Jun 17 2006

Just Kidding!

Corn-dog shrimp
The modern marvel that is corny-dog shrimp, at Moonshine on Red River

I decided I’m too good-lookin’ to ban.

While elsewhere the internet ladies do protest too much, I am constrained by the spinster aunt code to cram the Twisty craw with the world’s most hilarious food. Like I always say, anything dong-shaped that gets within ten feet of my face had better be a corny-dog shrimp. Because nothing says ‘the end is near’ like a large crustacean impaled on a stick, dunked in cakey cornmeal batter, deep-fried, and brought to you with blueberry mustard by a 19-year-old model-lookin’ chick with fat lips.


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  1. Wow! Yam shishkebab!

  2. faultline.org/place/toad

    I’d eat that.

    Don’t know about no blueberry mustard, tho’.

    I’ve been wondering about that inflated-lips thing. Can anyone in the Twistyverse tell me what those feel like? I mean, having them. Having them for your own lips. Not naturally having them; getting your lips inflated.

    And can you still whistle?

  3. I got stung once on the lip. It was very attractive. I wonder what the lip enhanced will do when bee sting lips go out of fashion?

  4. Perhaps transfer the excess collagen to whatever other body part is then considered unworthy.

  5. that shrimp looked yummy, up until i started wondering if those are eyes on it. is blueberry mustard a regional flourish? and are you serious about cornmeal? i mean, it’s ok for hush-puppies, but why waste a good shrimp?

  6. alphabitch.org

    I gotta say that looks yummy. And hell yeah to the cornmeal! Back when I was a vegetarian I spent way too much time trying to duplicate the beauty and deliciousness of the corn-dog(called the “pronto-pup” where I’m from) . This was before the available fake meat products were even remotely palatable, and I was not successful. Not even a little. But one time I tried dipping small cubes of extra-firm tofu into a blue corn batter and frying them. It was surprisingly good, though not very satisfyingly dong-shaped. More hush-puppy shaped, if you want to know the truth.

  7. Ah, pronto-pups and saltwater taffy were the joys of my non-vegetarian childhood family trips (annual) to Seaside, OR. That, and the go-karts and skee ball. Oh yeah — and the ocean. But to a chunky seven year-old, a whole mess of water could do little to compete with a pronto pup.

  8. faultline.org/place/toad

    I wonder what the lip enhanced will do when bee sting lips go out of fashion?

    I think that collagen gets absorbed gradually, so they have to go in for re-inflation every 30,000 miles or something.

    As my never-very-prominent lips disappear entirely with age, I remember a conversation I had years ago with a dermatologist about getting my face sandblasted and the deepest scars filled in with collagen. I turned it all down when he told me I’d have to stay out of the sun for a year afterwards. It would be just my luck for the first, oh, genuine vagrant resplendent quetzal or little stint to show up here and I’d be in purdah and askeered to go see it.

    I also had to think about how collagen is an allergen for some folks, and just-my-luck that too. Which is probably why I have a nearly subconscious notion that inflated lips might itch.

    I could scratch them on my braces, I guess. But I’m right off saltwater taffy for the nonce.

    Anyway, more to the point, I’m wondering also about blueberry mustard. I mean, that looked like a pot of mustard with a dot of blueberry goo in the middle. Could that possibly be edible?

  9. bitchphd.blogspot.com

    I’m also not convinced by the blueberry mustard thing. Although it’s hard to go wrong with deep-fried anything, really.

  10. Ah, pronto-pups and saltwater taffy were the joys of my non-vegetarian childhood family trips (annual) to Seaside, OR.

    They still make them there, fresh and real.

    When my sons were 1.5 and 3.5, they each went through two of those in one standing. My Massachusetts-born husband had never seen the like of the skewering, the dipping, the hanging it on the little bike chain and riding it into the oil and out again. We started with two as a snack, then two more, then two more and more. Then it was off to the beach swings before dragging me away from the pacific sunset I’d see for years.

