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Aug 29 2006

Snide

curras_shirt_dude.jpg
Phil

My ears were burning. Generally this portends another hot flash, but occasionally it signals something even more hilarious: someone in Blogville has invoked me.

I was moved to act.

“Phile,” I said (Phil is my secretary). “Check the internet! And bring me another tub of Cool Whip!”

Phil checked the internet. Sure enough, “Twisty” was the subject of a sentence on a blog. Phil and I shared a hearty lip-curl over the following fruity send-up of what belledame222, writing in the comments at the always-entertaining PunkAssBlog, calls “snide Twisty mode”:

“Dump him! And take off those shoes; anyone who would wear those things voluntarily belongs in a home. Sexbot! Breeder! Illiterate mouth-breathing moron! Really I’m only telling you this for your own good. Oh, good, the dinner bell.”

“Hyuk,” said Phil, ringing an imaginary dinner bell and making oinking sounds. “Good one.”

I gathered the impression that, for some unfathomable reason, (a) Phil had no intention of bringing me any Cool Whip and (b) belledame222 is not entirely convinced that “snide Twisty mode” does all that much to ennoble the human spirit.

So I went in search of enchiladas. What else could I do?

31 comments

  1. Mandos

    I like Phil. Take away the baseball hat, give him a button-down t-shirt, give him curly hair, make his skin wayyyy darker, and you might have something that looks like me.

  2. Joanna

    Phil can buttle with the best of them. Are you going to start wearing a shirt like Phil’s anytime soon?

  3. punkass marc

    I, for one, welcome our snide Twisty mode overlords.

  4. grrr kitty

    “Snide Twisty mode” is more easily reconciled with my experiences in this world than the Sexbot Manifesto put forth by belledame222 & that other pitiable nutjob with the lace-up workout wear. I know a load of hooey when I hear (or read) it.

  5. antiprincess

    “the Sexbot Manifesto put forth by belledame222″

    No such animal. Belledame writes in depth about the whole “sex-positive” thing but to my knowledge no such actual manifesto exists.

    You could read her blog and decide for yourself, if you’re so inclined. One of the most interesting things she’s said is that if “no means no”, then “yes” should mean “yes”. If that says “manifesto-spouting sexbot” to you, well, such is life.

    Now I might write a Sexbot Manifesto. That might be fun.

  6. norbizness

    Phil keyed my car because I looked at his shirt. Tell him that the next time he sets foot on the east side of I-35 will be his last.

  7. CafeSiren

    Now I might write a Sexbot Manifesto. That might be fun.

    I think Donna Haraway beat you to it. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what she was talking about in her “Manifesto for Cyborgs.” But I never did fully understand her, so I could be way off.

  8. thebewilderness

    Dump him! And take off those shoes; anyone who would wear those things voluntarily belongs in a home. Sexbot! Breeder! Illiterate mouth-breathing moron! Really I’m only telling you this for your own good. Oh, good, the dinner bell.”

    This sad imitation of ‘Twisty snide mode’ clearly demonstrates that while what you say is of importance it is the way you say it that delights and invigorates.

  9. stekatz

    Maybe Phil has plans later to go to Costco for the CoolWhip.

    I find that when I’m in Snide Twisty Mode I get much better gas mileage.

  10. north

    The last time I saw that shirt, the 16-year-old boy wearing it was cussing me out for being his teacher. Then he cussed out my teacher advisor. Then he cussed out 4 other teachers in the hallway. Then he wrote ‘these nuts’ on the board repeatedly. Then he got kicked the hell out of class, but not by me, because he didn’t listen when I told him to go.

    Tell Phil he needs to talk to his shirt about the company it keeps.

  11. Sara

    Are you still an acting vegetarian? Did you find vegetarian enchiladas? Were they yummy? Did you take pictures?

    I’m not being snide. I fetishize the enchilada, but it’s not a sexual fetish, more like a religious thing, like adoration of a grail. This is simply because we do not have all that many great enchilada sources here in the suburbs of northeastern Massachusetts, as I may have mentioned once or twice before. (My true love makes awesome ones, of course, but usually only for company, and then I have this terrible problem sharing them.) Like renowned corset wearer Scarlett O’Hara, whose obviously fictional status set in the distant past nevertheless failed to prevent generations of women readers from rushing out to measure their waistlines, sometimes covertly, sometimes competitively, you know, just to see, I simply long for what is difficult to attain.

    Though your discourse of late adds whole pastryfuls of filo-like dimension to the expression “fashion victim,” especially every time it sits badly in the tummy of someone who hasn’t quite chewed it enough, I confess without criticism of said discourse that I’d much rather look at an image of someone else’s delectable and already devoured enchilada, vegetarian or otherwise, than some poor deluded fool getting paid to be photographed wearing a sports corset.

    I’m a simple sort. Sports corsets, boob jobs, and pole dancing make me very, very sad. Yummy enchiladas make me very, very happy.

