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Jun 23 2006

Buttloads of Oral Sex

Al Gore

Stingray dragged me to Al Gore’s globalwarmingumentary. It’s all the stuff you already know, so it’s not exactly a nail-biter, but it’s useful to see all the charts and numbers and footage of fractured glaciers crashing into the sea gathered together in a single spot for convenient one-stop blaming.

Interspersed with grainy cinéma vérité of lonely traveling activist Al, a 15″ Powerbook girding his loins, thinking deep thoughts as he stares solemnly through windows of limousines and chartered aircraft, are satellite photos of hurricanes and a nostalgic look back at the 2000 presidential election featuring hanging chads and Katherine Harris in her trademark patriarchy-blowing clown makeup. But mostly the film is Gore speaking before a huge screen from which glints an incessant cavalcade of graphs heralding the doom of the biosphere at the hand of fat lazy American oil gluttony.

It is a myth, quoth Al Gore, that the major climatological brains of our age regard global warming as controversial. The controversy is entirely a manufactured product of corporatocratic assholery. One of the aforementioned graphs compares, over a given period, the number of peer-reviewed scientific papers disputing the evidence of global warming (0) to the number of media reports casting doubt on the science (600-something, I think). Imagine. The news media, complicit in corporate disinformation campaigns. Well I never.

Well, funny story, the very day after I saw the film, I happened to hear ‘All Things Considered’ on National Public Radio, and danged if there wasn’t a blurb on the “feud over global warming.” Correspondent Richard Harris reported on a National Academy of Sciences panel. The panel was convened at the behest of Congress to examine a study suggesting that earth temperatures are hotting up well beyond what they’ve ever hotted up to before. I won’t go into the details of Harris’ report, which you can listen to for yourself, except to remark that the hyperbolic language he uses is precisely the sort of borderline prevarication to which Gore alludes in his lecture. Suggesting that there is acrimonious debate among experts over basic facts, calling it a “feud,” reporting that the official smart scientists are now “looking askance” at certain data that “some” use to support crazy claims about climate change, even taking it upon himself to redefine the word ‘plausible’ as ‘ doesn’t meet scientific standards of certainty’—it is as though Harris has calculated to encrapulate the discourse and weaken the case for global warming.

NPR. Ever since they got that Bushite pit boss, you’ve really gotta keep your eye on’em.

148 comments

1 ping

  1. CarolS

    Excellent post on a topic dear to my heart. Well, two topics: climate change, and the refusal of today’s newscasters to do more than parrot other people’s opinions in a verbal tennis match, without doing any reality-testing of what they say.

  2. teffie-phd

    But there wouldn’t be any news to report about global warming if there wasn’t controversy. The fact that we’re completely fucking up the environment we live in is not “news”.

    It could be if they used your post title as the headline.

  3. dogged.

    I heard that too, and marched right home (and by marched I mean drove, of course) and did what any outraged bourgeois liberal would do: wrote an outraged letter to the ombudsman. Contact form here. If we all write in, and make “buttloads of oral sex” our subject line, I imagine that will get NPR’s attention right quick.

  4. schatze

    I don’t claim to know if global warming is something that will self correct and is a natural trend or something totally brought on by us as oil gluttons. I am more than happy to say I have given up my chartered jet and limo addiction and hope my effort helps the cause. If we ban corporate/private/charter jets, press junkets, lobby junkets and all limos used by politicians, celebrities, prom goers, the newly married and the dearly departed how much can we save? May I keep my SUV? It was hell carrying 3 large dogs around in a sedan and a 4X8 sheet of plywood never fit, either. I promise to never take another car trip again -gladly. Will I save a glacier somewhere? Will it be cooler here so another hurricane doesn’t send me into exile for a month? I still don’t know if paper is worse than plastic, so I don’t think I can stop global warming and I have an inkling the government can’t either. I liked the old problems, like when you could just build a fallout shelter and be safe from all harm. See? Problem solved in one lifetime.

  5. CafeSiren

    To NPR’s credit: immediately following (or was it preceding?) that “controversy” story was one on Kansas wheat farmers, and how the five-year drought is making life well-nigh impossible.

    Still, when normally reputable news sources report the opinions of corporate shills as if they were equal to those of reputable scientists, it pisses me off. I feel the same way when some news outlet does yet another story about the “controversy” surrounding evolution. Aaarrgh!

  6. Sylvanite

    I haven’t gone to see this movie yet. I’m depressed enough as it is.

  7. Amber

    I definitely see an ellipsis in that graphic. Why didn’t the Twisty Image-cleanulator block it?

  8. norbizness

    Another corporate-owned media version of “Shape of Earth: Views Differ.” I can see the debate in the 60s— “Do cigarettes cause cancer, or do they help Indy 500 winner A.J. Foyt perform at his highest level with their rich, smooth flavor?”

    Next step: keying SUVs and very large pickups that look like they haven’t done a day of manual labor in their miserable lives.

  9. slade

    I took my mother to see the movie on father’s day. My favorite chart was the one on population growth. Saw a preview for a movie about John Lennon…of course he had to be killed. Can’t have one of those powerful Beatles spouting words of love and peace.

    I hate corporations. I know these CEOs see the writing on the wall…they know what CO2 is doing to Mother Earth. Yet they seem hell bent on destroying her and everyone else.

    It’s as if the rich white guys are just too damn lazy to put some $ into research. Or if there is research being done on alternative energy, they are buying them out and squashing it.

    Saw a show on UCTV this morning that said testosterone disables empathy.

    If in doubt, IBTP.

  10. Chris Clarke

    Very Large Pickups: automotive blowjobs? discuss.

  11. Arianna

    Automotive blowjobs? no. They’re automotive penis-extenders. Taking them to the carwash to show off is the automotive blowjob.

    Schatze: If you’re legitimately looking for answers, grist.org’s Ask Umbra archives are pretty handy.

  12. Arianna

    Twisty, I’m starting to wonder if you’ve taken out a hit on me. 1/2 of all comments I’ve posted in the last two days have been put in moderation.

  13. sifl

    But if two sides to the issue aren’t given, how could I possibly make a choice? I just thank god that there are people brave enough to make complete asses of themselves by insisting that climate change is controversial, thereby preserving the spirit of “debate” that defines Amerika.

    I miss the poutine thread already.

  14. Anne Nonymous

    So oral sex is measured in buttloads then? Is this the converse of the homophobic description of gay rights advocacy as “cramming anal sex down our throats”?

  15. Sylvanite

    Yes, Norbizness, I particularly hate the SUVs and pick-ups that are obviously used for nothing but urban commuting. I double-plus hate them if they also have those obnoxious brush-guards over the headlights. When does someone in Philly ever need to take a vehicle off-road, through brush? Especially since it’s obvious that they would have an apoplectic fit if the precious vehicle got so much as a single scratch. Yeah, I’m sure folks often take their Escalades off-roading.