    We usually stay in Seaside for a couple of days every couple of years. The kids make a beeline for that part of the promenade, and could probably walk there from the hostel on their own from memory. They tell their Boston friends all about building fires on the beach and roasting marshmallows and having a driftwood cookout, but the were not believed until we produced pictures.

  11. Sweet Jesus on a stick.
    That’s as C3 an appetiser as ever I’d contemplate; never mind thoughts of poxy pricks.

    I’d have chosen a bigger proportion of flesh in the fat:flesh ratio for a farewell-to-meat gesture.
    But then a trick cyclist I know tells me that aversion therapy still has its supporters.

  12. vera.wordpress.com

    And here I thought I was the only one who worries about those fat lips! I’ve been keeping my curiosity to myself, but since others have brought it up: what happens when the lips deflate? After all that collagen is absorbed, does the lip-skin just lie around all stretched out and saggy? I really do worry about this. Is there an epidemic of loose lips coming up?

  13. blog.3bulls.net

    Where else do they call them pronto-pups? I know Minnesota.

    They were always corn dogs to me. And god love ’em. Even the million sized costcobox.

  14. saraarts.com

    So — not a vegetarian after all, huh?

    And who’d have guessed a spinster aunt would ever stick a tube of animal flesh into her mouth, even battered and fried? This must be another one of those facet thingies.

    Well, Twisty, if it makes you happy, I’m happy for you. Just don’t make me eat one.

  15. kathya said: “and are you serious about cornmeal? i mean, it’s ok for hush-puppies, but why waste a good shrimp?”

    I am having trouble processing the above.

    Is there a place in the world that has hushpuppies, but not crustaceans dipped in cornmeal batter and fried?

    Is it not the case that this nation has at least 1800 miles of coastline where the principal method of seafood preparation is deep-frying in cornmeal?

    Is a plate of Calabash-style shrimp not positive proof that the Almighty loves us?

  16. thenextfewhours.com/blog

    The fauxpoofy lips! I hate them!

    I can’t imagine that they are particularly labile in terms of their flexibility, either. Bad kissers, I say.

    No comment on the oceanic invertebrates.

  17. Corndog, Pronto-pop, it all sounds weird to me. We always called them Pogos.

    Hm, now that veggie-dogs are palatable, or at least I find them so, I should attempt a veggie-pogo.

  18. While not exactly hilarious, I’ve recently discovered a deep-fried delicacy a mere couple blocks from my humble abode here in beautiful, downtown Northern California: Sweet potato fries. I’ve developed a compulsion to eat ’em up yum at least a couple times per week.

  19. hattie.typepad.com/hatties_web

    Yes, Seaside is still pretty much the kind of place it’s always been. I liked going to the 4th of July on the Beach when we lived in Portland.
    More and more, since we have become such a high-class (and overpriced!) nation with our imperial notions of wonderfulness, I enjoy unpretentious resort towns like Seaside.

  20. Hattie,

    nice to meet another PDX ex-pat (I grew up in southeast, out near 82nd & Division). Seaside was the default family vacation. But for unpretentious beach towns, I assume you’re also familiar with Rockaway (just south of Tillamook & Garabaldi)? No pronto pups (seaside) or pretty kites (canon beach), but a quiet beach sandwiched between the ocean and the coast range. A perfect place to run away to, and not feel like you’re obligated to do anything but walk on the beach & look for sand dollars.

  21. faultline.org/place/toad

    8Mar Iguana
    Northern California: Sweet potato fries.


  22. After all that icky stuff, I am going for my grandma’s bread pudding with raspberries on top.

  23. Wow check out the photo.
    How did Twisty manage to get a candid sot of Chris Hitchen’s ding dong?

  24. alphabitch.org

    Re the collagen lip thing: I sampled what was labeled as mango salsa at the grocery store this afternoon and shortly after I popped it in my mouth felt my lips & tongue get all fuzzy and start to swell. I immediately popped the appropriate pill and inhaled the appropriate mist to quell the allergic reaction and read on the sign that the salsa also contained pineapple, which sometimes does this to me. A nearby shopper informed me that it looked like I’d just had a collagen injection. If this is what a collagen injection feels like, then anyone who has them on purpose is certifiably insane. Yes Ron they itch. I wish I had braces to scratch them upon. Fortunately they have returned to their normal size, or I’d photograph it. It certainly didn’t make me feel like I looked sexy.