    Nevertheless, it’s so, so great to have you back stirring the shit and ladling the sauce, in just whatever way takes your fancy. Blame on. Please.

  12. Mandos

    The general feeling I get about this whole thing is best expressed in a metaphor about walls.

    One camp here essentially feels that the heart of the patriarchal operation is that women are *invaded* by a male supremacist culture and the goal of feminism is first to build walls that will enable women to be free of active oppression. The ultimate expression of this is lesbian separatism—the complete walling out of male culture and hence male supremacism.

    The other camp feels that women’s oppression *is* the walls, and that the first goal of feminism is to tear down the walls.

    A conflict is inevitable because the priorities are different…

  13. Mandos

    Huh. I am still nearly automatically subject to the Twisty spamulator.

  14. langsuyar

    *chortle*

    Illiterate mouth breathing moron? Twisty calls thems as she sees thems.

    I was about to say, “if the shoe fits” but I realized that would be inappropriate because sexbots who wear high heels are more interested in making their feet as small and unthreatening as possible to bother with things like getting the right size fuck-me pump.

    Ah well, we all know Twisty is much better with words than that pitiful example of Snide Twisy Mode (and is it legal to use it without a TM?). That pathetic attempt just made me roll my eyes. Twisty makes my nose hair curl!

    P.S. I love you Twisty!!

  15. Amber

    Now I might write a Sexbot Manifesto. That might be fun.

    Be sure to add it to the Feminist Wiki.

  16. auguste

    Norbiz, are you threatening Phil with an East Austin Slapfight?

  17. thebewilderness

    Ohhh Lord, stuck in spamot again.

  18. Mandos

    You too, the bewilderness?

  19. A White Bear

    I’m with Antiprincess here. Belledame writes some pretty great, challenging, interesting stuff on her blog. It’s not some caricatured defense of porn-”empowerment,” as people here may be assuming. One of the other things I like about her work is it rejects the swaggering masculinist rhetoric that distorts the discourse into Competitive Feminism. I wouldn’t call Belledame a “pro-sex” feminist or an “anti-sex” feminist. I’d call her a “pro-mental-health” feminist.

    At least I’d hope I was judged by the entire body of my blog work before I was judged for a single comment made on someone else’s.

  20. Twisty

    Hey, cut the belledame some slack. I am snide. I know from my old alt-weekly days, when readers were happy to tell me so in zillions of hate mails per week, that my overeducated gurglings can be very tiresome. But I can’t turn it off. I’ve become the feminist-blogular version of some boring old British guitar wanker, lard help me.

  21. B. Dagger Lee

    I knew I kept hearing Led Zep! Man, that shit is entwined in our DNA.

    yrs, B. “Black Dog” Dagger Lee

  22. Kwillz

    *removes Twisty’s name from his thread*

    I really hope Blackademic doesn’t have a Phil.

  23. Pinko Punko

    No no no no no no no NO. Twisty is never snide. She is witty, cutting, dismissive and most of all entertaining. bd needed to more finely craft her situation. No dice.

  24. Pinko Punko

    I would also add that tf usually runs the sarcastrotron at full blast. Either that or she really did have Bert shot.

  25. alphabitch

    Coolwhip?

  26. JackGoff

    I can make a mean vegetarian enchilada. :-)

  27. Ron Sullivan

    Hey, Mandos, we all get caught in the spambot sometimes. It just lends a certain surreal time-traveling atmosphere to the place. What I want to know is: Where do you get button-down T-shirts, and where are the buttons?

    I just want to pinch Phil’s little cheeksies and tug his goatee, I do. I like the shirt, too,
    for its how-you-say semiotics.

  28. smmo

    Twisty is the sorbet of feminist bloggers. I went all linky with the above and my eyes glazed over with the sex positive equivocation of it all. Smart women, but there is no one like Twisty for no muss no fuss to the point getting.

    And for the record, I really like snide over-educated, Ruskin alluding blamers who can turn a pretty phrase.

  29. PoliSi

    That cool whip better have been frozen, with chocolate syrup! That’s the best way, it’s a tragedy really to eat it any other way.

    We all need a good verbal smack upside the head now and again, and nobody delivers them with such wonderful panache as Twisty.

  30. Sara

    Yes, I agree with smmo about the Ruskin quoting. It’s especially apt to revisit this out of the Vicodin haze and in connection with discussions of stylizing the female form in accordance with expectations of the patriarchy, as Ruskin and his wife actually experienced some marriage-ending complications of a highly personal nature as a result of similar things. (See the wonderful little book Parallel Lives: Five Victorian Marriages, by Phyllis A. Rose, for elucidation if you don’t already know the story.)

    Also, regardless of how many putative juvenile delinquents might also be wearing it, I really want to know where I can buy some version of Phil’s shirt. (I have my reasons.)

  31. Pony

    Why do Phil and Norbizness dress the same? For that matter, howcome they look kinda like the same guy?

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