  16. KMTBERRY

    Twisty- shouldn’t we maybe get out of Texas? Summers are already 112 degrees.I occasionally worry about this.

  17. Mandos

    You’d have thought that Twisty would have taken the obvious way out of prolonging the crisis and titled this thread “Mouthfuls of Poutine” or something like that. Just sayin’.

  18. Twisty

    Arianna et al,

    I don’t know what’s gotten into my spamulator. Suddenly it’s moderating where no spamulator has ever moderated before. Don’t none of yall take no offense, please. It must be something I inadvertently did to one of my plugins. I’ll try to get it resolved over the weekend. Cripes.

  19. Twisty

    The film isn’t depressing, by the way. It’s chock full of grim tidings, sure, but in the end Al perks up with the message that it’s not too late. You know, if everybody quits using so much air conditioning and switches to energy-saving Cuisinarts and stuff. I recommend it.

  20. Mandos

    Twisty: do you say y’all in real life? How charming.

  21. kathy a

    mandos — everyone in the south says y’all. even i, a native californian with a solemn vow to not get southernized, began saying y’all after 6 months in the south [on accounta my clients thought i had a speech impediment, and also that stuff sneaks up on one when it is in the environment.]

    thanks for the movie review, twisty.

  22. saltyC

    My AC is set to 79 degrees.

    Do I get points? Also I hang my clothes for the most part.

    Am I the one blowing or getting blown?

  23. Mandos

    I find the y’allery extremely amusing, you see. I remember driving through the You Ess and seeing this:

    Hi-larious.

  24. Mandos

    D’oh. It ate my inline image. Oh, well. Here’s the image as a link:

    http://www.ohiobarns.com/othersites/watertowers/ky/17-08florenceyall.html

  25. mel

    “Corporatocratic assholery.”
    “Encrapulate.”

    See, it’s things like this that give “enpussification” a run for its money. I’ve got to file these in my “Twistyisms” file. No lie, I have one.

    Man, it’s hot in here.

  26. thebewilderness

    I think the analogy with the cig companies is perfect. The media behaved the same way then they are behaving now, shamefully.

  27. Kate

    What an appropriate follow-up from discourse about the value and meaning of blow-jobs to frustration with the media’s inability to find the true value and meaning behind their stories.

    Or is it just another form of fellatio? Afterall, since Reagan started his machete attack on anything that spoke of free speech and human rights, PBS has been fighting for its life. PBS I’m afraid has been reduced to corporate cock-sucking to glean a little more time.

    They think because they wink at us when we see them with the Big Wank in their mouths, that we know they really are down with us and true to us.

    Yeah. Just like the coke-whore who worries over her impact on the feminist struggle.

    By the way kids, its good to be back, you probably didn’t notice, but I haven’t been around due to some serious kinks pressing on me in the real world. Good to see y’all, as my people (Twisty notwithstanding) would say.

  28. Violet

    Twenty-two comments to date on the subject of planetary extinction vs the 10,000 or so on blowjobs. The patriarchy scores again.

  29. antelope

    In the movie – Al has this wonderful graphic which he says he borrowed from a Republican-sponsored conference on how to “balance” environmental & fiscal concerns. Very ’50s schoolbook-esque image of a blonde “lady scientist” in a hard-hat looking at a giant scale off in the distance that’s balancing some gold bars on one side & the entire planet on the other. The gold bars are, of course, slightly larger than the entire planet and the scales are tipped ever so slightly that way.

    Al is wonderfully restrained in poking fun at this cuz it doesn’t take much, and now thanks to Violet I can easily see the image re-done with a blowjob on one side and the entire planet on the other. Which is more important? Why, how could you even think that’s a question? To really make it perfect, I think it would have to be an abstract blowjob, with just a phallus & a mouth.

  30. rumblelizard

    NPR has been nigh-unbearable for a good long while now. Cokie Roberts, Mara Liaason, Wan (“I’m channeling the ghost of Coretta Scott King right now, and boy is she pissed that people actually told the truth at her funeral”) Juilliams, Daniel Schorr, and all the rest of the fair and balanced crapulators on NPR need to be catapulted directly into the heart of the sun, yesterday.

    The only problem is, my only other radio choices are Rush Limbaugh or Top 40.

    Wheeple.

  31. Carpenter

    I must say that the overall state of science reporting in this country is dismal. I can’t even watch Discovery at all because of the crazy number of mistruths, halftruths, and the heaps of speculation. Also I have found that almost every TV show tends to have antiscientific pro-superstition bend. An example is the History channels many shows on the “bible code” or crop circles. Even though they have proof positive that the bible code is mere combinatorics/statistics and people have taken credit for crop circles the shows always close with the line about how “some people” still believe. The last word is always about how more wok has to be done and how “maybe we’ll never know”/maybe the crazies are right.

    So yeah no surprise to me.

    The thing I liked about the movie were all the litle parts you don’t hear about most of the time, like the caterpillers hatching before the baby birds, and the frosts that usually kill of invasive species. There are a million of these small changes we don’t hear about and would never think of.

  32. MzNicky

    Violet: word. (That’s the totality of my hipness.)

    I reside in Tennessee, and I’ve not yet seen Al’s flick. I guess I should. Except: I know the planet’s fucked. So, why bother? Al’s our redemption and our embarrassment. That’s the zeitgeist of the South. Southerners: Deal.

    Twisty: You know I love you. Basically, we’re all gonna die. And: Blow jobs, schmlow jobs. Do you get something out of it? Great. Do it. No? Then fuck it, it’s ridiculous.

  33. hedonistic

    Twisty could create a glossary of Twistyisms. I’d print it out and slip it into my thesaurus.

  34. Dr. Free-Ride

    Violet wrote, “Twenty-two comments to date on the subject of planetary extinction vs the 10,000 or so on blowjobs. The patriarchy scores again.”

    I interpret the data differently. IBTP readers are quick to pick their sides on the important stuff (like saving the planet), but sometimes that necessitates delaying decisions about the advisability of fellatio and poutine.

  35. CafeSiren

    Twisty could create a glossary of Twistyisms. I’d print it out and slip it into my thesaurus.

    My personal favorite was “emblooeyd”, used with reference to Twisty’s obsteperal lobe.

  36. alphabitch

    Violet wrote, “Twenty-two comments to date on the subject of planetary extinction vs the 10,000 or so on blowjobs. The patriarchy scores again.”

    And how many posts about poutine? The Canadians will get us if the patriarchy fails.

    Oh wait, a lot of yall are Canadians, aren’t you?

  37. vera

    I appreciated old Al’s movie. Before I saw it I was skeptical about what’s basically a film of a slide show. But it turns out to be a great example of clear technical writing. Data that would normally be boring and hard to grasp is made clear by excellent visual presentation. And Twisty’s right, the stuff at the end — about what individuals can do to help — makes you feel all better. Well, a little better, anyway.

    Hey, I just had a great idea: let’s subvert the patriarchy by inventing a poutine-fueled car!