  25. members.cox.net/thevixen/Cayenne/1.html

    I’m practically a cult of one, but that shrimp on a stick does not look the least bit to my taste. I don’t like that kind of batter, in general, but have no real love of fried shrimp in particular. Those actually have the look of fried inflated lips. I hope at least they took the friggin tail off. I’m so tired of getting shrimp and fighting to remove the friggin tail.

  26. Sweet potato fries are indeed a truly wonderful snack. First place I had them was Liuzza’s in New Orleans, but the goodness has migrated eastward to south Mississippi now. Hear me now and believe me later: sweet potato fries dipped in a bit of whipped honey-butter are heavenly.

    Also I believe the vegan mom at the Vegan Lunchbox blog has perfected the no-meat corndog, if anyone is looking for a recipe.

  27. All these different names for corn dogs! They’re called American Dogs in Japan.

  28. The restaurant at Tatnucks Bookseller in Worcester, Massachusetts had sweet potato fries. Unfortunately, the owner of Tatnucks decided to retire, leaving us with only the Westborough Tatnucks and no restaurant. Bah. They served them with maple syrup, which I thought was too much sweet with the sweet potato, but the fries were damn good on their own.

  29. All these different names for corn dogs! They’re called American Dogs in Japan.

    They’re called Capitalist Running Dogs in North Korea, or at least they should be.

    (I have to confess that I’ve never seen a corn dog in real life, and for the longest time I thought the term was an insult, not a food.)

  30. I haven’t had a corndog on a stick since i was a wee one. But in general, anything breaded and deepfried on a stick is OK with me. And the blueberry mustard sounds enticing.

    mmmmm, sweet potato fries with pancake syrup in which to dip them.

  31. Maybe it’s post-vacation-trauma, but my brain is locked too tightly to come up with a clever way to tie the corn dog and BJob threads together.


  32. kelleybell.blogspot.com

    Damn Girl!

    I just read your last few posts, and I don’t know whether to break into tears for ya, or slam my fist into a wall.

    Life aint F*ckin fair!!!

    —Sending divine light and positive energy your way by day, and fighting patriarchal politics by night—

    “LOOK! It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, No! Its a chick flipping the bird at Airforce 1…It’s SuperChick!”

    (Just tryin to make ya smile. Hang in there Twisty.)

  33. thenextfewhours.com/blog

    I dig sweet potato fries with a chipotle ketchup/catsup/sauce/whatever.

  34. Oh but there is a difference between a Pronto Pup and a mere corn dog. And boy howdy in Minnuhsoda don’t you dare mix them up because there are fierce fighting factions that will defend unto death the primacy of one over the other. Brwals break out at the State Fair (yes it is capitalized here in both text and spirit) every year. You betcha.

    See, the corn dog is slathered in CORN batter, hence, etc. The Pronto Pup is made with a FLOUR-based batter. Both deep fried and on a stick but Oh My Goodness the world of difference to afficianados.

    Me? I am a MN transplant and find them both to be gross because inside the covering is a WEENIE, people! And not a nice all beef one either, but more like the cheapest lips and ringmeat kind of weenie. BLERGH!

    What about the whole coconut shrimp thing? Very last month is my feeling.

  35. Wheelomatic: prior to my conversion to full-blown vegetarianism, I was a fan of all things coconut and shrimp. Coconut ship, Panang curry with shrimp… anything with coconut and shrimp. No two flavours so perfectly compliment, in my books.

    Jezebella: Ooh you read Vegan Lunchbox too! I *love* that blog. If I could cook like her (or afford all those cookbooks she links to!) I’d probably make the jump to veganism.

