of emails about the blatant misogyny in—surprise— a light beer commercial. I have not […]
Pink: Hell Trembles at the Hideous Name
Published May 15th, 2006 in Crazy sexy cancer and Patriarchy-blaming. 75 CommentsBreast cancer—that’s my cancer— is the hippest cancer going. It’s got races and ribbons and products galore. It’s even got its own color. Insipid baby pink.
You can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting some insipid baby pink breast cancer version of a product that’s usually made in some less annoying color. Corporations sell […]
The Great Russian Uterine Purchase Plan of 2006
Published May 15th, 2006 in Patriarchy-blaming. 51 CommentsMotherland swirling down the crapper? Just pimp out your women.
Mad Vlad Putin, facing a debilitating population shortfall, wants to pay Russian women to produce human meat on the hoof. Nine thousand bucks per live foal, plus an extra bucket of oats each month. Gosh, was there ever a social crisis that couldn’t be solved by […]
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