  38. Ron Sullivan

    The Canadians will get us if the patriarchy fails.

    We’re counting on it. Yo, Canadians, come on, y’all! COME GET US! And bring that health-care thing with you!

    Oh, while I’m on the subject: I’d have thought poutine was the national dish of Mordor. The Uruk-Hai eat it with 40-weight instead of gravy, haina?*

    *Ten points for recognition of the last word.

  39. cypress

    haina – a version of ‘isn’t it’ from that fabulous scots mystery I read a coupld weeks ago?

  40. Mandos

    vera: already been done! Used deepfrying oil can be refined into suitable diesel.

    Ron S.: “Haina” should really be at least hyphenated because it’s two words “hai” and “na”. “hai” is a form of “hona” in Urdu (or Hindi, I guess)—”to be”. “Na” is sometimes used as short for “nahi~”, no. So it’s something some of my older relatives might say for “Isn’t it?” in Urdu.

  41. shawn

    Hi, new here thought I would way in on couple of issues. First I have a thought on oral sex what is good for the goose is good for the gander, my husband is a very generous lover, in fact he loves going south, and for my part I love the reverse, pleasuring him. It makes me the aggressor and gives me complete control. I will admit that I am a control freak.

  42. Blume

    I agree with Dr. Free-Ride: isn’t the point here that global warming is a fact, and that the global warming “debate” is spurious? So not as much for us patriarchy blamers to debate here.

  43. Violet

    Mz Nicky, your comment is a bit cryptic, but the gist of it seems to be that we’re all fucked so why the fuck bother? It’s a sentiment that my misanthropic inner-demon child can heartily relate to, but one has to resist the temptation to be silenced by the patriarchal imperative to “do something” or shut the fuck up whenever uncomfortable political realities are raised during the course of a conversation. The patriarchy uses such tactics to shame its enemies into immediate, guilt-ridden submission. Anticipating your meek rejoinders, (“but I signed a petition yesterday”) your patriarchal interlocutor will rightfully scoff at your naivete, while your own feeble words reverberate back to you in a silly sing-song voice that you shamefully recognize as your own. After all, they say, if you haven’t taken it upon yourself to reverse global warming et al for the rest of the planet, then you should just sit back and allow let the elites do their work. While individual inaction has plays a large role in the current mess we are in, I would argue that inner resistance can be just as powerful a tool against the patriarchal rape/war agenda when it is spread through casual social contact. Speaking out against the status quo and refusing to remain silent when circumstances demand our unceasing disgust and outrage is one way our collective unconciousness can be transformed into something beyond its present state of willful denial. People need reminding that thinking (italics here) is a pro-active stance, and in large enough doses, can be more dangerous to a fascist regime than a beltful of explosives.

    Although I live in a country that has the dubious distinction of having the largest concentration of Republican voters outside the US, among fellow ex-pats, I have met few outright war supporters or Bush admirers. The consensus here is that he’s an idiot. Nothing to do with me. End of conversation. Again, I would argue that Americans cannot afford to separate themselves from the nightmarish visions of its leadership, since the rest of us are suffering, (either directly or indirectly), from not only its its unchecked aggression beyond its own borders, but just as importantly, its voluntarily gagged and blindfolded citizenry. Individual Americans do not have the luxury to think that life is just one long Seinfeld episode, where cynicism is dumbed down to extreme levels of banality between beer and shampoo commericials. Most Americans I’ve met similarly celebrate “nothingness”, which may account for their undimming appetite for celebrity gossip and their increased tolerance for torture. Whenever possible, we should apply the Twisty logic and be unapologetic and unrelenting in our blaming, and demand accountability from the unexamined life forms among us.

    I’ve noticed in recent years that political discussions are immediately shut down in casual social settings with the familiar refrain of “yeah, well, whaddya gonna do it about it?”. And if that doesn’t immediately silence you, then you are labelled a “whiner”. In this misogynistic day and age, the accusation can do lasting, irreversible social damage. Little wonder that women often go out of their way to make their opinions as bland and as conformist as possible, obediently clamming up when a man looks bored or irritated by the conversation. It may be the reason some of them come here and defend blow jobs – their spouses and significant others no doubt applaud their little woman’s foxy moxy, and congratulate themselves for finding an “intelligent woman who isn’t a feminist” (sic). An ability to regurgitate patriarchal talking points is a skill up there with “swallowing”, while a refusal to disavow feminism will result in a woman being branded “hysterical”.

    It’s easy to see why so many of us have such a simplistic, literalist mindset that immediately goes on the defensive when confronted with nuance or ambiguity. (I’m talking of course, about Twisty’s blowjob commentary). We are conditioned as consumers, not citizens, capable of choosing an underarm deodorant, but curiously unable to wrap our minds around a concept. When faced with something more challenging than a simple declarative statement, we feel that the “culprit” is attempting to deny us our rightfully earned pleasures. The philosopher Zizek summed up this defensive psychological stance as “theft of enjoyment” and argues that it emerges when one has fully internalized the kill or be killed “logic” of capitalism.

    Well, I’d love to stay and blame, but there are three hungry cats demanding my can opening services:

    Perhaps this quote from “V for Vendetta” says it best:

    (after a volley of gunfire doesn’t kill V)

    Creedy: Die! Die! Why won’t you die?… Why won’t you die?

    V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.

  44. darkymac

    Oh, to be in England
    Now that April’s there,
    And whoever wakes in England
    Sees, some morning, unaware,
    That the lowest boughs and the banana sheaf
    Round the teak-tree bole are in big fat leaf
    While the rainbow bird calls on the mango bough
    In England – now!

  45. Violet

    Twisty’s spamulator has been hijacked by the patriarchy, judging from the above atrocity signed “Shawn” that has somehow oozed its way in, while the rest of us “await moderation”.

    In future, Shawn, please resist the urge to “way in” on my dinner hour. The TMI (Too Much Information) factor has already extinguished my appetite. In its place, I’m left with a disturbing mental image of two cross-eyed mullet heads chowing down on each other’s lower regions on a fungus covered water bed while Def Leppard plays in the background.

  46. rumblelizard

    That Shawn thing has to be the most finely crafted satire. Surely no one is dumb enough to “way in”?

  47. hedonistic

    I so DO want the Canadians to invade.

  48. amandamonkey

    All the peer-reviewed scientists keep rolling our eyes at this ‘feud.’ It’s interesting that the day of the NPR report, one of the corporate news programs (I’m thinking it was CBS) had a little blurb about how human-induced global warming is now irrefutable. As if they hadn’t been giving equal credence to wack-jobs like Crichton all along.

  49. Sara

    I am already too sad to go see Al Gore’s movie. Besides, I’m still pissed at him from the year 2000. Still, it’s better that he made the movie than if he hadn’t, and I hope lots of people will go see it. I just won’t be one of them unless I get dragged, too.