  36. I just read about a family who have a genetic mutation putting them at risk for a rare stomach cancer. So they had their stomachs removed! Good lord, what tough choices people have to make in the face of medical “advances”! These people now must eat very frequently but very very tiny amounts of only certain foods. I’m thinking corn-dog shrimp-on-a-stick will be contraindicated for these brave souls.
    Me, I’m at risk for all-kinds-a-skin cancer. Sometimes I wish I COULD remove all my skin!

  37. Ron Sullivan, at Healdsburger’s, Healdsburg Avenue, one block west of The Russian River.

    Jezebella, the whipped honey-butter? Inspired. I, of course, had to rush right out and try that new, taste sensation and all I can say is: Oh. Yeah. Thanks. I think.

  38. blog.3bulls.net

    Corn Dogs are amazing. Even at Patriarchy on a Stick, where the workers are forced to smoosh lemonade in dorky outfits.

    I deem pronto pups gross if they are not corn batter.

    I’m sure they are great, actually, but why mess with perfection?

    Also, yeah there is a weenie inside, but you can chomp down on it. This ain’t no delicate hum-job.

    Give the patriarchical corn dog some teeth!

  39. blog.3bulls.net

    Awesome…moderation…ellipsis heaven!!




  40. Flame me if you will, but I posit that no person, since the dawn of the marine co-option of human diet, has ever actually enjoyed this batter-fried monstrosity. There’s a reason that creepy-crawly sea creatures make small children cry.*

    How dare I presume to impugn the sanctity of a person’s right to corny-dog shrimp? I do so mostly on accounta I will get a big bang from twisting the impassioned arguments defending them.

    (* Have you actually looked at one of those things? Alive? I truly pity the poor soul first caught a shrimp and thought, “Well, I’ve got nothing better to eat.” )

  41. faultline.org/place/toad

    Mar Iguana, THANK you! Damn, we were even up there a few weeks ago, looking at the clintonia in the redwoods. And it’s a day trip. OK, I know where we have lunch next time, and I’ll buy you a beer. You know, whenever, if you get down here or we get contact info or the heavens open up and rain Eeel River Brewery IPA or whatever.

    And yeah, I’m giggling madly at your nym. Especially after last week up in Humboldt.

  42. blog.3bulls.net

    Survey says…

  43. Would you think me cruel if I admitted that the only corn dog I ever ate was for the purpose of watching men squirm each time I bit it. A dear friend advised me of this phenomenon as we strolled the boardwalk at Santa Cruz. We immediately put it to the test. Sure enough, if you make eye contact with a male person as you chomp many will wince.

  44. Just let me know when you’re in the hoods of Healdsburg again, Ron Sullivan. The best brews are probably at the local micro-brewery, Bear Republic Brewing Co. They have some decent suds at Healdsburger too. That’s Healdsburger. I erred above with the “‘s.”

    Another battered beauty (Wait. That may not be the best choice of words. I’ll work on it.) there are, a bow to the Twisty state, Texas Toothpicks, “Thin-cut strips of sweet Spanish onion & mild jalapenos coated with crispy zesty batter.” Another eat-’em’-up’ yummer.

    Even I, confirmed carnivore, occasionally enjoy The Rosemary Portobello Burger. And, for your hot dog fans nothing quite satisfies like The Big Dog: Two, count ’em, two eight-inchers (woof!), butterflied ala couvade, grilled and served on a hogie roll, sauerkraut optional. Be still ma heart.

    Ah, Humboldt. What’s not to love? I spent a week there one day. Admittedly, my perceptions could have been a tad altered. Can’t remember.

  45. faultline.org/place/toad

    Mar Iguana, I will, and I’ll buy you the beer of your choice too, if I have an email address. You can leave one at Toad, or email me through there.

  1. Got Milk? at I Blame The Patriarchy

    […] _______________________________________ *I’m not saying that controversy, of a sort, doesn’t occasionally spring up at feeding time. Last night at a restaurant Stingray and I got into it over an order of corn-dog shrimp. My position has always been that the dish is a flawless embistroization of deep-fried nostalgia, whereas Stingray pronounces it ‘too jokey’ to take seriously. She’s clearly insane. […]

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