    It is weird about NPR right now. Over the last few days or so it has seemed as though they have just been reading from White House press releases. It has also seemed like suddenly there are a bunch of new voices. I’ve heard no analysis except one thing from Daniel Schorr last Monday about Iran and Korea.

    Freaky.

  50. Ron Sullivan

    Holy sweet mother of chard, Mandos. You mean all those coalcrackers up around Scranton and Wilkes-Barre (pronounced “Srca’n n Wukspur”) have been speaking Urdu all these years?

    Maybe I’m really a space alien. That would explain a lot. Or maybe when the space aliens snatched up the Homeland of the Romany, some of the folks in that general end of the Earth got sucked up in the wake and dropped in the Archbald Pothole, and it took then a few millennia to climb out and bestow culture on all those crazy Micks up there.

    But that would leavs Cypress’ Scots unaccounted for. Then again, there’s no accounting for Scots. And I say this as someone who has actually enjoyed deep-fried haggis.

  51. Betsy

    After I saw the movie, I was just about ready to white-shoe-wax “Gore 2008″ on the back window of my car.

  52. Betsy

    But then I remembered that my car was part of the problem.

  53. bitchphd

    NPR seems to have been bending over backwards for quite some time now to seem “fair” to the Fox News folks who aren’t actually listening to NPR.

  54. Kate

    I said that PBS has become useless, even their “Frontline” show which once was cutting edge has become as sharp as a used marble. Although, Frontline did in fact put together a show at least a good year before the New Orleans hurricane that warned of exactly what did actually happen. Obviously neither the Great Leader nor his minions watch PBS. Schedule probably collided with the 700 Club airings.

    And NPR, again, once a bastion of real liberal thinking, I remember listening to them daily in the eighties and their worldwide and country-wide in depth reporting and analysis was second to none.

    Then in the 90′s I sat one afternoon and listened to one Daniel Schorr make the high minded assertion at the close of the decade, that the most important occurance of the entire decade was the O.J. Trial.

    Nevermind about welfare reform and its sweeping changes of entitlement programs, and the destroyed state and federal mandate to give services to poor children and women and the disabled.

    What about the Rodney King debacle, including the issue of rampant police brutality and systemic racism both there and in the court system, the resulting riots and how they played out to the rest of the country?

    Forget that we had a two-year proto war in the middle east where censorship of the press was like no other in history and its potential to set a precedent for the future of press access to controversial government activities.

    Nope, all other happenings will vanish in our memories and have no lasting effect on our lives save for the trial of a black football star and the historic moment when a black man actually has arisen to such monetary and social status to be able to buy himself freedom.

    I haven’t taken the time to listen to NPR and if it does come across my ears by some chance, I take their words with a yawn and a grain of salt.

    By the way, is it me or does public television seem reduced to putting together Lawrence Welk Show cast member reunions and reruns and fifties pop singer reunions to pump the retired and near-retired for money to stay afloat?

    For what? To hear more reunion shows?

    And yes, the Discovery Channel seems to have discovered absolutely nothing but how to get stupid, gullible people to keep their tube tuned to them in order to sell advertising.

    And the ‘history channel’ seems to have carved its programing from a demographic consisting solely of nursing homes, veterans centers and ‘assisted living’ households packed with drooling WWII veterans and John Wayne worshippers.

  55. Mandos

    Well, I can only report what I know. I know that “hai, na?” is common among older Urdu speakers at least. Hai being pronounced like “hay” as in what moo-cows eat in children’s books.

  56. mel

    Yes, Violet.

  57. ismnotwasm

    Interesting in a sick way, how otherwise intelligent people still consider global warming “a feud”, or some sort of debate. It’s probably due to the willingness of those to be spoon fed information, as well the ones who are doing outright manipulation of information.

    Reminds me of the “debate” over evolution vs creationism.

    I always want to scream, “WHAT debate idiots? There is no debate.” But of course screaming doesn’t do me any good. Usually.

  58. Arianna

    I have been dying to see that movie. Skipped out on seeing it with the local veg*n group for my partner’s birthday. Sigh. I’ll get around to it one day, even if it is only showing in the indie-out-of-the-way place in town.

    Twisty: Sorry if I came off as being peeved about the spamulator, I was attempting to lightheartedly draw attention to it, but the internet sucks for expression.

    Ron: My current partner is a Scot. He loves the haggis. He also complains that we do it all wrong here in Canada, what with us using ‘quality’ meats, and putting gravy on it. Maybe we just put too much gravy on everything. I’ve only had veg-haggis myself, but he says it tastes surprisingly like the real thing, since the real thing only tastes like the other stuff used to disguise the meat, anyway. I rather enjoyed it. I’ll have to try it deep fried, though.

  59. Arianna

    And as an aside: I thoroughly blame the Patriarchy for the fact that we even need spamulators.

  60. Ron Sullivan

    Mandos, Arianna, I learn absolutely the damnedest things here. And yeah, “haina” is pronounced “hay-nah,” accent on the first syllable.

    Haggis strikes me as midway between boudin and scrapple. It’s offal but I like it.

  61. SingOut

    Geez, don’t tell me how it ends! I haven’t seen it yet.

  62. thebewilderness

    Not surprisingly, I understand many of the same paid shills who worked for the cigarette companies as consultants on how to get away with promoting a lie year after year, are currently employed by Exxon. Given enough time I’m sure they will be able to convince the public that we should pay them for paving the Alaska Marine Highway, rather than expecting them to pay a fine. They still have not paid that fine.

  63. tigtog

    The cockroaches survive.

  64. tigtog

    That previous comment of mine was meant to go with SingOut’s but works surprisingly well following thebewilderness’.

  65. MzNicky

    Violet: Has this ever happened to you?: One morning you’re scrolling through the comments at one of your favorite blogs, when lo and behold, there’s a comment that you apparently made your own self! You read it and vaguely remember posting it, yet you have no idea what you meant, and you’re relieved because it could have been worse. We know who’s to blame, in addition to the five glasses of wine I’d had earlier in the evening.

  66. TP

    “The philosopher Zizek summed up this defensive psychological stance as “theft of enjoyment” and argues that it emerges when one has fully internalized the kill or be killed “logic” of capitalism.”

    I must express my deep appreciation for this succinct summation of the sex debate. I have a simple tip for this person relating to commenting: Use ‘‘ without the ‘ marks to indicate the start of italics and then stop the italics by typing ‘‘ after. Substitute a ‘b’ and you will get bold face.

    The sex debate is driven completely by the fear of the theft of enjoyment, and the most maddening thing about it is knowing that sexual desire is blown totally out of proportion by the Patriarchy in order to enslave us to our excessive and unsatisfiable desires. Many men, including myself, run around at all times believing that this desire is inherent and immutable and beyond any conscious control. But I think it’s all a horrible charade provoked by the ceaseless media barrage of sexual images we are exposed to every day.

    So why would any man or woman who wants to be free ever not be a feminist and try to turn down the volume on sexual desire? The theft of enjoyment. The reality is that reducing desire can result in increased enjoyment, since reducing unrealisable desires also reduces frustration and anger.

    I just say turn down the desire a little. It’s not a terribly spartan or self-sacrificing thing to do. And yet people fear it terribly.

  67. Violet

    Hey Mzzzshhh Nicky,

    The scenario you describe above is all too familiar. But at least you resisted the urge to “way in” on the false “to blow or not to blow” debate with cringe-inducing personal details.

    Thanks TS, for the comments and the tech tip. I still haven’t figured out how to imbed links, either.

  68. Atzbanite

    Saddly, being in any Science industry carries this strange sticky venus-fly-trap situation. I had the dubious pleasure of attending a big-shop patriarch dinner a while ago, where I sat next to a world renown researcher of the benefits of green tea, and other anti-oxidant studies. His work was well researched and respected in a large part of sceinctific study, that is, until the patriarchy Dr. special speaker-of-the-night from the NHA decided to sit down at our table for dinner. He didn’t know anyone there, and I swear, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Wow, what do you guys all think of that green tea bullshit! Geeze, gimme a beer anytime…” “Who needs this reasearch, no-one believes it or cares.” We then introduced ourselves…..
    PS I’ve been laughing my butt off reading the blow-job posts..quite, quite.

  69. Summer

    Ha! Slavov! I haven’t seen his name since I was an undergrad.

    Anyone know if he’s still amusingly married to his (former, much, much younger) graduate student (seen here: http://static.flickr.com/8/7324349_cdc73b081f_o.jpg ) ?

  70. No Blood for Hubris

    Off-topic. Totally. I’m having a blogiversary party. Drop by for a virtual celebration or a virtual blame. One is sort of the other, I think, or is that too Zen?

    Whatever.

  71. vera

    Hi Violet,

    I created a picture that illustrates the code for embedding a link in a comment (or in a blog post, etc.). Just take a look here.

  72. ozma

    Violet–

    Re: “And if that doesn’t immediately silence you, then you are labelled a “whiner”.”

    I was just thinking about that whole ‘shut up, will you?’ thing as I went on my thousandth tirade. (They are polite tirades.) Maybe some of us are forced into the position of Cassandra. And maybe the people who hear us don’t find it fun. But it’s no fun being Cassandra either. I think eventually it’s hard not to shut up not just because of their disapproval but also because of their complete lack of comprehension.

    I wish ideas couldn’t be killed. Sometimes I think they can’t be brought to life either. They will be, when they are material realities. I think Marx beats Zizek most days of the week.

  73. Sylvanite

    I agree that the Discovery Channel has become a festering pit. What does “Monster Garage” have to do with the original intent of the channel? Of course, all the good and useful science content has been spirited away to the Discovery Science Channel, stuck in the non-basic cable channel ghetto. They really run great science content on Discovery Science. I even suspect “Survivorman” could be excused, given that he’s arguably teaching useful survival skills, even if he tends to play as a Steve Irwin/Jeff Corwin style idiot. Come the collapse, I wouldn’t mind knowing the host of Survivorman, that’s for sure.

    Well, I guess I should try to get out to see “An Inconvenient Truth.” I work for an environmental agency. Maybe I could justify seeing it during work hours.

  74. grrr kitty

    Count me among those too depressed to see the subject flick. I work for a space and aeronautics agency and the scientists here (as well as their chums over at NOAA) have treated global warming as a fact since the early 90s.

  75. B. Dagger Lee

    O Violet, please don’t do that again. Enthralled by your quotation regarding the “theft of enjoyment”, I went off into a wikipolar-induced googlemania. Miss Patsy came home to find me lying on the floor of my office with my pinkie stuck in the electric socket and hissing “Zizek, zizek, zizek, zizekzizekzizek…” She had to change all my fuses and she’s just not good at stuff like that, my left eye is still twitching.

    yrs, B. Dagger Lee

  76. Violet

    Thanks, Vera. Talk about the kindness of strangers. I’m truly humbled.

  77. kreepyk

    “Next step: keying SUVs and very large pickups that look like they haven’t done a day of manual labor in their miserable lives.”

    Dear God, I almost have to physically restrain myself from doing this now. I know it is so petty, but I will risk almost any sort of accident in order to flip off every Hummer I see.

  78. Carpenter

    I just read the latest instalment of carnival of the feminists and I am sorry to say about half of it is dedicated to hating real hard on a certain post on this blog.

  79. Violet

    BDL: Mizz Violet thinks you ought to follow her Christian lady example and schedule “cocktail hour” between 5 pm to midnight. She wonders if you might not have a “teensy-weensy” problem with the booze, just like she had before taking her personal Saviour’s advice and limiting her daily highball intake to just seven double martinis. (Fistful of Zoloft washed down by several “nightcaps” not included). The bone shaking terrors that kept Mizz Violet up half the night battling blood sucking spiders with bat wings and rat tails have greatly diminished since Jesus stepped in to take up arms against these Demonic Forces of Darkness. She believes that Satan himself is behind your ungodly googlings, not to mention those involuntary orgasms you are experiencing.

    Your Sister in Christ,

    Mizz Violet

  80. darkymac

    Please forgive this distraction from the topic. Today’s newsreader dripped more irony than a commercial laundry; I don’t see any need to enlarge except to say that women wear the blame no matter where it really lies.

    breast-ironing not included in ‘study’
    and Breast Ironing for chrissake

    I blame briefly today because it breaks my heart sometimes to do it too carefully.

  81. darkymac

    test

  82. Alecto Erinyes

    Can I blame poutine for global warming?

  83. Sara

    Oh, darkymac, that second link is insane! Argh! It never ends!

    As to the first link, that article mentions that mammograms are excluded from the study. However, I recently read another article which said other studies have found that a mammogram every year might also contain enough radiation to encourage development of breast cancer in many women, that we might actually be tested too often starting too early because a lot of companies make money from it, even though it’s probably really bad for us. The article I read was in the January/February 2006 issue of Well Being Journal, and was entitled “Cancer Risks, Fund Raisers and Environmental Toxins,” by Rose Marie Williams, M.A. The author is someone who has written more on this topic elsewhere, and the article was another one focused at least in part on “think[ing] before you pink.” Also, though, Ms. Williams said there’s some other test/exam we should be demanding instead of the traditional mammogram, one that is radiation-free.

    I am useless today because I am terribly, terribly tired and my brain feels full of sludge. It’s my hope that someone else will know what I’m talking about, will have read the article or something else by this woman, and will pipe up with the details. I can’t seem to find it online, just the title.

  84. Carpenter

    I’ve heard the thing about mammograms too.
    I guess I’m not surprised, people used to bleed themselves as a preventative measure for cryin out loud. My money is on the cancer sniffin’ dogs, it’s nonivasive and adorable.

  85. ozma

    Breast ironing. I’m speechless.

  86. Tapetum

    Forget the level of science reporting – the sheer number of supposedly educated people in this country who simply don’t understand what science is even about floors me every time. The ones who claim proof that science is unreliable every time a hypothesis is disproved – as if that weren’t the triumph of science, not its downfall. It’s this basic misunderstanding of precepts my Verra-be-damned third-grader understands that’s letting politicians get away with claiming controversy over such things as global warming and evolution.

    I write for a science/history trivia site, and the sheer level of ignorance from people who care enough to find such a site interesting is appalling.

  87. B. Dagger Lee

    V:

    I resent it when people imply that I’m imbibing in the pantry. The Sausage Machine is shiny because I keep a clean house. I do not rub up against it. And the waterstain on the wallpaper in the ceiling corner does not look like Jesus riding a bat; whoever told you otherwise slanders me. I’m looking at it right now.

    –BDL

  88. camelhempsox

    At some point in our esteemed Dickensian past something happened and somebody figured out that medicine is a handy way to oppress and frustrate anybody you want to oppress and frustrate. Besides, there is a lot of money to be made, so long as you abide by a few basic tenets:
    a. Under no circumstances should anybody ever be completely well. If they think they are, they should be ashamed. Remember, naturally occurring bodily functions are treatable! Menstruation is a disease!
    b. Do NOT find a “cure for cancer”. This would be almost as detrimental to national security as winning “the war on terror”!!! Besides, imagine all those people at Dana-Farber having to collect unemployment.
    c. DO find new ways to exploit sexual self-doubt. Breast-implants and Viagra are great examples of this. The IUD and the pill were a wonderful way of putting the feminist agenda to profitable use, and best of all, these, along with the silicone implants, made women sick enough to require even MORE medical care!!
    Finally, we should all take the time read the article in the March edition of Harper’s magazine about AIDS. It is strong inspirational stuff.

  89. Jezebella

    I have two questions, oh well-informed blamers:

    1. is the Al Gore movie playing anywhere in Mississippi? I have always loved Al Gore, having seen him speak passionately, with the fire of a baptist preacher, on a campaign stop back in 1992. I never understood why people thought he was stiff and without personality, having seen him in action my own self.

    2. suppose a pessimistic gal was thinking of investing in retirement property in Canada (retirement, hopefully, being no more than 30 years away)… where would one look? I figure it’s too bloody cold to move there any time soon, but if I guess right, I can buy cheap now and have a balmy retirement home later on. Sorry, Canadians, but you know it’s true. In 2036 you’ll be inundated with tourists like you were some kind of New Florida.

  90. Violet

    BDL: Does the Satanic water stain on your ceiling resemble the above photo of Al Gore’s silhouette? There’s an identical Al-shaped stain on my ceiling, too, that no amount of Clorox or scripture recital can remove. This morning it had sprouted horns, and I swear, the dripping blob stain on my bathroom ceiling is starting to look like Tipper. My pastor says that it is not uncommon for Demoncrat politicians to appear in stain form in otherwise spotless Christian homes – it’s how they put forward the homosexual agenda. According to Pastor Kenny, they do this by taking the tears of baby Jesus and mixing them with Satan’s seed.

    Yours in Prayer,

    Violet

  91. camelhempsox

    The water-stain on my ceiling resembles a giant phallus. It doesn’t excite or frighten me.
    I acknowledge it and then I ignore it. It reminds me of getting stung by a bee.

  92. Violet

    I’m sorry to hear that your ceiling has been defiled by the outer manifestations of your impure thoughts. Pastor Kenny says that Phallus shaped water stains can only be removed when the afflicted person renounces his/her allegiance to al Qaeda and the homosexual marriage agenda. What you are seeing is the frothy, fecal mixture of Satan’s squandered, same-sex seed. He has planted it there to remind you to cast your vote His way in the upcoming elections. Ignore it at your peril.

  93. Sylvanite

    Soooo…Satan is pro-Santorum?

  94. Mandos

    I think you guys are being driven to madness by lack of Twisty posting action. Go and get yourselves some poutine.

  95. Arianna

    Mandos, what am I to do? It’s too damn hot here for poutine at the moment, but all this conversation in regards to it is killing me. I imagine poutine would be pretty sick cold though… :/

  96. Arianna

    Oh crap. I used an elipsis and am now in moderation.

  97. Violet

    Mandos, tu as raison. It’s definitely time for a Twisty fix. As for poutine, I always thought it was French Canadian for “booty” – as in “Yo, Jacques, check out the poutine chaud on that salope!”

  98. Mandos

    . . .

  99. Summer

    Every time I check for new content and see the title, “Buttloads of Oral Sex,” I cannot, despite my most strident efforts, stop my mind from thinking “Mouthfuls of Butt Sex,” a thought that grosses me right the fuck out, but then leads me to wonder, “Which is correct grammar? Mouthfuls or Mouths full?”

    I suppose it doesn’t matter much, because either way they’re mouth-holes full of butt sex.

    Why, I’d rather have a mouth full of poutine, and that stuff looks like it smells worse than it tastes.

  100. Summer

    Damn you, spamulator.

    Yet another ellipsis-free post held for moderation. Alas.

  101. Thalia

    It has been a while since we heard from Twisty.

    Not that she’s obligated to post every single freakin’ day, but should we be worried?

  102. SingOut

    I miss Twisty.

  103. kathy a

    i miss her, and am worried. [that's just how i am.]

  104. jami

    in honor of gore’s movie premiere, my local npr affiliate had a half-hour interview with a local “celebrity,” reknowned for clinging desperately to a factling about greenland getting colder this one time so how can the whole earth be getting warmer.

    npr is kinda stupid with repeating talking points and “teaching the controversy” and the truth getting 50% and lies getting the other 50% (more if the liars are whiny and powerful like republicans), but it’s the best we’ve got, radio-wise.

    (arianna, i’ve had the same spamulation problem here since posting a pro-bj, anti-gag comment. not to, uh, raise the specter.

    and it was not only here, but now at every wordpress blog i’m getting moderated. i have to guiltily admit that i thought twisty had singled me out for reporting to the spam police because i don’t hate the patriarchy enough to deny uncooperative patriarchy participants the occasional bj.

    or perhaps, i worried, it was my aversion to breaking my little hands reaching for the shift key (big keyboards are tools of the patriarchy).

    i only now got around to angrily skulking around in ibtp’s comments, wondering what they got that i don’t. it looks like it may be a wordpress problem, as twisty has things more pressing than persecuting mostly-loyal blamers on her mind, especially since “the specter” has at least doubled the number of comments she gets on every post.)

  105. CafeSiren

    I second (or third) the call out to our hostess — where are you, Twisty? We can blame on our own, but not with your wit and eloquence. Help!

  106. slade

    I miss her buttloads.

  107. camelhempsox

    V:
    If I must sacrifice the sanctity of my ceiling to placate Satan’s need to froth and burble and spew, then so be it. So long as s/he stays away from the toilet, safety prevails. Satan is already in my stove, which tried to kill me by spontaneously becoming an arc-welding machine. Al Qaeda reigns supreme in my old pair of work boots. I read a thing about the Archangel Gabriel coming down somebody’s chimney once. Do you think the Archangel is affiliated with Al Qaeda? I certainly hope so. When addressing one’s daily cares it is so convenient to roll saviours and enemies, assailants and buddies, all in to one big friendly ball of wax that can be so easily sculpted and molded, like the truth. I learn from Cheney.

  108. Pinko Punko

    100, chundermuffins!

  109. Sylvanite

    My previous comment is lost in moderation! I do hope that Twisty is okay – taking it easy. Does anyone know when her surgery was scheduled?

  110. grrr kitty

    So I sit here missing the wit, wisdom and sagacity of Twisty and reading the electronic LA Times, where I read an editorial about the kerfuffle over the cervical cancer vaccine. Because I share an office with a born-again gal and don’t feel like starting an ideology war before 10 a.m., I hie myself off to IBTP where I can spout off before my blood pressure hits the stratosphere and my eyeballs explode.

    Does anyone here really believe there’d be all this controversy if the cervical cancer vaccine protected males from a potentially fatal STD? Crap, they’d make it into a government-funded sacrament.

  111. barlyru

    Twisty, where are you? It is getting really weird around here without you, and they won’t drop this whole “poutine” thing. Are you okay?

  112. saltyC

    That article on breast ironing was typical. Blaming women again, well maybe is it possible that the men really are exploiting young girls and this is just a victim’s panicked response? As usual, they forget whom to blame — men. Yes, blame the men who have sex with girls!

    Quit the bullshit about “what is needed is some stern talking to the girls about sex and they won’t have sex so young”. Maybe they don’t have a choice, is that possible? How about a campaign to punish men who have sex with girls, maybe that will solve the problem?

  113. CafeSiren

    Sure — an HPV vaccine is going to make people have sex when they otherwise wouldn’t. Just like a tetanus shot provokes a desire to go roll around in rusty nails.

    These people, I’m told, believe that their god will punish the “sluts” — but apparently their god doesn’t work fast enough to suit them.

  114. Sylvanite

    I’ve never quite understood how the religious fundies could, on the one hand, be convinced that humans are all dirty, hell-bound sinners, and on the other have such an idealized view of humanity that it simply is impossible to conceive that a woman could contract HPV (or any other venereal disease) from a cheating partner. Why should a woman have to die for the sin of a man? Or are they really willing to admit that when it comes to men, a little bit o’ sinnin’ is perfectly okay by them?

  115. Sylvanite

    I need Twisty to release my comments from moderation! I just wrote a comment, and it’s being held. For incorrect punctuation, no doubt. I swear the “errors” were just for effect! Honest!

  116. Kaka Mak

    Okay 6 days now … WHERE THE FLIP IS TWISTY?

  117. darkymac

    Hi grrr kitty>/a

  118. darkymac

    Please forgive the stutter. I am blaming too carelessly tonight.

    Hi grrr kitty,

    Well here I am at the next door desk – virtually anyway – and I’d be exploding too if the Patriarchy was trying that on over here in Australia. It beggars belief how the extremes of woman-controlling have showed up in the Land of the Free, of all democracies!

    There is a move afoot in the Federal Parliament here to have the same vaccination placed on the subsidised list by as early as next year for all girls between 9 and 12 years old.
    While I’m pretty sanguine about it getting fast-tracked, just like the vaccination’s approval itself was streamlined through our Federal Drug Regulator, our experience earlier this year with the fundamentalist god-wotters in this country trying to block approval of an effective therepeutic abortion drug makes me inclined to keep a very close watch on those who imagine that disease and death is an effective deterrent to normal behaviour.

    But why aren’t boys 9 to 12yo getting included? Surely herd immunity is better achieved when greatest numbers in a population are immunised? This little set of warts isn’t exclusively a veneral disease.

    On the lack of word from our host, it’s not so long really for a bit of a lay-off when you consider that such a fundamental change as becoming uncarnivorous is most likely what the good Twisty is having to engage with pretty much pronto.
    For me, a lover of all scorched viands and eggs, not to mention those miracles of variously transformed milk – the cheeses and yoghurts – well, I reckon I’d be speechless for more than a few days at the shock.

  119. jami

    Testing.

  120. hedonistic

    I’m really starting to freak out here. Where’d Twisty go? Is she okay? Stingray? What’s up? GAH.

  121. thebewilderness

    No Twisty posts, no fafblog…I’m melting, melllltiiiingggg

  122. Ron Sullivan

    What if we all sit here and chant “poutine poutine poutine” until she shows up? Or would “funk-filled bratwurst X 3″ be better?

    Anyway, I second the emotion.

  123. Love

    Exxon runs the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court.

  124. Arianna

    She did warn us that she would be blogging lighter over the summer, but a whole week without word? I’m getting very worried now.

  125. Arianna

    *sigh* three spamulations in a row. Where’s Twisty? I’m getting awful worried, it’s been a whole week.

  126. Sara

    I think Twisty did say she had lots and lots of other things to do right now, what with all the building and digging and such at El Rancho. So I’m not worried. I think she’s off living her life and will be back when she has time and enough spleen to vent. Naturally, I, too, look forward to that day with what is quite possibly an unhealthy amount of eagerness. But c’mon! Where else online am I going to learn what the public cans of Austin look like?

    ***

    Meanwhile, for your entertainment, here’s a conversation that took place between me and my true love last night:

    “God, I really need a different job, but I look so bad on paper. I’m not even sure I’d want to hire me.”

    “Just tell them you’re one of the local trophy wives or something, looking for something to do with her time.”

    “But then they’ll think they don’t have to pay me.”

    “Why not?”

    “Because the local trophy wives all volunteer.”

    “Oh.”

    “They don’t need to get money from their jobs. That’s what the blow jobs are for.”

    “Okay, you need to stop visiting That Website now.”

    “Why?”

    “Because you keep saying ‘Blow job! Blow job!’ at every opportunity.”

    “I do not! I’ve only said it, like, four times in the last week.”

    “Oh. Okay then.”

  127. Hattie

    We’re getting worried.

  128. KH

    Sara, that was funny, but volunteer work is very important to me, and your remarks cut me a little bit. I’m no trophy wife; I’m broke. I am familiar with the TW/volunteer work phenomenon you mention, though in my experience, they’re all lazy mofos who make the rest of us volunteers pick up the slack while they cry out for more luncheons and bus trips to edifying venues.

    I’m hoping Twisty is rocking out on a blog vacation; a blog can be a trying thing, especially perhaps this one after all the BJ hate-froth all over elsewhere.

  129. Sara

    KH, I wasn’t talking about you. I volunteer, too.

  130. barlyru

    God, I sure hope Twisty didn’t go out and get herself some bad poutine. Although, I guess some people might say any poutine is good poutine.

  131. ozma

    Why are you people so Canadacentric?

    Poultine this, poultine that. What about chapulines?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chapulines

    Healthy, healthy chapulines!

  132. darkymac

    In case the current awol by the host continues and the site has fallen into disuetude by the time my next bout of online reading comes up, this post is to say hoo roo to the community.
    I’ve enjoyed the reading and participation no end.

  133. Kat

    Twisty?

    :::sounds echoes around the comment box:::

  134. ozma

    Man, you guys. It’s only been a week!

    I hope you are OK Twisty. More than that, I hope you are on vacation.

  135. jc.

    getting worried. Depression, disgust, fatigue, time?
    I feel like I´m nagging.

  136. hexyhex

    I’d heard a little of the movie, and am quite keen to see it. Now I just have to wait for an Aussie cinema to decide to screen it. *sigh*

  137. robin

    Nous sommes dans le besoin de la Twisty!

  138. suezboo

    I believe one is right to be a trifle concerned at the unaccustomed silence of our deeply esteemed Blaming Leader. Stingray, might one request an update?

  139. Smiler

    I think it’s

    Nous ont besoin de Twisty

    but French was a long time ago for me.

    Anyway: Moi aussi!

  140. KH

    Smiler, scratch “ont” and make it “avons”.

    Sara, I knew you weren’t actually referring to ME! I just felt cut a little bit because I know some people in the world think that people who volunteer are suckers/lazy/not-valuable enough to get paid/etc. Sorry.

  141. kokopelliwoman

    Having come of age (so to speak) in the 60′s, An Inconvenient Truth has a particularly nasty sense of deja vu. (It didn’t help that I saw it at Alamo South, sitting high above where the produce used to be when it was a Fiesta Market.) We were saying exactly the same thing back then, with the same data, just not as much of it. Well, we have 35 more years now, and it’s off the charts. It’s screaming off the charts, and the US still has it’s head in the sand, or rather up its butt. Lived out of the country for 2 years, and I can guarantee you that the rest of the world is 2000 times more aware of it than we are, and pissed as hell at us for having our collective head up our collective butt. It is unbelievable how insulated we are from any awareness of the rest of the world, and how egocentric we are as a nation. I used to be on a listserv with several feminist Brits, and they barely tolerated me, as anti-admin/corporatism as I am. Their perspective is that the US is pretty much where GB was as an imperialist nation just before their great fall–except this time the US will probably take the rest of the world with it… What really hurts me is that I used to like NPR, listening to Pacifica raising my kid on the coast N of San Francisco, but these days it sounds more and more like network radio–Inskeep got irritated and interrupted someone he was interviewing who was telling “an inconvenient truth” about the military in Iraq, and I’ve never heard any reporter treating a military interviewee that way. And dammit, there’s not even a hip-hop station in Austin, either! Can you believe Jerry Springer on Air America pushing the left viewpoint? ON AM-radio???? Never thought I’d see the day I’d go back to AM.

  142. Sara

    KH, I understand. My true love is a certified massage practitioner (among other things) and gets crazy when people make sexual innuendo jokes about masseurs. Of course they are not talking about him or other therapists, but he worries that they don’t know that themselves, nor do their listeners. Sorry for the inadvertently hurt feelings.

    ***

    Mercury is going retrograde today. This happens a few times a year for about a month at a time. It’s an optical illusion where the planet appears to be traveling backward when it’s not.

    In astrology, Mercury is thought to rule communications on this planet. Whether or not astrology is real, I have observed two things to be true: that people do act all stupid and nutty and drive like shit when the moon is full — yes, more so than the rest of the time — and that that communications do tend to get wacky here on Earth when Mercury retrogrades, at least wherever I am. Both syndromes usually begin to show a few days before the actual supposedly causative event.

    When Mercury is retrograde, astrologists advise us to be very patient with ourselves and each other where communications are concerned, not to sign contracts or make major, life-altering decisions, etc. People who were born while Mercury was retrograde seem to be exempt from this, and in fact seem to really come into their own during these times. The rest of us need to just cut each other and ourselves a little slack.

  143. hedonistic

    Sara, I don’t take astrology as gospel but I also have noticed that the “bigger” astrological events (retrogrades, full/new moons, Saturn returns, eclipses) really DO affect people’s behavior. The daily stuff? Not so much.

  144. Sara

    Hedonistic, I agree. My true love and I amuse ourselves with daily horoscopes but do not swallow them (and no, that remark has nothing, nothing to do with blow jobs). However, just as the moon exerts force upon the tides, so it makes sense to me that big planetary/lunar/solar stuff, real and imagined, has the power to whack out tiny little organisms like us.

    So I guess what I’m really saying here is that I also support your suggestion posted elsewhere to just relax and enjoy the martinis (though if you don’t mind I’ll stick to margaritas), and offer this as a particularly good excuse to do so.

  145. shawn

    any censorship is still censorship even if you don’t agree with someone elses opinion,

  146. Observer

    Twisty, you write “real good”, as they say, though I disagree with almost all you say.
    “Global Warming” isn’t going to kill you or your children or your grandchildren.
    The Killer Katrina graphic shows up the “Climate Change” thing for what it is – just another dommsday cult.
    NPR tows the corporate line? Being left of NPR qualifies for moonbat status.
    The evolution / Creation “debate”? Surely evolution wins that one. Why is belief in astrology more acceptable than belief in creationism? Once agan it’s not a question of science.
    May your SUV stay topped up with the good oil and may your patriarch remain at attention.

  147. Mar Iguana

    To clean up those stubborn smudges on your observation equipment, try a good, non-streaking, glass cleaner.

  148. short and pissed

    I just waded through a million posts on “poutine” where comments were closed to make my final say on the Big Blow Job Debate That I Missed By Over Six Years.

    There are a million spaces on the internet where “feminist” women can talk about how much they love to put dick in their mouth because it makes them so empowered to kneel in front of a man and know they “control his pleasure”. I had hoped that this blog would be free of them, but no dice.

    Almost seven years after the fact, I propose that the term “fun feminist” or “vajazzled feminist” be replaced with “fellatio loving feminist.” Interestingly enough, I’m sure that the most hetero man site on the internet would never, ever spend one tenth the time praising the vagina, much less the clit, than the supposed feminists here have spent discussing how much they relish sucking on a phlegm-filled hot dog. In fact, I’m sure the guys at RealMen.com spend as much time talking about how disgusting girl parts are as do their uber gay counterparts at RealMen4RealMen.com, or for that matter, RealFags4RealFags.com.

    I blame the patriarchy not only for all the clit/vagina hating, but also for the fact that on the most feminist site I have seen on the internet to date, there are still innumerable women who defend their love of being gagged by dick, whether its because “he lurrrves meee”, because “I lurrrve him” or because she’s under the illusion, as another commenter said, that she has a billion clitori on her tongue.

    Poutine and schlong=both guaranteed to make me puke.
    “Feminists” who wax poetic over “my patriarch” and his blood sausage=make me want to take a time machine back to the 1970s, or at least the 1990s.

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